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Found 34 results

  1. Hi guys! I’m new to this forum, so this will be my first post. I’ve found a lot of comfort reading about all of your experiences. Thank you for that! I recently started taking abilify to control my hypomania. Started on 1.25 mg for a week, and I’ve been on 2.5 mg for little over a week now. I am extremely sensitive to medication - especially the ones acting on dopamine. I probably won’t be able to get above 2.5 mg - maybe 5 mg if I’m lucky. If abilify doesn’t work, Lithium will be next. My problem is... Abilify is making me hypomanic. 1.25 mg made me hypomanic for about 4 days, then it stopped. Since upping my dosage to 2.5 mg I have been hypomanic, and it doesn’t seem to end anytime soon. It’s uncomfortable activating for me. I have read about some similar experiences, BUT I haven’t read about anyone having this reaction, and then actually found relief from hypomania/mania afterwards - staying on the same low dosage. I’m really desperate, since I’ve pretty much tried everything else and do not want to end up on lithium. Let me know what you think! :-))) Sarah / Denmark
  2. Hey guys, long time lurker here, and I'd really like your input on something. I'm a bit stuck when it comes to treatment, and I'd like to hear some peoples' opinions, as I wont be able to see my doctor to talk about it for a little while. I’m currently diagnosed as having GAD and MDD, but I’m starting to think I have a bipolar spectrum disorder. Here are some points: Failed multiple antidepressants (Zoloft, Lexapro, Prozac, Viibryd, Pristiq). Failed and/or had too many side effects Had side effects on every serotogenic antidepressant, even while augmenting (Wellbutrin, Buspar) like sexual dysfunction and extreme fatigue Atypical depression — BP Depression has excessive sleeping with a lot of daytime fatigue and an increased appetite, opposite of MDD Very anxious — BP much more likely to be accompanied by stronger anxiety symptoms The fact that “If all the treatments don’t work, maybe you’re treating the wrong thing” Excessive nighttime eating (seen in BP Depression vs unipolar) Racing thoughts Earliness of first depressive episode (age 19 at the LATEST), and research shows it’s very likely to be bipolar disorder if before the age of 18/20/25 (experts disagree on the age) My anxiety symptoms could actually equate to mixed state Losing and regaining interest in hobbies (I’ll enjoy my “typical” hobbies one day and then later, zero interest / motivation) Cousin has BPII (I know immediate relatives are the key, but still, a data point) Online shopping addiction (computer, iPad, something new in the mail every day) The fact that Bipolar Spectrum Disorder doesn’t require mania/hypomania, just multiple non-manic markers of bipolar (see links below for source) The odds that I have treatment-resistant depression coupled with very prominent anxiety, and considering my episodes of depression aren’t THAT bad that they would be so hard to treat So, what do you guys think? For me, it would be a big relief to get a diagnosis as somewhere on the bipolar spectrum, as I've tried so many meds already, and I just wanna feel better If anyone is curious as to my regiment and past meds, I'd be happy to post that as well. Thank you all so much for taking the time to read and respond! It means a lot! some sources: http://psycheducation.org/diagnosis/ https://www.healthyplace.com/bipolar-disorder/bipolar-depression/differences-between-unipolar-depression-bipolar-depression/
  3. Hey all - Title sort of says it all, but I'll give some backstory. I'm certainly hypomanic; it's been one of those insidious onset episodes where it happened very slowly and then suddenly. I'm full of energy, and my impulse control is tanking fast. I'm not unsafe by any means, and I don't feel dysphoric or agitated. The subtle signs over the past week have been increasing irritability, needing much less sleep, poor spending habits, and perhaps most importantly, a recent recovery from a minor depressive episode (aka the unintentional upswing). I've got a call in to my pdoc. But she'll undoubtedly ask me what medication I'd like to try instead of recommending one herself, because we have a good, long-standing relationship and I work in the medical field. So, I'm curious about other's experiences. What has helped you tame hypo/mania the fastest in terms of medication?
  4. Hello All, After a lot of bottling up and venting to select friends, I finally decided to reach out to people who can relate to me the most. I'm on day two of what I believe to be a hypo manic state. My hear rate is elevated, I'm rapid speaking at times, super irritable, and I feel like I'm stuck on "up." It isn't enjoyable like the mania I've read about, though, so maybe it's something else? I have this achyness that won't seem to go away and I'm having a hard time keeping it together at the office. What helps when y'all feel like this? I am open to any and all suggestions/support. Diagnosed as Bipolar 2, going on two years now Prescriptions: Ziprasidone, 40 mg Duloxetine 60 mg (I think a raised dosage may be the culprit but I'm not sure) Lunesta as needed, not sure of the mg Thank you all in advance and I can't wait to be a part of the community Elyse
  5. So the other day a friend of mine mentioned something about my ex. We were in a toxic relationship (we were both bipolar) and she was on and off her meds and things were messy until I couldn't take it anymore and walked away. I never felt more unstable in my life during that period of time and I just needed to get out. And just mentioning her (this is after 2 years since i left) made me take a 180 --depression, mania, my mind felt like it was slowly eating away at itself. Not only that, but I felt driven to her at that point. I'm fine now, and completely understand why I left. & don't have any affection or feelings towards her. Does anyone have similar triggers? How do you deal with them ?
  6. I debate whether or not I have ever been hypomanic ever. And if I have ever truly hypomanic it's pretty damn close to normal. There was that time when I started university when I would crack jokes a mile a minute. I slept poorly and made the odd bad life choice. I sound like a typical college student right? Then there was that time I started school again and was very successful. I slept well, ate well, exercised and was stable but always a bit hyper. Hypomania sounds like it could be hard symptom to identify since it seems like it's what healthy happy successful do in life. When does it become hypomania?
  7. Hi. Been taking Adderall XR for ADHD for two years. It contributed to a hypomanic episode, but my pdoc was kind enough to work with me in recognition of how much I was suffering due to my concentration and low energy, and, after changing my diagnosis from MDD to bipolar 2, prescribed Latuda. Except for a depressive blip when he raised the Latuda dose, I have been mostly stable on Latuda, Brintellix and Adderall for two years, and the Adderall has helped me a lot, but a recently lowered dose of Latuda has me cycling. We raised the Latuda dose again, but while I'm waiting for it to kick in I've noticed that I've seemed in the past week to become super-sensitive to the Adderall and to caffeine, and sometimes become agitated a couple of hours after taking the Adderall. Taking a tiny bit of xanax has helped bring it down a notch, but obviously it seems not optimal to be having to take stimulants and benzos together. I'm hoping this passes soon as the Latuda restabilizes me, but I wonder if there are any of you with bipolar who take stimulants who have trouble with the stimulants when you're hypomanic and if you've found a way to work with this scenario. Do you not take your stimulant when you're hypomanic? Am I just on a weird combination of meds? The adderall has been so generally helpful that I hate to go off it permanently, but it is not agreeing with my this week. Oh course I'll also discuss it with my pdoc but I'm wondering about other people's experiences.
  8. Hi! Long time no talk. At 43, I've experienced hypomania maybe 4 times in my life. I've only recently understood what it is, and whenever it has happened in the past I've always thought I'd found the "answer" to my depression, whether it was starting a new antidepressant or some very exciting event in my life. For example, late last year I became open for the first time about being curious about guys dressed as women, or guys with an androgynous, feminine look. It's a long story, but I became hypomanic because being open about this and exploring it for the first time was very exciting. Not realizing what was happening, I thought that "coming out" about this (I mostly like women, probably 95% of guys do nothing for me, but that other 5%... LOL) cured my depression. I know about the risk taking, the overconfidence, the questionable judgment. But to me that's a small price to pay for how much I believe I could accomplish in life if I could feel this way all, or even a lot of the time. Anyway, I've since read about something called the "hyperthymic temperament". These people are just naturally hypomanic, rather than just a state that lasts for a couple weeks. I've read the claim that Prozac turns some people hyperthymic. Hyperthymic is more permanent than hypomanic, and that's what I'm interested in, something permanent or at least frequent. So, my question is: has anyone become hyperthymic from taking Prozac? Again, I'm asking about a persistent change, not just a state that lasted a few weeks and then you crashed. Thanks.
  9. Ok, I hate the term "special interest", but I can't remember a better one, so forgive me; I was dx'd Autistic/Aspergers about 6 years ago, and figured at the time that "Oh, that must be it" about the following phenomena. About.. Once a year, sometimes twice, we'll get an intense burst of energy & a drive to Do A Specific Project. If we don't do the project, it just kinda.. Nags and gnaws away at our mind until we give in. But the burst of energy/mood that comes with it, lasting a few weeks.. We'll be intensely creative throughout, and then suddenly one day, poof, it's gone, and doing the Project tends to feel like more and more of a drag after that (along with all our other symptoms going "ahem. burnout time.") We'll often make comparatively Big purchases to fulfil our creative-drive, hyperfocus, forget to eat/sleep/drink, etc, during these periods. I was wondering if all of the above is covered by being Autistic/how 'Special Interests' present, or whether it seems like there's Bipolar mixed in, since recent MH crisis triggered rapid cycling mood stuff with hypomania (with creative-intensity, but nowhere near the weeks-to-month project spree levels of "Do The Thing"). And.. It felt very similar, honestly, and I'm starting to doubt our previous Monopolar DX, since that was diagnosed while we were discounting the periods where we get hypo-as-hell as "eh but that's Autism stuff". People on chat have been fairly "Uh, yeah, that doesn't sound like just Autism is at play here" but I'd like to gather more opinions from others with.. for peace of mind if nothing else. >< thanks, Whisper
  10. Hi All, I'm new here and I am so grateful for this space. I received a tentative BP II (I believe rapid cycling) dx a rather long time ago (over a decade), and have been on a mood stab. since then (lamictal). The thing is, I'm not certain if this fits me. I know you can't dx me, but I am hoping that maybe someone shares my experience, or can shed some light on what's going on for me. All of this is based on a fairly shaky memory of the time + my parents memory. Way back then, in my pre-teen days, I presented as having periods of being "stable," active and generally good. Very suddenly, I would go into extreme irritability and frustration with uncontrollable outbursts, typically triggered by something. I remember feeling, after these outbursts, that I had no control over them and would often be very apologetic and ashamed. As I got into my teens, I would more often rapidly spiral down into deep deep, inconsolable despair. The latter is pretty clearly depression, but does the former count as hypomania? Those period wouldn't last the requisite 4 days, they were just extremely fast shifts. There were times where I would get hyper focused on projects with a belief that, whatever I was doing it needed to be genius and the "best." The irritability and frustration would often be present as well. I don't recall ever having periods of euphoria and hyperactivity so often described as hypomania. I also don't know if I ever had grandiose ideas about myself, but I do know that I often believed myself to be different and wanted to be the "best" at everything. I wanted everyone to see me as super special and recognize my amazingness. Sometimes I would get into a cleaning frenzy with my room and have to reorganize everything, but I don't think those moods would last very long. I should mention that around the same time, I had developed a severe anxiety disorder with near-daily panic attacks. As an adult, I still have periods of crashing into deep depression, but for a while the periods in between have been longer (except recently they may be getting shorter again?). I don't know if I ever have what could be considered hypomania. I will have high energy periods where I want to be social and get frustrated if I don't have plans (but that could be normal). I will also get very focused and intense about work, and will commit myself to projects that I later lose interest in/can't follow through on due to the depression. A couple of different meds I have tried have triggered high high energy and pressured speech, but that's a med thing I believe. Anyways, apologies for this being long, I am finally in a stage of my life where I am trying to make sense of all of this and take charge of my treatment. I have been pretty passive about it for a while, but I have seen how it does severely impact my life. I just want to be able to hold down a job and advance in a career and have relationships without needing to bail!
  11. I've been told I appear to be going through a "mixed" episode, or dysphoric depression. Could be, could be. Anyway, I am having a lot of trouble controlling obsessive thoughts about what are probably insignificant things. Right now: I made a post on Facebook that a few people took offence to. It was fairly minor -- I expressed frustration that drugs were being used in a park near my house and that I kept encountering needles, broken crack pipes, and broken liquor bottles; I was then told I should find somewhere else to walk my dog because I don't know the circumstances of the people who do those drugs, and they have basically have a right to do whatever the fuck they want. Normally I wouldn't really care, because those individuals are the kind of people who try to find something offensive in everything, so that they can use the world as their soap box. So I was slammed and berated in the comments section, but others expressed support, and hey, that's social media, right? People have a right to express their opinions, no matter how condescending and self-righteous they are. I engaged in a logical debate, but eventually cut it off because it was just too much work and I was going to start making some "ad hominem" attacks that I'd rather avoid. One of them unfriended me, which seems like a huge over-reaction to just disagreeing with an opinion that matters so little in the grand scheme of things. Anyway, even though it's just a matter of opinion, I can't stop obsessing over what others said that I disagreed with, and keep checking the post even though I turned off notifications so that I wouldn't keep checking the post! I think this is just a symptom of dysphoric depression - I become fixated on something and just obsess and obsess and let it ruin two days, when I know logically that it's just not worth it. I consider them hyper-sensitive, but I get easily upset and hurt when someone disagrees with me. It's so fucking frustrating and I can't make it stop!!!!!! How do you deal with obsessive thoughts and the urge to tell everyone just exactly what you think of them? Mixed episodes are the worst. (And I'll also probably be checking here obsessively for responses... ugh!)
  12. not really an urgent question, i'm just wondering i find that when i self harm it happens a hell of a lot more when i'm in a mixed or manic state. this is super weird, but alongside the obvious notion of feeling totally invincible and being impulsive as shit, i think it comes from a weird urge to see blood? anyone else get this, even if it's not in the same grisly way i do?
  13. I go through this endless cycle, since I was diagnosed at 15 (and I'm 28 now) which is, "I can't have bipolar because I don't get manic." (I get hypomanic) "I must have BP because this behavior isn't normal." "I can't have BP because this hypomania is too mild to be anything." When I'm depressed, which is most of the time, I can never remember what hypomania really feels like, and I feel as though I'm exaggerating my own symptoms. I think, genuinely, I still don't completely understand hypomania, or rapid cycling which plays into it. People like my grandpa, who had BP I, it seems so obvious: he was depressed and suicidal, or he was manic and gambling and typical 'manic' symptoms...you looked at him, and it was easy to see 'that's someone with bipolar.' What if I never get hypomanic? I just don't know. I know I have these periods of behavior, but never these super obvious signs (to me)...like I don't engage in risky behavior. I sleep very little, I talk faster than I can breathe, I clean the house all night, I get extremely irritable then happier than I've ever been in my life...but when I'm living it, it just doesn't feel like "that's bipolar." It feels like..."something is off with you." I'm confused. I've been confused for 13 years. lol. Anyone have thoughts?
  14. I have recently been going through a lot of medication changes spurred by oxytocin induced insomnia. I feel like I have finally come off of the hypomanic ride I've been on for the past year and half since I had to stop taking Lithium. I am afraid because I don't know what kind of happiness I will have now. I don't know if the happiness I felt for the past year has been true happiness of getting over my mom's death and getting rid of an abusive relationship, or if I was just hypomanic. I am afraid of returning to the kind of life I had when I did not experience hypomania, the time when I was on Lithium. First of all, I was not stable then and I am afraid of going back to that. I am also afraid of a world where I don't feel happy. I feel like I was dead before I experienced mania. Will life just be dull and normal? Any advice from someone who has gotten rid of mania and likes it? Will I still be able to enjoy music? Will I still be able to dance? Will I still be able to feel connected to the earth, the universe, and others?
  15. I'm going 'crazy'! Please help if you can. I'm bipolar 2, rapid cycling. I was in the ER a few nights ago because I've let bronchitis go too long thinking it would clear up and ended up almost separating my ribs from my sternum from the coughing. Those joints are major swollen. It's called Costochondritis. The only thing that will make it go away is steroids. Well, we all know that steroids are a nightmare for bipolar. I'm on the 3rd day of a 6 day dose. I've been up for 37 hours. My brain won't shut up. Hypomania is yanking me all over the place. Cry, laugh, pissed off, fine, hyper, lethargic...all in an hour. I've been diagnosed for 19yrs, so I know the deal, and I begged not to have to take the steroids, but the Drs insist I need to if I'd like to breathe. Ugh! The massive doses they start and slow tapering is making my brain hurt. I'm not SI or anything like that. I'm just exhausted, hopeless, morose, major angry..in a big cycle. I know I need to sleep, but I don't have anything for that. Does anyone have any ideas to share on how to get myself through this? I fought the prednisone (steroids) for over 3 weeks, so it's either I take them at home or I get them hospitalized generally in an IV with oxygen. Any ideas at all are appreciated. I'm a cutter: I just relapsed after 4.5 years clean (PTSD related relapse). I've made it almost 3 weeks clean again, and I don't want to put myself in jeopardy of that relapsing. I'm ok so far, but it's REALLY bad (cycling) today and I need some ideas to keep my mind busy. Thanks!
  16. Interested in thoughts about my situation. I'm currently depressed - no question. Can't concentrate, can't stay awake, kind of hate the world and myself especially. This is coming after a couple of years of generally ok feelings when I thought I had the whole depression thing sorted, which followed a few years which were bad. During the first phase, one physchiatrist put me on Lamictal on the basis I might have mild hypomania. I'm not really sure the Lamictal did anything, and in any case a subsequent pshychiatrist simply said I was a bit 'narcissistic' (which itself made me depressed to hell for a few weeks!) and it was just 'situational depression' because I wasn't dealing with stuff in my life well. For the last few years, I pretty much agreed. He took me off the Lamictal. But my mood fluctuates a lot, particularly lately, and for the last 4 months it's gone down the toilet again. When I'm feeling great, I think I can do anything and that I'm the best qualified person in the world to ... run the country, write a best-selling novel, write best-selling music, cure everyone, mediate anything, generally be the nicest person anybody has ever met. When I'm feeling crap, like now, just the need to answer an email or pick up the phone seems like an impossible burden. Concentrating on work (which I should be doing right now) has also become a huge problem - which given I'm self-employed, isn't exactly great. Right now I have deadlines all over the place, and work isn't getting done. I'm just wondering again if I might have some form of hypomania cycling with depression after all, and I've heard SSRIs can make that worse. At the moment I take a mixture of Zoloft and Wellbutrin. I can see that a lot of my symptoms are only probably on the edge of qualifiying as hypomania. pressured speech - no inflated self-esteem or grandiosity - yes decreased need for sleep - a bit at most flight of ideas - yes easily distracted - yes yes yes increase in psychomotor agitation - well if this means fidgeting, foot-twitching, knee-wobbling, hand-waving, I do that all the time, depressed, hypomanic, or otherwise involvement in 'dangerous' pleasurable things eg overspending, etc. No. I don't know. Appreciate thoughts. I'm just sick to the back teeth of being back in this situation again and don't feel like anything ever gives a proper solution.
  17. I know I could just read the lists of symptoms, but they never really seem to capture what weird brain stuff is like when it actually happens, so I thought maybe if I described what happens to me someone out there could go "yes, that's it!" or "meh, no, you're on the wrong path here." This seems to have gotten long, but I don't have anyone in meatspace to ask other than my p-doc, so I figured I'd be detailed. I'm 43, and I have long term (30+ years, starting at least in early teens) major chronic depression with looong depressive episodes, especially the last 5 years or so. Also GAD, same duration, with mildly agoraphobic episodes, panic, etc. For years I answered the question "have you experienced any manic episodes" on screenings with "no", although the last 5 years or so I've been hedging with "I don't know what feeling normally good is, so IDK," and I don't have anything I would classify as the full-blown mania I see in friends--sudden moods with grandiose plans, expansive gestures, intense hyperactivity, crazy spending sprees, etc. But I get these periods maybe 2-3 times a year where I kinda start feeling better and then there is this sort of whoomph and it's like I'm on a low dose of the best, smoothest speed in the world. I feel good, I don't hate the way I look, I actually gather up bills and pay them, I can call and find people to fix things in my house, I actively set up things to do with my friends multiple times in one week, being dead doesn't seem so much like an alluring option, I go to the gym, I resolve to start cooking means with multiple food groups again and actually do it, all these things sound pretty normal, I guess? Do normal people feel like this? Crystal clear. Fierce. I do the sort of kinda crazy things I've fantasized about for months but always seemed prudent not to do--usually because they seemed like they'd go bad pretty quickly, and sometimes they do, but never--well, since I left my teens--really anything that would be actively dangerous or professionally or financially really risky, and never "out of character" except I would otherwise be too anxious to do them, and, hey, having some adventure sometimes is good, right? I mean, I could just be super-anxious the rest of the time and this is normal. I have trouble sleeping more than 5 hours a night, which I just started noticing coincides with this other stuff--usually the depression+meds makes me sleepy a lot--that's the only thing that doesn't seem like it probably isn't necessarily normal. This part usually lasts ~ 4-5 days, but the more or less not depressed part lasts longer--maybe 10 days, maybe a month, occasionally longer if I'm lucky. I also have these spurts every couple of months for 2-3 days where I feel like breaking things and everything drives me crazy and I snap at people. I mean, not badly, but it's not what I'm like the rest of the time. And occasionally, with that, I get these periods of a few hours where I can't stand to have anything touch me and everything is wrong and I can't move because I don't know what I'd do and I rock back and forth. Also, I scratch and cut myself (infrequently), although I do that when I'm depressed or anxious, sometimes, too. Like I said, I've never really thought this could possibly be mania, but I'm in one of these periods right now and happened to be reading some info on BP-II and hypomania sort of randomly and it felt like maybe that was what happens to me. With a kind of dramatic dip of a couple of years when everything in life ganged up on me--life threatening illness, accidental deaths of loved ones, divorce, natural disaster, all in a row--I'm comparatively very successful in the career niche I managed to carve out to suit my mood/anxiety parameters, advanced degrees, introverted but like people. Lots of friends who are okay with me avoiding them for months sometimes when things are really down. Always go to work, take care of my daughter, bathe, eat, groom at least reasonably well even when really depressed, etc. Just push through. The meds I'm on right now--Wellbutrin, Lamictal, Zoloft--seem to work pretty well to make that much less of a struggle. Did talk therapy for years and years but, other than a long push of rather eclectic CBT when I was going through some really awful mostly relationship-related crap, it never really helped. I mean, I could articulate my neuroses and the shrinks helped clarify that, but I never felt better about anything. I don't know that changing my diagnosis would make any of that different, but I'm wondering if this is worth bringing up with my p-doc, or if this just doesn't look like hypomania and I shouldn't even bother. Does this resonate with anyone? Or maybe someone can tell me if this is what normal feels like? I just feel like I have no real frame of reference.
  18. I'm hypomanic and rising at the moment, and one of my most vexing symptoms is something I've been calling hypersensitivity to sensory input or overstimulation. Especially sound. Basically all noises sound equally loud - and louder than they actually are - and unbearably grating. When I'm experiencing this, noises make me furious and I find myself having to exit social situations and find quiet places to avoid unleashing my anger at anyone, especially my fiancee. I started to experience this during class yesterday and had to leave because it was very triggering. Does anyone else experience this, as related to mania or not? If you do, how do you cope?
  19. Today my pdoc put me on topiramate to bring my mood down from its hypomanic state, without sedating me too much. Anyone here had any success with topiramate and hypomania or mania? Also, the internet tells me it can cause weight loss. Any truth to this?
  20. I was wondering what the difference is between being happy and being hypomanic. I mean I know the textbook difference, but in reality, how do you feel the difference? I had a period of being very happy and I'm trying to work out if it was hypomania or not. In a way I think it was because I had no reason to be that happy - I was doing a degree I hated, living situation was stressful, parents were talking about divorce. But equally I didn't sleep less, I wasn't overly productive, I didn't take up a million new things, I was just really happy, and would sometimes flip into irritability. I had short bursts of hyperactiveness during that time - and these periods had symptoms such as pressured speech, increased confidence, distractibility, no need for sleep, impulsivity - but they never lasted long. I know no one can diagnose me, and I will bring this up with my Pdoc on Monday, but I was hoping someone might share how it feels to be hypomanic with me so I can understand it a bit better.
  21. My current hypomania has given me loads of new friends, a boyfriend, a job, great grades in college and loads of new commitments. I am really productive and I'm pretty much flying high, doing so much. I am scared that when I eventually get depressed again I will ruin everything that I've done in the last 6 weeks. Does anybody else ever deal with this and do you have any techniques to minimise the effects that the depression has on your achievements and improved life? Thanks x
  22. I had a four week long hypomanic episode, my first ever, and I can kinda feel myself coming back down again. I was so active and now I feel exhausted during the day, possibly because of excessive activity for four weeks. Applying for tons of jobs, socialising all the time, staying up all night doing art or studying my ass off, participating in loads of sports and shit. Like I fell asleep on a bus today and woke up forty minutes from home... That has never happened before??? I don't feel down or depressed, but just kinda tired and and passive? What have your experiences of coming down after hypo/mania been like?
  23. so I am hypomanic and it is making me really outgoing and social and charismatic, and all of a sudden FOUR people like me romantically, and it's really stressing me out because I'm kinda worried about maintaining the friendships. Also when I go back down, I isolate myself and they will feel alienated. I feel really backed into a corner and I know that the longer I do nothing, the more the situation will escalate, because I am also an extreme people pleaser and I hate the thought of hurting people's feelings... Has anyone been in a situation like this? I like hypomania because of the charisma it gives me, but then this happens and I'm gonna have to sort it out whilst stable...
  24. so earlier today I came up with a little analogy for bipolar that I would like to share, in case anyone needs ways to explain bipolar to people close to them. I am thinking of doing this using this analogy. So you know how with a lightswitch, it has two positions, and most people, as kids, did that thing where they tried to balance the lightswitch in the middle? But it was pretty difficult, and usually ended up just going one way or the other. And even if you managed to get it in the middle, it never really lasted long before flicking one way. That's kinda what BP feels like. You crave the stability of the middle (unless you're lucky and experience the pleasant, fun, über productive type of hypomania I guess, like I do personally) so you try and balance the switch. When you're manic, you try to drink alcohol to stabilize... but this plunges you into depression. When you're depressed, you try to drink tons of caffeine and self medicate with antidepressants, but this sends you manic or triggers a mixed state, the lightswitch flickering between up and down at a rate which dizzies you. When the switch is 'up', your world is full of colour and light and it's all so beautiful. You can see the room: everything is bright, there are lots of awesome decorations, like how the world appears when hypomanic: full of beauty and opportunity. You feel like you're in utopia. When it's down you're plunged into darkness and can't see your hand in front of your face... like depression, you can't see your future, you can't see anything but the all-consuming sense of darkness and it terrifies you. The middle eludes you. Sorry if this doesn't make much sense, I only had one hour of sleep yesterday...
  25. so I am diagnosed with recurrent major depression and this has been going on for about 3 years. Recently I have had some mood changes which are unusual to me after coming out of a depressive episode.... I have been staying up until 6am and consistently running on 3 hours of sleep. I have been highly energetic and productive, I cleaned the house today because I felt like it and I have studied for my A Levels several topics ahead of where we are in class. I got kinda impulsive too, the other day while I was out with my friend I suddenly decided out of nowhere to get some facial piercings even though I applied for several jobs in catering and retail recently which probably prohibit piercings.... I have been reading about hypomania but I still can't tell if my state is hypomanic or if I am just extremely happy. If anybody has had similar experiences to me, it would really help me figure out where to go from here if you could share. Thanks in advance x
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