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Found 21 results

  1. I hadn’t been cutting for long before I was found out. My parents sent me to therapy hoping for a full recovery. I haven’t cut since the end of May -a little over for months ago- but I still fantasize about it everyday. I feel that since I’m not an active cutter I’m seen as being better but I’m not better. The urge is still there and life is harder now that I’m not doing essentially the only thing that remedied the pain. I wish I coined express this frustration to someone but I hate to disappoint. I burdened my parents and enough already and don’t want to hurt them anymore. How can I make the urge go away or get my parents to see that I haven’t fully recovered without hurting them? If you have any advice please lmk. Thanks.
  2. Hi, The subject has probably been brought up before, but I'm new here so please indulge me. I have a couple nasty pain issues that crop up. Unfortunately, I have a pain pill addiction that crops up as well. I have a good friend of mine hold my pills for me, because if they're in the house I have a tendency to take them for the addiction portion of the show instead of the pain portion . I'm tired of juggling, but I have no idea what else to do. I'm also trying to get depression and other mental health issues balanced as well. I just started taking Abilify on Friday and not feeling the results As of yet. any suggestions would be happily received, OK maybe not happily, but they would be appreciated. thanks
  3. What are your experiences with doctors who dismiss your chronic pain as being just "psychosomatic?"Especially when they know what meds you are on for depression/anxiety? Just had a follow-up with a doctor I have been seeing for chronic pain. I have NEVER had any kind of chronic pain in my life - yet after an injury 1 year ago, this pain has not gone away despite many treatments, diagnostics. He said there is nothing he can do, the pain probably just "psychosomatic" and get this: he had the gall to ask if my pain (in my arm) was worse during "that time of month" !? Mysogyny at it's finest. This doctor is male...Should I file a complaint or write a message about how his comments were inappropriate or will this just flag me as that "difficult patient who may be a little obsessive" Have you experienced this?
  4. I'm starting to not give a fuck. So what ever I got 3 150 Wellbutrin XL I can take a day. First I was eating all 3 in the morning still not managing to wake the fuck up! All damn day long people looking at me like I got a muthafuckin problem. I go to fast I go too fuckin slow. Who gives a fuck. Downing ibuprofen like candy the past few days. Stomach feeling like a empty pit. I cant persuade myself to be conficit with eating healthy. Well also people always in my muthafuckin ear like right the fuck now. Bosses naggin wanted to fucking cuss some people out a few days in a row. So with my inner humor I am making it along. Question? What the fuck is up with people? They seem to be so happy but when they approach me it's like fuckin therapy or fucking what's wrong time or your doing something wrong. So back to the main subject I also have Dr.s orders that I can take 2 WellXL in am and 1 later in day. It seems to be working right now. Excepty for the fact that I want to choke the fuck out of my roommate for not shutting the fuck up. Oh and I'm going to try to stop the Nsaids. My jaw is already hurting from these damn teeth.
  5. All of this has been going on for almost 2 years: Symptoms: Severe Generalized / Social Anxiety Disorder Major Depressive Disorder OCD – Usually Appears in “Health Worries” Sleep Apnea, verified by at home test and hospital c-pap study. A lot of Hypopneas and some Central Apneas, O2 Sat. drops in 80% level without c-pap. I have been using a C-Pap machine for over 150 days, 100% compliance. Sleep Phase Disorder – 4.5 hours of sleep at night, HAVE to nap during day, everyday for approx.. 3-4 hours Excessive Daytime Sleepiness General Fatigue Apathy Calcification on Left Distal Achilles Tendon (Going to PT for this) Right Achilles is painful also Knee Pain, difficult upon standing Back Pain, lower back, burning pain when standing too long Right Hip Pain, notice upon standing Severe TMJ (on going for many years) Joint Pain is worse in morning and after getting out of recliner Stiffness is severe, difficulty getting socks and underwear on 50lb weight gain over the past 1-1/2 year Increased Appetite, can eat all the time Increased Thirstiness Stomach feels like I’m hungry all the time Tongue Lesions (burning) and Geographic Tongue on a regular basis Blurry Vision at times, caused by Dry Eyes Thick abnormal Toe Nails Thumb Nails have dip in them Dry Skin on Knees and Scalp (always digging skin away near ears) Memory Issues, both short and long term Brain Fog Shakiness in hands Shortness of Breath High blood pressure and headache upon waking – 138/100 Facts: Diagnosed with General and Social Anxiety Disorder, OCD, and Major Depressive Disorder approx. 16 years ago. Have been on many different Antidepressants, Benzos, etc. for approx. 16 years Have been on Klonopin for 10 years straight. Current cocktail: 6-8mg of Klonopin per day, 200mg Luvox, 1200mg Trileptal, Vitamin D-5000. Cocktail has been a life saver for my mental illness. See a Therapist Weekly, P-Doc Monthly, Primary every 2-3 months. Have tried most newer SSRI’s and Benzo’s in the past. Either not effective or side effects too severe. In 2012 went through 6 weeks of transcranial magnetic stimulation treatment (not effective for me) Tested positive for Epstein-Barr virus approx. 1-1/2 year ago (showed a past infection) Confirmed “tongue issues,” by ENT Doctor Confirmed “sleep disorders” by Sleep Doctor … He is not a Neurologist, but rather works in General Medicine, and in the Sleep Lab. Confirmed “achilles” problem by X-ray and Orthopedic Doctor Tested Negative for ANA test (specifically looking at systematic lupus) Tested Negative for Thyroid Conditions, tested 1-1/1 year ago Adrenal Function normal, tested 2 years ago Liver, Kidney, EKG, Heart Ultrasound, Blood Sodium, and all other tests normal, except Vitamin D level very low. I now take Vitamin D-5000 everyday (been over a year). Visit with Rheumatologist indicated that likelihood of Fibromyalgia is low. C-pap therapy has not helped. Concerns: No doctor has yet to determine why I am so tired (daytime sleepiness), Fatigued all the time. Current sleep doctor wanted to prescribe Provigil, but now wants me to use light therapy for phase disorder and then use c-pap when I nap. Have no idea why I have such severe joint pain/aches in ankles, knees, hip and back. I THINK that there is an underlying cause to some of these issues, but do not know what. I do know that I have mental illness, and setting that aside for the moment, current treatment is going well. Is there anyone else like this out there?? I have hit that point in my life that I honestly don’t know what to do next. My quality of life is severely affecting my marriage and family relationships. There are days that I do not want to get out of bed, wishing this was a bad dream. Any thoughts?
  6. Just want to complain.

    I just need to complain. And see if others have this same problem. I have plantar fasciitis in BOTH feet. Originally it happened in my left foot in May, on our first spring walk outdoors. We walked 10 miles that day, I am flat footed, and overweight. Thus, plantar fasciitis. Icing it and stretches haven't helped. And now, yay, I realized over a period of time a few days ago, that I in fact have it in my other foot now, too. And they say to try and walk "normal" so that you don't get hip, back, and knee issues by limping or walking funny. But I can't help it because it hurts! Wahhh!! Thank you I needed to get that out.
  7. Hi all, I haven't posted here in nearly a year I guess. Not because I've had some miracle recovery from depression but mainly because I have been managing to survive day to day with a bit of help. I'm on no meds apart from 1 or 2mg per week of lorazepam for panic attacks or sleep. I cut right back from 3mg per day over the last year. Now it is more PRN. But the last month my mood has gone super low again. I have been looking for a part time job but I realise due to my mental state and physical health I have so many limitations it is almost impossible. My care worker has tried to bring forward my Pdoc appointment, it has been over a year since I saw a doctor. I don't see how they pdoc can help as I have tried so many medications over the years. I also have physical issues going on for years - chronic pain - I had surgery to fix my knee last year which helped a bit but not as good as I had hoped for. I still have pain.. I'm waiting to see a rhematologist now to see if there is something inflammatory going on. Yes so I feel super low and suicidal again. Plus this week now my mom, the only person I have any real connection with, is waiting on test results to see if she has cancer. This has totally freaked me out. If she has cancer and dies then there is basically nothing left for me at all. I feel useless. I have failed at study. failed at working. failed at making friends and failed at having a life. my life is 24/7 internet or computer. pathetic.
  8. Just a question. I don't know for sure this is what happened but I had telephone court (Its real) to try to deal with some insanity causing insurance rip off. While I was on the phone one thing after the other kept happening (Cat Meowing loud enough to interrupt things followed by the stupid Air Raid sirens (First Wed of the month test) which caused the Dog to start Howling and more. So... After an hour+ of this I got up out of the chair and my back is like... sprained? Serious level pain getting up out of our into a chair. I know anxiety can (and has) done a lot of stuff to me but this is a first. Has anyone else experienced this or am I breaking new ground?
  9. I get it I really do, im not normal and I really dont care to be. I cant remember a time in my life that pain wasint a form of medication I used to treat myself. Its been a nightmare when it comes to relationships and ive tried hard i really have. It seems that every time i get something good in my life its inevitable for it to be destroyed and i do mean destroyed. Ive been to doctors ive been in and out patient and everything remains the same. I cant lie to myself even though i lie to everyone eles when i say that im fine when im really not. I think about things that i cant share with anyone eles and i enjoy things that no one eles does and because of that i know they will only see the crazy side of me. I fear having friends because i know hat at some point i cant hold back who is really inside and they will run away just like everyone else has. Is it so bad to enjoy life in a way that others cant? i mean its lonley i know but when im being me im happy and I feel really good about myself but then i hate it because i know it cant stay. Why cant I just have friends who know my mind instead of treating me like a damn rubix cube.
  10. Can picking one's lip until it bleeds be a form of self harm? I was picking my lip since I was little. Picked until I formed scabs and sores. Can this be a form of self harm?
  11. I haven't been on these boards in years,but I'm glad they're still here! I have been diagnosed with OCD since 2005, and for the most part it's under control. I'd been living my life, going to work, spending time with my friends and family. I am introverted so I enjoy staying in and reading or cruising the web rather than going out. Most of all I loved to exercise. Kickboxing, kettlebells, weights, you name it. Last year I had started running and loved it. Was entering 5ks, getting PRs. Then in May I developed calf pain, and it's been a constant ever since. Not just when I exercise, but from the time I wake up the time I go to bed. It stops me from exercising. I hardly walk without pain. I've been to doctors, had testing and imaging studies, and in fact am still being referred out to rule out more issues. One thing my ortho doc mentioned was myofascial pain syndrome. I haven't been formally diagnosed, but he's brought it up twice now, so I'm doing my research. I want to start living a lifestyle that assists in pain management now and hopefully will permit me to return to my previous level of activity. Anyone have ideas/suggestions? I hear it's similar to fibro but not the same thing obviously. I haven't been on my psych meds for years but he mentioned the possibility of Cymbalta in the future. I'm ok with that if it will help. I take Mobic which I think keeps a cap on just how painful my legs can get, but is by no means offering relief. anyone have ideas, suggestions? Things I can start doing now to cope with this? I've never had a chronic medical condition before and I'm awful at it!
  12. Understanding someone with chronic pain (Link to a wiki page) I thought it was pretty spot on. Just passing it along.
  13. Hey guys, I haven't posted here in a while. I am currently on Nardil 90mg + Seroquel 100mg (for sleep). The seroquel was only added about 3 weeks ago. Now I am getting terrible muscle stiffness when I do anything active. I was just mowing the lawn and my shins immediately began hurting and burning. I know shin splints are normal for runners, I've had them before when I ran too much....but I had barely started mowing when the pain began. I even cramp up when I'm driving with my foot on the grass pedal! Has anyone had a similar experience? I am also overheating. I began sweating bullets right when I started; I am well hydrated. Should I call my pdoc?
  14. Emotional Abuse

    From the album Tip's Mind 1

    I've experienced emotional abuse and the thorns just represented that to me.
  15. Hello everyone. Just wondering if anyone else out there has to make every appointment for the afternoon or night because they constantly worry about it. Sometimes it used to be, if I had to get up at 11:00 a.m. I thought, "Oh shit, I'll have to get up around 9:30 a.m. and I'll be really tired if I can't fall asleep quickly-- or do fall asleep quickly and am still really tired--because I have to do my hair (somewhat), make-up, and the general "getting ready". For years now I have been nervous about , "what if I'm tired tomorrow?" When I have to go somewhere?? I don't get nervous if I know I'm staying home. It's gotten to the point where noon appointments made me nervous now 1p.m. makes me nervous. I feel better if its 2:00 p.m. or later. I've cancelled appointments because when I got up in the morning I felt too exhausted and just made up an excuse. I am sick of kind of being afraid of mornings...I remember as a kid I used to like getting up early and watch cartoons or play. I had an operation on my wrist where they had to remove one bone and fuse 4 other bones together.....I am really angry about this and get all riled up if I talk about it because I have arthritis now and it really f'ing hurts. I'm nervous that I'll never be the same again. I used to do yoga and pilates and I can't do a lot of the exercises or poses (forget about downward dog).....then I remind myself that people go through way tougher things than me (cancer, amputation, burns) then I feel really shitty. I so f'ing mad at myself, at my injury, at being obsessed....there isn't a forum for anger but I wish there was. I guess I'm obsessed about the amount of motion I've lost forever in my wrist. I want to stop but I can't. Whenever I try to rationalize it, it just comes back. I feel so fucking mixed up lately that I can't fall asleep because I can't stop thinking.....sometimes I wish I could sleep all day and when other people around me are hyper or just have more energy I get annoyed.....I know its a shitty thing to do...but I'm just being honest. Any one struggling with similar things???
  16. Hey guys, Just joined CB, seems like like a community with some respectable feedback. So,hello. Issue at hand: Around the clock jaw tension and headaches Prescribed: 2x15 mg IR Adderall 1x morning // 1x late-afternoon 30 mg XR Adderall 1x with 15 mg IR in morn 2 MG Clonazepam 1 MG Xanax Fioricet The pain in my jaw is located just below my lobes, closer to my temple than my rear neck, but still the jaw. I clench, I crack, rub, warm cloths, but still solution that ends with relief. Went to my GP and was prescribed Fioricet but have not recognized any significant relief. The only relief is on heavy benz dosages. I'm taking Magnesium supplements and my last option it seems is the mouthguard. Any suggestions? Experiences?
  17. There's nothing depression, and then there's something depression, something very painful depression. It hurts especially in my chest, especially where my heart is. It is a heavy, achy, hot feeling. It makes me not want to be conscious. I keep waking up after a few hours of sleep so that, regrettably, this painful depression and I get to spend more time together. I get to carry it around with me, fake a smile, and say "yes, I'm feeling better," because it's want people want to hear, not "nope, still hurts, still burns like hell, I'm just here because I need to fund possible escape routes--education, treatment." I need to believe that it gets better, that I'm going to get to the other side of this, and that it will be better on the other side. But for now, it feels like an open wound, just under my shirt, and behind the mask, a perpetual grimace. I'm starting a new mood stabilizer (BP2), taking Wellbutrin, prn, and still sneaking lithium, because it seems to take off the edge a little bit. I'm taking Ativan and Benadryl. (I take Ativan for sleep and for anxiety when awake) Both of these drugs seem to be losing their power to keep me asleep of late. Have you had the kind of depression which hurts?
  18. Not sure if this is the appropriate forum or not but here goes.. My baseline mood has been 'crap' for a long time and I can just about function to a certain extent. But then I get dips where I have 3/4/5/etc days where everything is absolutely terrible; suicidal, tearful, barely able to function, physically feeling like I've been involved in a boxing match or something, etc. However, following those dips I often get a few good days where I have hopes and plans for the future, feel motivated and have less pain, more energy, I feel I can think clearer and start being more logical rather than pessimistic all the time. But then quite rapidly things go back to baseline. I've just been through one of these phases and it is quite frustrating because I felt awful for the best part of 2 weeks, very minor SH for the first time in 10+ years, tearful, suicidal and so on. Then all of a sudden and for no apparent reason at the weekend I started to feel better and now after 3.5 good days I can feel myself dipping again. The frustrating thing is when I have the good days I always think 'wow, maybe things are/can get better'...... this never happens of course. Plus I never seem to get enough 'good days' to keep on top of my studies or follow through any long term plans. Does anyone else get similar mood swings with their depression? And what about physical symptoms like muscle aches, fatigue, pain, etc? I'm treated by my family doctor; no Pdoc or Tdoc. I'm trying to access therapy but keep being rejected (socialised system). I'm wondering if maybe I need to insist on seeing a Pdoc for some kind of mood stablizer or perhaps that is overkill?
  19. I've suffered from chronic migraine my entire adult life and the little buggers are resistant to most medications for some reason (or I end up have an adverse reaction to the meds). When they are bad, they are really bad with an average of 21 - 25 migraines per month; or in sort I have more migraine days than not. Earlier last year we finally found a routine that at least worked well enough and it brought my migraines down to the 14 - 15 range which while still a lot, was a godsend from before. We did have to tweak the dosages over time, but that was about the best it was going to get. Then my mental health went down the crapper (living with constant chronic pain tends to do that right?) and we've been doing nothing but adding, removing, adjusting, etc. psych meds over the past year. For some reason my body really doesn't like it when we mess with my brain chemistry and now my migraine medication routine is no longer working and my migraines are back up over the 20+ range and worse than ever... Really can't think of any questions per say, just needed to vent more than anything...
  20. I posted about my recent visit to the U of Utah's pain clinic, because it was so different than the one at Stanford. Warning: very long.
  21. i'm in the middle of moving, so i'm packing boxes and stuff (in this heat, gah). my back is freaking killing me. i don't want to take my pain med, because it makes me sleepy, and it's the only one i'm allowed to take. i am so much more depressed when something hurts (more than usual, i have chronic neck/shoulder issues). just because i'm in pain, i am having crying spells and all kinds of depressed thoughts that i haven't had for a little while. i do the same thing when i have the flu, or any other physical ailment. of course feeling overwhelmed by the task at hand doesn't help, but still. i feel like such a big baby! it doesn't hurt THAT bad, i mean not enough to cry about. anybody else get really depressed when they are in pain or discomfort? i just want to lay on the floor and cry about how much life sucks and i suck and i can't do this and blah blah. when the pain subsides, so does my waterworks and crazy thinking (mostly). i'm rolling my eyes at my own antics, but i can't help it.
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