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Found 13 results

  1. Last night was scary for me. I felt a mood suddenly ink in and I think I may have been hallucinating or dissociating due to the anxiety I was experiencing. I actually saw out of the corner of my right eye a face that was letting out all the angst I was feeling. It was a tortured hideous expression, and as soon as it appeared, it disappeared and I could feel all those churning emotions inking back into me. Soo weird !!! Was this dissociation, am I now BiPolar, what in the heck happened to me? Never had this, this intense before. I was afraid of........ me. I could tell something seriously was wrong, so what do I do? I go straight to the computer and go to my favorite site to order things I have never been able to afford before as that is one technique to self soothe, only I went overboard. Yes, I extended my line of credit one late night and now I am buying things that I don't even remember, even two or three of the same item. I am now busy returning most of them. However, there are items I have wanted for sooo long that I am now buying, I won't even go into the items I am sending back, way to embarrassing, lol. What scared me the most was the enormous scary mood swing, out of the blue, the mood was bigger than life to me. I could hear my psych doc telling me what to do as going thru a mood swing like this your body can tolerate extra medication, so I took 1/2 of a 25 mg Seroquel and it did nothing to stop the mood, so 1/2 hour later, I took another half of the 25 mg and it worked, within 30 minutes I was out and I slept 14 hours, woke up in a completely different mood, a completely different person. I had to say to myself this morning when I woke up, who was that person last night, I didn't even recognize myself and what I went thru. What a difference a good nights sleep does and strong medicine to help me get to and stay asleep. Wondering now if I am BiPolar because I heard that only a solid 12 hours of sleep will break cycling and I was definitely cycling last night. I have been coming down from Zyprexa due to extreme vertigo, so wondering if this may have been part of what happened to me. I also have reduced the Klonopin due to issues with my HMO and have had to stock-pile them, which leaves me wide open for more anxiety. Lately, my mood and anxiety/panic have rendered me housebound and even sometimes too fearful to get out of my bed. Well, thanks for reading this. I don't know if anyone can shed any light on this to help me.
  2. I want to try Nortriptyline again, but my psych doc is hesitant. He prescribed me Seroquel and Abilify but my pharmacist refused to fill them, advising not to take them together at my age (67). I used to take Pamelor for 30 years and where it did nothing for depression, it controlled anxiety, panic disorders and managed migraine. Waiting to hear back from my psych doc today if he will approve Nortriptyline. I need to sleep. I need something to help with agoraphobia, terrible anxiety and panic. Everything I take activates anxiety and panic. Leaving my home is a battle with fear. Thank you.
  3. Hello, As the title suggests, I'm new to this forum. I decided to give google a search for such a thing because I've reached sort of a dead end. I have quite the history with anxiety disorder/panic disorder, but had been doing quite well. Then February 28th hit me like a ton of bricks and I've not been right since. Currently on clonazepam, depakote, seroquel (just added to start tonight). Other DX include schizoaffective disorder and OCD. Maybe other things, but I haven't read my eFile in forever because... why? This go-round has been rough. I've tried beta blockers and something called hydroxyzine HCL (did almost nothing but make me sleep, but when you have anxiety 24/7, I accepted it with glee!). I'm housebound. I literally cannot leave my yard or I have a panic attack. Initially, my bubble was broad and I could drive and go where I wanted but had to be cautious. This has changed now. I can't drive or ride in a vehicle at all (had a bad motorcycle accident a few years back and my doctor thinks that's why). So, I stay in the house all day and I do housework like a freaking boss and take care of the kids so that my wife doesn't feel burdened. I used to be able to cope well. I could feel that anxiety/panic switch flipping and I could smash that switch and carry on about my day. I can't do that anymore. I just feel stuck. What's working for any of you? What medicine could I talk about with my doctor if this seroquel deal doesn't work. I'm at a loss and at times have felt suicidal. Those thoughts still come, but I push them away with full force since my 9 year old (birthday today, actually) made me a get well card and started crying about me being "sick." Any suggestions or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated. Be well!
  4. hello all, I've had panic disorder since I was 16. I'm 23 now. I've been around the block - meds, hospitalization, therapy, self help, holistic stuff, etc. I have a GREAT PDOC and I was doing GREAT this past year (coming off my meds! going on long trips! happy!) but I seemed to have relapsed this spring. Here's my current cocktail that I want some opinions on: Effexor ER 225mg / daily - the only SSRI / SSNRI that's ever helped me (i've been through every. single. ssri. they don't work for me.) At my best, I managed to get down to 175mg / day with no withdrawal symptoms, i was so proud! but with the relapse my PDOC bumped it up again. Klonopin 1mg before bed - Basically just on this dose so I don't go into withdrawal. Klonopin doesn't really do much to stop my panic attacks after being on it for almost 7 years. I really want to be off it soon. Xanax as needed for panic attacks - 2mg stops my panic. I don't take it every day. The past few days I've had to take an extra 1mg after the first 2mg wears off. Basically the only drug in my cocktail I trust to work right now. Abilify 4mg daily - I was just prescribed this last months and started at 2mg. It seemed to work! but now I'm in hell and my PDOC just bumped it up to 4mg daily last night. New symptoms as of this new 'relapse' or whatever-the-funk: back at it again with the debilitating panic attacks and agoraphobia, this time with new and improved Depression™! which i've never had before except when i get sad that panic attacks are ruining my life. That's why my PDOC bumped up my effexor and added Abilify. I had to leave work early today which is something I havent had to do in like, 6 years. TL;DR: I'm wary about the abilify. Should I even be on it? anyone have any insight? why do I have depression now after never having it in my life? can anyone fix all my problems please?
  5. Once again require constructive feedback from the community. Diagnosed with Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia and Depression. Possible OCD I have a history of developing tolerance to drugs and it's happening again. Currently on 115mg Zoloft & 2mg of Abilify. Have previously been prozac and lexapro, for about 3 years each. 2mg of abilify worked wonders in only about a week. totally reversed by phobic avoidance and anxiety levels. I seemed to build a tolerance for it exceptionally fast, on the order of a few weeks. pdoc suggested we raise dosage but I developed a form of Akathisia at 4mg. Absolutely could not sit comfortable, extremely agitated, without question crawling out of my skin. We reduced the 4mg of abilify to 2mg and I'm stuck at a point, with zoloft too, where I'm extremely phobic, anxious and depressed. Haven't slept in about a week from insomnia, icing on the cake. Driving is very difficult, cannot get far from my house without feeling the need to turn back etc...all the usual symptoms basically. Has anyone had a similar experience where they have to switch SSRI's every few years to combat tolerance ? That's my main question, so I don't feel so alone. pdoc and I will decide between Celexa or Paxil this Wednesday. I just want to know that when I run out of choices can I go back to an SSRI that once worked but pooped out, like prozac ? I always respond positively to SSRI's at first but like I said earlier, they have an expiration date of 2-3 years with me. Enjoy the 4th and please take a moment to share your thoughts. thank you!
  6. I am new here.. I don't know who to talk to because I feel like nobody can really understand how I feel. I've officially been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, ADD, MDD, generalized anxiety, panic attacks, agoraphobia... Ugh...I also have a history of substance abuse so there are medications I need but can no longer receive. I was on klonpin 1 mg 3 times a day for 6-7 years. Once my Dr learned of substance abuse by running into the physician assistant at the methadone clinic I was straight cut off. I'm now on: Wellbutrin 300 mg daily for mdd and ADD Tegretol 200 mg 3x daily for bpd Seroquel 250 mg at night for mdd I've been offered buspar and propanolol but after trying them and neither being any useful stopped those. I feel constantly exhausted, irritated and dissociated. I didn't feel this bad prior to being medicated. I'm now on suboxone instead of methadone because having to leave my house daily had me in constant panic mode. I can't get any doctor to give me the help I really need. Getting back on klonopin and I also need a decent medication for ADD. I'm looking to add these to my current meds to see if this helps but it's pretty much impossible especially while on suboxone. And no, getting off suboxone isn't an option. I keep feeling more and more depressed every day... Anyone else having these issues?
  7. So these past 2.5 days I've had that really panicky feeling where I'm going to cry but then I don't and I can't breath because I'm so scared and then I'm fine and I can't function and suddenly I can. I don't know what's happening, I'm going to be going out with a friend in a few days and I'm out with my granddad tomorrow and I'm terrified I'm going to have a panic or anxiety attack when I am out. I'm so scared, I don't know how to tell my mum about it, and I'm at my grandparents house and they mock me for my anxiety. I've been looking for support on the #AlwaysKeepFighting community but that seems to make me more anxious which is a shame because I love that community so much (check it out, seriously). What's happening? What do I do?
  8. Well.... I found this site by searching "self harm kits", I just wanted to know what other people did, if it was common for people to carry around supplies with them or whatever. So now I'm here, reading about other people and their struggles. Relating and not relating, though still understanding. I think that maybe if I have an actual place to talk, a real place that I can have feedback on, then maybe I'll be able to resist hurting myself. Okay so actual info part: My name is Shane. I'm listed as agender on here but a more accurate term would be agender/transmasculine. I use He/Him pronouns but they/them is also okay. I'm 19, I'll be turning 20 in December. I've been dealing with self harm problems and MI for almost 8 years now. I'm also trans so that doesn't exactly help me in any way... Anyways, from the beginning now. In 6th grade I became friends with someone who is my best friend. At the time, he was self harming and I guess that's where I had gotten the idea to do it to myself but I don't blame him or anything, it's not his fault that I started to do the same thing. Though not as intense as him, he was actually cutting and giving himself eraser burns, I was doing no-bleed scratches with a bent paperclip. At the time, I didn't really understand why it helped, but it did. Sometime in junior high I tried to tell my mother that I was depressed and had been for a few years. I had scoured websites, taken quizzes, doubted I was mentally ill, retook quizzes, looked up symptoms. Everything was the same. I was depressed and I didn't want to feel this way. So I tried to tell my mom, she didn't think the same thing. She didn't think I had any reason to be depressed. Which of course made me feel worse because I knew there was no emotional/situational reason for me to be depressed, I just was and I couldn't stop it. So I continued to self harm. There were a few times when my mom had confronted me about the scratches on my arm and even a time when I had a huge bleeding scratch down my arm. (all in 8th grade). It wasn't until 11th grade that my mom actually took me in to see a doctor. I had to check off a list to see if I was actually depressed and I was prescribed medication (Fluoxetine and Xanax), it helped but not for long. Eventually it stopped working, so I stopped taking it (I know, I know). I again tried to tell my mom that the meds weren't working anymore. She just thought I wasn't taking them, of course I wasn't but they weren't working long before that. This last February (2015), I didn't quite try to kill myself. I was in college by then (second semester). I was in a campus library, downstairs, in an area I knew people didn't walk around a lot. I found myself a spot and had decided to take the bottle. I didn't. I was scared it wouldn't work, so anxiety took over and stopped me. I went home that night and cried in my mom's arms. I told her that I was scared and that I needed to be admitted. She was very hesitant to take me in. So I was in a mental hospital for about 2 weeks.I am now taking duloxetine and klonopin and trazodone. I attempted to kill myself by overdosing on trazodone a few months afterwards. My girlfriend forced me to throw them up. I still self harm. I don't think my meds are working anymore. So anyways. That's my story. Thanks for reading. 12 yrs - 17 yrs: sx- Depression, GAD 17 yrs - 19 yrs: Depression, Anxiety, sx-BPD 19 yrs - now: Depression, Panic Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder Also, on and off anorexia that hasn't be professionally diagnosed.... idk, I go through periods of not eating at all to completely binging myself out on food.
  9. Alright--first post, so bear with me here. It took me about five minutes to figure out what to type after that sentence. As much as I'd like to write a memoir on this forum about my insane drug-induced disordered life, I'll try to make my questions simple. Really, I couldn't decide if I should post in this thread or the OCD, social phobia, depersonalization, or addictions one. I used to be a crazy, outgoing kid that loved going out in public. Pulling pranks on people in grocery stores and getting in trouble at fast food drive-thru's were my favorite hobbies. I had been like this my whole life, up until I started using marijuana when I was 16. A few years into my addiction (that's what I'll call it) I had some sort of psychotic break in one of my high school classes. I was on venlafaxine at the time for depression; anxiety was never an issue. I've read of all sorts of these depersonalized episodes due to cannabis use (especially when using as an adolescent). These reoccur and are something I'll have to accept until I find a cure, hopefully. I gave up smoking the day it happened, which was three years ago, and haven't touched it since. The only why my psych was able to help me out was by prescribing clonazepam. It was a blessing until, you know, I got hooked like everyone else. It seemed to slow me down a bit. It took the edge off, but being a socially gimped zombie wasn't what I wanted. After a year I wanted to speed things up, so that's what I asked for; Adderall. I started at 30 and was at 50 within a month. Sometimes I wonder if I would make a better psychiatrist. But, I asked for it, and I knew what I was getting myself into. Whether I have ADD or not, I enjoyed Adderall and have been taking it for over a year (clonazepam for two years). After tolerance built up though, all I was left with was blue hands and feet. I've gone down to 40 milligrams and am really hitting the wall. I need to get to the point; this is only the addiction portion. My life now: I rarely leave the house (or even my room for that matter), take college courses online, write, and draw. I'm not afraid to leave the house, I simply don't want to. I do fear conversations though, or people in general. I can't make eye contact with anyone, lose my words between each sentence, and can see myself from their POV. All of this makes me (or how I see me) look like a stuttering, paranoid person with schizophrenia. The only times I leave the house are when I have to, and I rarely take my Klonopin during the day due to the zombie hazes. I have a feeling the Adderall has contributed to a mix of OCD and OCPD. Matter of fact, I believe all of the symptoms that make me a completely dysfunctional individual are due to drugs. The weed started the engine and the pharmaceuticals added fuel to it. I'm trying to wean off of everything slowly right now but it's still a disaster. I just want to be able to make a simple phone call without writing down what I'm going to say first. I'm tired of leaving earth at a family dinner. And I'm tired of needing to carry a pocket-full of pills everywhere I go, if I go. Any comments, questions, or answers to why I define every anxiety disorder in the DSM-5 will be greatly appreciated.
  10. Well to start this off I've been diagnosed bipolar 2 for about 10+ years. About 6 months ago the meds I was taking were Wellbutrin 200sr, Lamictal 150, Letuda 40, Valium 5mg 3xday. I am a hairdresser and decided to open my own salon. It was very stressful and I finally opened the end of July. The first week I was open I unexpectedly had to put one of my dogs down. It crushed me with the stress of a new business also. Mentally at the time I was handling things ok even with the stress. I seem to be ok during the moment but afterwards I crumble. After a couple weeks I got really sick. I had an upper respiratory infection and sinus infection. I started taking sudafed and allergy meds. A couple days later I experienced this flushing burning feeling all over. My tongue was on fire and it would come in waves of almost losing consciousness. I assumed it was a reaction to the sudafed. I stopped the sudafed but a couple days later i was having dinner with some friends and it started again. I almost couldn't make it home. I almost went to the ER. The next day I went to urgent care and they couldn't explain the feelings I had but treated my upper respiratory infection. Put me on prednisone, which I hate because it makes me manic. I noticed shortly after I started having a fear of those episodes happening again. Thats when the panic attacks started. I felt like i was dying mainly in public at restaurants. I went to numerous doctors because I had never had panic attacks before They ruled out SVT and other hormonal imbalances. I called my Pych Dr and he prescribed Visteril for panic. It seemed to help a little but I felt more disconnected. I continued the bother the heck out of my DR because I felt like I was losing control. He took me off the Letuda cold turkey the at night I started having racing thoughts that continued through the morning. I had to take a lamictal during the day to get it to stop. I went back on the letuda and he took me off the Well butrin cold turkey. It seemed to get a little better but I continued to have panic attacks. I could hardly get through a work day. I was also put on toprol a beta blocker and that seemed to help quite a bit. I later thought maybe the Letuda was causing this so he decided to change my meds. I'm on prozac 10mg. Lamictal 300mg, Seroquel 50mg, and valium 5mg 3x day. I started feeling a lot better since the med change. I have to listen to music to go to sleep now because I would notice negative thoughts would overwhelm me at night. I also take a valium about 30 minutes before I go anywhere. Restaurants seem to be the worst for me. I began to feel the most normal. Let me add that the panic attacks were completely different than the first 2 episodes while I was on Sudafed. I believe those triggered them. I still dont have an explanation for those attacks. The problem I'm having now is I've become dependent on the valium before i go anywhere. My DR took me off of toprol and prescribed another beta blocker to take as needed instead of the valium. The other day I tried it and I was so nervous about not taking the Valium and the beta blocker not working that I gave myself a panic attack. So i went back to taking the valium. I feel better and I know that if I dont think about it I'm ok. I just hate this fear of having another attack. It's like a vicious cycle. The longer I go without having one the better I am, Then if anything changes I fear I will have another one. Now that I had one recently it feels like I'm back at square one. Has anybody else experienced this and how did you cope? I went to a counselor but had such a horrible panic attack at the session that I'm scared to go back. I also want to describe my panic attacks. It starts with confusion and disconnected feeling. I can be in mid sentence and forget where I am or what I'm about to say. Then the flushing feeling, heart racing, and a feeling that I'm about to pass out.
  11. Hello, I'm new to this board. I've suffered anxiety most of my 34 years of life. My life has always been about someone else. As a child it was my parents and their problems, as an adult it was about my ex and his problems and what made him happy. So I'm just discovering what I want and who I am. I'm currently on Zoloft 50mg for the past 16 days for my panic disorder and if you could see me typing this now you'd swear I was high on something. Sticking with this Ssri because it's at least making me feel a little alert to the world around me. Well hello everyone and I'll be seeing you.
  12. Dear Friends, I was diagnosed with PTSD/Anxiety/Panic Disorder many years ago. I've been desperate for relief but no medications have helped me. I think I just can't take antidepressants. I've tried them all: Paxil, Zoloft, Buspar, Haldol- all with very dangerous results. I've ended up in residential treatment because of going into rages and I've been hospitalized for hurting myself. None of these things happen or even occur to me unless I'm on antidepressants. I also tried Remeron and it made me homicidal. Fortunately all I ended up doing was blackening some dude's eye and spending a few hours at the county jail. I've decided to give meds another try because the anxiety has crippled me. I barely leave the house because driving is torture for me now. I have an apt with a new Pdoc and I'm wondering if any of you can share your experiences with this: Anyone else here resistant to antidepressants? If so, what did your doctor give you? Are there any medications you can recommend that I discuss with the doctor? Thanks.
  13. This is about Abilify as an add on for an antidepressant. After the birth of my son, my pdoc added 2.5 mg of abilify to my 200 mg of Zoloft. It has been the best combo I've been on for my anxiety/panic/subsequent depression. However, of course, I've been rapidly gaining weight and I want to get pregnant again in the next couple years so I want to go off of it. I've tried tapering down three times so far. First two times I got very bad restless leg syndrome and return of anxiety. This last time I tapered much more slowly (.25 mg every 3 weeks of the liquid) but as soon as I got below 1 mg, I had a very bad episode of panic and anxiety about 3 days after I dropped the dose.it seems to happen every time I go below 1 mg, but AT 1 mg I'm totally fine. Here are my questions: Is 1 mg even a therapeutic dose? Anyone else on this? Is it just a coincidence that my anxiety has returned at that magical 1 mg point? Has anyone had success dropping the abilify and switching to a new ssri? I figure if my AD isn't working well enough, wouldn't it be logical to try a new one rather than deal with the side effects of an AD and an AP? Thanks for your help.
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