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Found 41 results

  1. Second post on this forum (woohoo!), but, I was wondering if anyone has any advice for smoothing out a relationship between two bipolar people. My fiance and I have been together for nearly three years now, engaged for almost two of those years, we're both under the age of 25 (but over 18), we live together, and we're both bipolar. She has Type I and I'm just recently diagnosed Type II. Both our diagnosis(es?) have been in the past year, and we've both been trying medicines (her first, then me as my dx came months after); she is presently unmedicated. We both see the same psychologist but different prescribing doctors/GPs. We do not presently do any sort of couples therapy, our therapy sessions are separate and confidential. Our relationship in all it's years has always had very rough spots that we stick out because we genuinely love each other and care for one another, and want to see each other grow/be apart of each other's lives. However, our MIs (bipolar, ptsd, possible schizo-spect disorder on our end) have nearly ripped us apart for good many times. We took an almost month long break after our most recent big falling out, out of desperation to try and amend ourselves and our relationship. Being apart for a bit seemed to help, but we seem to have fallen right back into the "cycle" of our relationship. The extreme highs and lows that are no doubt also attributed to our bipolar. Does any have any words of wisdom or advice to think about/keep in mind when trying to keep the relationship afloat? We genuinely do love and care for one another and want to make what we have at our best work. It just seems to get more and more difficult. Hopefully meds will help even us out, we know we need to work on ourselves to help the relationship. Anything is much appreciated! -P
  2. Hi all, I'm currently having real difficulty at work and with a lot of my other relationships. The issue is that I'm constantly being talked over and really have to fight to be heard at all. I stutter slightly so that doesn't help me, and no-one seems to give a fuck most of the time. At work it is particularly bad because my bosses will start to talk over me before I've finished half a sentence. This is an issue because I work as a software developer and communication is key to getting my job done. The issue is so bad at work that every Sunday before I go to work I get angry thinking about having to deal with any of them. I feel that part of the issue is discrimination, because of my illness (I regret telling folk at work about it). I don't feel that I can move onto another job because I'm becoming unstable because it is leaving me feeling alienated. Other folk in the office seem to be following the example of what the bosses are doing. I've tried to tell the bosses that they're doing this, but I'm being largely ignored. Does anyone have any experience on how to deal with this sort of issue?
  3. I'm mostly looking for advice at this moment on how to foster and encourage my significant other's (soon to be married) interests. She seems to want to share a lot of things with me, such as things about other people and all; however, when it comes to her interests, she tells me about them but doesn't include me in them. I know she tries but she also gives up if she even perceives that I'm not interested. Often times it isn't a lack of interest but rather that I may be having a bad day or an having difficulties with things and processing. (I have Cerebral Palsy and multiple mental health diagnoses) I don't mean to make her feel like I have no interest or I don't want to get along, but is it not ok to indulge in my own thing/ have some alone time? A lot of things I do bother her sensory issues (singing opera, playing jokes, touch randomly without remembering her boundaries because my memory is shit). I want to better our relationship by sharing some in each other's interests but I also still have that need to do my own thing when it is something I know she can't handle. She's also pregnant which makes her sensory issues twice as bad, which has lead to some hard feelings, especially when I would like to sing (as I have a generally loud singing voice as I've sung opera for the past 8 years. She also has a developmental delay that causes her to need to speak things aloud and get that feedback on social situations and some other things to process them, in which she is quite long-winded most of the time. That has also lead to more hard feelings as it leads to limited time to indulge in anything else but talking from the time we are up until the time she goes to bed. Any other time that's left during the day, she usually insists that we spend it together because she wants to be close but she has also said that if we don't have that closeness each and every day, multiple times a day even (most days) then she and I will be too distant and she won't be able to open back up to me because I'll be a stranger (she has had issues with selective mutism when she was a child is the only thing I could assume she means by she will stop opening up). It may just be a matter of her mental health and I just misunderstood what she meant, however, is it wrong of me to feel like she is somewhat playing mind games/ manipulating me/ twisting my arm for me to pay all of my attention to her?She is currently visiting from Canada and I live 422 miles away from her home. She has said that things will be different when we go back to Canada in 5 days, but I don't know whether or not I can trust this as I have seen different happen when she's back home and we just talk over video call. She says she doesn't really lie, and I know that, but is it bad of me to feel like she just doesn't really know herself all that well in what she really and needs from a person, especially when she's never really been in a long term relationship before us getting together? I'm really trying to let go of the past but this is just a lot to handle. Does anybody have any advice on how to cope with these situations? Is it too much for me to continue to wish for and sometimes expect her to understand my needs? Is it too much for me to want to be left alone sometimes (as it helps me to cope with life and process my own emotions)?I really don't want her or our relationship to suffer because I'm not giving her what she needs. Thanks for any responses. They are much appreciated. P.S. ~ Are there any books you would recommend somebody in a relationship with somebody who has ASD reads to have a better understanding of what it is like to have autism or books on how to cope with the differences in their partner? P.P.S. ~ I know she's not a manipulative person and she wouldn't mindfully force me to do what I don't wish to, it's just I feel backed into a corner most days and I lash out emotionally in anger and start to yell when she's annoying me, most often times at the expense of being called mean when I say something she doesn't view as true and, at the best of times, neither do I. I guess it's just hard when both parties have mental health issues that result in a lot of emotions (and a TON of anger) and developmental issues, and social skills deficits on her end. I love her to death though and just want to make things easier on the both of us, more so on her though.
  4. I've been in this relationship for 5 years. We have a baby boy together. Much of the time we are happy together and are compatible. We want the same things out of life. I made a post on here over 2 years ago talking about domestic violence. He was violent towards me a lot. It was not just pushing and slapping. It was very, very violent (though nothing broken thankfully). It got better for a while. Then it returned and got better again. There's been a lot of arguing though, but that got better as well. He certainly has issues with anger, and I always believed it could be worked out with medication and therapy despite the severity. There were a few shady instances. The most recent one is when he went missing. He claimed he was working late, when in reality he was with his friend who he claimed was suicidal. I was also self-harming at the time and he knew. Anyway, I never knew where he was until the next day. We also have issues with finances. He gets himself further and further into debt behind my back and tells me it is not my concern. In January, his mother was murdered by her husband. Absolutely tragic and sent him spiraling. He refused to get help, but he did not revert back to being violent towards me. Our relationship was ok for a while. Until out of the blue he tells me he doesn't want me anymore. He doesn't love me anymore. This continues for a while. He avoids me and does not come home after work. He outright does not want to be around me. He claims it is because he cannot handle my own emotional instability and is tired of walking on eggshells. He says our relationship is toxic, and the way he feels towards me has changed. He soon asked me to leave, and at first, I didn't want to. I thought he needed me. Until his words got stronger, "What would it take for you to leave." And that was when I took our son and left. I was a stay at home mom, and so I had nothing. I left the state with our 3-year-old to stay with family. I told him not to make any big decisions until we take some time a part because of what happened with his mom. I strongly believed that was what this was over. So technically, we were still together and just taking some time away from each other. He agreed. Three days later, he took our engagement status (we never got legally married) off of facebook. When I called him, he said he knew we were done. So began to move forward with my life. 2 weeks later, I went to get my things and he began to tell me he made a mistake, but also said he did not know what he wanted. So I got my things and left. A few days later, he calls and says he wants me back. At this point, We had been a part for a total of 6 weeks (including the few days I was there getting my things). I've been living in a different state. He only once saw a grief counselor like we agreed upon before I ever left. However, he said he would do anything for me. I'm not sure what to do. He was violent with me in the past, although that stopped. He said he didn't want me. He wasn't doing anything to prove it to me, and at this point, I started dating someone else (nothing serious). My family seems insistent I should return to try again or at least get past any unresolved feelings, but I'm at a total loss. My heart breaks to hear him upset and wanting me back. But I cannot deny that I may feel happier where I am now, but there's not telling that it will last.
  5. My fiance has been losing weight recently. He's down 20 lbs and is like 228 lbs now. I've gained weight, but it was also that time of the month. I kinda go after chubby dudes as is, and always worry if they weigh less than me I become unnattractive. His affection towards me hasn't really gone down, it's stayed the same really. I tell him my concerns of me gaining while he's losing, and he says he'll love me no matter what. And that he also doesn't want me skinnier, he just wants me to be happy. But, at the same time he thinks my best friend is too big, [she's considered a SSBBW i'm a BBW if anyone knows what those mean...] but he said the difference too is that if I got as big as her he loves me, not her. I just worry his eyes may start to wander to other girls who aren't as big, although he does prefer curvier women, and I do actually have curves, i'm just a bit chunky. I've got a big bust, wide hips, and a big lower half, plus an hourglass figure, but a bit of a tummy.... And lately I've been more anxious as well about losing him to the point of nightmares, although it seems that they're symbolizing to not worry and to trust him [I die in them, and regret leaving things "left unsaid" with him basically.] Also a gentle reminder, this is my first longest relationship [been almost 2 years now coming this fall, been engaged for a full year now, too as of june.], first engagement, and hopeful marriage in the next few years. He's been married twice. I'm hoping to get us in for a premarital counseling appt cause we've not been in awhile this coming week, also. I feel like I've just put him on this pedastal of perfect cause let's face it he IS WAY better than anyone else I've been with putting up with my anxiety attacks, insecurities, etc etc etc, and it's like I'm waiting for something bad to happen and I hate that I'm like that. And he tells me to stop thinking he's perfect too, cause he ain't but he is to me...
  6. Hi there! Recently a new girl has started work, and I've taken a liking to her. The trouble with this is that I've walled myself off from other people for around 7 years. I've been managing to deal with my illness by not talking to other people, not having friends, not having a partner. I wasn't looking for anything with this new girl, but unfortunately, my body has had other ideas. I've been hit by a wave of emotions for her that I'm just not able to deal with. What makes it worse is that she's been seeing a guy for 14 years and there's no chance that we will ever get together. I think that she was attracted to me when we first started talking; I don't think that she would want to go out with me still, but life isn't black and white. I was flattered that she was like this, but I didn't push the issue, I knew how things were. On the mood scale chart that I keep seeing everywhere, I'm normally between 5-8. Since this has all started. Since her turning me down, I'm now between 2-5 most of the time, I think I've dipped down to 1 twice in the last couple of months. With my mood being all over the place, it is becoming more difficult to talk to her and I think she's pushing me away now; I can see things from her perspective and I can't blame her. Recently, she's been smiling at someone else in the office that isn't me and I'm having difficulty with it. It all feels so stupid, but I've now let someone have too much power over me and it is keeping my mood low. I don't know how to get out of this. I'm worried that if it continues I will need to take time off work and if that happens I might lose my job, my house, etc. I need help! Does anyone have any suggestions for how I can move on more quickly? Has anyone dealt with similar issues?
  7. Has anyone here come to realize the moments when you are projecting in a relationship? By Projection, I mean the behavior where you do not accept your own thoughts, motivations, desires, and feelings as your own. These "unwanted" feelings or thoughts are dealt with by being projected / placed outside of yourself or attributed to someone else... I've noticed (as a chronically depressed, anxious, highly-sensitive person) that I have a habit of often projecting, and misinterpreting other's behavior as critical, unloving, uncaring, angry and disapproving...when in fact, these are the constant ruminations that I have about MYSELF. This is simply how my brain operates in the world. I'm VERY critical of myself (I often see myself as unlovable, unworthy, lazy, too emotional, disorganized, I never do anything right)... Ex: Someone communicates a neutral statement to me, but I over analyze and read into it emotionally, and start feeling and questioning that the person is angry with me or disapproves of me. Anyone experience this? How do you de-program your automatic projections?
  8. I hate how my anxiety makes me overthink everything. Here lately, my relationship especially. It intrudes into my head and it makes me wanna say, "who do you think you are, coming into my head, and making me feel these negative thoughts?!" Like, really, who!? That might sound strange, but it's truly how I feel. I hate feeling unsure of my relationship. It makes me feel ill. I've been trying to take my meds consistently lately, I missed the day I had counseling...which is odd because we talked about my inconsistency of taking my meds. We've been together a little over a year now, which is pretty new for me. Never had a relationship last that long. Maybe I'm scared I'll get hurt or something? But, I know I won't. A lot of it is the whole "what if he isn't good for me?" spiel. My parents aren't very fond of what he does for work, but he does his best to take care of us, and put up with my anxiety and other issues. All in all he's pretty great, but my brain makes me want to over analyze everything and I wish I could make it shut up. My mom said she thinks it's making me realize that my relationship isn't healthy or something to that effect. Does anyone else have issues like this with their relationships? I saw a blog post about it from a girl who also suffered from GAD and I cried. It explained everything I've felt for so long when it comes to relationships, or at least this one. I feel like I'm alone in these feelings, usually. I know these feelings aren't normal, and I don't like them
  9. Is it pretty common to couple up with another bipolar person if you're bipolar? I'm pretty sure my boyfriend is, but he's not medicated. In fact, almost every relationship I've had over the last 10 years has been with someone with mental health issues. good, bad? What's your experience?
  10. My partner died 3 months ago of a heroin overdose. It was extremely traumatic, as you can imagine. He is not my first partner to pass away in this manner. He and I unfortunately only got to be together for 3 months and it was unlike any relationship I had ever had. I let my guards down and allowed myself to be loved and I truly loved him. Our relationship was amazing until he relapsed. It was recognized to me by many people after he died that our relationship was very unique and that not many people get to have something like that ever. He was my soul mate. I was with a man for 5 years and never felt that kind of connection. His death has left a void. I acted recklessly, hooked up with people, reached out to people who didn't respect or care about me, and of course never felt connected (obviously unhealthy behavior). I was also sexually assualted by someone I really trusted just a month after his death and am in the process of court cases. But I met this guy and it was weird. He's perfect and has been wonderful and understanding in the short time we've been involved, but it hasn't been very long since my partner's death. I've questioned all of my motivations as well as his and feel insecure, but ultimately we have genuine well-intentioned feelings for each other. I worry I need more time alone, but he makes me feel happy in the capacity that another person is able and we have a wonderful thing going. Now I feel extremely guilty. Every time I realize I'm happy, I just stop and feel overwhelming guilt. I also have developed incredibly low self esteem since my partner died. It is so hard for me to accept that this man is genuine and cares and desires me and isn't just going to abandon me as soon as open up and I trust him. I feel conflicted. I want this. I do. And he knows what's going on and has been completely accepting of me. He even is willing to go slow and give me space to grieve. But I feel like I'm abandoning my dead partner even though in reality he abandoned me. Feedback, love, and support would be great.
  11. Ok I got dealt in again. Coke, X, Beer, but the X ended it. Recurring not so often but maybe 8 years ago this happened on Research Chemicals. This=relationship issue. What kind? I have no clue. Ok ironed out plain and simple about 8 years ago I had a chance to get to know someone I really liked. I took some research chemicals and ended up telling her off for no reason because I was messed up. Now here we are 8 years later I do some X and another person I wanted to get to know I told her off too because I was messed up. The first girl ended it with me. This girl well she did too, except somehow something enticed her to tell me we're still friends. Don't have any clue why? I know doing this is selfish and expect a complete turnaround, but I don't know how to kill my emotions if they try to come. So far I'm good. Some shit just fucks up, and I have no clue why. Personally I want to say fuck it all.
  12. I've not really been on in awhile. So, some things have changed though. I finally stopped accusing my boyfriend of cheating on me. Literally, one day I just told myself I was going to stop. And I did. When I would begin to worry, I would ask myself if he was actually at work late (and if I didn't believe myself, I'd call. If he didn't answer his cell, he was at work. If I needed more assurance. I called his work, which they don't really care if I just ask if he's about to leave.) He's even given me his time cards (they bring them home everyday.) And he made a good point, he goes to work, and comes straight home, everyday. When one of us leaves, we say where we're going. (if we're fighting I sometimes leave without a word.) But, in a recent counseling appt. my counselor even pointed out that my old insecurities are filling with new ones. The "not being good enough" one is harping on me like fucking crazy and it's annoying, really. Things have also felt weird because the other day, I almost was done for good. I called my dad to get me, we packed my stuff, and we left. But, I wasn't gonna get to see my boyfriend like normal. My dad told me, it was him or my boyfriend. I chose my boyfriend. I love my boyfriend. Lately though, he's been nagging at me over stupid shit. Like, the air conditioner for example. He wants it on 70 and auto, and I want it on 68 and high. Well, the compromise was 68 and auto, even though it makes him cold sometimes still. We have a window unit in our motel room. I always say, "I don't wanna fight/argue." He doesn't realize when he's nagging/harping on me, sometimes. And the reason because of lack of nicotine needs to stop, IMO. He plans to stop smoking SOON, so yeah. There are times I'll say, "you're nicing (lack of nicotine), and need to calm down." and he normally apologizes and calms down. His insurance has finally kicked in. He's still agreed to get on medication, at least try. He doesn't want to, but he said he would for me. We plan to set him up with my PNP and he's already made an appt. with my counselor (to go alone of course and work on himself.) He likes my counselor, which is understandable, he wants someone he's comfortable with. I'm also not forcing him to see these people, it just happens a lot of them take his insurance. (including my dentist.) But, after me packing up and leaving, then coming back like 15 minutes later things have felt....weird? We went to a counseling appt. that night, we were going to Friday, this happened all this week too no less. With me still forgetting to take my meds, and taking myself off of lamictal ENTIRELY, I'm kind of wonky. I had a bad breakdown the day I tried to leave, when I came home. To the point of suicidal tendency because my dad disowned me....again. My anxiety has crept up into my head again, telling me I need to leave my boyfriend. In my heart and my head I know I love him, and I'm pretty sure he loves me. Although, last night was sort of weird? I was laying next to him in bed, getting ready to go to sleep. He pulled up his messenger app and quickly closed out of it when he realized I was watching him, I guess? I asked, "what was that about?" and he says, "I accidentally opened my messenger. Trying to look at my facebook feed." I just said oh. I asked him about it again, and he said the same thing just a little irritated. He then went into his contacts, and I was trying to go to sleep again. I opened my eyes, again. He was looking for someone. I asked who he was looking for, his initial response was "I don't know." so I asked again, and asked why he was in his contacts. He stated he was looking for the contact info of an admin who's on a website he uses, because he forgot his password and wanted to get on there on his phone. I just realized though, like ten minutes ago, he uses that website on this laptop. (we share his computer). His login is saved into the browser, I'm sure. He never remembers passwords to a lot of things, really. We both have our own accounts on the laptop, password protected. I'm just worried he's cheating on me online. When I brought that up, he's like, "who would do that? what's the point?" I said, "well some people end up meeting and stuff...." he just said, "that's still stupid. there's no point." I guess he didn't realize you can talk to someone online who does live in the same city? I don't know. I ask to see his phone, and he hands me it. He'll ask why sometimes, and if I straight up say to go through it, he hands it over. I knew his password to his old phone, the last four of his social. (Which I also know because of gov't. assistance and helping him apply for his insurance.) Granted, he doesn't like me snooping through his things. I don't think he even has a lock on the new phone? We just got new phones Thursday. If I ask who he's talking to, on the phone, or text, or Facebook he usually tells me. If I ask how he knows them, if they have a past, etc. he tells me. My insecurities have crept in telling me I'm not good enough. I compare myself to other girls he thinks are cute. I compare myself to the fact he prefers Latina and Japanse/Asian/Chinese women over white women. (I'm a white female.) I compare myself to the women he watches in porn. I always compare myself. It's weird. I'm comfortable in my skin, with my size, etc. I think I'm about average in the face? My self esteem fluctuates though. Am I being totally unrealistic or do I have reason to worry? Might I also add, once my phone broke I seized the computer to get on my social network accounts. I'm on it more than him, really. When I think about it. If he's up later than me on his phone, I hear him playing games (or watching porn to get off so he can sleep, if I've said I'm not in the mood). Any time I compare myself, or bring myself down, he says, "hey that's the woman I love you're talking about." or that "you're beautiful, more beautiful than any porn star, or girl I think is cute...because I LOVE you. Not them." I hate the fact that he's pretty much everything I want in a man. His charm. His looks. his personality. All of it. I know though, too that MI relationships tend to take more work. I'm trying to give the nagging thing a chance until he starts therapy and medications. I mean, he did say I really don't wanna take meds but I will for you, if you want us to try it. I appreciate that, a lot. I just feel like an insecure ugly potato.
  13. Day two of a hypomanic episode and idk how much longer I can deal with it. On top of that I got into a fight with a friend that ended with him saying that I'm dead to him. Taking tomorrow off work to see my psych but I'm worried I won't get in. Have any of you called in last minute? I'm worried about that more than anything. I know I'll deeply regret burning another bridge but right now I just want to focus on feeling better.
  14. i've been gone for a good minute, over the holidays i moved, after my eviction, i met a wonderful man, who i'm already having my worries about. he's 22 years older, 42, i'm 20. was born in the 70s, lived mostly through the 80s to well of course now, and i'm already having my doubts....like normal. fuck anxiety. really. always worrying about if he's being faithful, if he'll leave, if he loves me, or i love him, what's going to happen for/with us? the main two questions REFUSING TO STOP MAKING GOD DAMN CAMP IN MY HEAD "do i really love him?" "is he being faithful?" the main two questions, THAT ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAAAAAAAAAAYS creep into my head no matter who i'm with. he has a huge thing about privacy. and of course, me being my worry wart, paranoid self always thinks - and says, "if you're not hiding anything....why would it matter if i looked at your phone/laptop/phone records/family tree/criminal history...." the laast bit of that was just me being dramatic but you get the picture. i mentioned how old he was earlier, because he says he's used to being from a generation where privacy was expected? i guess is how to word it? he believes the government is also always watching. he said that the generation he was from, they never worried about that sort of thing. when we first got together, i was bad about going through his things.... *shocking* the last time i went through his phone, he said he was putting a lock on it. because i went behind his back, and into his things, three times... i've gone through his computer when he's had it unlocked as well. i've never found ANYTHING remotely suspicious. i mean yeah, porn is there, but he's a guy, and i enjoy porn too, hell we do as a couple. why do i still worry? he's a sex addict. i am too. i always worry he's going to fall into temptation and cheat. he's been married twice, cheated on, lied to, had all his money gambled away, etc. he's been with women who could really give two shits less about if he was happy or not. and one even beat the shit out of him. he did leave her. but the other two? was still faithful. to the end. they kept pushing him to leave. and it took him awhile to, or to realize. whichever. his friends even vouch for him saying he isn't like that. he always goes to work and straight home. doesn't have a car, and is not making enough money to get a cab to go see anyone really. so why do i worry? why? i think if he were to do anything it would be online. i bring this up and he says, "what would the point be? i couldn't see them. ever." i might add the other day, when i was on the way to my therapy session, and he was on his way to work - he's a cab driver, they always pick him up. i saw the woman driving bent over his lap. he said she was new, and showing him her car charger because they got new tablets (which is where the fare information, credit card transactions, gps, etc is all kept of course.) and that the charger she got was the wrong voltage. which when i saw him the day before at work, he explained to me. because i mentioned just getting a cheap dollar store one. i even saw the packaging from the one had had to get, which was like a 3.1V. but the way it looked, wasn't good. i even called up to his work to see what was up. the girl who was dispatching i've met. she's nice. she even said that the lady was new, and pretty hideous, and that she was my boyfriend's relief driver, and she was having problems with her charger. so i let it go. finally. anxiety is a harsh mistress...... in the fact that i have self harmed TWICE while we've been together. of course partially for attention to see if "he really loved me." i've been on new meds for a little over a month. we've been together...almost three months. yes, still fairly new, and already driving him nuts. might i add that he's bipolar? and well all know BPD, and.....BPD....clash a lot. while i took the med route, he took the natural mediation route. to each their own, of course. i know i'm everywhere right now, and i'm really sorry. it just goes back to an article i recently read. wondering about everything, anything, worrying...really. especially about him. are there people here who are the same as him? that really value their privacy? are you hiding something? what's going on there? does anyone else get this paranoid? i'm sure someone does. i can't be alone here. lawd.
  15. One of my symptoms of BP is hyper sexuality. Before I was diagnosed this led to an extramarital affair. When I read about people's experiences they all had more than one partner, but I had only one though I went back to him repeatedly. I also engaged in online sex chat and definitely masturbated A LOT! Has anyone else been in the situation where they only had one extramarital affair as opposed to many? My husband seems to think there had to be many so he's having a hard time believing there was only one, albeit the same one multiple times.
  16. Hi, I'm in the midst of a manic episode and it is driving my wife crazy. We're already taking steps to set up family counseling to help us deal with this. In the meantime, does anyone have any suggestions as to what I can do to stop straining the relationship? I'm already doing my best to 'dial it back', but I'm not having that much success so far. Some of my symptoms are pressured speech, increased sexuality (in the form of seeking out other partners... we have an open relationship), going after other jobs, latching on to ideas and friggin' running with them at about 1000%, etc. As I recognize me doing things, I can kinda keep them in check, but I'm really looking for positive things I can do to show my wife I still love her and aren't trying to make her life hell, as well as ways to reduce the negative actions I've been taking. Fwiw, my doctor has ordered a lithium screen and reduced my anti-depressant.
  17. So after my boyfriend went to work I was running non stop trying to do some errands. I left my phone in the car for a few, and when I ran out to get it my boyfriend was calling me for the third time in a row and I had a few missed texts from him. He started screaming about how I was trying to start a fight with him, how he was frustrated at work and about to tell his boss off and get fired from me, and like everytime I upset him by missing his calls his hands were shaking uncontrollably. This is his usual reaction if I miss a call or text from him. I know probably none of you are psychiatrists, but what the heck is this about? I've never met or heard of anyone who has this reaction. He can be a real sweetheart in real life, but this has to be some kind of insecurity or personality disorder. It's so weird. Opinions and insight wanted.
  18. Hey, Not strictly a relationship question because I'm also curious how people discuss this with friends. (But there's no board for that?) I've started sharing poetry with a critique group that overlaps with my social group. I write mostly about mental illness, often about psychosis. So, I'm starting to tell more people I know about my past. I'm also kind of emotionally processing it, which is why I'm focusing on it in writing. My most recent diagnosis is schizoaffective, which sounds scary to many people. Especially because it involved psychosis. How have you all told people in your life about your MI, especially if it involves psychosis? It tends to freak people out.
  19. I'm fun, smart, and pretty, but I can't help but wonder, "am I doomed to die alone?" Actually, the real question here is, "Is it fair to ask someone to choose a life with Mood Swings and Mania?"
  20. Hi all, First off- sorry if something like this has already been posted. I went back through the forum a bit and didn't find anything exactly like this. And anyway maybe people have updates. But, hope it's not too repetitive. In the past couple months I've met some people I click with enough to date. I'm poly, so I date multiple people in an ethical way (I'm not manic, and it's not about sex. Everybody knows about each other, and is on the same page.) I'm in the early stages of dating two different women. I also have an on-going flirtation with a guy, but so far we haven't even been on a date. Relationships have been very much on my mind. Here's the thing- I'm a rape survivor, was emotionally and physically abused as a child, have both SZA bipolar type and pure-o OCD with just all the subtypes, and have a history of self harm and suicide attempts. So, kind of a neurological trainwreck. I'm medicated and in therapy for all of these things. Mood is stable, no psychosis, intrusive thoughts are getting easier to handle. I had a sort of PTSD-triggered meltdown over the past couple months, but I'm on the upswing now, getting along in a healthy way with my family, and getting comfortable with the idea of sex again. I'm dealing with my shit. My problems are not anybody else's problems. So I'm wondering how much any future partners should know about my past and MI issues. I've already decided to disclose the rape only on a need-to-know basis, and to never discuss the childhood abuse- I've worked things out with my parents and don't need a third party getting into that dynamic (my ex did this, and was very antagonistic to my mother.) The MI things maybe should be addressed at some point? But I don't really want to discuss them. I might only discuss them if something goes badly wrong that I can't cover for. I basically want these people to know only the best version of myself. So, I'm wondering- What did you all do in your past/current relationships in regards to disclosing things like that, and how did it go?
  21. Hey guys, I'm new to the forums so if that's the wrong section to post such thread then tell me to move it elsewhere. Whenever I get really close to someone, my "evil" side tends to completely ruin it and burn it to the ground. Is there any explanation?
  22. Hello Everyone, I have bipolar 1 disorder and want to talk about an issue that bothers me to no end. I have been taken advantage of by people who I was either a friend with, had intimate relationships with, people have lied about my character and have gotten away with it, people have pushed themselves away from me due to several reasons and have yelled at me on several occasions. I am a strong person by nature, however I believe that the outcome of my relationships with people have been a cause of weakness due to the nature of this illness. It has ripped me alive, like so many others may agree. People can be mean and hurtful and it’s disheartening, depressing and overall unfortunate that I cannot face the world as strongly as I have been able to before. I guess I’m a little scared even despite being medicated, but I find that I still come across a person who snaps or yells or thinks they can take advantage of me in some way. Every chance I can get or every chance I can exercise courage, I damn well do but it’s rare. In spite of what I have control over, I still ruminate on all of these relationships. I find that I have very few relationships with people in general. All I really have is my family and that’s all I interact with all day and everyday. Have you ever experienced this downfall due to bipolar disorder in general and how do you overcome ruminating over these issues? And why are people so mean?
  23. I have been in a relationship with a great girl for about 9 months. I have been seeing a therapist for a while and recently started celexa 10mg. I know it will take a while for it to kick in, but I am afraid of never will. A couple of months ago, I was completely crazy about my girlfriend. She went away for about 10 days, and when she returned I started to get anxious around her. There are times when I don't want to kiss her or see her, and I feel so guilty about it. I have lost interest in a lot of things, and I can't even remember things I enjoy doing. My therapist tells me it will go away with time and exposure, and the anxiety is mostly gone now. But I still don't feel super attached. I don't generally attach well to anyone, but I always did with her. I am having a hard time cuddling and kissing her when I feel like I am lying. I would literally give anything to feel happy and connected to her again, will medication help with this? Has anyone else ever been through this? I feel so alone and I am scared to hurt her. Even though I can't feel love right now, I thought I was in love with her just a couple of months ago.
  24. Hi there, I have had the diagnosis of Schizophrenia from a young age so it isn't anything unusual - in fact it is more controlled now However lately this little voice has creeped back into my head literally trying to destroy my life. When I'm with my girlfriend it says things like "You know she doesn't like you," "You're only temporary until she finds someone better," etc. Also it says things about my family like "They don't want you here," "they're trying to kill you," "Don't drink that - they poisoned it." However after getting emotional with my girlfriend due to my voice yesterday it said something like "Once I destroy whats close to you - it makes it easier to destroy you." then it shouted "kill yourself!" in a mumbled barking voice. I'm not sure what to do I haven't attempted suicide since 15 November 2014 - that was my last ever attempt. Never again. I want to reach out and talk to someone but they'll automatically think I'm suicidal due to the things it says and I don't want people to be checking up on me all the time. I want the voice to stop. Last time I reported a voice like this to my therapist she wanted to take me in as an inpatient but my parents fought my case, I don't want to waste my life on my mental health all the time - I want to be normal.
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