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Found 4 results

  1. Homecoming

    I've been clean for a week after my slip up. I have no desire of harming myself right now. But my school homecoming is around the corner and I'm scared. All the girls dresses are sleeveless. Long sleeves have been my savior for the few past months. My mom won't let me wear a cardigan or light sweater over a dress. Luckily, I did find some makeup to cover my scars up. But I'm still uncomfortable without having that extra layer of fabric over my arms. Fear wells up inside me, I'm always afraid someone will look. Especially my family. As I said before, several of my friends are aware of my self harm. But three of them aren't (I haven't told them for multiple reasons). I'm alright with two of them finding out, they wouldn't mind at all, but there is one friend in particular. I really don't want her to know. (Again, for multiple reasons) I'm afraid she will see and question me. Any possible help?
  2. I did not put this on the 'Self Injury' board because this topic is not about Self Injury or recovery specifically, but about scars. I figured it would be more appropriate here because of the context and content. But of course, any mod or admin can move this where it may be most appropriate. Warning: contains triggering content. I talk about self harm, scars, and wounds. I also provide a link below which has more info, and a picture of the kind of scar (scar, not wound FWIW) I am referring to for reference. If you are triggered by ANY of the mentioned content, please do not read further! ***************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************** ***************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************** ***************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************** ***************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************** ***************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************** ***************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************** ***************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************** ***************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************** I had Social Anxiety since I was a toddler, but didn't develop clinical depression until I was a teenager. I started self harming when I was 13 with burning (with erasers - which didn't cause scars), but when I was no longer satisfied I found out about cutting through internet "friends" when I was 16. At the time I didn't know about 'hypertrophic scarring', or that I was one of the *lucky ones*(sarcasm) who was predisposed to it. A hypertrophic scar (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypertrophic_scar) is a scar that has excessive amounts of collagen which makes it look raised, and never looks healed. And getting stitches makes the scar look worse, because the collagen builds over the stitches. Hypertrophic scars are red, and sometimes pink or bright white. They are also thicker than they are supposed to be because of the collagen that builds up. And no matter how old they are they itch like hell when they get wet. They are sometimes even painful when they get hit or poked. I once used a edged pocket knife which required stitches, and only felt brave enough to tell someone what I did because I was told that if I "got stitches I wouldn't have a scar". To this day, it's the worst scar I have because the collagen grew over the stitches and the scar is raised and is pink and white. You can actually see each stitch still. Because the collagen grew over. Each. Stitch. I only Self Harmed for a year, and hypertrophic scars is huge reason why (as well as cutting only made me feel guilty). However with hypertrophic scarring, it doesn't have to take a knife to make me scar like that. A cat scratch, when a dog jumps on me and slides his claws on my skin (but doesn't cause blood), when my own nail gets caught, an accidental cut, even a scrape when I slide against something - every cut or scratch I get leaves a white, pink, or red, raised scar or mark that itches. My scars cause A LOT of negative attention from doctors (not worry BTW). So much so its annoying. I haven't SI'd in 10 YEARS and I get lectured on visits. A lot times the conversation get's sidetracked away from the reason why I am there (Neurology, Gastroenterology, GP, etc.) and directed towards my scars and they talk about cutting/"how depression can mimic *insert why I'm there*. And when I interrupt and tell them about my scars and "look, they are obviously old, I haven't SI'd in 10 years".....the look on their face is priceless. But the fact the conversation NEVER get's back to me being a serious patient, infuriates me. Does ANYONE have issues with scarring like this? Especially who has dealt with Self Harm and so has a lot of them (and thus has the same kind of issues)? How do you deal with people, and your very NOTICEABLE scars? How do you deal with the scars themselves (is there ANYWAY to treat them...because Mederma is out of the question)? I have tattooed over some of my scars (it takes a couple of sittings BTW-they soak up ink). Other tattoos (from crappy artists) have CAUSED hypertrophic scarring ON the tattoos where there were no scars before!
  3. So, recently I cut a few times on my arm, and I kept going to the grocery store and about half way through shopping I would realize that I was wearing a t-shirt. I then started freaking out and tried to hide my arm for the rest of my shopping, because I was only picking up a couple items, and didn't feel like running out and then coming back after changing my shirt... It felt a bit weird, I was thinking 'what if they think I'm trying to hide track marks or something? Which is worse?' I then started wondering why I was trying to hide my cuts, is it because I'm embarrassed for cutting? Or is it because I don't want to upset everyone else? I realized that I was really trying to hide them because I didn't want to upset people around me, potentially trigger someone else, and I was like screw this! I shouldn't care about what others think. If I keep forgetting, it must be for some reason, so I started wearing a t-shirt on purpose. I was just wondering if anyone else has had similar thoughts/experiences?
  4. Scar blog

    Hi everyone. I'm new here. I've just started reviewing Bio-Oil. My scars are like a dirty secret to me now. I hate them. I hate myself for cutting. I wish I never picked up that first blade. It was the biggest mistake of my life. Every day I regret them. I just want to be 'normal'. I just want to be able to wear a simple t-shirt without feeling ashamed. Thanks and please please please put down that blade - it's not worth it! By cutting yourself you are GUARANTEEING to never forget your problems. Stay strong and find another outlet for your pain <3
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