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I'm new here, but had to bring this thread back to life. I'm 43 and HATE getting older. I guess I'm consdered "middle aged" in these times, but I feel OLD. I am a grandmother with wrinkles, a saggy body and grey hair AND eyebrows. I have arthritis and my memory is going down the toilet (of course that could be all the meds I'm on...). I can't bear to look in the mirror anymore as it makes me sad and I feel repulsed at myself. Oh, forgot to mention the weight gain. That's a downer too.

My husband is 48 and balding but is in much better shape than I am (thanks to his job). He thinks I'm attractive and says getting older is just part of life. I wish I could have that attitude, but all I think about is the fact that I'm one day closer to that heart attack or stroke I read about in the paper and see on tv.

Bottom line--I HATE the way I look and I HATE getting older. My god! What the hell will happen to me when I start menopause?

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Rather than start a new thread, this seemed a good place to posit this: I'm 44, with two kids 14 and 12, who have started referring to me as "old man". At the same time, I've got Forgotten-Generation parents and their Early Boomer friends who say to me, "Oh, you're still just a young pup" (or words to that infuriating, condescending effect). So I'm caught between adolescents who want to be treated as if they're 20-something and 60-year-olds who want to be treated as if they're 40, and the one thing I know for sure is that I'm not 30 anymore. My hair is well on the way to stress-induced early gray, crows have stomp-danced the hell out of the corners of my eyes, and yes, I need bifocals. Too decrepit, apparently, to swing with the youth culture, yet the previous generation can't acknowledge my aging - if they did if would be impossible for 60 to be "the new 40".

Anyone else feel caught in this conundrum?

Cerberus

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Anyone else feel caught in this conundrum?

Cerberus

Yup. Everyone in their 40s. :devlish:

I'm going to be 48 in September. For some reason, I just started to realize, and to be shocked, that I am close to 50. Like "Oh my god, I didn't realize 50 came two years after 48!" :rolleyes: My face looks younger, even my Drs. all put in their notes "looks 10 years younger than she is." Ah, genetics.

They do not say that about the rest of my body. Aside from just being overweight and out of shape, I have injuries and metal in every joint of my left leg. Well, except in my big toe, but that joint is injured as well. So that's fun. I assume my leg is going to stiffen into a peg leg sometime soon.

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Cerberus, I'm afraid I'm one of those people who are 60-ish and look at friends in their 40s as young folks. Oh dear. Well, the best I can tell you is to be grateful for your 40s---I felt good at that age and none of my systems had started to fall apart. After 50, it's all downhill for a lot of us.

I'm cheerful, right?

Your kids will see you as an old man for the rest of their lives. When they are in their 40s, remind them of their unkindness to Dear Old Dad 30 years ago.

You can't be a part of youth culture 'cause you aren't youthful any more. And do you really want to? Embrace your wise, middle-aged self and be thankful that you are past the angst and agony of the teens and 20s.

And by the way, it's good to have you on the boards again. I've missed you.

olga

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You can't be a part of youth culture 'cause you aren't youthful any more. And do you really want to?

Oh, Lord, no. Heaven forfend. I'm just grumbly because I've got some kind of major fatigue/sleep dysfunction that keeps my energy on empty 24/7. I think this is an iffy time, too, because it's a crossroads in so many areas (kids cross thresholds, careers peak, etc.) and if looking back over life doesn't paint a pretty picture, regret or disappointment or feelings of failure can feed the Major Depression Monster a gourmet seven-course meal.

In my case, it even asks to see the wine list.

Cerberus

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You can't be a part of youth culture 'cause you aren't youthful any more. And do you really want to?

Oh, Lord, no. Heaven forfend. I'm just grumbly because I've got some kind of major fatigue/sleep dysfunction that keeps my energy on empty 24/7. I think this is an iffy time, too, because it's a crossroads in so many areas (kids cross thresholds, careers peak, etc.) and if looking back over life doesn't paint a pretty picture, regret or disappointment or feelings of failure can feed the Major Depression Monster a gourmet seven-course meal.

In my case, it even asks to see the wine list.

Cerberus

The problem (aside from your MDD) appears to be lack of energy. If you are tired 24/7, then the world will look bleak, indeed.

Have you done the basics? Does your doctor give you an annual physical with all the usual blood tests for cholesterol, iron, liver function, etc? Have you had a stress test to make sure that your heart is functioning normally? Has he checked your testosterone level?

I used to hate it when people asked me this question, but here goes: are you exercising? I know how impossible that question seems when you are hanging over the edge of the Abyss, but I've learned that if I don't take my daily walk and my classes at the gym three times a week, I start slipping. You probably have tried exercise, but I thought I would ask.

If you are having sleep issues, what does your pdoc say? This question is out of my realm of experience because I have slept well ever since I learned yoga and taught my body to relax limb by limb. The only thing waking me up these days is hot flashes, and you can thank your lucky stars that you'll be able to dodge THAT particular bullet.

It is a time in your life with lots of changes, but I liked my 40s. Men stopped looking at me, so I could enjoy myself as a person and not be distracted with guys hitting on me. I was enjoying success in my career at the time, so there was plenty of money for travel and the things I enjoy. Your children going through adolescence will be a stressful situation, no doubt about that. Teenagers can really make you nuts.

The best you can do is to eat well, exercise, take your meds and keep repeating "This too shall pass."

By the way, I met my husband when he was in his mid 40s and I thought he was the smartest, sexiest, coolest guy I had ever met. I think it's a great age.

olga

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I had a full physical and blood work done, and I'm in pretty good shape as far as that goes aside from some elevated liver enzymes from my lovely-lovely sky-high Rx of Effexor. Even that isn't anything like severe enough to explain the problem, though.

Exercise? I've often heard that people actually do that. Running about and whatnot. Lifting weighty objects and crying "Alley-oop!" and suchlike. Apparently certain tribes in the Amazon basin and the Mongolian steppes make an absolute lifestyle of it. Me, I 1) had a heatstroke a few years ago so cannot tolerate getting overheated; 2) have exercise-induced asthma that kicks in after only a moderate trot; 3) have a ruptured disk that greatly limits how I can move and what I can pick up; 4) have no ready access to a swimming pool, even if I were not an accomplished drowner; 5) loathe exercising for its own sake; and 6) have no energy with which to exercise in order to feel more energetic.

All of the above being true, I realize that I nonetheless am probably going to have to find some way to circulate my blood before even the vampires start turning up their noses.

There are plenty of psychological factors that could be contributing, and it would take far too long to elaborate on them here, but I think it's safe to say that a major cause of my decline has been my wife's choice to leave me and remarry last year after a long separation. It was a textbook Asperger's/NT marriage, except I didn't know I had Asperger's and didn't know how to try to address the communication problems; and in our case we probably couldn't have anyway. But it's not just a question for me at 44 of feeling/looking "old" - I also have to contend with the reality that I'm 44, hard-wired for relationship failure, chronically gloomy due to treatment-resistant MDD... and I feel/look older than I think I should. When you wrote about your relief when men stopped hitting on you, I had to laugh - very few people ever hit on me, or at least, if they did I was oblivious to the fact (the latter is most likely). It never occurs to me - literally - to hit on anyone, no matter how lonely I may feel.

My therapist retired from practice in December and I'm not seeking out another one (I couldn't bear to go through the process of training another one to treat me). He was very good, but in the end he would just sort of shake his head and say he'd never seen anybody like me - inasmuch as to say, he wasn't sure how I was going to untangle the knot that is me.

My children aren't a problem. I've been blessed with great kids, and the time I spend with them is the only time when my energy rebounds to some extent. I feel like I'm alive when I'm with them, but the moment they're gone, as in the second they're out of sight, all the energy rushes out and I'm dead again. I actually feel hollow at that moment. And now that they're getting into their teens I know that my time with them is going to get shorter and shorter until I almost never see them, which means that the only thing that keeps me going will have gone.

I was assaulted at my workplace a year and a half ago, largely due to misunderstandings about my Asperger's, and management's response to the incident was unfair to me, again because of my Asperger's. Loooong story, another day, but my outlook on my career changed forever, and it's nothing more than a job now that I desperately want out of, but have no other prospects.

So! a) Marriage-failed; b) future relationship-contraindicated; c) children-off to college before I know it; d) career-on rocks; e) financial security-see c) and d), and I'm more than a decade away from early retirement.

I realize that all this takes the question of feeling old in one's 40s a bit farther than the thread intended, and people have told me that I've had a rough row to hoe in the past few years. But I think the point is that even though all of this would tend to drag anybody down, the fact that I'm 44 and not getting any younger is still one of the things that bothers me right now, and not just as the proverbial icing on the cake, but in its own right. Why, for God's sake, with all the rest that gnaws at my mind, must I also torment myself over whether or not to dye my hair? 'If the grayness (for which I could bitterly blame my mom if she were not a genuine, ready-made-for-canon saint) offends,' I say to myself, 'why, nothing easier - change its color.' 'Pah!' I reply in tones of deep scorn; 'I am disgusted that you(I) would stoop to such vanity. Fie!'

I'm sooo ready to be done with life, yet at the same time I'm not ready to be done at all. Studies have shown that among the earliest Homo sapiens, life expectancy for adult males was somewhere around 45 years. Sometimes I wonder if we just hang around longer than we're supposed to...

Cerberus

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Well, I wondered where you were and what was going on when we didn't see you hear for the past 3 or 4 years. I remember that your marriage was rocky and I'm sorry to hear that it ended. I've been divorced and I know what a terrible blow that is.

I won't accept your non-exercising excuses. heh You're talking to someone who used to consider opening a book the only heavy lifting acceptable to intelligent people. I have COPD, so I also get exercise-induced asthma, and I have a hot thermostat, so the minute I move, I begin to sweat. I hate it. I really hate it. But I feel better when I do it consistently, and I'll bug you once in a while to reconsider.

Five years ago I was saying pretty much what you said. (We sedentary people have a million excuses why we can't exercise.) I was griping to my doctor and he said "Do you know how I see you when you're in your 70s and 80s? In a wheelchair, on oxygen."

I didn't like that picture, so I started walking every day. I usually do 30-50 minutes at an aerobic pace. I use an inhaler now, so the wheezing isn't an excuse anymore. Then I joined a gym. It's air-conditioned, so your heat exhaustion excuse goes out the window. I've lost 10" of fat since I joined, and it definitely makes a difference in my mental state. I fought it until I was in my 50s, but I'm glad I'm finally doing it.

Now, on to Cerberus. I'm glad you have such a good relationship with your kids, but you are wise to recognize that their lives will be taking them away from you more and more. Is there a club or activity or something they are involved in that you could also participate in, so that you would be around them a little more? I know it's hard when you work.

I hope you are preparing them for the fact that they will have to contribute to their college educations. Unless you want to take on hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt, they will need to work part time, get scholarships, and apply for loans. You can't possibly pay for the whole thing, and they are old enough to be told what your limits are, financially.

No therapist? I wonder if that's such a great idea. Are you in a rural area or small town where the alternatives are limited? It may be hard to break in a new one, but someone with MDD and Asperger's should probably not be trying to fight his way through life alone.

Your job sounds like a hideous torture. I've been unemployed for 4 years, so I understand that the job market sucks and you probably have to stay there for the present.

Don't dye your hair. When men do that, you see the gray roots within a week or so and it looks so dorky. Maybe try one of those wash-in colors that aren't a harsh dye. It might tone down the gray a little and make it look like your original color without looking so phony.

Your list of the things going wrong in your life is very sad, but every one of those can be turned around. I hate to keep using my hubby as an example, but he divorced his wife when he was about 40, and he lost everything. She got the house, both cars, all their savings, and all their possessions. He was given a single bed, his clothing, his stereo and his albums. (This was after 21 years of marriage and 3 children). His hair was totally gray when I met him. He was convinced that his life was over. He was getting ulcers from his job.

We created a new life for him, and he found a different career in a new location, and we've had 33 very happy years.....with the usual stresses and fights in any marriage. I know it seems hopeless to you, and it's understandable why you feel that way. But it can change. You can change.

This is long and wordy. I'm sorry for rambling on. But when I was in the depths of depression and didn't know what the hell to do, you were the first person who responded to me on CrazyBoards. I will always be grateful that you took me seriously and didn't laugh at the depressed, middle-aged woman. I hope that someday you will see some light in the darkness of your present situation.

olga

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Olga - thank you for taking the time to reply to this in such detail, and for sharing your own experience. I've been away for several days on a couple of mini-vacations trying to raise spirit and energy (no such luck), so I haven't had a moment to reply until now.

I won't accept your non-exercising excuses. ... I'll bug you once in a while to reconsider.

I frequently bug myself to reconsider, too. Never works.

I was griping to my doctor and he said "Do you know how I see you when you're in your 70s and 80s? In a wheelchair, on oxygen."

I don't plan on living that long.

I hope you are preparing them for the fact that they will have to contribute to their college educations. Unless you want to take on hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt, they will need to work part time, get scholarships, and apply for loans. You can't possibly pay for the whole thing, and they are old enough to be told what your limits are, financially.

This is a tough one, for me, because my father's philosophy was that it was his responsibility to see that I got the best education I could get, and he covered the cost. He believed that my time was best spent focusing on study without having to worry about working too. I agree with that philosophy, and believe it is my obligation, having brought my two kinder into this wretched planet, to give them the best possible leg up. So yes, I am willing to take on the debt for their sake, even though I may suffer for it for years. The only hope I really have is that they are both certified geniuses (genii?) and could possibly qualify for scholarships.

No therapist? I wonder if that's such a great idea. Are you in a rural area or small town where the alternatives are limited? It may be hard to break in a new one, but someone with MDD and Asperger's should probably not be trying to fight his way through life alone.

Rural area? BWAAHAHAHAHA - I'm in the cavern-riddled wastes of south-central Kentucky, about as far from civilization as you can get in any direction. I could still find a new therapist if I wanted to, and if I decide to look into DBT, I might. But I've been in therapy most of my adult life and I've gleaned from it enough techniques to carry on by myself for a good while, especially with a resource like CB handy.

Your job sounds like a hideous torture.

It isn't, actually. It's a good job, and I work with some very fine people, some of the best I've ever known. It's just that a couple of bad apples have spoilt the barrel for me, and when I went to the Top for help, I got kicked in the teeth. Plus, I ran up against an NT rejection of my Asperger self that I wasn't expecting, so that changed my outlook, and I still have times when I'm troubled by the assault on me at work (someone whom I had considered a dear friend hit me in the face as hard as she possibly could because she believed some lies told about me by another person; after she was suspended with pay for a week she described the suspension to me as "a vacation"). I was given an involuntary lateral transfer to a new division - same job, same pay, no real changes, but it felt like a demotion, and that was what I got in response for asking for relief from persecution. So, the really bad part is only psychological. The work is not bad, it's just all the same stuff I've been doing for years, nothing new, my creativity is dying on the vine, and I feel friendless, misunderstood by the NTs who surround me, and unsupported. And yes, the economy is so lousy that quitting is inadvisable, but I am nonetheless tentatively planning on leaving in fall 2012 once I have reached the point at which I am vested in my retirement. I couldn't retire - not old enough - but I would be eligible for my annuity after that once I reached the required age. So maybe it will be time to try a new career next year, though I have no clue what that would be, there's not much around here for me, and I can't leave the area with the kids at their age anyway. It's a trap!

Don't dye your hair. When men do that, you see the gray roots within a week or so and it looks so dorky. Maybe try one of those wash-in colors that aren't a harsh dye. It might tone down the gray a little and make it look like your original color without looking so phony.

Too late, but I'm not totally gray yet anyway, so the root thing isn't that noticeable. I may give up, though, and let it go. The crow's feet give the game away anyway...

Your list of the things going wrong in your life is very sad, but every one of those can be turned around. I hate to keep using my hubby as an example, but he divorced his wife when he was about 40, and he lost everything. She got the house, both cars, all their savings, and all their possessions. He was given a single bed, his clothing, his stereo and his albums. (This was after 21 years of marriage and 3 children). His hair was totally gray when I met him. He was convinced that his life was over. He was getting ulcers from his job.

We created a new life for him, and he found a different career in a new location, and we've had 33 very happy years.....with the usual stresses and fights in any marriage. I know it seems hopeless to you, and it's understandable why you feel that way. But it can change. You can change.

I particularly appreciate your sharing your husband's experience as an example of the possibility of turning life around. I know that some people can do this, and I would have no qualms about telling other people in a similar situation that things can always change for the better - in fact, I often do in posts here on CB. I always have hope for other people. But I have none for myself, probably because I have searched, and analyzed, and made a science of my situation, its causes, and its potential. I know that it would require a miracle, in the truest sense of the word, to turn me around. As an Aspie, I am hard-wired for relationship failure. I do not understand the vast majority of humans. In my experience, they dislike me at first blush, and even those who like me after taking the time to get to know me don't truly understand me, and ultimately take their leave. I understand this. I have basic Maslovian needs that are never met, and likely will never be, and the pain and stress of this will shorten my life, and as far as I'm concerned that's all to the good. My MDD resists treatment. The anhedonia that comes with it is almost total, so the only emotions I feel are painful ones. No one in her right mind would want to enter into a relationship with me because I am a well of negative energy (Capricorn born under Saturn, if you believe in that sort of thing) and I wouldn't wish that kind of constant downer on anyone. Seriously - nobody wants to be around someone who is constantly in the Abyss, and I can't help it. I have this weird sort of ability sometimes to look down what I call 'lines of probability' into the future and see what is likely to happen, and I'm almost always right. That's why I say it would take a miracle to save me.

With my usual run of luck, though, if a miracle came my way it would just be a plague of toads or something...

Cerberus, writing cheerfully from the Abyssal Inn

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Curse you, Olga...

I tried exercising today and now I feel like aspic - not jello, something pleasant, no, but that vile gelatinous goo they put meats in. Worse yet, I persuaded myself to pull the exercise machine out of the cellar and set it right next to the couch so it can guilt me constantly. I even toyed with the idea of putting it in place of the couch, but that just seemed like a bridge too far.

If I die, I'll let you know.

Cerberus

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Hang your work clothes from it. There, now, it's being useful.

Seriously though, I can really relate to where you are right now. I had myself bawling last night, so, yeah...it sucks. I have been coping by reading/watching all those physics specials on cable and some physics books, trying to figure out why we can't reverse Time's arrow so I can fix a few things. Not a very useful coping strategy, because time has not yet reversed so far.

Edited by reddog

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heh heh

I love it when people curse at me.

How about a walk? If you live in a rural area, there must be nice places to walk. Borrow a dog and go outdoors for half an hour.

olga

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I feel old and unwanted. My esteem is very low. And being single with no family makes it unbearable at times. I often say I dont want to live to 50 because 40s has been horrible. Why wont socciety let women age in peace without the shame and guilt associated with it. I often feel guilty for getting older.

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I feel old and unwanted. My esteem is very low. And being single with no family makes it unbearable at times. I often say I dont want to live to 50 because 40s has been horrible. Why wont socciety let women age in peace without the shame and guilt associated with it. I often feel guilty for getting older.

Hoo-wee, more often than not I am right there with you. Except I peg 60 as my final endgame. Mostly because I'm getting on with shit after 24 years being dead stupid and learning all the wrong things. Don't believe the lie that men are valued after forty. We're not allowed to age in peace without the associated shame and guilt either. Except for rich men, they get all the good stuff LOL! Just wanted to share that space with you, Peacefulzen. I HEAR you.

 

To the OP's stuff:

Mostly I feel just plain cheated because I was stupid and took forever to grow up. And the whole time I believed all manner of dumb inaccurate bullshit people kept telling me, "oh you have time, you have time" um, as a working class person, no I fucking didn't and still don't have time. Now that I know that I got ten +2 good years left. I'm gonna make 'em count best I can. And I'm no longer bothering with the trad job interviews where I get passed on for the 20-30 year old. I ran two damned successful construction companies back in the day, what part of experience for your construction company manager do you NOT think I have that you think the kid right out of college you hired has?! (I wasn't born yesterday. I know its the salary thing).

 

There are lots and lots of moments where my self-esteem has dropped more than ever once I hit forty. I'm supposed to be sexless, if I confess to liking a "younger" female body, I'm dirty and creepy. According to my 17 year old, if I use LOL when I text I'm just wrong (we invented texting AND the internet, ya dumb kid--I still adore you anyway). I feel like I look dumpy in my warmups and cargo/board shorts and drappy tailored khakis and my pecs aren't the rock hard things they used to be, no matter how much I can still lift every other day during training.

 

Ten minus two years later, I'm working one job that's an abusive environment (officiating soccer and Lacrosse, don't believe me? Go sit in the stands and listen for 90 minutes. No one yelled epithets at the refs? Yeah, you didn't actually go to the game then). THAT job I've learned to live with the crap, and professionally handle what I have to.

 

But I also work as a published writer. My self-esteem takes a daily beating. The week before and after a launch, it takes a beating every fucking minute. And I'm not thirty year old Hugh Howey. I'm still starting out because I believed all that bullshit "you have time you have time"...

 

I am reworking an Erotic Romance novel. I write speculative fiction usually, this is my first stab at Romance anything; I just really wanted to do it and a friend of mine does it and said I should try it. It. Is. Hell. I keep working on it because of my OCD... not really, well, maybe, okay yes  that's part of it. I keep going on it because I still like the story and the characters and the happy schmaltzy racy ending. A publisher liked it enough to give me a nod, to assign an editor. And I STILL take a beating because I'm middle aged and DO NOT have the romantic sexual relationship experience it seems like everyone else on the planet has had the last 20-30 years. I feel like an abject loser all the time. Just got back feedback forms from a bunch of beta readers. They hated it. Awesome! I question the publisher's sanity (they said, don't worry about it, betas have a function, blabbity blah)

 

But my other projects in my "home" genres I recently lost all my editorial support. And I indie publish them. I just released one this weekend. It's one of the weirdest fucking stories I've ever written. And the week before, I lost my editor and proofers. So I had to finish it myself. Which totally sucked and I slept two hours the whole damned week. I launched it and immediately had to not promote it because a bunch of readers bought it and emailed me with errors. Oh. My. Fucking. God. Disaster and I was devastated. The fixes are uploaded but they're pending so I'm waiting to push it (even though it's crazy unusual and I'm convinced whenever I do weird work that its just another sign I'm a loser).

 

I feel like I'm out of time. Every other guy my age who is in a creative field is making enough money to pay for their kids' college, they're retiring from their tech startups wealthier than snot. Compare myself to other people? Yeah I keep doing that sick crap and paying the price. It's like I'm addicted to it. And I don't have a "Wool" bestseller. (Yet?... yeah, YET) The problem is I don't write like that. I'm a professional I should be able to but I hate the results--because they're still not "The Atlantis Gene" or "Halfway Home" or "Molly Fyde" or "Captive" Serial--thanks to my formal schoolin', I write literary even when I do genre work. It's fun. It betas really well. I don't know anyone else who's doing that. People who like it and buy it say, that's why we read your work. And I just feel like I'm not worth that. And I'm worried all to hell it's not going to pay off in the end and I'll have wasted the last ten plus two years I have left. Because my self-esteem is getting wrung and wracked and beat on.  All I can do is keep my damned head down and keep working and go ask for my meds to get upped so I can survive the bone crusher days.

 

Now, I realize a later-forties-man is not supposed to confess any of this so, pretend I didn't just write all that and you didn't read it.

Edited by JackBQuick

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Howey's 30, huh...

Just curious, can you Pm a link to somewhere I can have a look at something you wrote?

I once hoped to change the world, I won't... I dreamed of affluence-who doesn't? I dreamed of having a child, but I doubt I can handle that and my eggs are stale, so I won't. I dreamed of a master's, but I doubt I'll be able to muster the energy to even go back to college at all.

Thinking about this leads to thought of suicide very quickly, so I don't.

If I focus on what I don't have I feel like shit. There's a shitton of things I don't have, and never will. I'm too mentally ill to go get them.

Don't focus on what you can't control.

Do your best, and step back, enjoy what you do have.

Apparently you can write books that people do actually buy. That's not a bad thing.

As far as writing romance novels? They are formulaic, not realistic. Potboilers.

Edited to add...aww fuck, triggered a bunch of self-loathing. I really REALLY can't think about what an enormous, steaming pile of fail I am without spiraling into thoughts of killing myself.

Edited by Stickler

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Howey's 30, huh...

Just curious, can you Pm a link to somewhere I can have a look at something you wrote?

I once hoped to change the world, I won't... I dreamed of affluence-who doesn't? I dreamed of having a child, but I doubt I can handle that and my eggs are stale, so I won't. I dreamed of a master's, but I doubt I'll be able to muster the energy to even go back to college at all.

Thinking about this leads to thought of suicide very quickly, so I don't.

If I focus on what I don't have I feel like shit. There's a shitton of things I don't have, and never will. I'm too mentally ill to go get them.

Don't focus on what you can't control.

Do your best, and step back, enjoy what you do have.

Apparently you can write books that people do actually buy. That's not a bad thing.

As far as writing romance novels? They are formulaic, not realistic. Potboilers.

Edited to add...aww fuck, triggered a bunch of self-loathing. I really REALLY can't think about what an enormous, steaming pile of fail I am without spiraling into thoughts of killing myself.

I'll PM you the link to the novella that just came out. Hye, dial back the self-loathing. Especially if I triggered it, I don't wanna do that. Head down, keep working, that's my mantra these days.

 

Supposed to release "Love, Death, and The After" Aug 30th but I think it's going to be more Sept. 30th. That's an post-apocalypse not-zombie zombie novel. Will indie pub it on Amazon Kindle Store. The romance one is "Penumbra" Mundania probably if I get through the edits.

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This thread needs resurrection for all of us over 40. It seems many people have left the site? Anyway.....

For the people with giant egos, fine, good luck. Large ego doesn't seem to come with MI. But males go through a similar downward spiral in their 40's. Different than women, but just as real.

After many embarassing situations, I came to a simple conclusion. Only think of people over 40! Forget society, marketing, waifs, makeup, teens, texting, kids barhopping, etc. All of us in our 40's are going through physical changes, TOGETHER. There is something liberating knowing we all have something physically embarassing. Therefore, it becomes less embarassing! Strut across the room naked and flaunt your body, no matter what you think is wrong with it. Anyone over 40 will respond, guaranteed. They might get naked too and flaunt their 'flaws'. At some point after 40 we become far less judgmental of others over 40. It is awesome to not stress over a body imperfections bc we all have them. When you are below 40, none of this registers at all. But it will. 

 

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On 10/17/2018 at 5:26 PM, inmyhead said:

 At some point after 40 we become far less judgmental of others over 40. It is awesome to not stress over a body imperfections bc we all have them. When you are below 40, none of this registers at all. But it will. 

I'm in my 50s now........Wish I was 40 again.....Looking back, I say enjoy your 40s as much as you can....:)

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