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recovering from first psychotic break

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I had my first psychotic break at the end of last summer and, looking back, I feel that it lasted all the way until December. It took me a long time to realize how irrational my thoughts and behavior was during that time. I am 22 and had never been remotely psychotic before and have not been the same since. I used to be outgoing and social,whitty,fahionable, blah blah blah and now I dread social situations and can barely get up out of bed or get dressed. I am in an overwhelming state of depression. Not only can i not enjoy any of the things that i used to, but I am constantly haunted by memories of absurd things that i said and did during that time. I lost my boyfriend and most of my friends. I lost myself...I do not feel like the same person at all anymore.I am on antidepressants and meet with a therapist once a week but nothing is helping. I don't understand how anyone can exist or find happiness when their very sense of self; their sanity has been lost.Anyway, before i go any further, I was wondering if anyone else has experienced anything like this. How do people cope with the consequences of behavior that may have resulted from mental illness? How do you recover yourability to be free spirited and 'just be' after having a psychotic break?

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Posted · Report post

Hi,

I don't have any advice about BP, but just wanted to say welcome to CB.

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Posted · Report post

Howdy, welcome!

Do you have a therapist to talk to and work through this? I highly recommend it.

Don't feel alone. Getting your first MI dx can be quite a shock, and may take a long time to absorb and accept. It is painful to recall the things done and said when we aren't right. But you are still you. Deal with today, and look forward at your plans and goals. Have confidence that you will be stable and able to enjoy and participate in life again.

Best, a.m.

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Posted · Report post

It sucks. A lot. Time helps. Not being depressed helps a lot. So too does a good therapist. And, of course, meds so you don't do it all over again. Then, more time.

Hopefully, you come back to this thread. Staying engaged on this subject may well spur others to provide more info.

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Posted · Report post

It might help to realize some of the labels are approximations by people not going thru it. Many sources label a severe depression as pyschosis and I tend to agree............you are so depressed your perception of the world and yourself is unreal......than after months of BP 2, I had well a quite psychotic break mixing meds and alcohol which had me actively hallucinating and conversing with people who werent there.....so I don't talk much about BP one or two...........they help but usually are approximations by shrinks. After that episode, I do tend to see I can easily go BP1 with appropriate stressors or substance abuse..........since I'm still shopping for a pdoc again........I would bring that up to them........

Like others say, its a shock facing a MI diagnosis.....but it also solves a lot of riddles that made no sense before. Acceptance is a process, so give yourself the time and find the help you need. Best wishes

peace

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Posted · Report post

Hi,

I had quite a dramatic psychotic break at 19. It was very destructive, I had to come home from Uni, I lost friends, and I had to live at home, unemployed, on benefits for two years while I recovered.

I didn't get back the person i was before, and that in itself is a loss that took time to grieve and get over. As a young adult, being independent and having fun is really important, and not being able to do that meant in some respects, I did miss out. What I did gain was some good friends (it's amazing how many other cool mentally ill people are out there) and life experience which now sets me ahead of my peers in a lot of ways. While my friends languish in unemployment after Uni, stalling on moving out of home, wasting their lives drinking and wondering what to do next, I have a house, a job, a boyfriend. I'm a lot more open minded and compassionate to other people. I can really appreciate how good my life is, because I went without for so long.

Medication and therapy do help, once you find the right kind. That took me a couple of years, the first therapy and meds I tried didn't work. I had to keep fighting to get the treatment I deserved from the NHS. At first, it is a lot of speaking out, and pushing at the brick wall until you get somewhere.

What symptoms haven't gone with meds and therapy, I have learned to deal with them. I am certainly not ruled by them anymore.

If you ever want to talk about what you are going through, pm me.

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