resonance

Reasons for staying on meds (poll)

Why do you stay on meds?   791 members have voted

  1. 1. Why do you stay on meds?

    • to help prevent depression
      588
    • to help prevent anxiety
      448
    • to help prevent mania
      399
    • to help prevent psychosis
      280
    • to stay in remission
      259
    • to help prevent irritability
      385
    • so my family or friends don't have to deal with the fallout
      470
    • I don't want to lose my job / have to drop out of school
      346
    • so I don't have to be hospitalized
      424
    • I can't afford another spending spree
      176
    • so I don't have to apologize to a lot of people afterward
      262
    • to help prevent other symptoms (obsessions/compulsions, etc)
      240
    • to stay functional (can leave the house, etc)
      493
    • because I don't want the same thing that happened last time to happen again
      445
    • to help prevent self-injury
      247
    • so that I'm not dead
      396
    • so that I can sleep
      376
    • additional reasons (put in post if you like)
      60
  2. 2. Why do you stay on meds even if they're not fully working?

    • I'm still less crazy than I am without them
      572
    • The benefits outweigh the side effects
      343
    • They work better than the last set of meds
      277
    • see above reasons
      192
    • additional reasons (put in post if you like)
      45

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238 posts in this topic

If that is your intention, you have the worst written communication skills I've seen in a long time.

Of course, you have caught me on my most irritable and aggitated day I've had in a long time.

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I will admit. Two agitated people talking on the internet without face-to-face expressions is probably a bad idea. Let's end it here. Feel better.

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... I will ask a possibly controversial topic. Does anyone simply stay on their meds because their doctor, their family, their spouse, etc. wants them to, rather than one's self feeling any actual satisfaction and progress with the meds one is one. This question really only pertains to those who have been on MANY MANY meds and have nearly given up on their options?

That is how I feel right now and I am concerned, as I am only 22.

I understand the place you're at right now, and yes, I've done the same for a stretch of time because there was no obviously better course of action. Just keep moving on. You're only 22. I know it's obvious, but if you're so stuck with your current doctor and his or her care, wouldn't it be an option to look elsewhere. I've make that choice for the better in my past (I'm in my 40's).

Good luck.

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"Or going on about how pot or meth does the trick, so much better than the EVIL MEDS"

Your rant makes a lot of sense and I agree with a lot of it, but I feel like it is my responsibility as someone educated on the subject to let you know that meth and pot should not be put in the same category. There has been extensive research done in the last decade in California where marijuana is legal for medicinal purposes and they have found that certain strains are actually very helpful with anxiety, depression, mania, etc. Sure, a lot more research still needs to be done, but they do know that it is far less harmful than the meds most of us take every day. The problem with people smoking illegal weed is that there are often dangerous pesticides, etc that can further complicate health, plus you don't know what strain you are getting. A sativa strain could really aggravate manic symptoms, where an indica could help just as much or if not more than a benzo.

Anyway, just my two cents.

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my meds only seem to stop the paranoia an psychotic breaks, so that is why I stay on them, and that and my docs will keep seeing me if I stay on my medication.

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And, I've gotten a lot of nasty side effects over the years, including SJS from lamictal.

What's "SJS"?

The other thing that helped me out a lot was interning at one of the oldest state psych. hospitals in the country. They had videos, and an old museum. And creepy, crumbling, old grounds.

And man, let me tell you. Mental illnesses used to REALLY fucking suck, that's what. People couldn't have LIVES, or independence, or families. They got parts of their brain CUT OUT. They got put in insulin shock, and lived as wards of the state, in horrific conditions, for their entire fucking lives.

Funny you mention that. I just saw something on the History Channel or one of those the other night about an old institution where there's a museum. Brought back memories of seeing one of the earlier films about Tourette's where TS patients were burned at the stake for being possessed by the devil and institutionalized permanently as recently as the 1950's. Pretty grim stuff. The museum items were particularly horrific... a much of it driven by "science" that was heavily infused with fundamentalist religion. Which leads me to...

I have freaking nightmares about what living in a post-apocalyptic world without meds would be like, frankly.

Don't read my new novel when/if it comes out... it's all about that. I wrote it and a slew of other shorts as a way of managing my obsession with dystopian futures. OTOH, I think I love that shit and hope to hell I'm not alive to see it because without my buddy Lamictal, I can crash-out pretty easy. In a world where staying alive depends on a certain amount of requisite positive thought despite a dire situation (that would otherwise totally justify significant depression as a response), having the hunker-down gene to excess is more likely to clobber us.

Lamictal is the only thing that seems to calm the mania for me so far. I have had 1 manic relapse since I began them, but it seemed to be subdued with zyprexa. We are still tweaking the meds, as I am still only 1 year into the bipolar diagnosis. However, I am greatful that the lamactil calmed down the unbearable insanity. I only worry about this winter. I always fall into the hole of depression then. I am hoping this holds me steady.

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And, I've gotten a lot of nasty side effects over the years, including SJS from lamictal.

What's "SJS"?

The other thing that helped me out a lot was interning at one of the oldest state psych. hospitals in the country. They had videos, and an old museum. And creepy, crumbling, old grounds.

And man, let me tell you. Mental illnesses used to REALLY fucking suck, that's what. People couldn't have LIVES, or independence, or families. They got parts of their brain CUT OUT. They got put in insulin shock, and lived as wards of the state, in horrific conditions, for their entire fucking lives.

Funny you mention that. I just saw something on the History Channel or one of those the other night about an old institution where there's a museum. Brought back memories of seeing one of the earlier films about Tourette's where TS patients were burned at the stake for being possessed by the devil and institutionalized permanently as recently as the 1950's. Pretty grim stuff. The museum items were particularly horrific... a much of it driven by "science" that was heavily infused with fundamentalist religion. Which leads me to...

I have freaking nightmares about what living in a post-apocalyptic world without meds would be like, frankly.

Don't read my new novel when/if it comes out... it's all about that. I wrote it and a slew of other shorts as a way of managing my obsession with dystopian futures. OTOH, I think I love that shit and hope to hell I'm not alive to see it because without my buddy Lamictal, I can crash-out pretty easy. In a world where staying alive depends on a certain amount of requisite positive thought despite a dire situation (that would otherwise totally justify significant depression as a response), having the hunker-down gene to excess is more likely to clobber us.

Lamictal is the only thing that seems to calm the mania for me so far. I have had 1 manic relapse since I began them, but it seemed to be subdued with zyprexa. We are still tweaking the meds, as I am still only 1 year into the bipolar diagnosis. However, I am greatful that the lamactil calmed down the unbearable insanity. I only worry about this winter. I always fall into the hole of depression then. I am hoping this holds me steady.

Lamactil is better known for it's anti-depressant properties than for its anti-manic ones, so the chances of it helping are pretty good.

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I checked most of the reasons. It was pretty eye opening.

I can't believe how many posts there have been on the baords lately about stopping meds and whatnot.

I can honestly say I've never been there. I guess maybe I am lucky in that I have the type of illness where it's always been clear to me that without meds I would be institutionalized, dead or worse. I never had to struggle with the compliance thing, and it's never occured to me to think about going med-free. I mean, yeah, here and there I've had an issue with a PARTICULAR med, but was always able to hash that out with my doctor and whatever.

And, I've gotten a lot of nasty side effects over the years, including SJS from lamictal. I'd STILL take the meds, frankly. Side effects and all.

I'd rather have however many years of sanity and functionality, even if the meds do end up taking a few years off my life.

I just don't UNDERSTAND people who don't take their meds as prescribed, bitch constantly about their meds, or seem to think they "don't need" them when they are so clearly impaired that it comes across EVEN on a bulletin board over the internets. I guess lack of insight is a key feature of a lot of psych disorders, but STILL. Man. My first manic episode, when I finally ended up in the hospital, I was really ready to WALK through FIRE to make sure that didn't happen again. Like, really. If some doctor had pointed me at a bunch of hot coals, and said, "Go ahead!" I would have.

The other thing that helped me out a lot was interning at one of the oldest state psych. hospitals in the country. They had videos, and an old museum. And creepy, crumbling, old grounds.

And man, let me tell you. Mental illnesses used to REALLY fucking suck, that's what. People couldn't have LIVES, or independence, or families. They got parts of their brain CUT OUT. They got put in insulin shock, and lived as wards of the state, in horrific conditions, for their entire fucking lives.

It really puts it into perspective for you. Really. When someone is bitching about feeling "flat" or gaining weight. Or going on about how pot or meth does the trick, so much better than the EVIL MEDS, developed by evil warlords to KILL US ALL. Well, cry me a fucking river, really. Please. You don't know how lucky you fucking have it. You don't know how great your life COULD be, if you would MAN UP, listen to the doctors, and do what you are fucking told for a year or two, being honest about your actual symptoms, and ceasing your recreational drug use activities.

My personal favorite, was the poster who decided they didn't want meds, and got bluntly told by the doctor, "go right ahead, and this is how you do it safely," and then had the nerve to BITCH about that doctor. The doctor was probably like, "I'm tired of dealing with this BS, I want patients who want to get well! Come back when you are freaking TIRED, and maybe then I won't have to spend all my appointments wading through nonsensical bullshit with you. Go right ahead."

It must be fall. But really, it angers me, a bit. It's just such a senseless waste of human life.

Honsetly, if I had to give up my husband or my meds, it would be a tough fucking call. But not really. Since without my meds, I'd be buisilly making his life and the life of everyone else (myself included) a living hell..... So, I guess the husband would have to go. I wouldn't want to do that to somebody, thank you very much.

I have freaking nightmares about what living in a post-apocalyptic world without meds would be like, frankly. So no, I don't get the people who spend more time bitching about meds and side effects than the do on getting well, at all. Some people just don't seem to want to be happy, really.

And honestly... if you are so well that you don't need meds, or therapy, then you probably don't need the support of crazy boards, do you? So don't post on agonizing about quitting meds, and getting endless dramatic feedback where you agonize endlessly about to Quit or Not to Quit. Just, go do it, eh? And live your delightful med free lives, happily ever after, eh?

Oh, except it's not going to be that way, because guess what, you probably do need meds, for quite some time, to even BEGIN to develop some coping skills, some optimism, and some ability to live drama free and without whining about everything, all the time, and constantly focusing on the negative. Or, you wouldn't be here. Oops.

Endrant/

Anna

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If I didn't take my meds, my life would be an unbearable rollercoaster that it was pre-meds. Every relationship and friendship I had fucked up because I didn't know my arse from my elbow.

Meds completely changed my life around. I've got a job I enjoy (despite the poor salary), I've moved to a completely new city and started my life afresh. I've met a wonderful man who I love, and who loves me back.

I still get crazy times (mostly because of my BPD, but that's a whole other story), but my life now is incomparably better than my life before. And besides, without them, I would probably now be dead. So yeah...I take my meds. :)

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I will never understand the people who find it so challenging to stay on their meds. Being crazy is horrible. Being even somewhat less crazy is much better. I love my pills.

Yeah, that.

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I have had a little to drink, so I will ask a possibly controversial topic. Does anyone simply stay on their meds because their doctor, their family, their spouse, etc. wants them to, rather than one's self feeling any actual satisfaction and progress with the meds one is one. This question really only pertains to those who have been on MANY MANY meds and have nearly given up on their options?

That is how I feel right now and I am concerned, as I am only 22.

EDIT: I made a grammatical error.

i don't understand why this is a controversial question. but i'll answer it.

YES. sometimes, the only reason to take pills is ABSOLUTELY because someone else who knows about your thoughts/feelings/behaviour tells you to take them. that doesn't mean it's the wrong thing to do.

i'm about to do it myself.

seeing that i had responded to this poll so long ago with a "yay i don't get why anybody would quit their meds either", i feel like i should humbly correct myself now. because now i get it. because i just months ago did it for the first time - quit my meds because i thought i didn't need them/they weren't helping.

i did this BECAUSE I AM CRAZY. this is so fucking painful to admit. the reason i came to the conclusion that i needed off my meds is because i am episodic - it is not a rational train of thought, it's a thought i only entertain because i'm hypo/mixed/whatever. i've written myself enough evidence all over this board to show me that i don't think this way when i'm stable or depressed (in those states, apparently, i appreciate what relief i do get from medication for the most part). yet here i am, unmedicated for the first time in almost 15 years.

of course i'm a mess now, predictably, but you know what? the prevailing thought in my head is STILL that i DO NOT need/want to go back on meds. even though most of the time i feel horrible. apparently, the thought that i can "will this away" is just another of the dozen nutty beliefs i hold during this kind of episode. if i did not have someone in my life to tell me "TAKE THE MEDS", i probably wouldn't bother. i cycle between too apathetic to care about saving my own ass, and too "something" to need help with anything ever (boy that makes this experience sound awfully trite, and it isn't, i just can't explain it).

but i will trust the people who know me and/or know this illness well enough when they say i NEED to get medicated, like NOW. i'll take the pills though i secretly believe they won't do anything anyway except make me stupid and sick. my behaviour indicates to others that i am NOT okay, that i am most certainly NOT willing anything away... i'm just getting less able to cope with life.

it's appropriate for me to take the meds right now because someone else says i should. just because i believe there's no point to trying the meds again doesn't make me right (ooooh i hate saying that). so i'm gonna. it may be true that i'm suffering a lack of insight. i've seen other people do it, i'm probably just being arrogant in thinking i'm not "like that".

yeah there are hella ways taking a pill because someone said so could go wrong. but there are a few situations where it is exactly right. dammit.

sorry you're frustrated with the med thing too, etkearne.

also sorry if this is post is unclear... i'm having a hard time slowing down enough to make sense this moment...

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I am slightly surprised at my own answers(that I have so many reasons) because I do think about going off meds once in awhile, usually when I miss a day. But thankfully if I miss two days I remeber why I don't go off them - either withdrawal or symptoms get in the way. Good to remember all those reasons so I don't go off in the first place.

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I stay on my meds because (1) I don't like myself off my meds and (2) my little guys (ages 4 1/2 and 2) depend on me for stability and (3) for the safety of my marriage even though my husband wants me off all meds because he doesn't believe I am sick.

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Just to add to my earlier response--the people I work with think I am some sort of teddy bear or something even though I am rather open about having been to jail and having committed felonies (well, except for one gal, but then I was committing felonies with her cousins so she doesn't count...).

If these people knew the truth about me I wonder if they could stand to be around me. Three years of sanity and me being all Mr. Nice Guy could be wiped out by my history...or by a short period of being off my meds. They're forgiving but some of the things I've done, only a parent can forgive it seems, and I feel I've pushed that boundary beyond the pale even.

Damned if I'll call my parents from jail again let me tell you.

I totally get that! When people meet me they think wow nice lady. I am all grown up and put together. But wow they do not know what I am capable of and have done. I am a convicted felon, that follows me and always will. I have a nasty little habit of stealing and fighting when I am manic. I can not go back, I can only go forward. I will say jail is bad when you are manic and have no meds. My family has cut me off and will have nothing to do with me, they feel I am a bad egg or some sort of monster. They do not believe in mental illness they think it has to do with my lack of faith. You are fortunate to have parents that still care about you, its a good thing to have.

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I have had a little to drink, so I will ask a possibly controversial topic. Does anyone simply stay on their meds because their doctor, their family, their spouse, etc. wants them to, rather than one's self feeling any actual satisfaction and progress with the meds one is one. This question really only pertains to those who have been on MANY MANY meds and have nearly given up on their options?

That is how I feel right now and I am concerned, as I am only 22.

EDIT: I made a grammatical error.

i don't understand why this is a controversial question. but i'll answer it.

YES. sometimes, the only reason to take pills is ABSOLUTELY because someone else who knows about your thoughts/feelings/behaviour tells you to take them. that doesn't mean it's the wrong thing to do.

i'm about to do it myself.

seeing that i had responded to this poll so long ago with a "yay i don't get why anybody would quit their meds either", i feel like i should humbly correct myself now. because now i get it. because i just months ago did it for the first time - quit my meds because i thought i didn't need them/they weren't helping.

i did this BECAUSE I AM CRAZY. this is so fucking painful to admit. the reason i came to the conclusion that i needed off my meds is because i am episodic - it is not a rational train of thought, it's a thought i only entertain because i'm hypo/mixed/whatever. i've written myself enough evidence all over this board to show me that i don't think this way when i'm stable or depressed (in those states, apparently, i appreciate what relief i do get from medication for the most part). yet here i am, unmedicated for the first time in almost 15 years.

of course i'm a mess now, predictably, but you know what? the prevailing thought in my head is STILL that i DO NOT need/want to go back on meds. even though most of the time i feel horrible. apparently, the thought that i can "will this away" is just another of the dozen nutty beliefs i hold during this kind of episode. if i did not have someone in my life to tell me "TAKE THE MEDS", i probably wouldn't bother. i cycle between too apathetic to care about saving my own ass, and too "something" to need help with anything ever (boy that makes this experience sound awfully trite, and it isn't, i just can't explain it).

but i will trust the people who know me and/or know this illness well enough when they say i NEED to get medicated, like NOW. i'll take the pills though i secretly believe they won't do anything anyway except make me stupid and sick. my behaviour indicates to others that i am NOT okay, that i am most certainly NOT willing anything away... i'm just getting less able to cope with life.

it's appropriate for me to take the meds right now because someone else says i should. just because i believe there's no point to trying the meds again doesn't make me right (ooooh i hate saying that). so i'm gonna. it may be true that i'm suffering a lack of insight. i've seen other people do it, i'm probably just being arrogant in thinking i'm not "like that".

yeah there are hella ways taking a pill because someone said so could go wrong. but there are a few situations where it is exactly right. dammit.

sorry you're frustrated with the med thing too, etkearne.

also sorry if this is post is unclear... i'm having a hard time slowing down enough to make sense this moment...

I Get what your saying hun! I hate my meds they make me groggy and sort of dumb. I search for words that I know in my head but cannot seem to know how to say anymore ( symptom of topomax) Have a horrid taste in my mouth all the time and drink gallons of water all day and night. I still cannot sleep worth crap. Over the years since I went crazy in 1995 I have had tremors, tardive dyskenisa sp*, twitches, kidney failure, toxic levels of litium, rashes that almost killed me. On the plus side I have not attacked anyone in a while or tried to kill myself in a good long while which I was getting good at.No more hospitalizations after the 50 I had over 6 years. I finally got a decent sort of mix of my meds now and have had these for 10 years and sure there are drawbacks. I wish life was perfect but I have learned to adjust my expectations in light of my diagnosis of BP #1 and BPD with a healthy dash of PTSD thrown in for fun. I count myself lucky I work and go to school and my kids love me now that I am a mom to them. I have noticed recently That regular " normal" people have their fair share of crap too and all in all life is not to horrid at this point. In fact my life is pretty damn good. I can thank my meds I think for that. Keep the faith.

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I could answer yes to everything on this poll except to keep a job. That's just not going to happen. Too much interaction and not enough routine will turn me into a babbling "oh crap we hired a nut case" even on the best of days. What isn't going to happen is for me to give up the constant re-adjustment of medications that keep me from becoming the monster in my head. I don't EVER want to become one with that beast again, losing my entire life and everyone in it. I've been on this lovely roller coaster with my monster for six years with meds, the years before that were... well... we've all got our books to write.

Now I have reasons to fight to get through every minute that my brain is awake, swallow every stupid pill on time every day, deal with every creative thought destroying, heart pounding, zombie making, libido killer, find more hair on the floor every day, side effect. The people in my life are worth it all. Knowing I can take care of my kids and they love me, that I am forgiven for when I wasn't even here and could barely speak if I could get their father to let me talk to them at all... I have a very small circle of friends that understand and know the difference between "that's just Mary" and when it's time to get help. Yes, I have great reasons for staying on my meds!

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Yeah, add another one to the pile of "nobody wants to be around a guy who":

*Is prone to throwing objects at walls in anger

*Slams doors in people's faces

*Always talks about how to he's going to kill himself

*Takes offense at virtually anything and is vocal about it

*Cuts himself up so much that you'd think he was a heroin user judging by his forearms

*Stays up for 24 hours and then sleeps for 16 (I would if I weren't on meds to force me up and down at the proper time of day!)

*Turns down every opportunity for a social event in favor of retreating at home and having an ice cream anti-social :smartass:

On my current med regimen I don't do any of the above-listed items (save for the rare ice cream anti-social, and that's only when I'm stressed by outside factors). My ADs in particular have literally kept me alive -- I would have died by my own hand in 2003 without them.

Also, it's obviously not just the bipolar issues (my bipolar dx is only on an insurance sheet so I can get Lamictal!), it's also got to do with my depression, social anxieties, rejection sensitivity, BPD tendencies, and sleep issues.

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I have had a little to drink, so I will ask a possibly controversial topic. Does anyone simply stay on their meds because their doctor, their family, their spouse, etc. wants them to, rather than one's self feeling any actual satisfaction and progress with the meds one is one. This question really only pertains to those who have been on MANY MANY meds and have nearly given up on their options?

That is how I feel right now and I am concerned, as I am only 22.

EDIT: I made a grammatical error.

i don't understand why this is a controversial question. but i'll answer it.

YES. sometimes, the only reason to take pills is ABSOLUTELY because someone else who knows about your thoughts/feelings/behaviour tells you to take them. that doesn't mean it's the wrong thing to do.

i'm about to do it myself.

seeing that i had responded to this poll so long ago with a "yay i don't get why anybody would quit their meds either", i feel like i should humbly correct myself now. because now i get it. because i just months ago did it for the first time - quit my meds because i thought i didn't need them/they weren't helping.

i did this BECAUSE I AM CRAZY. this is so fucking painful to admit. the reason i came to the conclusion that i needed off my meds is because i am episodic - it is not a rational train of thought, it's a thought i only entertain because i'm hypo/mixed/whatever. i've written myself enough evidence all over this board to show me that i don't think this way when i'm stable or depressed (in those states, apparently, i appreciate what relief i do get from medication for the most part). yet here i am, unmedicated for the first time in almost 15 years.

of course i'm a mess now, predictably, but you know what? the prevailing thought in my head is STILL that i DO NOT need/want to go back on meds. even though most of the time i feel horrible. apparently, the thought that i can "will this away" is just another of the dozen nutty beliefs i hold during this kind of episode. if i did not have someone in my life to tell me "TAKE THE MEDS", i probably wouldn't bother. i cycle between too apathetic to care about saving my own ass, and too "something" to need help with anything ever (boy that makes this experience sound awfully trite, and it isn't, i just can't explain it).

but i will trust the people who know me and/or know this illness well enough when they say i NEED to get medicated, like NOW. i'll take the pills though i secretly believe they won't do anything anyway except make me stupid and sick. my behaviour indicates to others that i am NOT okay, that i am most certainly NOT willing anything away... i'm just getting less able to cope with life.

it's appropriate for me to take the meds right now because someone else says i should. just because i believe there's no point to trying the meds again doesn't make me right (ooooh i hate saying that). so i'm gonna. it may be true that i'm suffering a lack of insight. i've seen other people do it, i'm probably just being arrogant in thinking i'm not "like that".

yeah there are hella ways taking a pill because someone said so could go wrong. but there are a few situations where it is exactly right. dammit.

sorry you're frustrated with the med thing too, etkearne.

also sorry if this is post is unclear... i'm having a hard time slowing down enough to make sense this moment...

good post

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I take meds to keep the crazy down to a dull roar and make life more bearable. I need them to fucntion properly and though I understand that I don't like it. I wish my bipolar II would just go away but I know that just doesn't happen so meds it is, because the alternative SUCKS....

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For a long, long time I took lithium because I didn't want to go berserk and be locked up yet again.

Now, it is about self-survival. I won't survive another one of these. I'm pretty sure of that. There are too many guns out there, and some dude is not going to put up with my bullshit on some starry, starry night. Or, I may just save that dude the trouble.

[Edit: OK. That's overly melodramatic..."wishin' for bad luck and knockin' on wood." (John Prine to the rescue again, this time with "Dear Abby.") But I do know that it can't play out like this again. What I've learned from this episode is that I can't minimize the illness to any degree anymore. Further, lithium alone won't do it anymore. I will make the med adjustments with my doctor. I will continue to exercise (maybe even harder if that's possible) and do the things that I know work positively for me. I will partner better with my wife (actually I was pretty easy on her this time, believe it or not -- if you can find 1 person you can trust you better go with it). I will understand what my role with my children should be, now. I will post overly long boring shit on CB, because you have to have been there to understand.]

Edited by Will

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I cant for the life of me remember my "old" response to this, so I thought I'd take another wack at it. I stay on my meds so I A) don't go totally wacked and hurt myself and B) I dont want my kid seeing crazy mommy. I hate suffering and without meds I suffer...I AM ACTUALLY STABLE!!! G*D I never thought I would say that!

With some MI or many meds are important, and well...I dont want to go into some deep psychosis, I hate that and I never enjoyed seeing or hearing things.

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Of course there are my periods where I take myself off meds...but when I am the right mind, I can know:

I will get out of bed if I'm on my medication

I can manage schoolwork

I can avoid starting countless arguments and dealing with their fallouts

I will have a lot less to "clean up" after when the episode is done with

I can shower and care about how I look

I can maintain friendships that I've built while happy

It always actually ends ups saving me money to buy and use the meds

People actually want to be around me

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I take my meds for me, my husband, and my kids. They deserve, NEED a mother who can do things with them and take them places instead of one who's raging or crying all the time.

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My wife reminds me every other week or so how the meds have saved me from myself.

No meds

No me.

Seroquel saved my life for sure. I stopped trying to take a million other meds to self medicate. Which usually led to some weird intoxication.

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I ticked most of them.

To prevent anxiety / psychosis / irritability. I hate these symptoms and would not want to go back to them for anything. I hate feeling every minute of every day that people are trying to hurt me or want me dead. And I really hate experiencing thought control also. I want my thoughts to be my own, and not somebody else's who is intent on driving me to suicide. And the hallucinations I get are also really scary for me, plus they have been known to make me act stupid as well (but to me this is self defence). Yeah, so much of this is psychosis shit, but I get anxious and irritable because of this.

To stay in remission. When I get there, and I am slowly getting closer, I want to stay there.

So friends don't have to deal with fallout, and also so I don't have to apologise afterwards. Paranoia and delusions about my friends, or anyone really, can really push people away or cause arguements that get in the way of a once good friendship. This can be really annoying. Plus I often find it embarrassing to admit being wrong, especially when I didn't see it at the time (as is the case with my delusions, I don't know I've had them until quite a long time after coming out of them - meds reduce this time period too). This just makes me feel stupid.

So I don't have to go in the hospital. Fuck I've been living for a few years with delusions about healthcare professionals wanting me dead. This became a huge conspiracy, and I'm only able to recognise that this was probably a delusion now (again, thanks to my meds). But I am still terrified of going back in the hospital. My last experience in there was horrible.

To stay functional. I was really struggling to function when I was experiencing thought control every day. And being constantly on the run or trying to hide is not living. Plus I also have goals in my life that I really want to achieve, but have not been in a position to achieve whilst unmedicated.

Because I do not want the same thing to happen again. I'm desperate to be done with psychosis, once and for all. There is no way I would willingly go back to all that, now that I can see how much my illness was messing with my life.

To prevent SI, and to stay alive. When my thought control is really bad, I am driven towards self injury and suicide. In addition to this, I want to add that being on proper meds also helps prevent me self medicating with alcohol as I did in the past (and it made me a lot worse).

So I can sleep. Endless thought control and also hallucinations and paranoia make it very difficult to sleep. Plus I get a little bit of sedation from my meds also, which helps.

Then the other reasons I have which I haven't already mentioned and weren't in the poll.

So I can speak in a way others can understand. On meds people have noticed that my speech is a lot more coherent. Well it is not easy to be coherent when experiencing thought control.

So I can understand what others are saying. For some reason I was completely unable to understand any conversation. Yeah I must have really sucked to have a conversation with.

I have a fear of losing touch with reality. This is my biggest fear actually. I also have a fear of becoming violent under the influence of my paranoia. I am not a violent person at all, but I have gotten into a fight with what turned out to be an hallucination. Since then I have been terrified of unintentionally getting into any fight with anyone.

I do not wish to make a fool of myself. This is too easy to do when I'm not aware of the consequences to my actions, which unfortunately happens a lot when I am mid-episode.

And to gain insight. Now I am so much better off to not be chasing after ideas that I didn't realise weren't true until I went on meds. I wasted probably 5 years of my life to this illness, and much of that was because I didn't know what was happening to me.

I know I'm not BP, but I feel that this thread is actually relevant to us all. For too long I was scared of going on meds, for all sorts of reasons, most of them deluded. But now I'm on them I am so glad that I can get my life back. I do not want to look back. In the end, meds were the right answer for me, and I don't have any regrets. Whenever I get the feeling that I don't want to take my meds I should look back at this post to remind myself why I'm on them.

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