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Emotionally hurting one's self

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I've caught myself bombarding me with material, media, thoughts and memories that just make me feel worse and worse. Things that depress, freak me out or hurt me. This goes back far longer than my physical SI, actually.

me too! I wasnt sure anybody else did that. I love scary movies yet hate them because the gory ones freak me out yet draw me in at the same time. so I am attracted to scaring/grossing myself out. I make myself read books that depress me and movies that make me want to self harm (although I resist) but thats almost why I enjoy them. its really really awful. I didnt even realize this until recently. I also dwell on memories that are worthless and I just daydream about things that make me feel bad. :/ not fun but I dont know... its a habbitt I have had for a long time. so I agree with what you said.

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I get a lot of intrusive memories too currently. Mine are in the late evenings mainly. And I have a tendency to beat myself up emotionally over the things that I remember. It is very annoying.

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I've caught myself bombarding me with material, media, thoughts and memories that just make me feel worse and worse. Things that depress, freak me out or hurt me. This goes back far longer than my physical SI, actually.

I've been doing this as long as I can remember.

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I like to see other people suffer, but when I can't do that, I would subsconsciously hurt myself by keeping everything bottled up and telling myself that I'm such a worthless drama queen and etc etc. I guess I could say that things kinda get bad real fast. I dun even know what kind of emotion I'm feeling anymore rn lol. Don't really know why I did this to myself tho. I guess I'm kinda addicted to that throbbing pain you got in your chest after you cried for hours. Actually I'm not even sure anymore if I'm actually happy about this or nah. Something tells me to stop lying to myself but I don't even sure if I ever lied to anyone like myself lol. Yeah.. I guess I'm kinda lost rn.. Why am I even typing this anyway? I dunno. Dunno about everything. Don't really care anymore. This is kinda wasting time, I even created an account just to post this. Wow, such a great life I have 😂😂😂

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