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I hate being around people

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Posted · Report post

Please move if I have put this in the wrong place.

This is really frustrating me, especially now the weather is getting nicer and I want to be out and about. No, I do not have a garden before anyone suggests sit in the garden.

I just find it horrible being around people. I can't face it. I hate socialising, especially just for the sake of it.

This problem does get a lot worse when my other symptoms are bad, like the voices and the thought control. But it is affecting me a lot currently. Though I have been a little paranoid lately. I don't know if that has something to do with why I just want to be alone.

When I was paranoid about the NHS coming to my home to kill me I used to go out all the time, but I wanted to be alone. I was so annoyed that if I wanted to be out and about (so they could not find me) but to be out and about I had to be around people. It was a horrible feeling. I had to do something I really could not stand to do just so they wouldn't find me. Aaarrrggghhh!

I don't get panicky or anything like that. I just hate the idea of being around people. If an event is on then I will not attend it, even if it interests me, if there will be other people there.

All my life (well, as long as I can remember) I have always preferred my own company. This in itself has never been a problem for me, but every time I go out there will be other people around. And I can't stand to stay in the four walls.

I can't stand general conversation at all. It just 'drives me up the wall' (for want of a better phrase!). Like what is the actual point of small talk?! I have always thought that if you don't have anything meaningful to say, then don't say anything at all. Perhaps this is why I can't relate to people much, because anything that I think is 'meaningful' is usually a rant about some delusion I'm in the middle of. I just don't have the time for people.

But if I want to do anything, like go to the shop to buy milk (for example), I have to be around people.

So my situation kind of sucks a bit. :cussing:

When I lived with my parents I could just hide in my bedroom and write. But I could not stand living with anyone else. I have even wanted my own place since about 13 or so, just to be alone. But it became a problem when I was 18 and was isolating myself. I was 'meant' to be looking for a job at the time (as my previous employment was a temporary contract), but I just couldn't. This (to the best of my knowledge) was before I started experiencing psychotic symptoms.

But if I had to be around people for a class, or support group, or something similar, then I don't see it as a problem. I can focus on why I'm there and not who else is there.

I know this is a bit ranty. But any insight is very much appreciated.

Thanks in advance.

- enlightened_plutonian

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Posted · Report post

Usually what helps me is a couple Ativan....I don't like to talk to people and if I have to I don't make eye contact. I'll walk with my head down. I don't go to my daughters sporting events. Well like twice and I stayed in my car. Shes is in a lot of sports too. I feel bad but I just can bring myself to do it. I hope you find what you need....

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Posted · Report post

I don't think you can really assess whether this is part of your psychotic symptoms, or is social anxiety, until you are psychosis free for any length of time.

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