28 posts in this topic
Hi all, finally jumping in here. BP2, anxiety, PTSD, and mild OCD. 200 Lamictal, 10 Lexapro, Xanax and Ambien as needed.
I embrace the word crazy. I work full time, but I'm not "out" at work. I can usually disguise the hypomania as productivity. I like to think of it as "using my powers for good." Haha. Until I am so hypomanic that I just glue myself to my computer and don't talk to anyone because I sound too crazy.
My sister and my husband know but aside from them and my medical professionals that's pretty much it. Sometimes that makes me lonely.
Just coming down off a hypomanic episode. That's what inspired me to finally join and speak.
This is my first post here and I've never posted on a forum about my mental illnesses since I was diagnosed with them a bit over 20 years ago. I have a sense of weakness or shame being a man that can't get his shit together. I suppose being out of a hospital is good. Haven't been inpatient in 2 years now. (Hospitalized about 15 times since diagnosed) Just constant group therapy stuff. You know. IOP, PHP, And all that.
I have a good medical support system. My psych doc sees me twice a month and if he notices something we tweak my meds. Up the Abilify or lower the Wellbutrin, or whatever. I usually end up in some sort of group program a few times a year each time lasting about 8-10 weeks. I must be doing something right not being in a hospital I suppose.
The support system I wish I had would be my family. My illness, a couple years back, was so disruptive to my daily life I had to go on SSDI, aka federal disability. I have worked since I was 8. Not supporting my kids and giving them vacations and such is killing me because Social Security isn't a lot of money. Yes, I am grateful for it but I wish I could do more.
Back to my family. My wife of almost 10 years is growing distant daily. I am pretty sure most of my family thinks my mental anguish is some sort of get over, or that if I was just a stronger person I could be a normal husband contributing to the family. I always wanted to pass on generational wealth to my sons since I didn't have any. But, I failed at that because of my lot in life.
Now after all that, my question is this. How do you deal with close family members discarding your afflictions as if you simply have a common cold and you'll eventually get over it? I'm losing the love of my life because of it, my wife. My mother thinks I'm just weak, and the rest of the family just pretends I, and especially the illnesses, do not exist. Any responses anecdotal or otherwise would be helpful. Thank you so much for those that read my rant. 😁
I just started Vraylar and have been taking it for 1.5 weeks. It had dramatically helped my symptoms. I am out of my depression? No more sucidal thoughts, etc. However, I am extremely drowsy! I take it at night and even the next day all I want to do is sleep. I am a very busy person and it is taking a toll on me. Is this a short term side effect from getting used to it or something that will not go away? Not sure I want to keep taking it if this is not going to go away. Doctor is out of town right now.
I am not sure how to make this a topic. I feel present but separate. Like I am far away but still here.
I know this makes no sense. I can't seem to be able to express it.
it feels sad and alone.
it makes me cry, but i am removed.
maybe the pain hasn't caught up yet.
can you make sense of this?
So, I am 20 years old and live in philly. I just found out that my insurance is now cut off and out of pocket my medications are too expensive. I'm really worried because I was diagnosed with bipolar and borderline personality disorder and I don't want to fall into another manic episode or ruin relationships again.
This is so stressful if any of you guys know anything about resources please let me know.