130 posts in this topic
For the past 2 weeks I have been stuck in a rut. I don't know what caused it, but I can't get myself out.
3 nights ago, I was home and I just felt getting sucked into it deeper and deeper. I called my boyfriend, because I felt like if I were to stay home that night I would've done something bad. So I drove to his house. On my way over, I was overflown with dark thoughts. I kept thinking about driving my car off the highway or runing into a truck. Nobody would know that I did it with my own will. I could've made it look like an accident. I was so close to doing it. But somehow I stopped myself. I still don't know how.
Now everytime I get into my car I keep having those thoughts.
I didn't tell my boyfriend, because I would just scare him. He was already worried about me, because I wasn't reacting to anything. It was like I wasn't there. The next day I woke up, feeling better, but during the day it got worse again.
I can't get myself out of this rut. I don't know why I'm here. I don't know why I'm typing this post. It's not like anyone can really help me. I have no reason to be suicidal - I'm not suicidal, but why did I have those thoughts. I can't believe how close I came to crashing my car. I even scared myself.
Hi guys, it has been awhile....
Well, my OCD germaphobe habits are starting to tick badly again. I think it is the result of my actually going over to another person's place. OMG, right? I've been a couple of times and try to be polite, but I can't wait to leave and clean myself like crazy!!! This was before they got a pet. And this is the kicker...the last time I was over their pet made a mess on the floor, and they picked up the mess BUT DID NOT CLEAN THE FLOOR. For a moment I was literally paralyzed because I had to cross over that area to get to another spot. I pretended to shake it off, but for the rest of the visit I kept thinking about all the germs that could be on that carpet from now and before. It was horrible. I wanted to trash all my clothes. Now I am reluctant to visit again, but I can't really ignore this person.
So this is the problem. I told them at a previous visit (before the whole mess thing) that I was "a bit of a germaphobe." They were a little incredulous, but now I need to seriously tell them that this is a problem for me, but I'm not sure how. I have offered time and again to give them a pet carpet cleaner, but they decline. And I really don't want to go over there again because in my mind everything is contaminated. It wasn't so bad before the pet (well it was bad) but now....
Any ideas? I'd be glad to hear them. Until then I'll be alienating "dirty" clothes, showering, washing my hands, lysol spraying the doorknobs, and glaring at people who sneeze in public.
Today is my 28th day on sertraline. I have titrated up to 100 mg. I know these meds can take up to 6 weeks to work. Luvox worked for me with 5 weeks on 150 mg and I think I have been on 200mg as well. It pooped out so my second ssri was Lexapro, which kicked in faster at 3 weeks ( at 10 mg). After 6 years this one pooped out as well.
Last May, when the poop out happened, my general doctor was pushing new therapy and didn't switch me to another ssri, which I did not really like. He did increase Lexapro to 15 mg but after 4 weeks things were still the same and started the therapy and mindfulness classes. Meanwhile I slowly weaned off from the Lexapro, since I saw no use staying on it. I tried some alternative things like NAC, combined it with magnesium, vitamines, omega 3 and ginko biloba...but nothing really worked.
So after 4,5 months of being 100% medication free I asked my general doc for a consultation with a pdoc. The pdoc advised sertraline 100 mg or maybe a little more. A last ssri trial. I am extremely concerned that it won't kickin this week. I just can't imagine it doing anything. I know it is a bit too early to write it off and go on something else but I'd like to hear some opinions.
The pdoc who does the consultations suggested (during the first and only appointment) a switch to clomipramine/Anafranil or augment with Seroquel (PRN dose, though I still don't know how this will help with stuck, unwanted repetitive thoughts) but only if Zoloft doesn't work for me. My general doc will follow this advice but I from everything I gathered there are so much more options...for example Prozac or adding Abilify or even nortriptyline. That pdoc said that more appointments with him arent possible. Which means I have to find another one...which can take weeks :-(
One last thing: the side effects I am having are almost unnoticable. Some RLS in the early morning, slight stomach irritation (1 of 2 times a week) and vivid dreaming. I had more anxiety the first two weeks and that's it...
I think I could go higher in dose without much trouble. But could a higher dose do the trick or do I supposed to feel something already?
Sigh...I just want to get out of this situation...
Hi! I'm new to the board and I'm not even sure if this is the right place to post this. I was diagnosed with bipolar at age 20 but mostly I had depressive episodes. Some years later my episodes changed to light mood swings with hallucinations, delusions and "strange behavior" like wearing wigs and sunglasses to distract the people I thought was chasing me. In the current "episode" I have no mood alterations I just started to feel sure I was going to die soon. Like a hunch. Shortly after that I started seeing angels that visit me because I'm gonna die soon. I also hear a voice that tells me I'm about to die. I'm not depressed or manic I just feel my mind jumbled and confused. I was admitted in a psychiatric hospital but I checked out before they could diagnose (mostly because I needed my cigarrettes. I'm a chain smoker). I don't know if that's possible in America but here you can chek out of psychiatric hospitals pretty much whenever you want. Anyway, is this psychosis? Bipolar? Does my situation has a name?