12 posts in this topic
Hi, this is my first post on in the OCD group. I was diagnosed with OCD about 7 years ago but have been untreated for about 5 of those. I was feeling better and didn't feel like I needed help anymore. Lately, I've been obsessed with the idea that I don't have OCD, but have something else like schizophrenia or some kind of psychotic disorder. It has been pointed out to me that some of my symptoms do actually seem like Pure O OCD and I was just perceiving them as something else because I've had no compulsions outwardly. I always knew about pure O, but for some reason my mind obsessed about the fact that it could be something else which I realize is kind of part of the disorder . Basically, now I feel really stupid and think people are judging me for having these thoughts. It's like this never-ending cycle or questioning myself and self-hatred that I can't stop thinking about because I have OCD!
I've been taking Zoloft 75 mg and Risperidone .75 mg per day for these problems. My doctor is going to increase the Zoloft but wanted to wait because I also have ADD and we're starting Adderall so she didn't want to add that and increase the medication at the same time. I have a few questions for other people that have been through this:
1. Does anyone have experience with Zoloft working to control their obsessions? I feel like they aren't going away and I know it takes time and I can increase dosages, but I'm just wondering if anyone has had success with it when finding the correct dose?
2. Has anyone else been prescribed a low dose antipsychotic for their OCD? I have paranoia because of my OCD and we were trying to stop those thoughts. I felt like it was working, but then realized I just became obsessed with other things. So what if I'm taking this medication and don't really need it? Anyone have success with antipsychotics?
3. Can anyone tell me Clomipramine works better for OCD than Zoloft? I just saw that it is almost exclusively used to treat OCD and didn't know if it was something I should ask my doctor about.
Thanks for listening. I'm just feeling rather hopeless today. I don't want to get out of bed because something embarrassing happened last night and I obviously can't stop thinking about it. Another question: does anyone else have great difficulty being embarrassed? I feel like all I do is dwell on it for way too long. I am trying to stop. I just have no idea how. I feel like such a loser right now.
First post on this website.
TLDR- I have an obsessive fear that the world isn't real. It's hard to know if I believe in this idea (solipsism) or not, because if I did fully embrace it I don't believe that I would be afraid of it/ feel intuitively like something is wrong.
Backstory: Tripped on LSD two months ago, have never had any history of mental illness, got horribly depressed after the trip and started encountering this thought. I am obsessed with this thought, and think about it almost every second of the day. It's incredibly distressing, but I've started to develop habits to cope: spending time with family, seeing friends, running every day, exercising whenever I can, playing music. The power of the thought is definitely lessening-- I'm not as scared of it as I once was but I am exhausted by it: why do I obsess? It's so freaking annoying etc.
Counterthoughts that have helped me:
There's zero proof of this thought to hold any weight.
I've lived 24 years of NEVER believing or feeling this way, this is obviously not how I'm "supposed" to feel.
If this reality was fake, does it really matter? If I'm still able to love the people around me and feel emotion towards them, then this is as REAL as I need it to be.
Prior to this "thought" I was almost always happy, which is something that in retrospect I have realized I took for granted 100%. This my first venture into depression and mental health issues and it is truly terrifying.
Would love some guidance or assistance with this/ if anyone has any similar thoughts/ feelings and how they were able to overcome. Need to beat this.
one of my obsessions is over the labels I use to define myself. my sexuality (which, I know, is it's own sub-type within the framework of OCD), my subcultures, my hobbies. I feel like I can't call myself a nerd, or a writer. as if I somehow am not qualified. or I'm using the word wrong. or it just doesn't apply to me the way it applies to other people. labels eat at me, I can't stop thinking about them, but they all feel wrong. nothing fits, nothing's right. but I need to know what is right. I need to sort myself into boxes so I make sense. so I'm not chaos made flesh. I feel like if I can't define myself, with certainty, that I'm not a person.
does anyone else have this?
By Anodyne Oblivion
I took Xanax and it made me sleepy without decreasing my anxiety. So we tried Ativan. After 4 days I was ready to kill myself in a VERY out of character manner. Luckily I recognized that it was due to the Ativan and sent the bottle to the box with all the other poisons I've tried that failed. Next, I tried taking a longer-acting one (Klonopin) and even that one has me fucked up the next day, albeit less-so. It's *almost* a solution in dire situations. Almost. But not.
If I wasn't so fucking anxious I'd be less depressed. Or so I thought. Turns out the only energy I have is nervous energy, and when you take away my nervous energy I become a lump of human waste. Suicide starts to seem rational, not like a kneejerk reaction bourne of panic.
I NEED anxiolytics to keep my job. I don't need them often, but they are very, very, very necessary when I do. Is there anything else anyone has had success with? Atarax does nothing but make me dangerously sleepy (it doesn't even help my allergies, which is its on-label use!...wtf) and Buspar gives me very bad headaches.
Of course, marijuana helps, but we don't have licensing in my state yet and I don't count this as a solution because it's always a crapshoot when you get some. You don't know the potency, the ratios, the strain, etc. It is not a viable anxiety treatment at this point and I certainly cannot be taking that at work! Not until we get some dispensaries with very low THC strains. I mean, that's assuming we haven't started WWIII by then though....