31 posts in this topic
i graduated from my IOP prog. today
it's funny because this morning i was very NONONONOTREADY. And I had a disagreement with a friend this morning and generally just felt like I was in a horrible place,emotionally.
But it felt really good when all the staff members went around and commented on my progress, and the one therapist that I thought didn't like me (maybe because she comes across as really tough) said she has seen me really become aware of a lot of behaviors and really moved forward.
Afterward, I met one last time with my case manager. You know how people have that transference thing where they might feel attracted to or in love with their therapist because of the environment? I was definitely starting to have that. Like I didn't want to leave her, because she has been helping me SO MUCH. I consider it progress if I can cry and talk in the therapist's office ^^
Going forward, I'm supposed to work on being assertive and letting people know my needs, since my main challenge is that I put everybody else first and I go along with what other people want because I want them to like me so much.
I guess at some point I could probably sit down and really process/talk about the bullying that happened when I was younger, which is what led to my need to go along with everybody, but ugh. I just wish I could fix myself overnight.
Also there's the fact that I could have BPD and I don't know if that's something to bring up with my regular therapist when I see her again or what. Like I am not even aware of how to get diagnosed at all.
hugs and love <3
Freaking Thyroid Cancer Mannnn
Well one thing about me is sometime in September or October of last year, I was diagnosed with papillary thyroid cancer. For me, It's no big deal. Thyroid cancer is fairly easy to treat and not quite as bad as other cancers unless you have the rare type or are older. Everything has been gravy so far...
It all started out a year or two ago when I felt a lump in my neck. Of course I was curious and decided to look up reasons. Such reasons include goitre and nodule...simple stuff. Then I randomly came across stuff about thyroid cancer and my hypochondriac side kicked in. After a while, I started getting a strong feeling that I had it.
I knew I had it.
After finally getting my thyroid checked out and getting a biopsy done it, I was still positive even though the results were benign. The ENT that had done the biopsy said I needed to get surgery because of how big it was and that it would only get bigger and be more difficult to manage. He wasn't comfortable doing it so referred me to another doctor.
New Doctor was hesitant at first. I swear after waiting a month or more to see him then noticing that he seemed to think I shouldn't get surgery, I was livid. Then I mentioned a couple symptoms I forgot and he decided it was best to remove the enlarged half.
Imagine his surprise when it turned out cancerous lol. He told me when I went for my follow up a week later. I had to stifle a laugh because...I was right....I trusted my gut and was right. I was victorious! I can imagine how he felt knowing he almost sent my packing. Like I said, thyca is pretty easy to treat compared to other cancers but if you are older (say 60's and 70's) it is more difficult and exhausting. I would have said screw it and went god knows how long with that nasty crap inside me.
So yadda yadda...had the rest removed in another surgery. I had to get radioactive iodine (aka swallow a pill and stay in the hospital for like 3 days in isolation). Then I got a full body scan and...well I'm waiting on the results for that. I see my radiation oncologist next Monday so I assume he'll tell me then.
The only negative side for me so far is since I have no thyroid gland at all, my body can't produce the hormones that are needed to help you functional...normally. They help control weight gain/loss and energy. If your level is too low or high, it can make things hell....depression and anxiety...no energy at all to function...high/low blood pressure, diarrhea/constipation, can't sleep or sleep too much. These hormones also help most of your organs run properly as well. I take pills to replace them but sometimes it's hard getting the right dosage.
I am taking quite a bit right now...225mg I think since I am a fatty. If I forget to take them, I turn into a raging pregnant woman.
I have nothing else to say...It's just weird to go from never seeing doctors to needing to see one every few months. Especially my endocrinologist so we can see how my hormone levels are doing and if my dosage needs to be lowered or bumped up.