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i graduated from my IOP prog. today
it's funny because this morning i was very NONONONOTREADY. And I had a disagreement with a friend this morning and generally just felt like I was in a horrible place,emotionally.
But it felt really good when all the staff members went around and commented on my progress, and the one therapist that I thought didn't like me (maybe because she comes across as really tough) said she has seen me really become aware of a lot of behaviors and really moved forward.
Afterward, I met one last time with my case manager. You know how people have that transference thing where they might feel attracted to or in love with their therapist because of the environment? I was definitely starting to have that. Like I didn't want to leave her, because she has been helping me SO MUCH. I consider it progress if I can cry and talk in the therapist's office ^^
Going forward, I'm supposed to work on being assertive and letting people know my needs, since my main challenge is that I put everybody else first and I go along with what other people want because I want them to like me so much.
I guess at some point I could probably sit down and really process/talk about the bullying that happened when I was younger, which is what led to my need to go along with everybody, but ugh. I just wish I could fix myself overnight.
Also there's the fact that I could have BPD and I don't know if that's something to bring up with my regular therapist when I see her again or what. Like I am not even aware of how to get diagnosed at all.
hugs and love <3