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    • By Orbiting
      Hi! I'm new to the board and I'm not even sure if this is the right place to post this. I was diagnosed with bipolar at age 20 but mostly I had depressive episodes. Some years later my episodes changed to light mood swings with hallucinations, delusions and "strange behavior" like wearing wigs and sunglasses to distract the people I thought was chasing me. In the current "episode" I have no mood alterations I just started to feel sure I was going to die soon. Like a hunch. Shortly after that I started seeing angels that visit me because I'm gonna die soon. I also hear a voice that tells me I'm about to die. I'm not depressed or manic I just feel my mind jumbled and confused. I was admitted in a psychiatric hospital but I checked out before they could diagnose (mostly because I needed my cigarrettes. I'm a chain smoker). I don't know if that's possible in America but here you can chek out of psychiatric hospitals pretty much whenever you want. Anyway, is this psychosis? Bipolar? Does my situation has a name? 
    • By ohjustchillin
      Anyone else here have an autoimmune disease and bipolar disorder, or some other mental illness? 
      I'm obsessing over the possibility that maybe I'm not bipolar, and it's just the Hashimoto's thyroiditis (hypothyroidism) causing psychiatric symptoms to mimic mixed episodes of bipolar disorder. It's like I'm having an identity crisis. I've been bipolar for so long, that whether I like it or not it's become a part of my identity. And now I'm seeing all these stories online about people who were diagnosed with major mental illnesses only to be diagnosed with Hashimoto's later on, get treatment for their thyroid, and feel better mentally as well. The psychiatric issues were just symptoms of the autoimmune disease. Not that that made them any less serious, just needed a completely different treatment. 
      If my bipolar disorder is really a symptom of another disease, am I even really bipolar? Am I still going to have to take psychiatric medicines for the rest of my life? 
      Anyone else have an autoimmune disease like Hashimoto's? How do you relate that to your mental illness?
    • By Bostonian Aspergian
      I was on a great path towards remission. Things were going great until last October when I had a fight with a friend who cut me out. Then my relationship with my girlfriend was getting strained due to finances. Then I stated to ruminate about my lack of a social life and how lonely I am. Also the typical signs of fall which is the season when my father died 6 years ago. So throw in parental grief into the mix.
      Then the days stated to get shorter. And I stated to regress back into a dark place with suicidal thoughts triggered by the thought of never being able to talk to my ex BFF ever again, my failings with making new friends, and unresolved issues with my late father. Also my former friend asked me not to come back to the peer support group he runs. I have friends and social supports from ex-friends peer group.
      About a a week and a half ago, the energy and life force evaporated. I stated oversleeeping or having bad bouts of insomnia. I have zero drive or motivation. It's definitely SAD affecting my MDD. I don't want to be this depressed, cranky, morose, or irritable. What should I change in my treatment plans to turn things around? I see a therapist for CBT. I'm overdue for a med review and adjustment. Currently on 20 mg Prozac, 75 mg bupropion, 50 mg lamactil, 10 mg ambien. I'm also binge drinking to drown out the negative thoughts and emotions. 
      This happens every year come October. What should I change in my meds or therapy to get my SAD and MDD back under control so that I can stop isolating myself, hiding in bed, drinking heavily, dreading living my life, and ruminating over cringe-worthy fails? I'm a mess. I worked so hard to get myself out of depression but all that work has evaporated. Help!
    • By Angeni Mai
      I don't know how to feel ... 

      I got used to the idea that I was just stupid because my past haunts me but now I'm not and my past really is the issue, not my perception of it? I feel confused, angry, and a bit hurt that nobody believed me until this last IP stay. 

      Anybody else have this problem?
    • By Omnishambles
      Hi All, I'm new here and I am so grateful for this space. 
      I received a tentative BP II (I believe rapid cycling) dx a rather long time ago (over a decade), and have been on a mood stab. since then (lamictal). The thing is, I'm not certain if this fits me. I know you can't dx me, but I am hoping that maybe someone shares my experience, or can shed some light on what's going on for me. All of this is based on a fairly shaky memory of the time + my parents memory. 
      Way back then, in my pre-teen days, I presented as having periods of being "stable," active and generally good. Very suddenly, I would go into extreme irritability and frustration with uncontrollable outbursts, typically triggered by something. I remember feeling, after these outbursts, that I had no control over them and would often be very apologetic and ashamed. As I got into my teens, I would more often rapidly spiral down into deep deep, inconsolable despair. 
      The latter is pretty clearly depression, but does the former count as hypomania? Those period wouldn't last the requisite 4 days, they were just extremely fast shifts. There were times where I would get hyper focused on projects with a belief that, whatever I was doing it needed to be genius and the "best." The irritability and frustration would often be present as well. I don't recall ever having periods of euphoria and hyperactivity so often described as hypomania. I also don't know if I ever had grandiose ideas about myself, but I do know that I often believed myself to be different and wanted to be the "best" at everything. I wanted everyone to see me as super special and recognize my amazingness. Sometimes I would get into a cleaning frenzy with my room and have to reorganize everything, but I don't think those moods would last very long. I should mention that around the same time, I had developed a severe anxiety disorder with near-daily panic attacks. 
      As an adult, I still have periods of crashing into deep depression, but for a while the periods in between have been longer (except recently they may be getting shorter again?). I don't know if I ever have what could be considered hypomania. I will have high energy periods where I want to be social and get frustrated if I don't have plans (but that could be normal). I will also get very focused and intense about work, and will commit myself to projects that I later lose interest in/can't follow through on due to the depression. A couple of different meds I have tried have triggered high high energy and pressured speech, but that's a med thing I believe. 
      Anyways, apologies for this being long, I am finally in a stage of my life where I am trying to make sense of all of this and take charge of my treatment. I have been pretty passive about it for a while, but I have seen how it does severely impact my life. I just want to be able to hold down a job and advance in a career and have relationships without needing to bail!