72 posts in this topic
The days ahead
Apart from stressors recently and a new medicine (Seroquel for sleep), my tdoc has told me I do fine with my medication (Abilify) and might down it after the stressors are out of the way. She also has focused alot on routines and daily activities. I don't do much everyday apart from 2 times (4 hours) a week with my support person.
In a while I'll start *working* at this antique store 10 minutes out of town. It's not a real job, it is more of an activity.
I've also moved into my own apartment (owned by the "commune" I live in). It feels good to have my own place. I'm just waiting on different bills I have to pay soon. There will be health care people who will come and help me organize my weekly activites, and help with some things but I feel okay enough to maybe do them on my own, at the moment.
Life's "stable" at the moment, it's going okay.
Everybody's Working for the Weekend
So today was a pretty uneventful day. I worked and nothing crazy happened. We are having a work meeting on Tuesday, because the place is going to shit lately and we are all going to talk about organization and revamping our methods, making new protocols, etc. I am sort of expecting the meeting to be a shouting match.
I have been catching myself thinking other people are idiots a lot over the past couple of days. I'm also thinking about things in strange and obscure ways, and pondering my own existence and the meaning of life too much. I have been off meds for 6 days now, I think.
I can't know other peoples' circumstances, and thus I shouldn't judge them. Can't be inside their heads, can't know their hangups and their thought processes. I want to be better at reading people, but I don't want to be cocky and think that I can.
I took a nap today. I was falling asleep in the car. It was glorious (the nap, that is). Had some dream about tattoos, nothing nightmarish or relevant to life, for a change.
Overate a little today. Going to try to work out tonight. We'll see if I can succeed at that.
Been feeling lonely and disconnected from the DH today. I feel more at ease in his absence than his presence lately, which is a problem. I need some self confidence. I can't keep having rules for how he must interact with me for me to feel OKAY, expectations for his behavior that must be fulfilled. He is the one who brought my attention to the fact that I set up rules for how people should act and whatnot if they care for me. I need to stop. Just...stop.
I keep thinking that life is just waiting until I die, just passing the time. Like I'm serving out a sentence. I need to enjoy life again.
Tomorrow means church and the in-laws' house, Monday it's back to house-hunting. We had better find a place...but I am nervous as hell about the prospect.
Overall a pretty low-key, normal, sane day I think. Had some sort of panicky moments where I felt like I was losing my grip on reality a little, but I can't have any coherent thoughts about those moments to put them into words. Maybe being off meds is dangerous...DH doesn't think so. Though he's certainly no expert, but time will tell.