69 posts in this topic
Am I a depressive?
So for the past few months now ive literally felt more worthless than a grain of sand on the beach. All my "friends" have been acting like total dicks (not just to me but between the whole group) its like were not even real friends (im 17 and in school btw) . Ive got nothing going for me, bad marks at school, shit at sports and even my gaming hobby is nothing but a bottomless pit of depression. My parents got divorced quite a while back but im not too sure that has anything to do with it and overall i just feel like life is nothing but a endless daily cycle and i cant get out of it.
Initially i thought this was just a stage or part of my age or something but its been going on for such a long time now im not so sure. I come from a good family and i go to a good school, my parents are supportive and i really dont have a lot to complain about but still i feel this pit of emptiness inside of me. My mom was diagnosed with clinical depression but im not sure if that couldve been passed on to me.
So me and my "friends" spend our weekends getting drunk at one of their houses and to them its for fun but im getting worried that to me its not just for fun. I dont really actually know how to describe what im going through, let me put it like this. Wake up,go to school,go home,have "fun" gaming,sleep,wake up....... blada blada bla and when it gets to the weekend go to a friends house,get drunk,wake up,go home, have "fun" gaming. Just to clarify im not suicidal and I never will be so for gods sake please dont tell me to call a helpline or something.
Ok so let me not waste anymore of your time, am I depressive? being a attention seeking whore? or am I just going through a stage. please guys i just want somebody to help me to stop feeling like this and i know it sounds cliche and dumb but to me its quite serious and worrying
The days ahead
Apart from stressors recently and a new medicine (Seroquel for sleep), my tdoc has told me I do fine with my medication (Abilify) and might down it after the stressors are out of the way. She also has focused alot on routines and daily activities. I don't do much everyday apart from 2 times (4 hours) a week with my support person.
In a while I'll start *working* at this antique store 10 minutes out of town. It's not a real job, it is more of an activity.
I've also moved into my own apartment (owned by the "commune" I live in). It feels good to have my own place. I'm just waiting on different bills I have to pay soon. There will be health care people who will come and help me organize my weekly activites, and help with some things but I feel okay enough to maybe do them on my own, at the moment.
Life's "stable" at the moment, it's going okay.
I'm an athiest. Convince me otherwise and it would be greatly appreciated
Look, I'm an atheist. All organized (and unorganized) religion seems absurd to me, for a multitude of reasons. It seems to me that if everyone was raised by scientifically-literate parents, and not told about religion
until critical thinking skills were fully developed (twenty-one?), that religion would disappear from this world. However, I see it's value in comforting people. I would greatly appreciate that comfort. So do me a favor
and convince me!
Hi i'm new here, i'm Richard, i'm from north west england, i joined here because i'm very interested in meds, i am on 3 pyshc meds if thats the right word for them, Prozac, Clonazepam, and one i'd like some advice on somewhere on the forum (when i find it) Seroquel, i hate this med and i'm seeking an alternative to it, i see my doc on Wednesday, and i'm going to ask for a rethink..
Recovery from Anxious/Avoidant Attachment Style
So, I have both researched and assessed myself to be, and verified the situation with my therapist recently that I have an anxious avoidant attachment style. Yes, the yeti of attachment styles both anxious and avoidant. I'm pretty sure I started out with an anxious attachment, and developed the avoidant behavior as a defense mechanism because of how badly that style worked out for me. It built walls over time.
I have decided that I want to fix this situation. Both fortunately and unfortunately I've recently started a promising relationship for the first time in years. We have a breakfast date in 6 hours, the 4th date this week, though we've known each other to some extent for almost 6 weeks. Things are great, and I REALLY want to be fixed and "secure" by breakfast right now . The more things go well, the scarier it becomes though. Every time we get past another "milestone" (for lack of a better word) I'm relieved, but then worry about messing up the next step. We've only recently even held hands or kissed, so sex isn't an issue really.
As advised by my therapist I'm being cognizant of my irrational thinking that makes me insecure, and evasive when I don't want to be. I'm just having trouble stopping the preoccupation with how to handle the next text or date. I know that I have no reason to feel worried about the relationship at this point; he's smart, funny, kind, thoughtful, and totally crazy about me. Unfortunately I've not yet mastered the art of being able to stop thinking about what I've said, he's said, what or how I'm going to say something or handle a situation, or what he's going to say or do, always with the fear that he's going to discover who I "really am" and not like me anymore.
There are some reasons to be concerned about relationship viability in the future because of known differences in political and religious beliefs. We have discussed that him being Conservative and me being Liberal is probably an issue, but we're not talking about it (though we graze topics frequently, and reroute the conversation) because we wanted to see if anything was there if we didn't, and THERE IS ! But I'm scared that those beliefs represent important core beliefs that will become deal breakers once addressed head on .
I initially wanted to address the issues right away to just get that out of the way, but then things went well, and I don't want to ruin it now. I smile whenever we're together, and when we talk; he makes me laugh a lot ! Isn't that what's important? We have so many other things in common too. Not the least of which is that this is what we've both been looking for in a relationship and mutual chemistry . We've both been looking for someone that makes us feel this way for too long without much luck. Why should I sabotage it for Obama, Climate change, FOX, or minimum wage ?
I can't even put into words how conflicted I am about that last sentence . I wonder if other people would be... This is why this is a topic post and not a diary entry, I can't always tell what's a worry based on my maladaptive thinking related to anxious/avoidant attachment, anxiety, what-have you's of insecurity, and what's worth worrying about or not .
I want very badly to have a healthy relationship with this person I don't want to screw it up not based on if we're right for each other or not, but because of my perceprtions of insecurity, abandonment, and rejection . I feel like it could be really great in a lot of ways. I'm afraid in a lot of ways too though. Can anyone make any suggestions on how to perhaps look at things differently to cope with anxiety and worry that I know is unfounded or irrational or comment specifically on fixing an anxious attachment style? Or... well I guess comment on the political “issues”? I am already working on the whole be aware of my thoughts and feelings as to recognize as much as I can what isn't real or rational anyway. I'm just starting the process, but I want to do it right with this guy. He deserves a good person who will appreciate him, and treat him well as much as I do.
Anybody out there?