Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Sign in to follow this  
goldskittle

Any other adult cutters out there?

Recommended Posts

 

I've wondered if it would help if self-harm were better contextualized, too. It's a complicated issue, way more to it than just cutting. I could wish that, if it's going to be dumbed down into a thumbnail, instead of it being about the method, the public talk were more about the motivation, because I'm confident that almost everyone would understand it if we could put it to them in terms they found relatable. Not "I self-harm because of [insert reason]," but, "I sometimes do a thing that hurts me, because it meets a need that I don't know how to meet another way." I'm thinking that most people have had an experience where they needed something, or felt that they did, and did something to get that need met that they regretted later.

 

You bring up some good points. However for me the method is directly related to the need I am trying to meet (I do something different when I am angry than when I am anxious). But I agree, if we looked at it as trying to meet a need, and not 'this is how they hurt themselves' then maybe there would be more understanding. 

 

I can also relate to the frustration at resources being directed mainly towards girls/women. Being an adult who self injurers is hard enough without adding to that the further marginalization that comes from not being the 'typical' sufferer. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

First Like to say hi as i am new here.

 

I started cutting on and off abput 20+ years ago.

im now 42. i can go a longtime with out cutting then things build up and i go back to cutting.

i find it is the only way i can cope when things get to much and after a few days i look forward to it and enjoy it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I started hitting myself in 6th grade to stay awake, cutting sometime in high school.

I stopped for a long time and then the ex happened.

 

It's addictive.  The more you use it the more it becomes the "go-to" coping skill.  If you're trying to work through stuff it generally shuts progress down. The threshold for what causes you to want to SI lowers over time, so that more minor stuff will have you injuring.

So just not a good thing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I started scratching myself when I was 11 (enough to leave scars). And then began pulling my hair out senior year in high school. In college I cut and four years later I still deal with cutting. I haven't cut in a few months though. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i started cutting when i was 13 and now i'm 18 and still going, i don't know if 18 counts as an adult or still a teenager but i've had people tell me to stop because if i don't i'll never mentally grow up and that it's a childish way of dealing with things. so idk, but for whatever reason people tend to assume that only teenage girls cut themselves, it's weird. because that's definitely not the case

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi, I'm new too.

 

I started self-harming when I was 13, although it was very minimal then. The worst years were between 14 and 18 as I felt at the time it was my only comfort and I did honestly find it therapeutic.

I had about a year of relatively no self-harming, but towards my final years at University I started it again due to stress...and a number of other things.

I'm now 23 and still indulge in self-harm probably more frequently than I should. Self-harm was my comfort for so long, that in times of trauma or distress it is naturally (for me) the first thing I turn to.

When I was a teenager I was branded 'emo' and 'goth', which was probably due to my fashion sense; however there was something a lot more sinister happening with me than a few cuts here and there. Whilst my friends were going to parties, having fun and living their lives, I was attending psychiatry sessions 2-3 times a week.

I'll always have my scars...they remind me of where I was, where I've come from, and where I am now. I try not to add to them, but I hope you would all understand the temptations sometimes?

 

I have several months of nothing, then something happens and I slip, then the whole thing starts again. I've accepted that self-harm is a strong addiction of mine but I'm getting there and trying alternatives at desperate times.

 

I think it's difficult being an adult and self-harming, for the reason of what some of you have said: self-harm seems to be associated with young girls...when in reality, a lot of adults self-harm and didn't start when they were a teenager.

 

Whilst self-harm may not be deemed as therapeutic, at the time when you're facing severe distress, it can be a helpful coping strategy...fast forward to the aftermath, I don't usually find it helpful then!

 

Sorry for my long post! :$

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I started as a child, with hair pulling, enough to make it visible, and keeping accidental wounds from healing. I managed to stop the hair pulling but started to obsess on "imperfections" I found on my skin and hurt myself by trying to make them go away. Then I started exercising and playing music to the point of injury.. Now both my shoulders and elbows have permanent damage  :wall: . I started cutting when I was in college.

 

Today, at 27, I still keep wounds from healing, still over-indulge in painful activities like exercising, started cutting again.. At least I haven't pulled hair for years. Really don't want a bald patch haha. For me SI is a way to keep suicidal ideation at bay and because the pain feels real. It's like an anchor to this reality I usually try so hard to escape. I've never been able to accept this world we live in and disconnect a lot.

 

I'd love to be able to manage my abuse of everything that could be good if I could learn to moderate.. I eat until I get sick, I exercise until my body is a wreck.. I can't play music anymore because my arms are too injured... Really need a way to control those compulsions that make me do something until I hurt.

 

It does feel nice to have found a resources site that isn't focused on teenage girls.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am 24 and never "cut" myself before or had a history of self-harm until today.

 

I am living in what I am sure is a pretty abusive relationship, was a teen mother to a child with a disability and another that is normal. I was raped last year and I've slowly withdrawn myself from everything I enjoy ever since. I speak with a therapist 1-2 times a month, he is a good listener but does not think I am depressed. I have seen many psychiatrists that have not been able to give a correct diagnosis. One misdiagnosed me as bi polar which cost me a good paying job three years ago and problems with child welfare who discriminated against me because of that diagnosis. I never understood why people cut before but now I do.

 

Today's trigger was that my partner went out and dumped me with the kids. A few weeks ago, I was working two jobs so I never went out. Partner makes $21 an hour but won't take initiative to find and pay for a sitter. He drank with a mutual female friend of ours who visited from out of town, pretty much from this afternoon. She invited him to go to some party and he went even though I begged him to say. Told him that I've been taking care of the kids all week while he worked and I'm not coping well. He left anyway, turned off his phone. I called a hotline for abused women so I can talk to someone and the person just interrupted, assumed things, wasn't good at listening. Wanted to call my father for help but just couldn't do it. Even the helpline I called, I hung up a few times before I actually got any words out. For the first time in ever, I wanted to leave. I felt strong enough to call and the other person just sounded annoyed that she even had to talk to me.

 

I do all the right things in life - I take care of my kids, save money, exercise, treat others well but I always seem to get the short end of the stick. I've attempted suicide when I was 18 after spending months inside 24/7 (think Stockholm syndrome) but am not suicidal now. I feel trapped and cutting has given me a release I haven't felt in a long time. I don't want to cut but I'm not really sure what to do now. I've talked, I've carried the burden for so long, it feels too heavy to carry now.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I started cutting around 13 stopped for several years and have recently started cutting again at the age of 27. I don't want anyone to know. I've been under a lot of stress and the man I love has decided he needs some time...What ever that means. I've never loved anyone like I do him and I feel dead inside or at times so overwhelmed with emotional pain I can't stand it. I know if he found out I was cutting again he would be very upset. I've noticed though that it's not doing for me what it used to do. It's taking a lot more to get the release. I don't know anyone who could possibly understand and everything I have found is all about teens and cutting. This is the first thing I have found that involves adults. I'm also a teacher so I'm around children of all ages whom I want to keep this from which is hard because I'm a dance instructor. I don't really know what I'm looking for I guess just knowing there are other adults out there that are self injuring helps.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi everyone, I'm new to this board. Never been on anything like this before. Found this searching for anyone else that is an adult with DID (dissociative identity disorder) that also cuts/self harm. I'm 53 years old and was a cutter as a young child and off and on most of my life. It helps me ground myself or stop all the emotions when I get overwhelmed, or just can't feel anything at all. I am careful not to cut deeply, and try to not go overboard...doing it just until I feel something change/click. I'm battling many chronic mental and physical issues. Been having a really hard time coping with all the rapid cycling of my alters lately. Major anxiety and panic attacks too that ultimately trigger some of my worst alters to take over. Last week I came to my senses at the dr.'s office when I recognized my very concerned husband holding me and comforting me as the other patients in the waiting room ogled me. It was terrifying to say the least. I was so shaken that my med. that I usually take did nothing to calm me down. I know most cutters are young people...but just to let them understand that no matter how old a person gets they still are the same little boy or girl inside that they started out with. I believe we are all of the parts of ourselves that we went through growing up, and I'm not talking about alternate personalities...just know a lot about inner child work. I worked as a nurse back before I became too disabled both mentally and physically to leave my home. Yes I am also agoraphobic. I guess I could be on just about all the topic pages! But I want to know: does anyone else with DID get any real changes when they CUT? And what other ways do any of you have to switch from a fearful or childish alter to one that can be better in charge and one of the more normal alter personalities? I really want to hear back. I see most of the posts all over this site are at least a year old, so hopeful that someone is listening. Any comments welcomed. And thank you for reading this. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have never cut. I’ve never understood it....till now. I’m 32. And I have madly considered it so many many times. I don’t know how else to get all the rage and pain out of me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

Sign in to follow this  

  • Similar Content

    • By Xyzieleigh
      I have been self harming since I was 11.
      I'm 21 with a job in healthcare and I still can't stop myself from cutting. Its become a custome. That's my go to when I'm stressed, upset, lonely, sometimes even if I'm bored. I just like to have cuts or burns or scratches on me at all times. Its like a secret that I don't have to share its amusing to me in a way. I feel almost naked if I don't have at least a few cuts on me at any given time. I've tried to stop and for a while I did, but I just keep turning back. 
         I want to move forward with my life but its like I'm stuck In a hole that I can't climb out of. I see everyone around me moving on with their lives and I'm stuck here hurting myself with no control over anything. My anxiety is to bad to seek help. I just feel like I would be better off dead because dying just seems so easier, more realistic and more inviting than trying to live a normal life.
    • By Unicorn
      I hadn’t been cutting for long before I was found out. My parents sent me to therapy hoping for a full recovery. I haven’t cut since the end of May -a little over for months ago- but I still fantasize about it everyday. I feel that since I’m not an active cutter I’m seen as being better but I’m not better. The urge is still there and life is harder now that I’m not doing essentially the only thing that remedied the pain. I wish I coined express this frustration to someone but I hate to disappoint. I burdened my parents and enough already and don’t want to hurt them anymore. How can I make the urge go away or get my parents to see that I haven’t fully recovered without hurting them? If you have any advice please lmk. Thanks. 
    • By killmankind1999
      11yo male here. So i was pretty miserable last night because of loneliness and i decided to self-harm. I cut many times on the top of both my arms, just above the sleeves of my short-sleeved shirt, a bit deeper than i usually do. So anyways, today I was talking to my teacher about problems unrelated to self harm because she acts as sort of a 2nd mother to me that i can actually talk to (my real one is a narcissist ). She had noticed my cuts earlier, a few weeks ago and she told me to stop, . She noticed that I had new cuts because they were poking out from my shirt sleeves and she made me promise to throw my blade out. I don't want to stop cutting, mostly because i like my scars ( i'm not doing it for attention, i just like it when people besides my parents ask about my cuts because it shows them that no matter how happy I seem a lot of the time, when I'm alone I'm often sad, lonely or numb. It shows that that i've gone through things painful enough that i would hurt myself to forget). What should I do???
    • By 12kirby12
      My best friend/roommate found out I cut myself about a year-and-a-half ago and tried to get me to stop (long story, I basically got black-out drunk and she found the cuts while helping me into bed). I hid it from her for maybe a year afterwards. Well, a couple days ago, she walked in on me organizing my first-aid supplies and tools and put two and two together. She confronted me and asked me to stop. I told her I've been trying and I'm still trying. She told me to text or call her the next time I want to. My dilemma is we both have anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts, so I don't want to make her worse with my problems. I'm so mad at myself for getting caught again. She threatened to throw my stuff away, but finally said she wouldn't if I promised to try to stop. It's so hard when that voice gets louder and tells you you're a failure and your best friend is going to leave you because of your issues. So, long story short, do y'all have any tips to help the urges at least calm? Thank you in advance, everyone
    • By christie
      Hey everyone... I haven't posted on a message board in a very long time.... but I just don't have anyone I can talk to about this. 
      I am new to cutting. I didn't realize that what I was doing was actually for real cutting. I started scratching my arms with sharp things whenever I am feeling really really depressed. Then I started doing it every time I got really sad, and it seems to make me feel better. I can't explain it with words. My girlfriend saw my arms and called me a "teenage girl" ( I'm 30) and basically made me feel over dramatic and seeking attention. I really don't want attention. 
      I'm currently deep into a depression that has lasted about 3 weeks. I go off and on with this, and have been for as long as I can remember. Yesterday I had gotten into an argument with my girlfriend over the phone, basically about how I just mope around all of the time and are never happy. I went in the bathroom at work and self harmed my leg.  I immediately felt better. Not really better, but like I had validation of my internal pain. Like now I can see what I'm feeling inside. Like a real wound makes it visible to me. 
      But now I'm terrified that someone will see these... and I'm terrified as to what this means? Has my depression reached a new level? Am I actually just super dramatic and should just be normal? Ugh. I'm not sure what I should do, or how to avoid going down this road. 
       
       
×