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Questions for people with schizoaffective disorder

33 posts in this topic

Posted

look can we just take a chill pill?

Most of us already have my dear...that's a pretty safe bet, given the environment... :P

4) most importantly, how much will this really effect someone's life? can you still be creative and express yourself, can you still have goals that seem a little out there to the normal person? can you still have outrageous beliefs that most people just don't get?

After reading your posts, I won't bother to sugar coat this, it's pretty clear that you're far from thin-skinned, lol. So, here's my personal perspective and experience with this (fairly new) bullshit disorder that I am far from being at peace with right now.

I fucking hate it. Period. Before the diagnosis/psychotic break, of course I had all of what you mentioned above...I'm an artist...those things are what separate us from normal people, MI or not. But after the episode and fun new med combo...NOPE, nothing, all gone. All of that beautiful magic was lost, completely. These kinds of meds kill that part of your brain. I went from being a very successful graphic designer in a very comfortable corporate dream job to not having any creative ability, desire or could even be inspired at all. And, since, obviously my career relies on those things (slightly), I lost everything. More importantly, I lost my only true therapeutic outlet and could no longer paint, draw or anything which I had always turned to before, to work through any of it. So much fun...

but i can't spend the rest of my life on internet forums or in a vegetative state anymore. i want to live.

Exactly, (and with everything I said above) being numb, without passion and not being able to create is not an option, nor is it living, therefore I decided to go off of all of my meds (except Adderall for ADHD and Klonpin for PTSD/sleep) over a month ago. I will not give up my career, talent or the things that I love. This "thing" is not going to decide how I live the rest of my life or what dreams I will or will not fulfill. Going on disability (not to offend those who have), compromising my quality of life, or settling for less than what I have faught for up until this point in life, is simply out of the question. Yes, it's going to be really hard at times, but like you, I want to live not simply exist.

Best of luck to you, sorry I couldn't tell you living with SZA is just peachy...I hope you are able to follow through with your dreams and everything you were put on this earth to do. Take care! ^_^

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Posted

Hi,

I need some advice. I am trying to help a relative of mine who suffers from this disorder. The problem is that he does NOT want to take any medication. He says there is nothing wrong with him.

However, when he took the medication for 2-3 months he was really well. It was like a night and day difference.

My aunt pisses me off because she is very close minded and she believes that he needs to go on disability because he can't do much with his life. She believes he is not capable of doing much.. She is very negative. I just can't take it anymore.

How can I get him to see he needs help? I mean who likes to take medication? I just can't see him go on like this anymore. I love him too much to see him in pain.

Please any advice would be appreciated it..

This is a first person site; your friend is welcome to come and post here on CB though.

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Posted

Reija ... I wouldn't stop taking any meds without talking to your pdoc first. There are so many meds out there to try, maybe another one would work.

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Posted

Reija ... I wouldn't stop taking any meds without talking to your pdoc first. There are so many meds out there to try, maybe another one would work.

Thank you for the concern melissa. I have spent the last 20 years clinging to the hope that the right med is out there and I just have to trying different ones until I find it. Not once have I altered any of my pdoc's plans of treatment, even when they were landing me in the hospital and causing me to even more ill. Though after over a dozen pdocs, over twice that in meds and a new diagnosis everytime I turn around...the system is simply not working. I think 20 years was more than an honest try. It's occurred to me recently that the only reason I continue to take meds is to numb parts of my life that are painful...and most of this pain is situational, like isolation and loneliness or feeling left behind while everyone else moves on in life to marriage, being blessed with children and having a purpose - reasons to wake up every morning.

Enough is enough. I'm not going to spend the rest of my life medicated and completely numb just because my life is empty and didn't turn out the way I wanted it to. I believe that's exactly why my MI is getting worse as I get older, because the reality of those things hit harder and harder. Therefore, the meds have only acted as a band-aid, nothing more, destroying my life even more after each one has failed. I want to immerse myself back into the world of the living...it's been a really long time...no matter how painful and scary it may be.

And I see my pdoc today, for refills on my Adderall and Klonpin...so she's up to date. My decision to do this has been well thought out, with the consideration, imput and support of the rare few that have continued to love me through all of this, so everyone's on board ;)

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Posted

If what separates bipolar from schizoaffective from schizophrenia is the occurrence of mood episodes, how is that determined? Who judges whether or not a mood episode is happening, is it objective or subjective?

 

Mania is a little different, but depression seems like something that can be hard to judge. Someone can be diagnosed depressed or in a depressive episode, but never feel depressed. I've been told that sadness is not a prerequisite for depression, and that it is possible to be depressed for so long that you don't realize you are depressed anymore. That seems so fishy to me though. If someone is depressed long enough to lose insight into their own depression, then who is to say that is not their natural demeanor instead of a mood episode?

 

Subjectively I don't identify as depressed or sad, but I behave it. I just feel like myself, which to others is depressed. My baseline is isolating, having a blank face, not finding much joy in things (because all emotion is dulled), and overall looking either incredibly sad or incredibly zen to other people. Objectively that is depression, but subjectively that is just "me". 

 

Is that still a mood episode though? If you just feel apathetic but not sad or depressed, is that depression? How does a person determine that a mood episode is happening? Especially when, for example, "negative symptoms" really look like depression. Who determines that it is a mood episode and not just someone's normal disposition? 

 

Medication seems to be similar so it doesn't really matter in the end, but I am curious how this distinction is made. 

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Posted

Maybe what you are thinking is your normal disposition is actually low level depression or schizoaffective related? I say that because I have that some of the time but it goes away when my depression lifts a little. But the expressionless feeling like you are in a fog thing to me, sounds like negative symptoms-at least it is for me.

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Posted (edited)

I posted a few days ago that I TOTALLY did not believe my pdoc when he diagnosed me as schizoaffective, depressive.

 

I saw him today and I totally misundersood what "psychosis" meant. I thought it meant ready to kill someone or having visual or auditory hallucinations. I don't have any of these symptoms, but he explained to me that my paranoia and "out of body" feelings qualified in my diagnosis.

 

My meds have been changed. Instead of 150 mg Zoloft, 200 mgs Trazadone and 1 mg of Klonopin 3x daily, he lowered the Zoloft and added Seroquel 50 mgs for two days and then increase to 100 until I see him again in two weeks. He told me to stop taking the trazodone. Which, in reality, I haven't taken in two weeks. He only prescribed it to help me sleep without waking up throughout the night. I haven't had any problems sleeping for two weeks...right now sleeping is ALL I want to do.

 

I HOPE this works because these out of body feelings are making me hide and refusing to go out unless my cats are out of food or I have to keep an appointment like I did today,

Edited by Basmat

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Posted

wj74- I am supposedly not considered depressed anymore, but some type of depressed bipolar I've never heard of and think is just made up! I remember the exact day though, at 14 years-old, when I woke up and I thought I was happy because I didn't feel depressed anymore. I just felt like I was having deja-vu all the time and that I was looking at the world from a glass bubble  and so long looking at the world from a bubble made it easy to question the reality of every thing and every one outside of the bubble. Its hard to get happy or emotionally invested in fake things and people. Everything is inconsequential. 

 

All of my emotion and my ability to display affection just slowly faded, but not in a bad way. But maybe apathy and ambivalence is a depressed thing?

 

Eh I don't know. I've never even heard of the bipolar that they're trying to say I am and they put me on antipsychotics well before anyone even started to mention bipolar. So I don't understand it! I just am confused how they can classify someone as having a particular mood episode when they feel normal.

 

 

Basmat-I get that sort of feeling all of the time, and I have trouble going out for anything but cat food too :P I didn't know that was a part of psychosis at all, I thought it was a dissociation type thing, but I hope the seroquel works for you! I didn't really know I needed it, but when I started to take it at 100mg I did notice it help. I felt clear-headed which was uncomfortable at first, but good. I hope it helps you as well! It helps with sleep too so that takes care of the trazadone :)

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