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This thread is very important.

My first psychiatrist believed that a borderline patient was incapable of change, as well. And guess what? I've changed.

This time last year, I was in juvenile detention for running away, becoming involved in human trafficking...and all of that culminated in a suicide attempt. The year before that, I was in residential treatment for 3 months following my fourth hospitalization and second suicide attempt.

I have been hospitalized 15 times. I have attempted to end my life more times than that. I have been stitched up, pumped out, tubed, and arrested.

And now? I'm a high school student. I have a 3.8 GPA. I'm on the forensics team. I go to therapy once a week and take medication every single day and I spend a lot of time crying in the counselor's office, but goddamnit, I have changed and I have grown.

Anyone who denies the fact that you are trying is not worth your time. You are making progress no matter what, and people with personality disorders can recover.

 

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I know I'm a horrible person, if my husband knew everything I did he could write something like that. ..

So maybe we just have to understand that we hurt people and they also have reasons to became upset...

They, as we, have to express ourselves...

Let them talk...

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Not specifically advice as such but elsewhere I saw someone talk about how everyone with BPD is "seriously scary."

Just gotta love the way they try to make us look bad and themselves look good but who's doing all the badmouthing?

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I agree. I think other people with BPD can change. I'm just sometimes not so sure it's possible for me to change. I"ve gone through the cycle and nothing has changed. I still fuck up all my relations and use all of my time thinking about death and suicide. So maybe to some degree he's right. SOme of us won't change. But it shouldn't be addressing th population as a whole.

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"correct me if I'm wrong" but in borderline don't you kind of fluctuate between LOVING yourself to HATING yourself ? most commonly and also in the opinions of others

"correct me if I'm wrong" but in borderline don't you kind of fluctuate between LOVING yourself to HATING yourself ? most commonly and also in the opinions of others

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Grape.juice, is this a recent diagnosis for you?

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On December 22, 2012 at 6:00 AM, lifequake said:

Amen.  I agree with what you wrote and commend you on your own recovery.  I have traits of BPD, and recovery is like walking uphill, in a sandstorm, while carrying the moon on one's back.  Basically, it is arduous and difficult.  Shame on those who demonize the borderline client who suffers.  I chalk it up to ignorance and lack of understanding.

I too had traits of BPD, and it looks 6 years of therapy with the same therapist plus 4 rounds of DBT to recover from my PD NOS, and I still deal with it today. I appreciate this post. 

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I hear ya. 

There was recently an article on the front page of Medium where a woman encouraged her readers to not stay with a person who has potential, because having potential is just code for they are a loser. In the article she referenced exes with addiction issues and one who was "hopelessly bi-polar".

By the end of the article I felt like I was undeserving of love and would never ever find it.

We are not the monsters they make us out to be.

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20 hours ago, tdk said:

I hear ya. 

There was recently an article on the front page of Medium where a woman encouraged her readers to not stay with a person who has potential, because having potential is just code for they are a loser. In the article she referenced exes with addiction issues and one who was "hopelessly bi-polar".

By the end of the article I felt like I was undeserving of love and would never ever find it.

We are not the monsters they make us out to be.

This writer sounds absolutely lovely. =_= The kinda privileged outlook that says that anyone who didn't 'succeed' by society's standards or has obvious wounds from whatever kickings they've gotten from this fucked up world we live in is a 'loser' and not worth your time.. Yeah. People with that kinda mindset are best avoided, and their opinions avoided or mocked, depending on your preference. But I understand how reading stuff like that can chew you up inside. My sympathies.

Tri

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On 8/24/2016 at 0:04 AM, tdk said:

I hear ya. 

There was recently an article on the front page of Medium where a woman encouraged her readers to not stay with a person who has potential, because having potential is just code for they are a loser. In the article she referenced exes with addiction issues and one who was "hopelessly bi-polar".

By the end of the article I felt like I was undeserving of love and would never ever find it.

We are not the monsters they make us out to be.

That's awful! Mental illnesses, personality disorders, etc. don't mean someone is a bad partner. And it definitely doesn't mean they're a bad person. 

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On Saturday, 3 September 2016 at 11:59 PM, huntforbravery said:

That's awful! Mental illnesses, personality disorders, etc. don't mean someone is a bad partner. And it definitely doesn't mean they're a bad person.

EDITED

Edited by sprocket
reminder about site rules

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20 hours ago, sprocket said:

No it doesn't...but it does raise a flag that entering into a relationship with said individual is going to be very challenging at times. Having lived with a 'high functioning' partner with BPD, I've experienced first hand how hard it could be for her dealing with her illness and how completely messed up our relationship became, in part, because she was too arrogant to seek ongoing treatment and because I didn't have the patience required to continue to provide her with  support.

Yeah untreated personality disorders can cause issues. But not everyone with a personality disorder acts the same way. Not to mention that everyone has something about them that can cause relationship issues. I just mean that having a personality disorder doesn't mean someone is unloveable or anything like that 

Edited by huntforbravery
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sprocket, please be aware that this sub-forum is intended for people with PDs to discuss their own experiences of having a PD.  We ask that people not post about their experiences dealing with their partners with PDs here.

If you'd like support around how that relationship impacted your MI, please post in the relationships forum.

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I certainly can understand where you're coming from. I mentioned before that a psychiatrist misdiagnosed me with it when I turned 18 for a year and then the diagnosis was proven wrong.

Spending a year with a misdiagnosis of BPD was horrible. Every one was saying how 'dependant' I was, you name it. The care I received was terrible. If I had trouble sleeping, I would get no meds for it and since I got the Bipolar diagnosis back from borderline every care professional listens to me now because I'm 'normal' and I had sleeping problems two weeks ago and I was given pills instantly.

Last year before I got admitted for a depressed episode I spent months in crisis, not washing, not leaving my room and no one cared to help me because I was 'borderline' and I didn't care much either which made things worse but when finally they realized I didn't fit any of the BPD criteria and I fitted all the BP criteria, everyone was so helpful and eager to help me.

I can understand your frustration very well. If you have a BPD diagnosis according to the mental health system you don't 'deserve' any help because it's departmental to your BPD because you're overly 'dependant'. Psychiatry is so double sided sometimes

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:wtf:

I find that the above mentioned blog and others like it are usually ran by men who've been rejected by women and half the time the woman isn't even diagnosed with BPD. 👿 These are just losers who have nothing better to do with their time than rant to their online friends because they don't have any friends and/or are too egotistical to ever admit that they got dumped. 😡

I find it equally disturbing that BPD gets such a bad rep. 👿 Then you have the morons who have it twisted with Multiple Personality Disorder. 😠 We have ONE personality. We just have changing interests and hobbies and a bit of trouble with self identity. 😯  With therapy, a Borderline can actually be cured of the disorder. I am currently working on therapy on my own for the therapy recommended for Borderlines called Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). 😊 After the first WEEK I found it to be helpful and saw that it was going to help me a great deal. You just have to work really hard. It took a lot for us to get to where we are now and will take even longer to fix it. Be patient! Good things come to those who wait. You CAN do it!!! 😊😄

BPD is NOT your fault. If someone you know/love is not patient with you or your therapy/recovery, drop them like a hot potato! 🍠🍠🍠 Do NOT allow ANYONE to add insult to injury. Only embrace those with YOUR best interest at heart ♥ and in mind during your recovery. 

For my therapy I've been using a book called "The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook" written by Matthew McKay, Ph.D.; Jeffrey C. Wood, Psy.D.; & Jeffrey Brantley, M.D.; and the companion diary called "The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Diary" by:  Matthew McKay, Ph.D. and Jeffrey C. Wood, Psy. D. 🌟  I highly recommend these books. 🌟 📖 

Whether you've recently been diagnosed or known forever, I recommend that ALL diagnosed with BPD read "Borderline Personality Disorder - A Guide for the Newly Diagnosed" by Alexander L. Chapman, Ph.D., RPsych and Kim L. Gratz, Ph.D. 📖 🌟 

Since this thread is so old I'll probably edit this and put these suggestions up in a new thread with some edits and more information and thread topic questions. Hope this helps! ❤💙💚💛💜💖💖💖💗💗💘💘💘💝💝💝💟💟💟💘💘🌷🌷🌷🌸🌸🌹🌹🌹🍀🌺🌺🌺🌼🌼🌼🌈🌈🌈

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What a positive (although old) thread! I love hearing stories of recovery.

Some of you here might also be interested in participating in "DBT Skills of the Day" under the Therapy section here on CB, if you're curious to learn or continue to practice DBT skills, celebrate successes, gain some support/cheerleading towards recovery...

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what people forget is that people with BPD (or any personality disorder) are different people and act feel and deal with things differently me and my grandma both have BPD but it effects us in totally different ways and most people would never think we struggle with similar things we both have the traits that make up BPD but we react in different ways like for example we both have abandonment issues she deals with them by getting super attached to people and when she feels people pull away she get upset and lashes out in a very in your face way while i tend to push people far away to avoid the feeling of someone leaving and for the few people i do get close to when i feel like they are pulling away i shut myself off from them i get mad too but i show it in more passive ways (ignoring them and talking down about them as if i never liked or cared out them) her self destructive habits are more like drugs i fall more towards self harm and eating disorders we both still have BPD though so people need to stop thinking everyone with it is basically the same person someone with BPD could fit what they describe above but thats only a small percent of people god others need to realize though that just because we have the same disorder does not mean we are all the same     

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I'm sick of that shit too. They make us out to be such bad people. How to handle us or deal with us... Really? ugghh...

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The stigma (and my past relationships with people who have the diagnosis--my mom and one ex-girlfriend) even affects my attitudes. I have mental illnesses. I should not buy into the negative attitudes, but a part of me does. I try not to let it influence my behavior toward others, but it's there. It's something I'm working on.

Incidentally, if the criteria had been the same 10 years ago as it is now, I almost certainly would have been diagnosed. However, I highly doubt I have it, at I was able to adjust the behaviors related to the seeming symptoms on my own, fairly easily. I know it's not that way for individuals with the disorder. I was just a jerk with what seemed to be a personality disorder. I do have drops of some of the criteria still. Again, given the fact that I had struggles with these things and I know it's much harder for an individual with the actual diagnosis, I should know better. 

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This stigma made it so hard to accept my diagnosis, when my psychiatrist first suggested that what he thought I had, I was a complete mess, I felt personally insulted and attacked. I assumed that he was putting me in the category of the manipulative, violent, desperate, awful bitch that I had linked with BPD after my experience in the public mental health system. Watching the way the staff talked about and treated the people that had that diagnosis led me to believe these people were genuinely awful. How wrong I was, it makes me so sad how little this condition is understood, my own psychiatrist avoids putting it on a lot of my forms to external providers because he doesn't want me to be typecast before people even see me :(

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      Interpersonal skills may be the most complex and complicated issue someone with Borderline has to face. I know for me I am always questioning my relationships. They can be extremely volatile, I can fixate on people, I get incredibly angry, I don't listen properly, I get so focused on being "bad" and the root of the cause that I don't actually hear the other person. My pdoc at the last psych ward said this was my main issue. At the time I wasn't sure, but he may have been right. People affect me intensely. Somebody simply not responding to me can send me into a spiral of guilt and self-loathing that is truly incredible. When Husband and I argue I tend to catastrophize and imagine that our relationship is over and that I should probably kill myself. As soon as we make up though, those feelings dissipate. 
      Emotion regulation is a big problem. I have mood swings (usually long lasting ones unless I'm rapid cycling) because of the BPII, but I have quick and intense mood swings because of the BPD. I can be screaming, fighting, and crying one minute, and then a few minutes later I'm fine and can carry out my day. It shocks Husband when that happens. It's the only way I know how to function. I can't handle staying with the bad emotion so I have to change it to something new. 
      Self-harm and suicidality are huge issues for people with BPD. I've been a cutter since I was 13. I've done some major damage, requiring stitches on at least a handful of occasions because I cut too deep. I was never trying to slit my wrists to die, just to feel the pain. That has a lot of motivations: sometimes it's because I was numb and wanted to feel anything, sometimes I felt like I hated myself and deserved to hurt, sometimes it was so spontaneous and impulsive that I don't really know the motivation other than anger and the inability to sit through difficult emotions.
      Suicidal ideation has been my life. Since I was a teenager my mind has been preoccupied with suicide for a predominant amount of my mental life. There is a difference between ideation and intent, I should note. It's like fantasizing vs. making a plan to actually commit suicide. I have attempted suicide on a few occasions. Clearly none of them worked, thankfully. The last was the most serious and hopefully the last time that it happens. I've never been more serious than trying to break my neck, but there's lots more on that in my journal. 
      Borderline is a condition of extremes. Happiness, sadness, frustration, pain, confusion... and it is very misunderstood. I hope that the more the media addresses these issues and people educate themselves, that treatments can improve and people will actually seek them out. 
      This post may be updated as I do more research.
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