Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0

Anyone else feel like this?

9 posts in this topic

Posted

I have an amazing boyfriend who supports me, etc but the problem is I dont feel good enough for him or his family. I feel ashamed when they asked how many meds I take (just out of curiosity),or when it comes up that I havent left my house in a month, or that I can't work, etc. Im always thinking Im not good enough for them, and it makes me feel awful. Anyone else ever feel the same way, or what do you think would help make me feel better about myself?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

I have felt like that in the past.  Therapy helped.  Some life experience helped.  Having kids helped.  For me, though, I went through hell in my life (self-imposed through drugs and alcohol), came out the other side alive and I am now happy.  I became very proud of myself for surviving an ordeal that would have driven most people to suicide. 

 

Don't focus on what you can't do, focus on what you can.  You are doing the best you can with what you've got. 

 

Ultimately, though, you need to work hard on finding your own self-worth.  If you don't already have one, go get yourself a tdoc.  I wish you luck.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

I have definitely felt that way. With my ex, I was always feeling inferior and like a complete loser compared to him because of my illness, weaknesses, and flaws. Therapy and the passing of time have helped somewhat.

 

edit: grammar 

Edited by hagar running

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

It is nobody's business how many meds you take.  I also would not answer personal questions about your diagnosis, or disability status.  Learn to deflect those questions.  You are a valuable and worthwhile person regardless of your mental health issues.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

I think my boyfriend is completely nuts to love me and want to be with me. And he's really in love with me. His choice! That's what I say. I'll love him back - no problem, as long as he's ok with my weirdness. Just let him love you, I think that is all you can do, as well as being the best partner you can be, whatever that is for you. You obviously cannot be 100% all of the time, which it sounds like he accepts. And like bpladybug said, it's nobody else's business about your health and your personal problems. I don't mention that stuff unless that person is in my immediate support group or if it's people that I know for sure will not ever judge me for that. I hope that doesn't sound too idealistic. I struggle with it all of the time but now I'm trying to be more independent, and it's really hard because he's pretty much all I have. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

I am often questioning how or why my husband can love me. I think it's mostly because of past relationships where no one ever accepted me. His family is iffy though. His mom is very career driven and often I feel like less of a person because of not working. 

 

I talk to my husband all the time about this and he is very reassuring. Sometimes he says I make him feel bad because it's like I don't believe in him. Also because I'm comparing him to how other people treated me. I try to keep myself in check so I don't push him away or something.

 

As for talk about meds or anything diagnosis related I try to talk around the subject. I wouldn't feel right being short with certain family members so I don't refuse to answer or anything like that. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

yes completley,

 

i have no idea what my partner say's to his parent, all i know is that they know i haven't worked in 3 years and have relied on welfare and

some handouts from them. i feel ashamed and embarassed daily,

 

i would say that you are not obligated to tell them about your meds and keep it brief and try and focus on positve actions you are taking,

even if they are small, like looking for a job or courses.

 

i feel awful everyday about this. im pretty sure he won't marry me and that he has no alternative but to stay with me and put up with it,

but i know he deserves better.

Edited by isthisit?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

Don't be ashamed of who you are. I felt embarrassed when my last boyfriend was working on a serious career and I was barely able to hold down an entry-level part time job. I spent a lot of time dwelling on it and wondering how I would ever fit in with his family. He was painfully normal, and even though I felt like he really didn't "get" my illness, he also seemed to care about me. And for whatever reason he has, still does. Why? Who knows.

 

Accept the love that is given freely, it's his to give. Don't worry about being "good enough" for his family, it's not his family that you're dating. There are a lot of qualities that others see in us that we overlook in ourselves. Your boyfriend's not in love with your job, and when we think about how much we love a person, we don't really go "Man, I loved Bubble when she was taking 4 medications but now that she's taking 5... I just don't think I have enough love to spread between 5 medications!"

 

I feel like as a society we place way too much importance on what we do for "work" in the economic sense of the word. We build our lives and identities around it, and I don't think we benefit from that. Remember that not all contributions to society - and certainly not the most important ones - are monetary. You're not a career, or a set of activities, you're a person.

 

Think about the most important people in your life. Now ask yourself, "What made them important to me?" I'll take a wild guess and say that it probably wasn't their job, or them being popular, or how many pills they took (or didn't take) every night. There are things you do for him that perhaps you don't even realize. You can't attach a price tag to kind words said at the right time, a comforting hug, or greeting them at the door with a towel and a hot cocoa when you know it's pouring out.

Edited by Bubble

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted

Neither me nor my boyfriend work due to health issues. I am seeking work, he will likely never work. His family are pretty understanding. To be honest, they care much more about how well I treat him and if we make each other happy. I think most parents want their kids to be happy and cared for. Yes, parents can and do have a work ethic and hopes that their kid will get a financial partner in life. But I would hope that your boyfriends family can see that your health experiences have made you a more compassionate and strong person who can be a better partner to their boy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0