just about me

[Michai]

anyone here the stuff like poeple commenting on you?

my neighbor just died and yea i saw his dead body and it was pale and green. then now im afriad hes haunting me consistantly. i cant eat. when i eat i throw up.

i heard people commenting on my actions. saying im stupid for doing the littlest thing.

i was going to the bathroom and they said im stupid for using it. things like that.

i hear voices in my walls. 

although my paranoia has been worse.

ive made a loop around the thought and pretty much completed it after 4 years that the government has made their mind control weaponry and thats why i hear the movies.

but.....basically i fear planes and people following me.

i wont spread too many details too fast here

[Parapluie]

You sound like you need your pdoc ASAP. You recently posted a very articulate reply to one of my posts, nothing like you're talking now. You sound like you're going down hill fast. Please contact your pdoc or, better yet, go to ER. If you're unable to eat, that's a serious problem, you could starve. 

 

No one is haunting you, watching you or controlling your mind, I assure you. You are psychotic right now. 

 

I know the voices and paranoia is awful, but try to take care of yourself until you can see your pdoc. 

[Michai]

im sorry im under very stressed right now.

i did NOT put any meds in my sig because i take none. im sorry i have to admit.

i go in and out of different visions or fields of doing well or not. you know? whatever you wanna call it.

i did goto my pdoc two days ago but man...tell you what...nothing compares to seeing a live human body rot.

THIS IS NOT A JOKE. i saw him. and no one did nothing.

 

my pdoc does not care for me anymore. i will not see him for another 3-4 months.

[Likeabowlof0ranges]

You sound like your in a bad way. Can you call a hotline to talk, or can you call your pdoc to get in earlier? you deserve to get better. If you can't keep yourself safe please go to an emergency room close to you. Hope you feel better soon.

[Guest]

Whether or not your pdoc likes you or not, you need to call him/her as soon as possible.  As in tomorrow, first thing.  You do not appear to be thinking clearly.  You said you weren't on any medications.  Did you recently stop taking them?  If so, does your pdoc know you quit taking them?  

[Michai]

i take them only like rarely?

but...the guy does know im not compliant n stuff.

 

hospitasl....too mcuh man. this stuff meds man is used to subdue me. discredit. devalue my worth as human being.

basically my humanity. been in 10/11 times man.

 

man keep hearing freaking rumbling and screaming.

[Guest]

You're most likely hearing things that aren't real.  You need to get on your meds and stay on them.  They are not to discredit you or devalue your worth as a human being.  They give you a chance of getting out of the distress you are currently experiencing and joining the rest of us in the real world.  

 

If you aren't safe, then get to a hospital.  If you are safe then please, call your pdoc as soon as feasible.

[Parapluie]

I just want to say that I'm so sorry you saw a dead human body (though, I'm wondering if that could have been a hallucination? I don't know the whole story though). If you indeed did see a dead body, maybe that's what triggered these psychotic symptoms. I urge you to go to the hospital. I know the hospital sucks ass, but you need care right now. I'm very concerned about your inability to eat.

[Michai]

ate some chips and drank some beer.

 

so sad the body was dead and was real.

saw them go out on a body bag.

man oh man the wonderful world of alice OR perhaps some more dulled colors in life

 

i mean i dont FEEL different but my mind is not even racing its just jumbled.

[Parapluie]

Have you been able to contact your pdoc?

 

Thinking of you. 

Edited February 2, 2013 by Parapluie

[Michai]

no

 a world of menacing madness which ive accepted as norm as a young 22 year old.

[eldorado]

<smip>

 

my neighbor just died and yea i saw his dead body and it was pale and green. 

 

 

 

 

<snip>

 

so sad the body was dead and was real.

saw them go out on a body bag.

 

I think you may be hallucinating, in fact I'd bet on it.  Get some meds, if you have to wait on a doc, go to the ER, you can get some APs to tide you over.  

 

When I'm in the middle of psychosis, its the little details that allow me to notice I'm in a bad state.  Its awful hard to see green through a body bag.

 

Take care of yourself.

[Michai]

it wasnt.

i just visited the family last night and they talked about the body bag.

 

please dont bet on me. im a whole human. every part of me.

 

most people have not seen what ive seen in my life. thats just a fact.

 

ive seen people murdered and ive only been so far away. i grew up in bad neighborhood.

 

im ok now. no meds needed.

Edited February 2, 2013 by Michai

[Parapluie]

Why do you say that you don't need meds? It sounds to me like you need them. I'm 22 years old as well, and I wish I didn't have to take meds for the rest of my life, but that's the reality of my illness. 

 

I'm sorry you've had such a traumatic life so far. At 22, you (we) are still young. If you get treatment now, I think your life can only get better. 

[puddle of fire]

death and fear of death can make my symptoms worse.

 

hope you are feeling better michai. i am med compliant but I know I don't deserve an award.

 

I try to avoid the media so I don't start thinking i'm connected to it. these are just suggestions, they say I'm schizo too.

 

i understand what you mean about going in and out of it. don't really want to say more.

 

Take care.

 

dx: schizotypal personality disorder, GAD, c-ptsd

meds: risperdal 3mg, klonopin 1-2mg

[scatty]

The prognosis for your disorder is very poor if you don't take meds.  With a very rapid downfall in your 20s.  Don't trust me though, you'll find out soon enough on your own. 

[Guest Vapourware]

There have been times when I thought the same about medication - that they were more harm than good. In one respect, I still think there's pockets of psychiatry that is informed by cultural bias [i.e. gender identity disorder], but the more I read about psychiatry [and especially the diagnostic manual], the more I noted that in the majority of cases, psychiatry attempts to avoid cultural bias. The focus is more on improving the life of the patient, rather than using medication to control or suppress someone. 

 

It is your choice whether you want to take your meds or see your doctor. Unless you're VERY ill, no-one can force you into treatment. I guess the main question you have to ask yourself is: do you want to live the way you are right now? 

[cfranco92]

Where do you want to see yourself tomorrow? Wednesday? How about friday night? 

 

The young romantic part of me has always been attracted to the mystical part of the illness--the psychotic aspect of the illness. In a way its rather beautiful to perceive life the way we do, with our senses altered and even more so how we can alter THAT magic with science has always been mind-blowing to me since I was a young child with MI. 

 

But the only part about MI is that no matter how beautiful, magical or spiritual it may seem, it has to be contained. Not stifled, but contained. 

 

Please get some help and become med compliant.