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Psychiatrist won't disclose diagnosis?

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Posted

So I had received a bipolar w/psychotic features dx from the hospital, but upon seeing my personal pdoc today (who already had me on several AAP's), he said they were wrong. I haven't had a manic episode so I was not bipolar, he said. So he took me off the mood stabilizer, and back on straterra to get rid of my apathy/isolating,  He kept me on the seroquel though because he said "we need it to keep you glued together". That was his sole explanation for the medication and he won't let me stop taking it. I'm getting really bothered and a little scared though because he won't tell me what my medication is for, or what he thinks my diagnosis is. I experience psychosis but I don't know why I experience it. My pdoc claims that my seroquel is "FDA approved", but I am not bipolar, and I don't have depression. 

 

I am afraid that he is hiding it from me. I am afraid that something is wrong with me, I miss how simple it was when I thought I just had depression. My boyfriend thinks I am schizophrenic, but that is somewhat of a frightening notion for me. 

 

I'm not really looking to ask if I am schizophrenic, but I am curious if anyone here had a pdoc that doesn't discuss your dx? Can someone even withhold that information? Can a person be given a medication like this without being told why? Its really frightening not knowing and I'm getting very nervous :/

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Posted

How old are you? The mental institution where I am treated on an outpatient basis - their policy is that if you're fourteen and over you have the right to access your medical records and diagnoses with no questions asked. It's not legal for them to withhold it. If you're under fourteen then your parents can make those decisions. Plus, it's just strange to me that your doctor won't disclose your diagnosis. I think that seems a little off. Usually they tell you once they're sure so that you can become familiar with it and access services for your specific conditions.  :huh:

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Posted

I cant see your sig cause im on my phone but do you have anxiety? I took seraquel before my bp diagnosis for anxiety and my mom is on it for anxiety right now.

I dont know where you live but in USA you are aloud too request medical files so I doubt he can keep any info from you but he might not be sure of a diagnosis right now. Could that be it?

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Posted

Seroquel is used for a lot of purposes. I'd keep pressing your doctor for why exactly he has you on the drug, because it sounds like it's making you anxious.

 

My pdoc didn't talk about my diagnosis with me for over a year. At the time, I found it pretty frustrating because I wasn't exactly sure what I had, and I know I pushed him a few times to give me a straight answer. He used to deflect it by saying that he thought all disorders were on a spectrum and that he was there to treat symptoms. Which I agree with, but I still wanted a name for what I was experiencing. 

 

With hindsight, now I know that my pdoc was trying to make up his mind and didn't want to make a hasty decision. He didn't tell me my diagnosis because he himself wasn't sure of what I had. Once it became clear to him, he was more than ready to tell me and give me an explanation of my diagnosis. 

 

While I did find the experience frustrating because I felt like I didn't have answers, after talking to some people - I'm glad he took his time. I've heard of people who were given snap diagnoses that were wholly inaccurate. A friend of mine was given a schizophrenia dx when he doesn't have schizophrenia and his psychotic break was related to past trauma. I know I was given snap diagnoses in the past that were inaccurate too (major depression, BPD was floated on my head) and was then given inappropriate treatment. 

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Posted

Can you get a second opinion?

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Posted

I think you should be able to request this information from your pdoc and make it clear that it's making you incredibly anxious not to know why you're taking your drugs. You have the right to know these things about yourself. But, like Vape said, he may be taking his time to decide what exactly he wants to diagnose you with.

 

Keep in mind, diagnoses change over time and reflect the progression of the illness. So what you're diagnosed with now may change in the future. For example, I've been diagnosed with major depression, bipolar NOS and now schizoaffective. Schizoaffective describes my condition best, but the other diagnoses did fit me at one point in time. Try to think of diagnoses as a fluid thing.

 

I hope you can get some answers soon.

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Posted

I'd be very annoyed if my pdoc didn't tell me my diagnosis. I think it is important to be allowed to know if you want to know, and it is always good to know what your meds are for even if they can only tell you symptoms at this stage. If it were me I would keep asking until I am told something.

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Posted

If I'm taking medication I want to know why.

 

Are you in mandatory treatment?

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Posted

Thanks everyone, Parapluie that was really helpful, too. I've been seeing psychiatrists for most of my life so I forget sometimes that I have to be patient and that I'm still being pieced together. I'm not the person I was at 15. Even the hospital I left wasn't totally convinced I had bipolar, but they interpreted my instability as mood swings. I had my first episode that was deemed psychotic shortly after turning 19 and I had another one last year which I had while seeing my current pdoc. I started to go into another one and he put me on med, first saphris as needed, and then seroquel every day. He didn't say why, just that it "might be time", so my psychiatrist is still figuring things out, maybe. I just want t know what he is trying to figure out because I am so anxious not knowing, while my whole family is standing around me speculating. I want to know if he thinks these episodes are going to continue to happen and not to be shut out of my own treatment like I feel right now. I feel very blind.

 

Luna, its not legally mandatory no, but if I don't stick to my treatment then my family has made it pretty clear that they will try to get conservatorship. Also, I'm most likely going to end up homeless if I am not compliant.

 

I just feel like I've been in this position for so long, someone should know what's going on already, I am tired of just feeling like a troubled teen again, everyone thinks I'm crazy but I don't know why. I wonder sometimes if my doctors already know what is going on and they are hiding it from me. I think that a lot. When I ask a therapist or a psychiatrist what is happening they are always very vague...hearing that I'm "not glued together" and speaking in symptoms. When I was younger people were so sure of what was happening, now everyone just talks in metaphors which is either a way to distract me or to stall. Doesn't a doctor have to have a diagnosis of some sort? I mean, what am I being billed for?

 

Oh well. I'm switching doctors. :(

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Posted

You are underaged? Just a thought been ive heard of doctors who are hesitant too give certian diagnosis too people until they reach a certian age. Idk if it has too do with insurance companies not paying for treatment of certian diagnosis in minors or what. Thats just speculation though I might be talking out of my ass lol.

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Posted

MY pdoc always used Bipolar NOS when requesting lab work (he does a lamictal level from time to time) but when I applied for disability he said Bipolar, Type 1, current episode manic.

My old pdoc had me as Type 1 and I was glad to know the new pdoc agreed.

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Posted

You are underaged? Just a thought been ive heard of doctors who are hesitant too give certian diagnosis too people until they reach a certian age. Idk if it has too do with insurance companies not paying for treatment of certian diagnosis in minors or what. Thats just speculation though I might be talking out of my ass lol.

 

I'm 21! :P When I was underage it seemed a lot easier, but maybe my symptoms were easier at that time, too. 

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Posted

Oh lol sorry!

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Posted (edited)

haha no problem :P

 

Yeah I had a talk bout it today, I don't know if my pdoc even has a diagnosis for me or if that's being figured out still. I'm just so frustrated and anxious because I want to know what is happening with me because I feel like I'm deteriorating and I don't know why. I just keep thinking that people are hiding something from me, I even feel like that toward my parents. I'm looking for a new pdoc right now though so I can get another opinion. I was almost happy before when I was diagnosed Bipolar I because I felt like at least there is a name for what I'm going through. Now I don't have a name anymore, its back to dealing with just the confusing symptoms.

Edited by kitkatt91

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Posted

haha no problem :P

 

 Now I don't have a name anymore, its back to dealing with just the confusing symptoms.

 

 

Well symptoms are all they treat in psychiatry so that is a good place to start.

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Posted (edited)

I completely understand wanting a name for your symptoms. It's comforting to know that you can fit into a little box, that other people fit into as well. It helps you feel not so alone and confused. 

 

I'm so sorry that you don't have any answers yet. Maybe print out your last reply and hand it to your pdoc. Because, I think you really hit the nail on the head when you said:

 

I was almost happy before when I was diagnosed Bipolar I because I felt like at least there is a name for what I'm going through. Now I don't have a name anymore, its back to dealing with just the confusing symptoms.

 

For some people, it's so important to have these labels. Yes, yes, it's just a label, blah blah blah. But for some people, it's very important to have a name for what you're going through. I am one of those people that needs a name too.

 

It's true that psychiatry only treats symptoms, so you will be dealing with the confusing symptoms likely for the rest of your life. Having a name for the symptoms can be very validating though. For example, getting my ADHD diagnosis was very validating. Yes, we only treat the symptoms, but knowing what was causing my symptoms was comforting. I hope that makes sense. 

 

Of course, the label shouldn't define you. But, that's a whole other kit and caboodle. 

Edited by Parapluie

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Posted

Thank you so much. I guess I just want the validation or semi-peace of mind of knowing weher I fit. I've felt ostracized my whole life because there was always something that was off with me. I had experiences I couldn't control or explain, things that I thought were normal but as I got older people began to notice and be uncomfortable with. If I hide away I am okay, but trying to put myself into the world and be a normal 21 year-old I suddenly realize that I can't. I am really tired of just being called "crazy" by everyone, dismissed as crazy. Especially now that I am starting to lose control of things more and some of these symptoms I have not had before, or not in a very very long time. Hearing that my parents might have to take care of me or having a hospital hold me on grave disability...its terrifying because I don't understand it. I want to be a normal adult. My parents say I have been a different person for the last few years and the more I try to compensate and be normal the worse it gets. I've been waiting to crawl out of this, but its just getting worse instead of better. I want to know why. Maybe that isn't even relevant. I'm just tired of feeling like a visitor or a foreigner in my own goddamn head and I'm tired of not being functional and I'm tired of people treating me differently. There is so much disconnected inside of my mind that its impossible to be involved in the real world, and that grasp on the world that I depend on is getting thinner and thinner. I know my parents are looking at me like some kind of puzzle and I hear people talking about me, gossiping  trying to figure out what "went wrong". There is a lot of shame in that. I don't want to be defined by a label of course, but not having any answers myself and not knowing how to be any different feels very helpless....

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Posted

My heart really goes out to you. You sound very confused, frustrated and scared. I know from experience that psychosis is absolute hell, I'm sorry you've had repeated episodes of it. I hope the Seroquel keeps the psychosis away. 

 

It's not healthy to hide away, but it's not healthy to pretend to be "normal" when you're obviously not able to function fully right now. I hope you can be kind to yourself, and see that you need care right now. Being "normal" isn't as important as getting the treatment you need and deserve. But I know how desperately one can want to be "normal." When I'm psychotic, all I wish is that I could be a "normal" 22 year old. Thankfully, my condition goes into remission between episodes, so I can pass off as "normal" most of the time. It must be pretty scary to think of being hospitalized or getting help from your parents against your will. But, if you become acutely psychotic and lack all insight, it might be necessary for a little while. 

 

I'm sorry people dismiss you as being "crazy." That must be so frustrating. You are a whole person with needs, wants and aspirations, you are not JUST a mentally ill person. It sickens me that people would dismiss your experiences like that. It also sickens me that people around you just gossip about you and your illness. Clearly, the people around you do not know how to make sense of your illness, nor do they have high regard for your feelings. 

 

I can't really give you answers. But, I do from my own research and schooling, that mental illnesses tend to flare up or make themselves known right around our ages. Young adulthood is a tumultuous time. For example, schizophrenia tends to make itself known in the young adult, hence why it's called "youth's greatest disabler." So, perhaps these new symptoms are a part of your illness progression. I'm not trying to say it's only going to get worse, not at all. In fact, this could be the worst before it gets better. And you're getting treatment at such a young age, there is hope for you (us). That's all I can really say about why you are experiencing these new and frightening symptoms. 

 

That was all a pretty big ramble. I just want to make it clear that you aren't alone. I have felt very similar to you at times. Please feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk.

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Posted (edited)

I feel excatly the same way too im having too rely on my parents at 22 and seeing no sign of living a normal life anytime soon. Its kind of terrifying when I think of what the world expects of us at our age and we are just trying too survive.

I totally get wanting too know what your illness too. Lack of validation is one of my biggest fears.

Edited by WinglessFaery

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Posted

Lack of validation is one of my fears also.

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Posted

Lack of validation is one of my fears also.

Same here. OP, do you feel this way too? I get a sense that you do. Not having a diagnosis can feel like you are not being validated in having an MI at all. I can so relate to that feeling.

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Posted

Lack of validation is one of my fears also.

Same here. OP, do you feel this way too? I get a sense that you do. Not having a diagnosis can feel like you are not being validated in having an MI at all. I can so relate to that feeling.

 

Very much so, although I know fear of being invalidated is mostly a problem i have between myself and my family. My family is always asking why I don't work or go out or have friends and i don't know why or what to tell them. Even little things like why I don't pick up the phone...I tend to come off as rude and aloof when its not really the case, its not my intention. I seem to have no real grasp of social cues either, maybe its just a personality thing, but its hard to be around people because I know they'll think I am rude and I don't know how to explain it to them.

 

My parents are even more of a challenge because they have their own issues. They don't want to think that they might have messed up at parenting and they don't want to have a magnifying glass over themselves and their own psyche; there are so many similarities between my parents and I, so whatever is "wrong" with me they are afraid might be "wrong" with them. Its been an insecurity of theirs for so long that they've opted to stay in denial instead. They didn't "believe" I had an eating disorder until I went into organ failure, and they seem to have trouble "believing" that anything out of my control is happening now. They are worried for the first time because they see I've become kinda incapacitated, but they cling to the idea that I just have to start meditating or watching my breath or "releasing energy". My dad tells me to study Buddhism, or practice kundalini, things that helped my parents but that I don't want to follow because they aren't sane themselves! I don't trust their suggestions because I feel like its a part of the same problem. My mom is not mentally healthy and neither is my dad, which makes them minimize or become competitive, too.

 

For example, hallucinations. My parents never bat an eye at my hallucinations because they had them too. They're into that whole New Age thing so they try to tell me that psychosis is enlightenment and I don't want to believe that because enlightenment shouldn't be so scary. if they're not trying to lecture on their metaphysical idea of psychology, then they are getting too caught up on their own traumas to think that anyone else has any. Certain people in my family tend to feel like they have been through such harrowing lives that no one else's experience can be as valid or real. When my parents thought I had bipolar...they left me alone. They didn't prod or poke or harass me. They didn't put me down. They didn't tell me that my chakras are clogged up and to start chanting. Now they're back to getting in my face about it though and giving their opinion on magical cures for me. They didn't want to send me to witch doctors for bipolar but now they do again. I know that they have good intentions, but for some reason it just feels really invalidating to hear that people know what will cure me and that it all depends on me meditating or breathing or finding religion. Things that sound so...obvious. If the cure is that obvious, then why can't I manage it?

 

I feel like something just snuck up in the night and ruined me. Something has ruined my life and I've been fighting it for so long. If I were to believe that all I had to do was breath, then what is wrong with me? I don't know why but if that was all I had to do and I have wasted so much of life on something as simple as misdirected energy, I would feel terrible. I do feel terrible. This has all has been so hard and so terrifying, if all I had to do was find my spiritual path, I would feel like shit. Total useless stupid shit. Why didn't I think of that ten years ago if it was so easy? It also plays on this long-standing paranoia/doubt of mine that I have been brainwashed to be sick. I am making all of this up.

 

Does anyone else get this fear? I think its from growing up and being told that I was making things up or that I was lazy or had "no right" to be problematic because my life wasn't that bad. Now, as an adult, I worry that those things are correct. What if I made myself sick and now I don't even know it? Some days I think to myself, "this is stupid, why do I do this? there is no reason, I can wake up tomorrow and decide not to be this way anymore. it will all go away one day". It doesn't go away, and I start to feel crazy, because I want to snap myself out of it but I can't. I always go back and forth between feeling helpless and not in control/not in my own head, but then another day I will think with full confidence that nothing is wrong and I am just making everything up. Even after I speak sometimes I will be so alienated from what I am describing that I worry that I am lying as I go. Its really confusing, and when I am stuck thinking that I have made myself sick, I just beat myself up for it. I never know what to think. I feel like if I were to wake up one day and hear that all of this was fake or that I had brainwashed myself sick, I would believe it, but I would have to die. I would have to die because it would be too painful to know I wasted my entire life on...nothing.

 

Because I have felt this way for so long, I take it more personally I guess. I don't want to think that I ruined my life and wasted my youth because I forgot to breath or didn't pick up religion, or worse yet because I got carried away in a lie. I guess I just need black and white and a boxx and a diagnosis to act as an anchor to stabilize my idea of...well...my head...so I can stop going back and forth between thinking I'm crazy or that I'm crazy and have made everything up and the last years have all been a lie. When I go downhill that thought gets louder and I get very scared because I can't tell if I am lying and have fooled myself and everyone around me. I even still wonder if I made my eating disorder up. I don't know if I did. I could have, I suppose. People don't know it of course, but when they start to speculate about what is wrong or what I need, that fear gets revved back up and I get scared that I have made everything up. People always have an idea about what is "going on", always a new one. I can never have certainty because someone always has another idea about what the problem is. It puts me in a rut and it hurts and I can't reconcile it and I spend so long trying to figure out if this is fake or not that I eventually just snap and get sad and want to hurt myself and punish myself and retreat into my head more. Its like a conundrum. An equation that I can't solve so it just repeats in my head and fail over and over and over again until I just short-circuit and crash. Is it real? Is it in my head? I don't know. Eh...I'm rambling again now. I guess I really do have more issues with validation than I thought. Its a way to get people off of my back and a way to prove to myself that I'm not crazy, even though that very logic is a contradiction of itself. 

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Posted

Oh god haha sometimes I really don't realize how much I write. Sorry about that -_-

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Does anyone else get this fear? I think its from growing up and being told that I was making things up or that I was lazy or had "no right" to be problematic because my life wasn't that bad. Now, as an adult, I worry that those things are correct. What if I made myself sick and now I don't even know it? Some days I think to myself, "this is stupid, why do I do this? there is no reason, I can wake up tomorrow and decide not to be this way anymore. it will all go away one day". It doesn't go away, and I start to feel crazy, because I want to snap myself out of it but I can't. I always go back and forth between feeling helpless and not in control/not in my own head, but then another day I will think with full confidence that nothing is wrong and I am just making everything up. Even after I speak sometimes I will be so alienated from what I am describing that I worry that I am lying as I go. Its really confusing, and when I am stuck thinking that I have made myself sick, I just beat myself up for it. I never know what to think. I feel like if I were to wake up one day and hear that all of this was fake or that I had brainwashed myself sick, I would believe it, but I would have to die. I would have to die because it would be too painful to know I wasted my entire life on...nothing.

 

I know exactly how you feel. Especially when I was depressed, I would tell myself "Stop it, right now." I would go over and over in my head all the reasons why I'm just a huge faker and none of this is real. I even question my psychosis sometimes. Do I just want attention? I told myself I was a fraud for being depressed and that if I just tried hard enough, I'd feel better. It never happened, lo and behold. I worry that I'm lying too, I feel so alienated from what I'm saying. I feel like I'm describing someone else's psychosis. 

 

This was kind of rambly, sorry. I just want you to know that I completely understand.

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Posted

Oh that' a relief--I didn't know if i would be alone in that feeling. I always see the fact that I even have this thought a proof of its validity. If I weren't making everything up then I wouldn't have thee thought, why ele would I doubt them? Its like those moment of paranoia are actually moments of clarity. I was talking to my pdoc about everything and while I was talking I just suddenly heard myself speaking as if I was outside of my own head, and I became self conscious and doubtful. I didn't know what I was talking about and the thought emerged that I should just shut up and stop it because maybe I'm lying because I don't feel like what I'm saying is true anymore. When I left his office (I with my boyfriend) he told me that I was really inaccurate. I minimized everything and left out not just details but whole events. he said that when I talk to people, I tend to give the impression of being far more functional than I am, but in my own head I felt like a raving lunatic an that what I was saying was so outlandish it had to be a lie. It only feels real in the moment, when its gone or if I happen to wake up and feel clearer-headed I start to doubt the veracity of what I thought I was experiencing. so when I talk to a doctor and am anxious I will doubt myself and start to seriously curtail my symptoms around them. Its certainly not the best thing for ego to constantly think I am a liar. I really stop helping myself when that thought settles in or I stop taking my medication. I really do feel that I have manipulated my own doctors into thinking I am something I am not and thus my medication is not really needed, it was prescribed for something that I made them believe. But then sometimes I sit back an look at that whole thought process and sometimes think that is just as freaking crazy! :P

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