8 posts in this topic
Suicide to wake up into the next simulation?
I feel like it's like Dante's Inferno but more scientific. We are in a simulation but I'm in the wrong simulation and there are too many white noise nonpeople here so like in my dreams I just want to kill myself to wake up.
I gotta keep killing myself to go through simulation hell's levels until I end up in the right place!
I just don't know anymore l, I think about it less at times but now that I'm stressed I think about it all the time.
My tdoc told me that if I can succeed in this simulation then what does it matter—but i don't fit in here. I gotta be in the right one where I can relate to people
I'm avoiding going to hospital because my pdoc will get pissy with me, as he ends up being my IP pdoc. I'm pressured to do well and to stay out of hospital but im doing everything right now like taking my meds and such. But i'll be letting everyone down if I go. Plus it will just get in the way of me getting to the next simulation but my therapist and i have opposing views. She told me to let her deal with him if I need to go but I just want out of the simulation, like how i wake up in my dreams. But i don't know if this is part of the whole thing but i always thought this for a long time..
Abilify (aripiprazole) causing Depression & Suicidal Ideation?
I have diagnosed residual psychotic disorder - substance induced subtype, generalised anxiety disorder and social phobia. I'm 24 years old, female.
I'm taking currently 100mg of Sertraline (Zoloft), 75mg x 3 Pregabilin (Lyrica), and 10mg of Ability a day. I was on Seroquel (Quetiapine) before, but due to side-effects I switched to Abilify. I've been on Abilify for roughly about 5 weeks now, having increased from 5mg to 10mg after 2 weeks in.
Within a week of increasing my dose to 10mg, I've become really depressed. The pain is just unbearable throughout the day, until the evening when it becomes cope-able. Until the next morning where the cycle restarts all over again. I'm finding it really tough. I've tried many things, the general advice given for depression, but nothing really improves it significantly enough to give me any kind of relief whatsoever.
Its been like this for roughly about 3 weeks now. Has anyone else had this experience with Abilify, and was it something that went away with time (and how long did you have to stomach it out for?), or was it there to stay? And how old were you when you started?
Any input whatsoever would be extremely helpful.
Not "if" but "when"
Does anyone else consider suicide inevitable? I wouldn't say I'm suicidal right now because my medications are working and I'm feeling good. But suicide has always been my backup plan. When I am having a bad day I always comfort myself my thinking I have the option to kill myself. Thinking of suicide is comforting to me, like I'll never have to hit rock bottom because I could kill myself before then. I can't see myself living to an old age, I think someday I will kill myself, just not now because things are good. .... I feel like I can't fully enjoy this time because I am expecting things to get bad again. I'm expecting my antidepressants to stop working again. I just have this feeling that I know things are going to get bad again. ... and also the fact that I'm thinking this, is it a sign that my antidepressant is beginning to not work? I'm always so scared my antidepressant will stop working again. I don't want to talk to my therapist about this because I don't want him to be alarmed when I'm not currently suicidal.
Will Making Yourself Pass Out Cure Anhedonia?
I struggle with chronic anhedonia and it has lasted for over a year and a half now. But I have come up with a theory that might get rid of it for me and everyone else who struggles with it right here and now. I don't know if this will work or not, but with anhedonia, you have a chronically overly active part of the brain (the hpa axis which is the area of the brain responsible for the stress response) while another area of the brain turns off which is the area responsible for feelings of pleasure (our good moods).
If you can make yourself pass out, then that overly active part of the brain might turn off and allow your feelings of pleasure to turn back on. The brain has to devote all its function to vital organs and such to keep them alive while you are passed out. So this would have to mean that the overly active part of the brain I mentioned would have to turn off. So when you wake back up, you might have your full feelings of pleasure back to you and no more anhedonia.
Being aware of stress (both consciously and subconsciously) also causes that stress region of the brain to become overly active as well. When it is overly active and can't be regulated, that is why the area responsible for pleasure turns off. So by making yourself pass out in this situation as well, then you would have temporarily gotten rid of all conscious and subconscious awareness of that stress which would turn off the stress response. Awareness of stressful life events=overly active stress response. Absence of awareness=no stress response.
So if you can also wake back up having amnesia, then that stress response would also be turned off for the time being and further give your brain the chance to regulate itself and turn its feelings of pleasure back on. This whole thing is just a theory of mine. I don't know if it will work or not. I'm not sure if I should recommend others trying it and reporting back to me to see if it worked for them or not. If it works for them, then I am going to try it.
I also thought of being put out by anesthesia which would of been a better alternative to passing out since anesthesia puts you out longer. But since I don't have that option, then making myself pass out would be the only option here. There is a way to do it. I heard that you have to hyperventilate and stand up.
Books and Losing Them = Grief?
Hello. I was evicted on Monday morning, meaning on Sunday night, I had to get as much stuff as my friend could get into her car and leave home. I had to leave 90+% of my belongings behind including 99% of my books.
It took me 15 years to collect those books. They were all hard cover because I had always planned on having a library in my home to put them in someday. Ever since I had to leave them behind, I have experienced profound sadness and grief when I think about them. I miss them so much and want them back. I am angry that they are lost forever.
I recently lost my dad. He died 3 months ago, January 25th. It was very sudden. Some of what I feel now is what I felt when dad died. I know they are inanimate objects to most people, but they were much more than that to me. I literally had over 100 books.
I have high functioning autism and can become overly attached to "things". Is the feeling I'm feeling normal in any aspect? Do those of you without an ASD relate at all? Just writing this down and knowing I will never have or see my books again has me on the verge of tears.