By Fluent In Silence
I'm a better person when I'm drunk. I know this isn't a good way to think but it's probably true. The reason is that I can't stand myself when I'm sober, and in order to be able to offer anything to another person you need to believe that you have something to offer. One of the main reasons for hating myself is the depression and the life it's made me lead. Self harm scars and the countless times I've thought about killing myself. It's always been a part of me but it's a part that I don't want to accept. But shutting out a part of yourself makes you feel like you aren't a real person, and you can't just shut out the bad, it's all or nothing and if you shut yourself off from misery then you also shut yourself off from happiness.
Self acceptance and self compassion have always sounded like good ideas. Here's a story. When I was very young I started cutting myself and my parents eventually found out. Not the best response from them. Didn't stop cutting but learnt that I'm a freak and no-one will understand or love me for being this way. If your parents won't offer you kindness and compassion then why would anyone else? Oh poor little me. But it set a pattern. It's wrong to feel like this and no-one will love you if you do. I'm older now and I realise how shit my parents were, but I can't say that I've got over this feeling.
Release the drunken Kraken! When me and the monster are drunk enough we can get along and I can feel like a complete human being for a while. I'm sure that many people have had much more traumatic lives than me, but there's so much that I don't want to remember.
My mom died recently. She was young; I am still in my twenties and she was in her fifties. She was my best friend.
There's a quote or something (or I possibly made it up, who knows) about how when someone dies, for the rest of your life they will only be further away. I can't deal with that.
She was my best friend. And she died so painfully, so horribly, so needlessly.
I am beginning to cry a little writing this. Sometimes I feel like sleepwalking. Sometimes I think I'll hear her voice and I'll look up and she'll still be there. But she never is.
She was gentle, beautiful, sweet, unassuming, generous, strong, and selfless. She was everything I have tried (and failed) to be. She loved life more than anyone I ever met. When I was psychotic for four months she took care of me without an ounce of selfishness. She loved people more than anything, more than anyone.
I didn't get a chance to say good-bye.
Hi guys this will be my first time making a post, but I wanted to talk about this game I recently played. Some might know it and I would like to know your take on the howl thing.... this game messed me up bad I knew what it was about but I dident think it would effect me this much I just cant get it out of my head. For the past 2 days I have been obsessing about it, SPOILER ALERT! if you decide to play it for yourself but I wouldn't suggest it I thought I could handle it I have been stable now for 6 months taking my meds every day but guess I just not made for shit like that.
Basically its about these 4 girls one is your best friend from when you where little named Sayori and the other 3 are Monica the club president, Yuri the quite strange girl and then Natsuki the cute girl trying to hide behind a though guy personality. Now the game starts all innocent and shit with you trying to impress the girl you want to romance with writing them poems that thy might like, but and this is where it gets dark Sayori ends up hanging her self no matter what dialog you choose all options lead to her committing suicide she suffers from depression and cant deal with here feelings but what bothers me most is that there is nothing you can do to save her, after a while you get invested with these characters and it hit me hard be cause you discover her no warning just BAM! in your face. Then the girl Yuri she cuts herself and end up stabbing herself to death in front of you because her OCD and cutting gets so bad she doesn't know what to do anymore once again no option to help or save her. Natsuki gets abused by her father and always acts cute but hiding under a harsh and hard exterior she doesn't end up killing herself though but she gets deleted from the game file by Monica. And this is the twist there is never one on one dialogue with Monica and she gets jealous and starts making the other characters mental health issues worse until they end up killing them self so she will be the only one left and you will have to talk to her, but you end up having to kill here by deleting her game file and she dies but before that she restores all the other girls so you can be happy because she loves you. So you start a new game and all seems normal and well, with only Sayori, Yuri and Natsuki in the game now you play till the first scene and its starts again with Sayori doing the same as Monica, but she gets stopped by what remains of Monica and she deletes the entire game saying that they can never be happy and this is the only way and she loves you and plays an love song for you she wrote on the piano, after that the game is corrupt and you can no longer play it.
This messed me up so much and it probably sounds like I'm a weeb but yea just as a disclaimer the creator does have warnings all over the place for people not to play this game if you are sensitive or suffer from mental health issues but i chose to ignore it and ended up regretting it. If you know the game please share your feelings I would like to know
thanks Darth out
Perceiving value in your life is not a thought form of perception (awareness) at all. Rather, it is an emotional awareness. In other words, our emotions do not have some sort of mind control effect on us where they force us to perceive, through our thinking, our lives being good or bad to us. It is purely the emotions themselves that allow us to see values in our lives. Emotions are actually a sense like sight. They allow us to see the values that things and situations hold in our lives. It is only our positive emotions that allow us to see the positive qualities of life (i.e. the good values) while it is only our negative emotions that allow us to see the negative qualities of life (i.e. the bad values). Having neither positive nor negative emotions would be no different than a blind person. No value judgment can allow this blind person to see just as how no value judgment or mindset can allow us to see the values in our lives.