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AloshaLied

Help Me

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Nothing is working. I've looked in the "I wanted to" forum and found nothing. I'm trying so hard not to cut but the blade is so close. Someone please help me.

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Do ANYTHING to put distance between yourself and the sharps... wrap them in duct tape, freeze them in a block of ice, give them to someone, mail them to Madagascar, lock them in your mailbox... seriously... get creative.

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Good advice, Wooster, but I'm scared that if I pick them up I won't put them down.

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Sitting in chat.  Posting to this forum.  I've hyperfocused my way through a reallly long book, just poured all my energy and attention into reading it, making detailed pictures of the story in my head.  Drawing, pouring all my feelings into my art.  Music - careful with this one, useful perhaps if you're singing really loudly along with something.

 

Some methods work better if you self harm for one reason, some work better for different reasons.  I used to self harm to dissociate from emotions, so finding other ways to vent or dissociate those emotions have been really key.



Is there anyone you trust that you can give the sharps to?  You wouldn't have to touch them that way.

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Then, find something... anything... to distract yourself.

 

Even if you don't feel like it. Commit to doing whatever that thing is for 5 minutes at a time.

 

Try triggering your dive reflex by putting your entire face into a bowl of ice water or blasting the shower full cold in your face. Do jumping jacks, pushups, etc.

 

There were times where I marked a square on the carpet in tape and made that the "safe zone" and would have to hang out in the safe zone until the urges passed.

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I just want to feel something. Even if that something is blood running down my skin.

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Ah, sounds like a different reason than why I used to.  In which case, the head in a sink of cold water may be a better suggestion, that system-shock kind of thing.

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Burrito wrap yourself into a snuggly blanket and put on a distracting non-triggering video like Shaun the Sheep.

 

There's also this little crash course in mindfulness that i posted recently for someone who wanted to do skin picking:
 

http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/62473-help-with-dermatillimania/



How else could you replicate that sensation?

 

small squeezy bottle of red food coloring used to make drips going down your arm?

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Okay, thanks. I'm going to do 25 crunches and come back . . . I haven't eaten much so hopefully it won't trigger my ED *crosses fingers*

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Sometimes the trick is also to acknowledge the urge... "I see you."

And know that you're going to choose to do something else anyway.

 

There's also the idea from DBT about "urge surfing" where you notice the urges kind of coming in like waves, and breathe, and ride them out.

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I like to do jumping jacks when I have an urge. Also, punching a pillow, screaming into a pillow, squeezing a soft teddy, drawing on myself, pacing in circles. 

 

I also "surf the urge" and feel it come in waves, like Woo said. I find this really helpful. I acknowledge that there is an urge, and I breathe through it. 

 

Hopefully all these suggestions help. 

Edited by Parapluie

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I used to hold ice cubes for a bit it's kind of a shock from the cold and a tingle sometimes that was enough to curb the need. Just hang in there.

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I hope you are finding some of the above suggestions helpful.  Just letting you know I am reading and thinking of you surfing through the urges.  They will pass.

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My pdoc recommends putting a hand into a bowl of ice water and holding it there as long as you can. You get the same chemical rush in the brain and pain, if that's the object, but without scars. Good luck, whatever you do.

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Thank you all for the input. I'm okay right now. I've been working really hard on distracting myself, but the night is always the hardest and I'm scared to face it, honestly. I'll keep your suggestions in mind. Fingers crossed, ya?

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Do you live alone?  Can you have someone come over and get rid of all your sharp things for you?  I understand the urge to use when it's right in front of you.  So make sure it's nowhere you.  You can't cut if the tools are gone.  Have someone do it for you and that will help the problem immensely.

 

If necessary, invite someone to stay the night so they can monitor you.

 

If you can't do those things, get someone on the phone and have them walk you through disposing of the blades.  When I first quit drinking and had to go to the grocery store alone, I would have someone on the phone with me while I walked through the store.  I would narrate what I was doing and they would instruct me on where to go and where not to go.  They stayed on the phone with me until I made it safely home.

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I can't call anyone because none of my friends know that I've been cutting, and they are a large part of my need to SH right now. I live with my mom but if I told her she would pull me out of school, which would make everything 1,000 times worse.

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I haven't cut since last April. I still get strong urges all the time. I absolutely can't have razors, knives, scissors, or thumbtacks in my apartment. Usually I'm able to simply distract myself with a book, a movie, a phone call, a cup of coffee, going to the gym, posting on CB, or taking a long walk. Anything to get out of my own head for a while and regain some perspective. But when the urges feel too overwhelming I take really really hot showers, like almost scalding hot and just stand there until it passes. And (though I'm not suggesting this by any means) I smoke cigarettes. A lot of them. The urges always pass eventually. I understand nighttime being the hardest time, it is for me too. I'm glad you were able to distract yourself.

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I can't call anyone because none of my friends know that I've been cutting, and they are a large part of my need to SH right now. I live with my mom but if I told her she would pull me out of school, which would make everything 1,000 times worse.

I'm going to challenge you a little bit, then.  My husband is studying to become a marriage and family counselor.  What he often suggests, which always seems to work and is insanely uncomfortable is to "make the covert, overt".  In other words, take your naughty little secrets and talk about them to at least one person.  This accomplishes a few things.  First, part of the overwhelming part of your urges is likely due in part to the secrecy.   I've been there.  The secret keeps you wallowing in shame and makes you want to SH more.  Letting the secret out takes away most of its power over you making it more manageable.  The other thing that telling one person does is that it gives you someone who can help you.  You shouldn't be going through this alone.

 

And not to mention, we all underestimate people.  "Oh, they won't understand."  "They'll think less of me."  Etc etc.  In reality, that's just our disease talking.  People for the most part tend to be overwhelmingly understanding.  The exception to that is family members and others who are directly harmed by your behaviors (girlfriends, boyfriends, etc.) 

 

I almost guarantee that if you tell one of your friends, they will step up, be understanding, and be supportive.  Try it.  You may be surprised.  I do agree that you should keep your mom out of it for now.

 

And if you can't call a friend right now, or you are too scared to, call the crisis hotline.  They are more than happy to listen and to comfort you. 

 

Or you can always try some of the great tips you've already gotten.  You can do this.  You have more strength than you realize.

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I called the National Suicide Prevention Hotline or some such. They weren't very helpful, to be honest, but it was a really good distraction - it's hard to cut when you have to hold a slippery phone and respond to questions at the same time. Thanks for the tip, bluechick :) At this point I think I'll be okay for another night, and I've learned that walking in combination with loud music tends to help (assuming I'm not getting my toes frozen off by all this ridiculous winter weather >.<).

 

Also, I know that some people on here think I am an attention seeker or that I am spreading "cutting porn". Please don't say things like that. I am a 15 year old girl who is struggling just like all of you, who is sometimes ambivalent about giving up the best coping skill she's ever found, who has trust issues and who finds it really difficult to surrender control to other people, i.e. p/tdocs. But I really am trying, and it doesn't make anything better when you say hurtful things like that. Thanks.

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As long as you're taking steps to help yourself, that's all anyone can ask really. 

 

Ok here's my perspective on this. I think you are looking for attention in the sense that you want someone or many someones to help you and notice that you are suffering. I notice. I believe you. You want help, but as soon as you get some you get worried that your only known coping mechanisms will be taken away from you. I also fully understand this having gone through it at the same age myself. I also know, from experience, that you will not stop unless you want to. You will not realize you want to stop until you allow yourself to really get help, i.e. being honest with your Drs. I also know this from experience. I'm also borderline, so I completely understand ambivalence about getting help. 

 

You are clearly very smart. Try and step back and listen.

 

The problem I think you have been coming up against is that so many of us have the benefit of adult hindsight, so it's rough and frustrating to see someone your age wax poetic about an issue that is near and dear, and also preventable. The other thing is you cannot control what people say or think. I hope you can recognize that responses tend to generate from some legitimate cause, whether intended or otherwise.

 

Truly, all I would like for you is to save you the heartache of what I went through. If any of my experience can help you avoid even a small facet of what I've experienced, then I'll be happy. Just be kind to yourself and try not to romanticize this. 

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ZenOut,

I would first like to say that I really appreciate your reply and also your support in the chatroom. You're right in saying that I want "attention" in that I want someone to validate what I'm going through instead of brushing it off, which is exactly what calling it "attention-seeking" is doing. There is a very large difference in the implications of the statements, even if they sound the same. I just sometimes need reminding that these feelings are real and legitimate and don't deserve others' scorn.

As for honesty with doctors, I plan on giving it a go. Eventually, when I've built up some trust with them. At the moment the problem is just that I can't get an appointment, although I do have one scheduled with my tdoc in a week or two. It's difficult because I have multiple personalities, and most of them don't want me to get help. When there's someone who can literally take over your mind and body, it's hard go through with the best-laid plans.

Lastly, about the romanticism bit and all: I know that cutting is a serious issue and even though I never really thought of romanticizing it as contributing to it, I will try to incorporate your advice. I also know that it's frustrating when you want to help someone and can't; I just wish people wouldn't say it in a derogatory way. We are all here because quitting is hard as hell, and I wish people could remember what it felt like when they were in the midst of their addiction.

Thanks again for your support, you've been great and I don't even know you :P

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I have to say that I am uber-impressed with how you take all of these suggestions to heart. I love to see someone so determined and clear in their recovery.

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I'm glad that you found ways to keep yourself safe through the night.

 

Well done!

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