31 posts in this topic
I'm new to this site but not new to si. I had lots of trauma as a teen ( lots) and cut then. I scared myself at one point and committed myself into a psych ward for a week because I scared myself by cutting patterns into my wrist. Anyway then I didn't cut or even really think about it for over twenty years. And recently had a series of bad experiences that let to me cutting and planning my suicide for a few months. I'm not cutting now but am constantly obsessed with it.
It it makes me feel......unhinged. I have a four year old who I absolutely adore and work hard to give her the safe loving my environment I didn't have. And now I feel like I'm awful at it by extension. Because how can I be a good parent if I. Cut
I've been having such a hard time recently and because of my anxiety I cannot talk about it in person but today, a hour ago, I reached a new low. I have starved, purged, screamed into pillows, and ran until I passed out but I just cut. It was on my thighs, three long, semi-deep ones with a piece of broken glass. I liked the feeling, it was weird, it was profound, I hated it but I loved it and I'm terrified that I loved it. Please help me, I've cut on my hips once before (three years ago) and I hated it a lot more. Now I'm so scared of what this will escalate to, help me.
I used to cut myself a lot. I never did a lot of damage, but it got to the point where I felt like I couldn't stop. I've been doing better for a long time, but a recent wave of anxiety and depression has me tempted to relapse. I hate admitting that I still have this problem in my twenties. I guess I was hoping it was something I could grow out of.
Thanks for listening. Any advice or encouragement would be more than welcome. Is there someone else that feels this way?
I cut a couple of days ago, a bit deeper than I usually go, and I'm really worried about one specific cut. Could it be infected??!? I really hope it isn't, as I can NOT tell my parents, I'm not ready to tell anyone.... Also, what should I do to help the cut heal? And if it is infected.....is there any way I could just leave it alone and hope for the best? Or do something myself? I'm wayyy too scared to tell a doctor, as I would have to tell my parents first. By the way, the cut is a bit more than an inch long and on my thigh.