31 posts in this topic
Having a REALLY bad day
I'm struggling, guys. I went from no sh for 4.5year to almost daily cutting now. It's escalated rapidly in the last week or 2. I just got back from a therapy appointment where I finally told him I was cutting again and showed him some. The PTSD therapy has triggered it to get bad fast. He's taking this week a little slower to see how close to si I really am. I'm not suicidal, but I'm afraid I will be. I told him all that. He wants me to try other things like ice instead. None of that ever helped. I'm EXHAUSTED after the session today. It was the hardest session of therapy I've ever had in all these years. I feel like I have no confidence in myself to stop doing it right now. Anyone else struggle with alternatives not helping? Any suggestions? Thanks.
Does anyone else have a fixation on their keloids from previous self harm? I've noticed I'm pretty drawn to it. I only have 1 that I focus on. The others aren't very big because I don't tend to cut them as often. I choose other areas. Except the 1 keloid, I seem to stare at all the time until I give in and cut it, making sure to cut enough to enlarge it. I don't know why I'm like this. It's like...it gives me satisfaction and a sense of...accomplishment? I know that's way twisted, but it's the truth. Anyone else?
Can PTSD cause cutting relapse?
I started cutting after my rape years ago. I'd been clean about 4 years. My PTSD symptoms are all of the time now. I had my first therapy session last week. I failed to tell the therapist that I relapsed into cutting once a few days before Christmas. I'm so confused if I should tell him or not. I think it has a significant tie-in to the PTSD/rape because I cut both breasts. Pretty badly. I've never done that before. It's almost always my arm. Has anyone else had anything like that happen? I've been fighting the urges again, but think I'll be ok. I'm not suicidal. I'm just freaked out that I cut my breasts....
help my friend... please
READERS, this might be long so.
i'm posting on behalf of my friend who couldn't bring herself to post online.
Let me give you a brief background on her. She's 21, studying in a university(law) (decent middle class family, good education & friend circle). Im just trying to let you form a better image.of her.
one of her relatives used to touch her chest.. through the shirt when she was 6-7. She only realized this years later now. She has been cutting quite frequently.. including ankle, back, shoulder arms etc. According to her, she's masochistic. Also, for recreation purposes, she drinks sometimes/does drugs like weed or shrooms. Also,She confided these experiences in her best friend only for later finding herself molested by this best friend. This has aggravated her issues.. She feels as though she can't tell anyone about.
Yes, she has tried counselling and other concerned "help" utilities with no fruitful solution.
Why she didnt come online posting it here or somewhere else? According to her, posting online would " make it seem truer?"
She does accept all of it though. All of the stuff that is going on , having said that she's scared.
Now, i know you might be suggesting going after the males involved but that's redundant, and of no use.
She's smart, She's intelligent for sure. But i can understand how it must feel when you feel alone and helpless not knowing if you'll be able to keep yourself alive through it all.
Creating a kit
I have a history of cutting myself. I started doing it when I was 11 and am now 27. Recently when I have self harmed it's been pretty serious. Hospitalization serious. I thought everything was out of my place that I would harm with, then I stumbled upon a self harm tool today. So I used it. I used all my pre-prepared bandages and everything. I'm disgusted with myself at how easy it was for me to fall back onto that... all it took was discovering an old tool. This is so difficult because I want to never self harm again yet its such a relief when I do. Now I have to work up the courage and will to get rid of what I just found. Does it ever feel like an uphill battle to get rid of tools for anyone else?