31 posts in this topic
Hey everyone... I haven't posted on a message board in a very long time.... but I just don't have anyone I can talk to about this.
I am new to cutting. I didn't realize that what I was doing was actually for real cutting. I started scratching my arms with sharp things whenever I am feeling really really depressed. Then I started doing it every time I got really sad, and it seems to make me feel better. I can't explain it with words. My girlfriend saw my arms and called me a "teenage girl" ( I'm 30) and basically made me feel over dramatic and seeking attention. I really don't want attention.
I'm currently deep into a depression that has lasted about 3 weeks. I go off and on with this, and have been for as long as I can remember. Yesterday I had gotten into an argument with my girlfriend over the phone, basically about how I just mope around all of the time and are never happy. I went in the bathroom at work and self harmed my leg. I immediately felt better. Not really better, but like I had validation of my internal pain. Like now I can see what I'm feeling inside. Like a real wound makes it visible to me.
But now I'm terrified that someone will see these... and I'm terrified as to what this means? Has my depression reached a new level? Am I actually just super dramatic and should just be normal? Ugh. I'm not sure what I should do, or how to avoid going down this road.
Hello. My name is Lisa.
ive been struggling with the addiction of cutting since 14 years old. I am now 28. I have good months and I've even gone a year without cutting. Recently I went back to self harming. I feel so overwhelmed. I feel sad constantly. I have an amazing husband that treats me like a princess but I still just don't feel good enough. He knows my cutting history and does everything to support me. I started seeing a therapist again.. and I hope that starts working. I can't talk to any of my friends about my struggles. It would be nice to have someone to lean on that can keep me strong.
Just need people that understand the addiction.
Thanks for listening.
So I'm drinking, cutting, dying inside. I'm living a purposeless life. I'm surviving, not living. I'm not getting better. It's been almost two decades that I've spent being treated, taking medication(s), doing everything I can think of to get better. And I'm not. And I had a champion, only she has ceased to believe in me. I don't know what's left. I made a promise to stay alive, but it feels so unfair to be made to keep it now. My life is nothing. I hate me. It's over, and I have to sit and watch everyone live, while I die a little more each day.
I just cut myself again, after less than a week without doing it. The longest I've gone is about 2 1/2 months. When I've been keeping such big secrets for so long, it isn't hard to find my way around my parents safety measures. I'm sure you guys can agree. I started cutting when I was 13. My parents know. Now, at almost 15, I've been hospitalized 5 times. My family is reaching the limit of their tolerance. I can't blame them. My youngest sister, after witnessing one of my breakdowns, now sees a therapist herself. Today, my dad said I'll have to go live in a special home if I don't stop. I don't know what to do. I want to be with them and make them happy, but self-harm has become a part of me now. Honestly, I almost want to go away. At least then they wouldn't have to worry about me. I really have nothing left to fight with. That's why I'm reaching out. Thanks guys.
Does anyone else here have an imaginary friend? Or at least a voice in your head that seems to have a mind of it's own? My "imaginary" friend, Anne, has been by my side since I was little. She is like a whole other side of me. She is never afraid to do the things I am so scared of, like insulting someone, doing something crazy, or making an inappropriate comment at exactly the wrong(right?) time. She has distinct attributes: red hair, gray eyes, pale skin, blue summer dress, brown sandals. She can be funny, clever, and a really great friend. But sometimes, she can be mean and demanding and controlling. She swears at me, tells me what to do. She even tells me to hurt myself. I'm not sure how to explain that I'm in charge without losing her. Any ideas, guys?