15 posts in this topic
Hi lovely people.
This could be a long post so thanks in advance if you make it to the end.
I went to see the psychiatric nurse on Friday after being referred by my GP. After a lengthy chat she said I definitely have bipolar but is concerned that there is an element of a personality disorder there too. This has worried me as I have always thought (and I'm probably wrong) that bipolar was something chemical and always been there even if not diagnosed, and a personality disorder was a result of a traumatic event. I have had a flashback for years to an episode when I was I was six, and the memory is clear, but I cannot remember what led to it. I have tried to talking to family members but it resulted in us moving 150 miles away from my mother's family, and me going to a child shrink for two years. I genuinely don't know what it was that happened, I just remember the aftermath. I guess what I am trying to say is that it is possible (and I really don't know if I want to know) that I was sexually abused.
So I have done a lot of thinking. My hypersexuality is a fucking nightmare. When I am off on one, I have to have it. I don't care, and I have put myself in the most dangerous positions. The nurse said as I am in a void state right now, she wants me to see the psychiatrist as quickly as possible to try and get me medicated before my next high or low.
In my highs I have believed I am superwoman. This has resulted in head injuries because of my obvious inability to fly once I have actually taken off. I have, as an eight year old child, jumped across train tracks as the trains have approached to see if I could beat the trains. What scares me is that it's not a death wish, it's a thrill seek. In my lows I have slashed my wrists and taken OD's of painkillers and Sertraline (given to me after a misdiagnosis of stress). My life has been an erratic nightmare.
I suffer from white noise - I have in situations in the past done such things as pick up a table and throw it to stop the noise, and crushed a glass in my hand when at a social function just to stop the noises in my head. I was 13 then. I threw a chair at my teacher when I was eleven, shaved my head when I was 13, and spent most of my life (including right now) almost unable to walk with holes in my feet I have picked and gorged out. I got expelled from school but took my exams and aced them.
I hate my own company and the company of others. I trust nobody. Certain smells make me vomit. I haven't washed my face with water for maybe 30 years - I can't even let the shower go over my face. I have the most sensitive gag reflex ever and eat so slowly, but I am always hungry and am obese. I can't stand my family anywhere near me but I love them and can't be without them. Married twice, various live in partners etc.
Once I was pissed off watching tv so I went to the shop to buy chocolate. I got on a bus, and got off in central London. I saw a sign for Eurostar and followed it. Next thing I woke up in Lille, France and thought shit, I need to go home! No mobile phones in 1997.
What the fuck is wrong with me? Am i bipolar, attention seeking, stupid, fucked up - what?
I'm not even asking for an answer. I just thought that someone reading this might think oh my god, I feel like that too.
I have a dual diagnosis as bipolar 2 and borderline personality disorder. I lean more towards depression but have had bouts of extreme anxiety, daily suicidal thinking, anger, and risky sexual behavior. I am on 300mg of Lithium and 25mg of Lamictal and tapering up to 50mg soon. I feel exhausted all the time currently with episodes of intense anger and general sadness. I'm looking for other people with this dual diagnosis to share what meds they have tried and what has worked for them. I cannot currently say that my meds have helped. I know I am at a very low dose. In my mind I have tried so many meds (seroquel, Lexapro, Lithium, Lamictal, Nardil, Parnate, Abilify, Topemax)....all of these in various combinations with one another. I have and still feel like an outsider, a weirdo, mentally unstable. I would like to find others with my same struggle who are perhaps finding relief. Please share with me.
Hello everyone, last 5 days i feel depressed, but not "clasical" depressed, i've anxiety,irritiabilty,anger, high energy, i want to do something,but can't focus on just one thing what to do. Sleep is distrubated,fragmentary. body feels exhausted,but mind is active, i also have suicidal thoughts.
Too in your head to be voices, too loud to be normal thoughts? MAybe i'm talking about different things here... Do you know what I'm saying if I say thoughts that won't stop talking? Not always a bad thing, but I'm very unresponsive to outside stimulation when I'm like this. It's llike all this information just goes into your mind like BAAM BAM usually accompanied by visuals in the brain (not usually literally visual) just being supper "absorbed" idk is that the right word? sometimes its random "voices", "loud thoughts" NOT auditory. saying something just plain random.ex "Jerome, I kow you aint been at the grocery store!" or. .. "that's why old ladies don't buy eachhothers facewash" etc... maybe I'm all over the place here maybe I'm looking for some direction. ALso idk I this is EVEN RELATED but hearing the wrong the wrong words out of people's mouths. Like, they say "something" nd I hear "what a fuckin bitch" or I hear "that was in ur head" and I say "wtf did u just say?!" and they sa y "something"..................... one more thing is that I SOMETIMES INVOLUNTARILY repeat the same phrase over n over(in my head or outloud) . why. if u have ny insight into one or more of these things I woud like to hear about it.. thnx for reading ttyl
So I started Latuda about 8 weeks ago at 20 mg, (just the starting dose but wasnt able to get into see my doc when I was supposed to) I am definitely feeling some effects, most of them good, but I wanted to know if anyone has experienced or heard of the same?
-Weight loss. I've always been about 100 lbs, super "skinny", always get asked if I eat blah blah blah. If you're a naturally skinny girl with "a fast metabolism" you understand... Now I've NEVER been under 100 pounds (even when I never eat) but now I have been consistently eating A LOT more and my weight is dropping quickly. I was 96 pounds about two weeks after starting Latuda and I'm now at 90. Need to ask my doc but anyone experience?
-Insomnia. what I've noticed is that even if I get to bed really late, if it is before 5AM, I'll wake up at early 9/10. Usually, if I went to bed that late, I would sleep all day. I know, my sleep routine sucks. *I STARTED TAKING IT IN THE MORNING AND THIS HELPED 100% with sleep* I now sleep like a baby and am naturally tired by the time 10pm rolls around I actually like waking up at a decent time and starting my day, something I've never even thought was possible before this drug.
- I am popping up all the time to get things, or move things, or do things for others in my house(like getting my boyfriends a drink from downstairs anytime he asked without whining about it first).. I think this is just me starting to feel better, but am open to different interpretations
-On the whole, I am beginning to feel pretty good, but not that "I feel soooooo good," hypomania. But I do get really irritable for about 15 minutes a few times a day.
If anyone can relate, knows if this is normal or if anyone thinks something is off, could you please give me your opinion?