15 posts in this topic
Too in your head to be voices, too loud to be normal thoughts? MAybe i'm talking about different things here... Do you know what I'm saying if I say thoughts that won't stop talking? Not always a bad thing, but I'm very unresponsive to outside stimulation when I'm like this. It's llike all this information just goes into your mind like BAAM BAM usually accompanied by visuals in the brain (not usually literally visual) just being supper "absorbed" idk is that the right word? sometimes its random "voices", "loud thoughts" NOT auditory. saying something just plain random.ex "Jerome, I kow you aint been at the grocery store!" or. .. "that's why old ladies don't buy eachhothers facewash" etc... maybe I'm all over the place here maybe I'm looking for some direction. ALso idk I this is EVEN RELATED but hearing the wrong the wrong words out of people's mouths. Like, they say "something" nd I hear "what a fuckin bitch" or I hear "that was in ur head" and I say "wtf did u just say?!" and they sa y "something"..................... one more thing is that I SOMETIMES INVOLUNTARILY repeat the same phrase over n over(in my head or outloud) . why. if u have ny insight into one or more of these things I woud like to hear about it.. thnx for reading ttyl
So I started Latuda about 8 weeks ago at 20 mg, (just the starting dose but wasnt able to get into see my doc when I was supposed to) I am definitely feeling some effects, most of them good, but I wanted to know if anyone has experienced or heard of the same?
-Weight loss. I've always been about 100 lbs, super "skinny", always get asked if I eat blah blah blah. If you're a naturally skinny girl with "a fast metabolism" you understand... Now I've NEVER been under 100 pounds (even when I never eat) but now I have been consistently eating A LOT more and my weight is dropping quickly. I was 96 pounds about two weeks after starting Latuda and I'm now at 90. Need to ask my doc but anyone experience?
-Insomnia. what I've noticed is that even if I get to bed really late, if it is before 5AM, I'll wake up at early 9/10. Usually, if I went to bed that late, I would sleep all day. I know, my sleep routine sucks. *I STARTED TAKING IT IN THE MORNING AND THIS HELPED 100% with sleep* I now sleep like a baby and am naturally tired by the time 10pm rolls around I actually like waking up at a decent time and starting my day, something I've never even thought was possible before this drug.
- I am popping up all the time to get things, or move things, or do things for others in my house(like getting my boyfriends a drink from downstairs anytime he asked without whining about it first).. I think this is just me starting to feel better, but am open to different interpretations
-On the whole, I am beginning to feel pretty good, but not that "I feel soooooo good," hypomania. But I do get really irritable for about 15 minutes a few times a day.
If anyone can relate, knows if this is normal or if anyone thinks something is off, could you please give me your opinion?
So the story is really complicated but I don't know how to move on with my life after it.
To summarize, I got married 4.5 years ago and we moved here together. From the beginning he constantly threatened me with divorce which took its toll on my mood (I tried commiting suicide a few months after moving here). I never wanted to cheat but in addition to threats of divorce, he always called me oversexual and suggested I see a doctor (I wanted sex once a day... not unusual for a guy). Despite all of this I worked hard at a job I hated to support the both of us (he wouldn't work, he was a full time student and could have worked to help me, but he didn't want to do anything not related to his field of study).
Anyway, fast forward we got our green cards (from my work that I only stayed at for him). A few months later he started dating (we were trying an open relationship but dating was not supposed to be allowed). He also lost "part" of his virginity to the guy he was dating and who is now his current boyfriend. He went back home to visit for the summer and asked me for a divorce 7000 miles away. We agreed to try and work through it, but meanwhile he was having sex with lots of different guys and he got back here only to mislead me and get me to still pay for his expenses despite being in love with someone else. He claimed "I can't decide about our relationship if I don't have food" so of course I bought him food...
I'm bipolar and I have tried years and years of medications with no luck. Earlier this year I started smoking meth which I know is not good for you. I minimize the risks as much as possible of course and I can hold my own in an argument about whether it's actually as bad as the media portrays (for example, I know hypertension can cause LVH which is a serious risk factor for things like sudden cardiac death, not to mention aortic dissection and congestive heart failure... I want to be a vet lol).
So here's the thing, smoking meth helps prevent my suicidal thoughts, but I do want to give it up and start focusing on my future. I need help though. Logically I don't want to be married to him, he's a terrible person (you can't say deep down he's a good person, I left out something very big because it's too painful for now, but I can share if it helps you help me :-( ).
How can I move on from what he did? I just can't seem to do it. Logic is failing me which really sucks. What has cheered me up lately is accepting the fact that I think I'm done with relationships. I've had it, and I don't want it. You can say I'm jaded, I'm just in shock, or I'll change my mind one day, but it's the only thing that helps me when I'm feeling down. Recognizing that that part of my life is over. I do have a long road ahead of me, vet school (hopefully) but first I have to work about 2 years to save up for it. But despite a great plan, I can't get over it. It doesn't help that he's not cooperating at all with the divorce (which I now want of course). So now I'm filling out the papers and paying for my own divorce... that's really some twisted stuff right there. See? He's not a good person.
Please help because the suicidal thoughts are stronger than ever. I tried going to a psychiatrist to get on meds again and he said he wouldn't prescribe me anything for at least a few weeks.... I've been on at least 10 bipolar meds and he's making me wait with vivid suicidal thoughts... first, do no harm?
Can anyone help me please?
Well I posted a couple of weeks ago that my doctor was looking into a possible diagnosis between seizures, narcolepsy, and migraines. I am still waiting to see how that goes.
Wednesday I had my consult with the sleep clinic which flagged me a lot for narcolepsy, which may or may not be relevant as I know these intermesh a lot with each other.
I have continued logging all of my seizure like episodes since I've noticed that they were more than just typical chills. If I knew how to link that post I would .The gist is for those who have not read it is it a chill like feeling in the back of my Neck, head and shoulders. My eyes would roll back and eye lids would flutter. Started out lasting roughly 2-3 seconds then progressed over time to 3-5 seconds. There was a cold shiver included with the eye roll and my head would snap backwards.
As time passed by symptoms slowly progressed. Some nights I would have 5 or 6 back to back, mainly if I were in a vehicle that had wind and ac sometimes none. Seems to be triggered by wind and cool/cold air. I cannot induce it nor does it happen all the time. Afterwards, I am sometimes sick or have aa headache, but I am always sleepy for the rest of the day.
I have continued to maintain awareness. In the last week or so my arms have begun to jerk upwards during these 'episodes' and shake a touch. Not long. Like I said they only last a couple of seconds.
Now...the newest thing that would freak me out if I were not on an awesome bipolar regimen that squashes my anxiety.....
Yesterday I had an epidose. The heat index was about 100 degrees and I was sitting in front of a huge fan trying to stay cool. Hair was pulled up. Next thing I knew my arms, shoulders, neck, and head tensed and jerked. My head snapped back. Eyes rolled. Lids fluttered. I can't remember if I felt the usual cold shiver or not because when my arms jerked upwards I felt a warm tingle that felt like electricity [best way I can describe it] go all the way to my finger tips of both arms. It matched perfectly. It was not painful like neuropathy, not pins and needles, just a warm electrical tingly feeling if that makes sense... I don't know how else to describe it. It started and stopped with the episode.
Does anyone have any ideas on this???
This is my first post on this board. I was diagnosed and treated for bipolar 1 from 2002-2015. Last year I went off medication, and have been med free since Oct 2015. I went off because I believed the medication was hurting me more than helping and making me sicker. I felt I had nothing to lose.
As a result, I regained mental clarity but had one long mania cycle and I am now in a very depressed cycle which is difficult to.endure.
I am very depressed from stress but mostly from the fact that I now see clearly how my bipolar has wrecked havoc in my life. I am seeing it clearly for the first time and I am accepting it.
I am 52, divorced with 3 kids. My oldest doesn't talk to me at all, my middle has some communication, getting better and now my daughter 13 doesnt speak to me. The alienation creates severe feelings of pain for me. I have hurt them and their mother and this is my reality.
Their mother has played my mental illness against me in the divorce and has sought to alienate me from my children. She has provoked confrontations with me, has had me arreated and has played the victim to the hilt. I now have several court motions to addressential with her on house and alimony and alienation issues.
There is nothing more painful than not having a relationship with your kids.
Because of the massive losses, caused mostly by mania, I am now willing to accept treatment for my bipolar again. I am very afraid of medications that sedate me, make me lose my memory and effect my body weight. I do not trust psychiatrists, pharma, or medication. But I need help.
I am a lost soul right now trying to find my tribe and get direction.
My parents are supportive and a few friends but I have lost nearly all my relationships to my craziness and disorder. I had substance abuse problems as well but have been sober now for almost a year.
I hope to hear from some of you that there is hope, that one can get through massive depression and pain as well as mania and find meaning and purpose in life.
I really need to connect with people that are managing this illness well and might understand. I am powerless over my bipolar and my life is unmanageable. Thank you.