27 posts in this topic
I'm newly diagnosed with what my pshychiatrist put to me as "mild bipolar", whatever the hell that means, but I've had depression and severe anxiety disorder for years.
I've been taking 300mg wellbutrin for my anxiety for a few years now, and I've been on 200mg Topamax for chronic migraines for almost 4 years.
My new Psychiatrist just added Lamictal to my regimen today to try to aid with my mood swings. Has anyone been on this combo before? And Did it help? just looking for info on what I might be expecting.
I'm in the midst of a manic episode and it is driving my wife crazy. We're already taking steps to set up family counseling to help us deal with this. In the meantime, does anyone have any suggestions as to what I can do to stop straining the relationship? I'm already doing my best to 'dial it back', but I'm not having that much success so far. Some of my symptoms are pressured speech, increased sexuality (in the form of seeking out other partners... we have an open relationship), going after other jobs, latching on to ideas and friggin' running with them at about 1000%, etc. As I recognize me doing things, I can kinda keep them in check, but I'm really looking for positive things I can do to show my wife I still love her and aren't trying to make her life hell, as well as ways to reduce the negative actions I've been taking.
Fwiw, my doctor has ordered a lithium screen and reduced my anti-depressant.
I saw a new pdoc today, and related to him how I frequently sleep for 20-50 hours at a time, and he recommended Adderall as a possibility to help stimulate me. I spoke with a friend and she says that Adderall helped with her depression greatly because it increased her productivity, which in turn helped her to feel good. She also said the increased focus allowed her to block out her negative thinking ... staying busy I guess.
I'm not really sure where to start. Not even sure how active this forum is. This is my first post, so bear with me please.
What happens when Ive only ever been told that I like treating people like shit? That I actually enjoy it and make the conscious choice?
I went undiagnosed until I was 27. I can remember the last good year I had in my life. I can pinpoint the moment that triggered my propensity into a full blown illness.
What I'm most curious about, aside from just wanting to talk to other borderlines, is my personal form of self harm/self soothing. I bash my head into walls, doors, cupboards. or anything hard. And I mean bash. Sometimes it's a running start head down, like a bull. If I can't, I rip my hair by handfuls from the sides. I've been doing this for about six years now.
I don't know that others do this. I feel like a fucking psycho. My bf calls me an idiot and to "go bash my head some more". He watches and rolls his eyes and walks away.
I feel really fucking isolated and I can't tell if it's real or if I caused it. According to him, every problem we have is because of my diagnosis or bipolar and borderline with dissociative. If I could just change and get over it, we'd be great. "I love you so much when you're medicated", but he fights back and bites back when I'm having an episode. He loves medicated me. Sometimes I love erratic me. I have good qualities hidden under all this mess. I wish he saw that.
Rambling about nothing, I'm sorry.
I hope I'm within guidelines. I have zero support from anyone who knows.
So yeah, yesterday I visited a Psychiatrist for the first time in my fucking life, also got diagnosed with "Mild Bi-polar" as he put it, also I have always had a HUGE problem sleeping, usually get 2-4 hours a night(but I don't feel tired next day, only in the mornings) So he prescribed 100mg Seroquel mainly for sleeping and also to help with my "bi-polar".
FUCK seroquel by the way, I felt like I woke up 3-4 times during the night, I also remember having a weird paralysis moment, like I was trying to scream while in my bed but I couldn't, couldn't move all that shit, some inception type dreams where I woke up, but I just woke up to another dream, etc. I am 100% used to NOT dreaming, might dream twice a year or so, that is it! I just took 50mg 10 minutes ago to see if it is any different, my pdoc told me to give seroquel 2 weeks of time and to only take 50mg if 100mg was too sedating etc.
Was already diagnosed ADHD (Got diagnosed last month after being put in a mental hospital for a week and a half due to 18mg of Xanax, don't remember 4 days of my life, etc, etc)
Got my Adderall refilled for the first time ever at least though, Adderall has worked wonders for my attention and motivation, also it calms me down a hell of a lot, stopped my twitching and leg bouncing as well, great drug, thanks adderall.
Kinda weirded out being diagnosed Bi-Polar as I am NEVER depressed or Suicidal. I was suicidal ONCE and it was when I was on 18mg of Xanax, which was last month, besides that, I NEVER have suicidal ideation, so I am a bit weird with his diagnosis. In the hospital they thought the same thing, put me on a mood stabilizer, but it legit turned me into a fucking zombie, it was weird. I also was given 25mg of an SSRI called Zoloft, it hyped me the fuck out it felt like I was on Molly and some race-mix amphetamine, too much imo. Then they just diagnosed me with Severe ADD/ADHD and the possibility of Empathy problems.
Like I don't have any lows or highs either, just a normal, pretty much all the time. I am very irritable(worsened due to adderall lol), logic over emotion type guy, generally pretty realistic about things, expect life to kick me in the balls but being able to overcome it. Is it due to my completely insane sleeping schedule (2-4 hours a night, but occasionally I will sleep 12+ hours, mainly during breaks/summer)
God I just need some 3rd opinions here, what do you guys think?