I feel like I know y'all a bit - long time lurker. I just wanna say that I have used this site to help me research and kinda navigate my way through the blissful path of personal awareness in my journey through crazyland. I have been very thankful to find great resources and opinions here.
So, into the breach of introductions...
I am a 32 y/o lady hailing from the great and dirtiest South, Louisiana. I've been a healer for over half my life, and a massage therapist for over a decade. I'm a (veerrry) small business owner working from home So that I can also care for my two magnificent children, one of whom is a tri-lingual, fencing super-nerd and the youngest of whom is the closest thing to a literal angel that I will ever know. I know.. Im biased but I don't lie!
My youngest (5) is also a soldier in the battle against unwonted, rare disease called Mitochondrial Complex III Deficiency. She is not expected to survive adolescence. I share this information to promote awareness of her affliction and to give some glimpse into the muti-faceted gem of shit luck that contributes greatly to my episodes of mental illness exacerbations.
Diagnosed borderline, major depressive disorder, schizoaffectve with just a dash of PTSD and DID to keep it fun. I did not seek help until the peak of my schizoaffective emergence, during which I attempted twice within a year. I've been off and on the pharmacopia and onlythis year did I see a counselor.
Now, because I'm swimming in medical bills for prescription meds, supplements (that insurance sure as shit won't cover), shitty cars, doctors appointments, genetic tests....yeah, I'm broke as fuck and I am on Medicaid. The great state of Louisiana is kind of a clusterfuck of bad doctors, limited mental health resources, and waiting lists that last over 6 months....so my mental health options are severly restricted.
So I'm finally deciding to say hi to all of you in the hopes that we can aquaint ourselves and, hopefully, I can find some sense of community because no one in Jesus country is really open to talking about mental illness unless its to call MI the side-effect of demonic possession.
So howdy y'all!
I don’t know really how to talk about this or describe what’s going on but lately I’ve been really depressed and just really low except for a few occasions but after that I slip back down into this depression. Often I get very stressed or anxious over multiple things or sometimes I’ll just be really upset or sad and I want to cry so bad but I can’t. I just really want to cry and I’m not trying to hold it back but something is and it’s such a difficult thing and I don’t know why it happens. I feel weird saying that I want to cry but it just feels so good but whenever I need to I can’t.
Just started Depakote 200 mg 5 days ago. Started getting really depressed and anxious on it right away and it’s only getting worse.
Anyone else experienced this? Does it get better with time? Thinking it might be a start-up side effect, but i worry it’s going to continue.
A lot of drugs in the same class have made me depressed in the past. Lamotrigine, lyrica, gabapentin, trileptal...
Not to minimize having bipolar disorder in any way. But..........wanna have some fun?
Just finish the sentence: You know your bipolar when...............
I will start and if no one plays I will play myself. I am like that.
You know your bipolar when.......you have been saying “I don’t know what I was thinking”your entire life. Like it should be a personal quote.
I mean a whole different personality. I am getting really frustrated in my relationship. I am hyper active by nature or maybe just busy. I dont sit much and have all kinds of things I want to do. I do these things, I finish these things and feel accomplished. Obviously when I am depressed it's a different matter.
That does not mean I am hypo. Hypo and Mania are on a whole different level compared to me struggling to sit still. However my hubs does not see it that way.
Seems most of my emotions are part of being bipolar in his opinion. Seems he feels like he is the victim of my behaviors. Its a crock of shit.
So we are in therapy and this is all showing through to the therapist. She has not done shit except validate that people are different on meds.
Like personalities are different. I guess I am different, not who he married. He blames my meds. We have therapy today. I am ready to flip out.
I mean what the hell does he want. Me manic, suicidal, depressed. Or me stable. Of course my meds make me different. They are making me well.