Parapluie

Anyone on the schizophrenia spectrum want to share?

6289 posts in this topic

I have started getting very vivid bursts of in-head imagery when going to bed. They are extremely detailed, do not feel like anything I am imagining (what I imagine is not nearly so detailed), do not feel like intrusive thoughts, and do not feel like a dream. They also differ from my past hypnagogic or hypnopompic hallucinations because those were always auditory, not visual, and those were out-of-head not in-head. Of course this raises the question of why now all of a sudden? My psychotic symptoms have gotten much better lately, so why have I suddenly started getting these for the first time ever (of course, then, they are probably unrelated since hypnagogic hallucinations are typically non-psychotic)?

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I'm on a very high dose of Seroquel at this point and I'm still having subtle hallucinations :/. Today I heard really quiet sirens in the car and then my house.

At least Seroquel has destroyed my paranoia.

Edited by Swamp56

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4 minutes ago, Swamp56 said:

I'm on a very high dose of Seroquel at this point and I'm still having subtle hallucinations :/. Today I heard really quiet sirens in the car and then my house.

At least Seroquel has destroyed my paranoia.

It is good to hear that your paranoia is gone, and it is good that your hallucinations have diminished, even though it sucks that they are not gone altogether.

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I finally had an excellent pdoc appt today.  It feels so good to finally sit down and actually talk with him on a normal level.

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2 hours ago, melissaw72 said:

I finally had an excellent pdoc appt today.  It feels so good to finally sit down and actually talk with him on a normal level.

That's wonderful!! If I remember correctly you've had some issues with your pdoc recently, so this is great news. 

7 hours ago, Swamp56 said:

I'm on a very high dose of Seroquel at this point and I'm still having subtle hallucinations :/. Today I heard really quiet sirens in the car and then my house.

At least Seroquel has destroyed my paranoia.

I've struggled with visual hallucinations that appeared only when my Seroquel dose was increased past 600mg. Perhaps you're having a similar side effect? Or maybe Seroquel just isn't the greatest with hallucinations. Just a thought.

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56 minutes ago, aura said:

I've struggled with visual hallucinations that appeared only when my Seroquel dose was increased past 600mg. Perhaps you're having a similar side effect? Or maybe Seroquel just isn't the greatest with hallucinations. Just a thought.

Yeah, hopefully it's something related to meds. Before late last year, I almost never had hallucinations, including the time during my last 2 episodes. I sometimes worry whether my illness has progressed.

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1 hour ago, aura said:

That's wonderful!! If I remember correctly you've had some issues with your pdoc recently, so this is great news. 

Thanks!  Yes, I was having long-term issues with my pdoc, and finally things are back to normal. (knock on wood!)

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I was just thinking about how, even on meds, I am still fairly depressed all the time, and I cant remember the last time I truly laughed and was actually happy about it, in the real sense.  The closest I come to being happy is when I put on my 'happy face' and go through the motions.  I smile about things, and say that (whatever) really made me happy ... but it isn't something I get excited about or laugh about or anything.  I just muster up a smile if I can.

So being happy then, is totally different than me being happy now.  I would love to be happy like I used to without the mania.  I have great memories from then, and it would be so nice to just have a piece of that back.

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Sigh. Two steps ahead, one step back. While the delusions have died down quite a bit, last night I got the idea put in my head that my tablet could be remotely compromised without me having to do anything, which my paranoia latched onto, and today I am back to my old pattern of feeling like I should avoid my coworkers in the hallways so that they don't see me where I work, yet again. And of course I have my perennial idea of my food and or drink being poisoned, even if in sealed containers, in public places. I want all this to just go away, rather than come and go at a low but non-negligible level.

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I had a really great talk with a friend today.  It was about stuff that I couldn't really talk to my pdoc about.  Felt so much better after talking with him.

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So I'm still dealing with the hypomania symptoms. They've quieted a bit since I got my period yesterday, as that makes me REALLY fatigued and crampy. So, I've been irritable. I yelled at my husband over practically nothing yesterday. Ugh. I feel like a jerk.

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I saw my pdoc today and he's increased Seroquel to 800mg and said he wants me on that dose for the next 6 months. I also had to submit an FMLA form to HR at my company... I'm hoping HR doesn't talk with my boss at all.

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So the chances of me being spied on don't feel like 100% true. They're more like 50% sure. Me not being spied on is now an actual possibility. :) 

Like if I do something and someone sees it's because they happened to be in line of sight of my window (and my window is open) instead of someone purposely looking in there.

Edited by iaawal

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I don't want to jinx this, but the people upstairs are being much more quieter than they ever have been.  They must have been really warned because they are never like this (I am NOT complaining though!).  It is so nice to not being woken up and nice to fall asleep in quiet.

This I can live with.  I hope it doesn't change for the worse, but at this point I don't think it will.  Wow :D

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