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lysergia

anybody on the DD spectrum want to share?

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Why do I tell everyone I've only been online since 1996 when I was using the web when I was 9 years old?  That's a pretty drastic difference for those who know the real years.

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The timer for the dryer got turned off.  Everybody in the house including me are wandering around trying to find out who did it.  Oh.  okay. yeah.  Why does she do that?  It was a timer.  For the dryer.  :

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maybe the noise the timer makes is distressing?  unexpected noises like that (and it's always unexpected, because i can't remember either putting clothes in the dryer or how long ago it was) make some of us jump out of our skin.  if it was possible to turn the timer off here, i bet one of us would have done it.

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I am spaced the fuck out.

GF noticed it. I didn't.

I'm noticing now though b/c I'm home. My cellphone is at her house. All the produce I bought? Her house

I am hallucinating a little.

Joy. :/

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Stickler, I'm the same way: other people notice that I'm "not myself" before I do because I'm too busy trying to keep it together in spite of things. If you think about it, it makes sense. The dissociation doesn't want us to know about it, and it makes us dissociate so that we continue to not know about it.

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Why do I have minimal short term memory?

Edited by tryp

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Why do I have minimal short term memory?

i know one of the reasons i do is because i am not usually living in the present moment.  i'm not being "mindful" (ugh i am so sick of that word).  i can do the dishes, but while i'm doing them, i'm reliving something else, planning something else, speculating, ruminating, or having an internal conversation.  so a half an hour later i can totally forget that i did the dishes.  because i wasn't all "there".

 

that's just one of about five reasons for me i think.  does it sound familiar to you?

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I mean yeah. My ambient dissociation is pretty high right now.

It's just annoying at work.

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I feel fine as long as I'm working or thinking about work but when I stop I can feel them trying to get out of the box and I didn't put them there the medicine does that so I don't know if I can let them out but I feel like I need to.  No one's tried to send their self into my brain lately I think the meds do somethign so they can't do that.  I'm somewhere between confused and just fine.  Only oscillating instead of steady state.  frustrating.

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Oscillating is so frustrating, eh? I hear you there. I don't like now knowing how it'll be five or twelve minutes from now.

Work helps me as well, but we can't be working all the time!

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today on weird things people say: "so is it sort of like being 'possessed' as they say in the movies?"

 

this person was replying to a post I had written for my psych class on my experience with dissociation. I can see what she meant, but it was still weird to be asked that. 

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I am wondering how you described it. For me, it is like the opposite of being possessed, I'm not even "in" my own body. Everyone describes it a little differently, though.

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I've heard the DiD = possession thing before. Maybe they meant like htat and were being uneducated and undiplomatic about it?

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I have felt...like my body "possessed", but It was a severe dp.

 

I didn't feel my body as mine, but I still "was" inside it, then when I moved a hand, it was as if someone else had moved it. Like a puppet, my body was a puppet. The mental act of moving a hand was mine, the physical act wasn't.

 

At other times I dp "going out" of my body too. 

Edited by Bixo

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I am wondering how you described it. For me, it is like the opposite of being possessed, I'm not even "in" my own body. Everyone describes it a little differently, though.

I originally wrote in my post for my psych class something like: "when I am dissociating I can experience several things, including feeling like my body does not belong to me, nothing is actually real, my mind becomes empty of all emotion, and I lose time. I also have trouble finishing sentences or holding a conversation." I replied to the possession comment and said that I generally feel like I am not there, not that there is someone else present. I should have clarified further about the body not belonging to me bit I think. 

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Oh, it's the "my body doesn't belong to me." But you know, I've said that exact same thing.

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My alter Jessie whi is responsible came out and kept telling me hateful things. How much she hates me and wants to hurt me. Over and over again. I thought I had done enough work with her to get her to see the world and me and eveyone else differently. I feel so bad about her pain, i've tried everything but nothing seems to sooth her.

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Self-soothing is hard. Selves-soothing is even harder (for me, anyway). Sometimes all we can do is keep folks company while they hurt. It's so hard to watch though. I'm sorry.

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@ rosie re: dissociation...yup, agreed.

 

I mean, shit, I was not allowed to officially notice that I was an aggregate person for 32 years, they are good. 

 I do notice more now...last time I was trying to get out the door to therapy, and I suddenly realized this was the third time I was hunting my pair of socks.

I asked internally, "Ok, who's hiding the socks and why?"

Toby (6) said "I'm scared to go! don't wanna!" 

:confused0078:

@ Firelamb:

I have one of those, and when she was verbally going off on me, all I could do was chant OM to drown her out, or reply in opposite positives to what she said.

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@ Firelamb:

I have one of those, and when she was verbally going off on me, all I could do was chant OM to drown her out, or reply in opposite positives to what she said.

Oh, I never thought of that. Just got kind of overwhelmed i'll try that next time, thanks!

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... I am so cold. Norah was out. She is always cold. Her bones ache from it. And now I can't get warm.

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ugh Rosie that is the worst feeling.  people don't understand that cold can HURT.  some of us are more sensitive to that than others (i'm one of them, and i am not liking the seasons changing).  poor you and Nora.

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I feel completely numb and detached from everything internal and external.

 

I can't feel physical pain.

Edited by Bixo

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