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Yesterday, I self injured in my sleep. This happened once before, and I am scared of this happening again. I'm taking my meds as prescribed, but I'm wondering if this is a sort of sleep walking, and if there is anything I can take to prevent it. I suffer from anxiety and post traumatic stress and past physical abuse issues. Any advice is appreciated.
Hello. I self harm.
Today at school, I was pointing to a word in a textbook, and one of my friends asked, "what happened to your arm?" A wave of panic ran through my veins, I've been hiding my cuts for a while, no one has taken the time to notice. I do wear long sleeves, but I roll them about two folds up, so my wrists and a semi part of my top forearm are revealed. I pressed my lips together in reply, the rest of my friends staring at me with concerned expressions. Shortly after, two of my friends (not counting the one who asked) went to go talk in the corner and I know they were talking about my cuts.
I was sitting in sixth period and my friend (one of the friends who went aside and talked in the corner) asked me if I was alright. I simply answered with a nod.
I feel like my friends are texting each other about my issue. I don't need pity, attention, or any sort of that matter. I'm glad they care, that's what friends do, help each other. I'm very grateful to have them in my life, but I'm not comfortable about telling them the fact I self harm. I fear they'll all gonna stare at my forearm tomorrow and question me.
I think I might have body integrity identity disorder, although I have a long history of general self harm. I've discovered I can make myself legally blind by staring at the sun, harming the macula of the eye which is responsible for central vision -- after my first attempt, I've been unable to see whatever I directly focus on. I've had to adjust the accessibility options on the computer to make the font HUGE just so I can type and read. My partner knows I did it once and I've been to the optometrist. When I realized it might heal after some months, I decided to continue to harm myself by staring at the sun every morning when I'm alone and no one knows I'm doing it. I'm hoping to make the damage permanent.
I feel so crazy even saying all this. I know how ridiculous and stupid it is. But it's my new favourite way of self harming....leaving no marks externally and causing very little discomfort... It seems my self harm tendancies are destined to consume me. I have a history of abuse of all sorts in my childhood so I guess I'm just punishing myself...
I've had a history of self harm since seventh grade, and when my mom found out about it she used to do body checks. She used to make me show her mybody so she would know if ive hurt myself or not. The whole situation is very uncomfortable and made me feel 10x more insecure than i was.Although i know she was only doing it to protect and make sure i was okay,i was wondering if it was some kind of abuse or damaging when someone does that?