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When you first come into the crazyboards chat, it can be... interesting. We might be talking about food, sheep, or goats. Someone might be in a crisis. It can be interesting to jump in with both feet and put forth a good impression.

 

I was wondering if any of us oldies had advice for chatroom etiquette/tips for each other, or what we like to see in chat. I know our chat is different than a lot of other chats, so I'm curious to see what gets posted.  I'm just thinking that this might be a good reference link for those social nuances that our chat has that are different that may not be known. 

 

Tips, anyone? 

 

ETA: Not asking about new rules, just those things that we do that might not be so obvious to those first coming in. 

Edited by writehellarandomshiny

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When you first come into the crazyboards chat, it can be... interesting. We might be talking about food, sheep, or goats. BODILY FUNCTIONS. Someone might be in a crisis. It can be interesting to jump in with both feet and put forth a good impression.

 

I was wondering if any of us oldies had advice for chatroom etiquette/tips for each other, or what we like to see in chat. I know our chat is different than a lot of other chats, so I'm curious to see what gets posted.  I'm just thinking that this might be a good reference link for those social nuances that our chat has that are different that may not be known. 

 

Tips, anyone? 

 

I hope you don't mind me editing the above a tiny bit, write. My pro-tip is to read the chat rules that you agree to before you enter.

 

Also, don't ask about others' diagnoses right off the bat - it sucks to be treated as a walking dx instead of a person.

 

In addition, please don't ask us to give you permission to take extra meds. Talk to your doc

 

Use main chat for support help instead of PMs. It's draining for one person to support someone one on one and we aren't qualified / aren't always equipped or well enough to do it. 

 

Finally, please do not thrust your personal contact details upon another user within five minutes of speaking to them.

 

Amen.

Edited by [email protected]

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Great thread write! I'd say that for new members, one biggie is to respect people's boundaries.

 

One thing we do NOT do in CB chat is the A/S/L crap (thank GOD) and asking people 'what diagnosis they have' or 'what meds they take' is not cool. Many of us in chat will gladly volunteer that info, but asking for it, either in a PM or outright in public chat is not cool.

 

Another good tip is to google questions before asking in chat, you'd be surprised about what you can learn from google results. Bad spelling and no punctuation makes it very difficult for others to read what a person is wanting to express. And in my experience as a chatter, not just here at CB but other sites, people who can't use punctuation tend to get overlooked or ignored. It's just the way it is, if a person has to work really HARD to understand a badly spelled block of text that is without punctuation, it's more likely then not that they will either give up in frustration or simply ignore that person's chatting.

 

Chat is about supporting each other, but if you cross boundaries or frustrate everyone it will not be a positive experience, for you or those of us who are in chat regularly. And last but not least, NONE of us are doctors, we're people with MI who are here to help support one another. Asking about medications is best reserved for a google search...or better yet a pharmacist or your doctor. One last tip, people in crisis ALWAYS TAKE PRECEDENT over casual chatting. :)

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Another thought: If you're new and NOT in crisis, take a minute to introduce yourself before automatically bombarding us with questions. It can help us answer your questions in the long run. (By introduction, I mean something like, "Hi, my name is writehellarandomshiny, nice to meet you all." Not your real name, obviously. 

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Thank you for this. I generally try to be as respectful as possible, but I have a horrible fear of messing up and making everyone hate me forever. So things like this somewhat alleviate that concern. The great thing about this forum is that most of the members won't hesitate to let you know if you've crossed the line, so I don't have to sit there wondering, "oh gosh. Have I done something wrong? Does everyone think I'm stupid?"

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Thank you for this. I generally try to be as respectful as possible, but I have a horrible fear of messing up and making everyone hate me forever. So things like this somewhat alleviate that concern. The great thing about this forum is that most of the members won't hesitate to let you know if you've crossed the line, so I don't have to sit there wondering, "oh gosh. Have I done something wrong? Does everyone think I'm stupid?"

 

Glad it helped, chantho. We're mostly laid back, and we generally don't bite.... 

.... right guys? 

....guys....? 

 

:P

 

welcome to cb.

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I was wondering if any of us oldies had advice for chatroom etiquette/tips for each other, or what we like to see in chat. I know our chat is different than a lot of other chats, so I'm curious to see what gets posted.  I'm just thinking that this might be a good reference link for those social nuances that our chat has that are different that may not be known. 

 

 

I just cracked the hell up at you calling yourself an "oldie."

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VE, that makes you a dinosaur. And I suppose that I'm an antique.

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I like when people come in, say their hellos, scroll back up and read what's going on, and DON'T jump in immediately with their problem/questions. Someone in crisis may have the floor but I know someone in crisis may be coming through the door as well. I guess the point is, scroll up and see what's going on.

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I was wondering if any of us oldies had advice for chatroom etiquette/tips for each other, or what we like to see in chat. I know our chat is different than a lot of other chats, so I'm curious to see what gets posted.  I'm just thinking that this might be a good reference link for those social nuances that our chat has that are different that may not be known. 

 

 

I just cracked the hell up at you calling yourself an "oldie."

 

 

 

NOW I realized what you meant by being an oldie!!! I was wondering what you meant when you said in MC. 

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Don't volunteer anyone else's information that if not readily available in their profile. EVER.

Even if it is something they mentioned two minutes ago- if someone new just came into chat, and they are asking- then they don't know and the individual being asked has a right to gate keep that information.

 

Do not make this decision for another person.

EVER EVER EVER EVER.

 

EVEN if you suppose they can scroll up and read it for themselves.

A person's information and privacy is their own property.

 

never another person's.

EVER EVER EVER.

 

[did I say ever? just checking...]

Edited by LunaRufina

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This is a good thread. I did read the rules when I joined but I also made some mistakes. (I've also offended people by pure, innocent accident but since repaired the damage). It's an interesting little society I'm glad to be a part of.

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Now I'm frightened. I think I worry too much about getting people to like me / accidentally offending someone to chat.

Please forgive me if I have - never intentional.

Edited by eighteenhands

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Now I'm frightened. I think I worry too much about getting people to like me / accidentally offending someone to chat.

Please forgive me if I have - never intentional.

 

Eighteenhands, you have never offended me that I have known. 99% of chat is VERY good at telling you ASAP if you've offended them. I haven't seen you offend anyone else, either.

 

I hope you continue to stick around and be apart of chat; I like having you there.

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Now I'm frightened. I think I worry too much about getting people to like me / accidentally offending someone to chat.

Please forgive me if I have - never intentional.

 

I understand the feeling of anxiety that you might offend someone or start like, a THING.

 

I mean

I kind of look at it like:

 

Particularly in a place like this- in the real time chat, where most people are coming from a different geographic location, with different current and past life experiences, different personal, political socioeconomic view points, different personal trauma histories, different personal soft spots they really can't tolerate to be poked at [and you only can know of these once you accidentlally poke one], etc etc etc...?

 

Putting stress on yourself to constantly try to avoid offending anyone ever, like you could possibly avoid ever doing that, and that if you did it owuld be the most horrific experience?  THAT is a lot of damn pressure to put on yourself.

 

It used to be a large chunk of my social anxiety, and still is when i am out on the world. But here, I look at all those factors and I'm like "ok, that is impossible".

I't's like walking on a crust of snow littered with contact lenses and trying not to step on any of them.

so... not really possible.

 

 

But you can figure out what you do when you inevitably do offend someone, piss them off, cause a crazy dramatic flounce out, whatever.

 

You pretty much deal with it immediately and then move on.Go to your separate corners, huff and puff to yourself for two minutes and then talk about giraffes.

 

This may not work for everyone, and may appear to be immature or avoiding issues or whatever.

It works for me because there is a lot about other people I can't change, and wouldnt want to. There is a lot about me that i can't change and wouldn't want to. 

 

But we could still navigate being around each other and talk about like, i don't know... the average airspeed velocity of an unladen european swallow or some nonsense.

 

Since many of the people I interact with here I ONLY interact with here, Ithink it's important to not hold grudges but try to move on. If I REALLY need to, I can take a break from chat or vent elsewhere or whatever. But to carry active grudges throughout the site is just counterproductive. 

 

So like, new day, new stupid I guess.

 

 

Uh, So.

If you offend someone, it is an option to just brush yourself off and be like "oh, sorry about the contact lens, can we fix that? no? so... how do you like Lens Crafters? Glasses in about an hour!"

 

If they choose to continue to be pissy about it after a genuine apology, it's really their thing and they will get over it. 

 

I don't know. I am sure as hell not the end all be all of polite society plus I got no sleep last night haha.

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fill out your profile!
an avatar is handy merely to give people something to recognise - i find it helpful, at least.
what is useful to know - your diagnosis, meds, where you are in the world - ie if you're in the USA - give us a state. that way when someone does come to chat and they're in crisis and wanting to know what they can do - we can at least suggest stuff that is relevant to where they live. where you live is also an indicator of what time it is where you are without asking, which can be handy at times.

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fill out your profile!

an avatar is handy merely to give people something to recognise - i find it helpful, at least.

what is useful to know - your diagnosis, meds, where you are in the world - ie if you're in the USA - give us a state. that way when someone does come to chat and they're in crisis and wanting to know what they can do - we can at least suggest stuff that is relevant to where they live. where you live is also an indicator of what time it is where you are without asking, which can be handy at times.

 

I'd like to add that this is not necessary for everyone. Some individuals have a hard time with the idea of listing their info, even that which can't identify them easily. I see nothing wrong with giving the basics when you're in crisis. However, if you're comfortable with it, go ahead and fill out your profile. In my case I avoid anything that could help people identify me because I'm rather paranoid about being recognized by, say, my sister if she ever decides to pop on here. 

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well...seeing as how i looked and see i've only been a member since jan, 2011...i'm hardly an oldie. but i do have some thoughts on what i think is great about chat and what i think would be best avoided.

 

great:

it's generally welcoming in my experience, but if you log on and nobody acknowledges you right away...try not to think you're unwanted. i think oftentimes people are just deep in conversation but not unfriendly

 

generally i've seen people be very supportive in letting someone work something out and not having a conversation over them. and i so often see people who have a concern...those who have experience with same/similar step up and say more...and those without...step back and say less. 

 

usually people take responsibility for their preferences in topic/removing self when a topic is something overmuch for them or triggering. if a topic is uncomfortable for you or detrimental to your stability... the way to handle that is to remove self or not participate... it's not ok to say that because you're uncomfortable, the other person can't get support. 

 

most of the time when i'm there, there is a variety of...diagnoses/backgrounds/etc, etc, etc represented. even among diagnoses there can be a lot of variation and i like that more often than not, people seem to appreciate that their diagnoses and treatments and experiences aren't THE only one possible. but it's great when people realize that it's a very diverse group and your presentation and treatment and efficacy of and so forth...is yours to share, but not to impose or use to shame others.

 

if someone or more are ...if there's some shit going down in chat...or someone...pushing self on you in private messages or...whatever...and you message someone on staff who's online at the time to please come, they do. and if you're the one who's...skirting a line... they ...in my experience... give a warning. and if you get kicked, you can come back pretty immediately. don't come right back and pick up the same ...or persist in whatever made that happen. take whatever time to sort self first and if you have a problem with it, instead of involving the whole chat, i think it makes more sense to privately say whatever to the staff member. so the great thing is when someone doesn't drag all of chat into something that is a problem between two people, who can discuss privately.

 

 

less awesome:

 

though it's great that most times i've seen people respect that we don't all have the same diagnoses/symptoms/treatments/backgrounds...it sucks when that doesn't happen. i hate it when people say offhand remarks or jokes about other groups...or about other symptoms. just as it wouldn't be ok to make a racist joke, it's not ok to caricature symptoms or ailments that you don't have. it's also frustrating as shit when people misappropriate clinical terms into the vernacular to describe something they don't like or is different from them. i personally am not ok with people without the diagnosis referring to "schizos"... or misapplying the term "psychotic"... the weather, the traffic...your lying cheating ex...are not "psychotic" and you're free to say it...and others are free to say what they think about that. i'm sure there are ways to be an asshole with other diagnoses, though i'm less familiar with what they are. as a general rule, i think it'd be ideal if people didn't use clinical terms in those ways. it's dismissive and the opposite of supportive. 

 

don't appoint yourself chat ruler or orchestrator or think that you get to dictate who can say what. you don't own chat and if the chat rules are being broken or whatever... i wish people wouldn't try to moderate other members. it's one thing to note a standard policy (we don't diagnose each other) and it's another to deputize self. you have NO authority over other members, we're adults, and if your name isn't in blue or purple or yellow, and you start ordering people around, dictating what they can and can't say or when... don't be surprised when someone loses patience and reminds you with whatever amount of profanity included, to get a grip and back off.

 

it bothers me when other non present members are the topic of discussion in chat and it makes me uncomfortable when people ask me questions about other members. anything beyond, have you seen x? it also makes me uncomfortable when people ask others on the main chat about people in a "what's the story?' way. even if it comes from a place of care...don't solicit me for information, express a sentiment (i miss him/her instead of what happened with him/her?). and don't share your hypotheses (x was hospitalized, wasn't s/he?). that makes you a gossip. ask the person yourself, but don't try to get information or perspective from me on another. i'm also not a fan of anyone speaking for me or talking about me to others. if you don't know...maybe that's because it's none of your business. i may be alone on this point, but i suspect there are others who aren't comfortable with being a topic of conversation.

 

don't be pushy. i personally try not to offer unsolicited analysis of others...but if you start to and the person indicates that's unwanted...respect that. and when someone says, no, that's not what i mean or no, i don't think that... saying my intention is x or this is who i am... this might be just my preference, too, but i think it's unbelievably presumptuous to tell someone who they really are or what they really think or how they really feel or what's really happening. it's not constructive and it is pretty arrogant and dismissive. 

 

it's frustrating when people make sweeping claims about medications they've never taken, symptoms they don't experience, or diagnoses they don't have. when people have no experience with a particular medication but claim to know what it's like... or that this is how a symptom presents without having experienced it... that's like someone whose never been in a car, but read up, telling you what driving feels like. when people project their experiences as universal, be it about medication other treatment, symptoms, diagnoses... and whether that's, i did x, so anyone can. y symptom is only like this because that's how i experience it. z medications should never be taken longer than __... it's essentially working to try and invalidate anyone with a different experience. in my observation, it's not helpful and often problematic. 

Edited by mellifluous

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I know these are like tips and suggestions but the "no one else's info is yours to share thing" is still a big one for me:

 

 

it bothers me when other non present members are the topic of discussion in chat and it makes me uncomfortable when people ask me questions about other members. anything beyond, have you seen x? it also makes me uncomfortable when people ask others on the main chat about people in a "what's the story?' way. even if it comes from a place of care...don't solicit me for information, express a sentiment (i miss him/her instead of what happened with him/her?). and don't share your hypotheses (x was hospitalized, wasn't s/he?). that makes you a gossip. ask the person yourself, but don't try to get information or perspective from me on another. i'm also not a fan of anyone speaking for me or talking about me to others. if you don't know...maybe that's because it's none of your business. i may be alone on this point, but i suspect there are others who aren't comfortable with being a topic of conversation.

 

Obviously it is with discretion [such as in the case where a person asks to have a message generally passed along], but I agree with the above.

What I said before [as quoted below] actually should apply whether the person is in the chat or not.

So when I seem like I want to shut down a conversation pretty immediately after a person has left chat?

It's cause you got it spot on! That's what I want! 

 

[feel that takes priority over "try not to orchestrate chat" though haha]

 

 

Don't volunteer anyone else's information that if not readily available in their profile. EVER.

Even if it is something they mentioned two minutes ago- if someone new just came into chat, and they are asking- then they don't know and the individual being asked has a right to gate keep that information.

 

Do not make this decision for another person.

EVER EVER EVER EVER.

 

EVEN if you suppose they can scroll up and read it for themselves.

A person's information and privacy is their own property.

 

never another person's.

EVER EVER EVER.

 

[did I say ever? just checking...]

 

 

 

Maybe one more thing to remember along the line of "respect that we all have different shit going on" [which is often the case, people are often respectful of that and it's really cool, as mel pointed out]...

It's also important to remember, that while maybe someone is going through something you have little knowledge of, and you may be curious and want to ask questions, to do so with some sensitivity. No, this place isn't about walking on eggshells or being super delicate. But, we're all human beings.  So I mean... if I don't know a lot about someone's diagnosis, but I might feel like I need a little more info and that could help me to support them better... it would probably be better to present that desire to know more in that context.

 

So: "I don't know a lot about that, could you tell me a little about it so I have an idea of what you mean when you say X, Y or Z?"

"I don't really understand that, can I ask something more specific about it or could you explain another way so I can understand?"

 

I have a couple times seen one member just end up shooting questions at another member kind of rapid interview style about their condition- I know personally I would kind of flip out if someone did this to me on some occasions. It's just important to remember we are all PEOPLE here, yeah?

Edited by LunaRufina

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1.

 

Obviously it is with discretion [such as in the case where a person asks to have a message generally passed along], but I agree with the above.

What I said before [as quoted below] actually should apply whether the person is in the chat or not.

So when I seem like I want to shut down a conversation pretty immediately after a person has left chat?

It's cause you got it spot on! That's what I want! 

 

2.

 

I have a couple times seen one member just end up shooting questions at another member kind of rapid interview style about their condition- I know personally I would kind of flip out if someone did this to me on some occasions. It's just important to remember we are all PEOPLE here, yeah?

 

1. good point, luna, about it not being ok, present or not. i agree. 

 

2. yeah, totally. i think, personally...there's a lot of...IF i'm up to it...and the questions aren't...too intrusive... i appreciate the opportunity to inform. and by "inform" i mean, i'll share my experience...and general documented information. but that's what that is....my experience and general documented info. i'm not a spokesperson for schizophrenics. also...with the question content... there are some boundaries. "what's it like to hear voices?" ok. "what's the craziest thing you've ever done?" no. or, "have you been hospitalized before?" fine. "how many times?" decline. (or, my personal UN favourite: "does your dog tell you what to do?" no, thanks...and i'm not a serial killer either. fuckhead.) i think it's the...like...sensationalism. when it's...spectacle. i'm not the fucking entertainment :P but i do realize there's a lot of really horrible ideas out there about mental illness and there are some piss poor media representations. i'm not donnie darko, i don't see dead people, and i'm not working on a woman suit. 

 

i do think it's important to remember that it's not the diagnosed person's responsibility to disabuse people of their ignorance. i'm cool with a respectful inquiry though. i find it personally, like...no shit...when people say...you don't have to answer. i'm sure it's ...some amount of politesse and well intended. but it does strike me, like... thanks for giving me permission :P

 

 

 

 

one other thing: reading through this thread, i saw some from examples from BD about questions that it's best to avoid asking because they'fre intrusive (asking diagnosis/medications, for example)

 

this post:

 

Great thread write! I'd say that for new members, one biggie is to respect people's boundaries.

 

One thing we do NOT do in CB chat is the A/S/L crap (thank GOD) and asking people 'what diagnosis they have' or 'what meds they take' is not cool. Many of us in chat will gladly volunteer that info, but asking for it, either in a PM or outright in public chat is not cool.

 

 

i agree with BD and have some additional examples of questions i think it's best not to ask

 

i think it's super inappropriate to be like... what'd you use? kinda like i feel, though not my experience, asking details about sexual trauma/abuse. it's when it's focused on...the ...."gory details" that it's super inappropriate. and it's even more inappropriate, i think, to inquire via a private chat. i can see the thought that maybe... i don't want to make it awkward on the main chat, so i'll ask privately. no no no. i kinda get weirded out by people i've never seen and who just joined who start private chat, but, i have had a couple where they were like...what do you think of this situation? and i see not wanting to expose on the main chat and so finding someone with the diagnosis in question and asking. i wouldn't advise it, but...i get it and i've not been perturbed when that's happened. but, only because my ..i feel for them facing that possibility more than i'm put off/lacking the safety of the group by a one on one with unknown quantity.

 

it's possible, though, that i only say it's inadvisable because i've totally had people start private chat things to ask me about my meds and symptom details that were not cool. it's also not cool to hit on people you've known for a hot minute in private chat. speaking for myself, that whole, flattery, really like to get to know me better, and offer to meet up so you can "be there for me" in a "real" way basically means you're ass is getting blocked. 

Edited by mellifluous

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Just a reminder that if people are acting creepy and doing inappropriate things like sending harassing PMs it's totally acceptable and even welcomed to notify the staff and let us deal with it.

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Try and backread if you can. It can give you some details so you don't have to  ask 20 questions. I've been guilty of not doing it many times, but it's a good idea. 

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Questioning my place in chat now, not sure I belong in it anymore, or if I even belong anywhere. It might be time for another break from CB for me. My stomach is twisting because I feel awful now. I want to understand what you mean meli, but maybe it'd be better for me to just leave without further discussion about what you mean. I'm sorry for any upset I have caused. Was not my intent. be well everyone.

BD,

Your response indicates I was unclear. Definitely. Because I am in full agreement with you! I was intending to build off what you said and say

Yes

Saw BD noted some intrusive questions to avoid

You'd cited asking diagnosis/meds/etcetera

And I thought, I have more to add to BDs list

Don't ask xyz

I apologies for my lack of clarity

I am sorry if I was hurtful

As to you questioning your place in chat:

I have questioned mine of late as well

I recently returned after three to four months away and

The thing is, a couple of people I enjoy and who have been amazing in my life are there only. We would otherwise not interact.

But, I often feel out of place. It depends on who's there

What I want to make absolutely clear one point though. And that's why I saved it for last:

You, BD, are someone I've unequivocally enjoyed talking to, when I see you come or arrive and find you there, I perceive you as a point of understanding, support, and someone I want to engage. You make chat a more welcoming, safer, and balanced place to be. Your feeling of belonging or whether you find it supportive are, of course, for you to assess and I hope it does for you, because you merit support and belonging. But, if you question your role or place there, I offer for consideration this: bottom line, you contribute constructively, openly, and honestly. You share and you also make room for others to share. You make chat better. If you need to take a break for yourself, absolutely prioritize your needs and whether they're met there or if it's a source of more stress and your health is better away. But make no mistake: you are a positive influence and one of the people I think really grasps the idea of community and social support. You are inclusive (not cliquish) and in my experience haven't been one to bitch about other members or be gossipy. I've never seen you ignore/dismiss or shame someone. And I've never seen you snide or rude or bossy or disrespectful. And all of those things, are why I hope you stay. You offer balance, support, and I see you as someone who "walks the walk".

I hope that clarifies. And I hope you see this. Actually, I'll message so you do :) x

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