iaawal

Anyone on the Autism Spectrum want to share?

45 posts in this topic

Same here. People think I'm mad at them when I'm not (When I'm mad, you'll know it). I used to make an attempt to control it, but that didn't work.

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just realized that i was diagnosed at 13 with asperger's and finally finding an answer for all the things i thought were just "weird"

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My mum's been reading Tony Attwood's The Complete Guide To Asperger's Syndrome and taking notes. It's weird being talked about in this way, it doesn't bother me, in fact I quite like it because I don't really feel like I know myself, I guess this is down to having a poor concept of self. This is all still new to me, hopefully I'll get an official diagnosis soon.

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opposite problem, people treating me assume i either 1) am terrified of social interaction - i'm not, i was a party animal until recently and totally confident - or 2) engage in this constant mimicry. I can't actually see facial expressions, except at emoticon levels of simplicity eg :-) :-( i tried those tests they have online and i literally can't see the differences. but there's no advice or help, and worse, they seem unable to think of anything to say, and just repeat the same stuff ('we can help you conquer your fears about going out' 'i don't have any' 'would you like help to be more confident?') I would LOVE to be in the position where i could see facial expressions etc and choose to use them or not.

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I really, really dread family gatherings. All my family is loud and a bunch of people are crowded into on place and everyone's laughing and having different conversations at the same time. And I'm expected to talk to everyone. I can't tell when they're being sarcastic or if they want me to go away. I used to just end up petting the dog, but now there are a bunch of younger kids who swamp the animals, so I have to force a smile and pretend this isn't overloading my senses. My (also aspie) brother just gives up and finds a quiet room to watch stuff on on his phone. But Mom expects me to be the perfect child. I like my family, but it's too much. Same goes for parties. To many people at once.

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Somehow I managed to cope with the cries of my niece, it makes my ear drums shiver. My sister and brother in law just left, thank god.

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How people can stand to use those automatic hand dryers is beyond me. It's a blaring noise that cuts through everything else and stops me from thinking, or doing anything. Hell, I can't even flush the toilet without covering both ears (I use my feet because touching that thing is unsanitary).

Same goes for parties where the music is turned up loud. And my mother's vacuum cleaner. I'm completely incapacitated by loud noises, which no one around me gets except my pdoc.

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I had an argument with my dad earlier this week. He said some very hurtful things. Part of it was that he thinks I don't want to help him out with jobs and that I'm just lazy and being punished when I'm called on when in fact I don't pick up the signals when someone could need a hand with something and don't think on instinct to help that person out. It's something I trying to learn now but it's hard to constantly be thinking is there some way I can help.

After a few hours he said he was over it and thought that this stuff must be quite normal for families. For me, it's just stressed me out, I already suffer with low self esteem and confidence and this hasn't helped in terms of depression either. I don't know if he's trying enough to understand AS, I'm thankful that he's willing to listen just like when my brother was diagnosed with ADHD though.

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I've been reading through the book Living Well on the Spectrum, it's really good. It provides structured approaches to daily living. I've read a few books now, all with giving examples of people's problems but none have provided useful techniques in how to solves problems apart from this book. It covers areas of the day you struggle with the most, work life, community life, health, home life and it devotes chapters with worksheets to these categories.

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I wonder if my mom's sick of hearing about Japan. It seems like everyday I IM her pics of the beaches of Kyuushuu or say things to her in Japanese or beg her to let me study abroad there. She also might be going to Okinawa to work soon, and since I got a job with her this summer, I keep asking her to bring me. I can't stop venting my obsession with Japan and all things from it. I've asked her if she's sick of hearing it, she said no. Is she just saying that to spare my feelings? IDK

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Jersey, does she usually tell you if she gets sick of hearing about something? 

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Eh, she used to, up until about six years ago. Then I finally realized she probably didn't want to hear about whatever was obsessing me atm. Now the habit has sort of returned. So she hasn't had to say anything.

 

Actually, scratch that. I'm Skyping her right now and I went on about her bringing me to Okinawa (where she keeps saying she doesn't want to go). She just said "Jersey, stop it". I guess that answers my question.

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I've more or less dropped out of school. Again. Classes are still ongoing but they are mostly revision. Exams start in a week and are spaced out over a month.

Though I will be studying hard, it will be from home. When I go in I can't think, can't function. At best, I make it through the day without taking anything in and then collapse, exhausted, at home and cry and can't do any more. At worst, my senses become distorted, to the extent I don't feel able to trust them very much at all and it feels like standing blindly on the edge of a cliff. Then I will get home and melt down utterly. Cut off most of my hair without even thinking about it during such a meltdown yesterday.

A few weeks ago I was looking up groups for people on the spectrum but I couldn't find any that I could get to. Sometimes I don't feel loneliness at all (though utterly alone) but when I do, it is often so intense that it can feel almost as though there is no-one else in the world.

Then, even if there are people around I am familiar with, they feel like strangers, and seem to stop truly understanding anything that I say, which is very distressing. I start to wonder, can they literally not hear me? Or are what I mean to say and what I'm actually saying two different things?

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Amianthus, this sounds like something worse than ASD. Do you have a pdoc or a tdoc you can go see?

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Gearhead, I'll be seeing a support worker in a few days, and my doctor in two weeks. I feel for the most part it's just the building stress of everything at the moment, but I'm not sure. I'll try and tell them both as much as possible whichever way.

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I'm a bit of a hypocrite, really. By my own confession, I'm more interested in fictional characters than actual flesh and blood people, yet when I isolate myself I complain about how lonely I am- because there's not enough people to talk to about my obsession with said work of fiction. My brother (who has many of the same interests) has heard it all already, a million times over. My best friend listens and cares, but I don't see her as often as I'd like to (if I had my way, I'd live with her).

Thank God for the internet. I can talk as much as I want about whatever topic, and people have the option of just ignoring me if they get sick of it.

Edited by JerseyGirl134

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1 hour ago, JerseyGirl134 said:

I'm a bit of a hypocrite, really. By my own confession, I'm more interested in fictional characters than actual flesh and blood people, yet when I isolate myself I complain about how lonely I am- because there's not enough people to talk to about my obsession with said work of fiction. My brother (who has many of the same interests) has heard it all already, a million times over. My best friend listens and cares, but I don't see her as often as I'd like to (if I had my way, I'd live with her).

Thank God for the internet. I can talk as much as I want about whatever topic, and people have the option of just ignoring me if they get sick of it.

What work of fiction?

We have a friend on the spectrum who lives for A-team fan fic.  

 

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2 minutes ago, Velvet Elvis said:

What work of fiction?

We have a friend on the spectrum who lives for A-team fan fic.  

 

Oh, I wasn't speaking in particulars- I get obsessed with things (usually an anime) for a few months at a time. What I was saying was just a general feeling I always have.

My current obsession is Assassination Classroom. I've already binge-read all 184 chapters of the manga, and I'm awaiting when its final episode airs (this Thursday). Sigh. I'll probably be obsessed with it for the rest of the summer, but I'm okay with that.

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My care coordinator is going to pick some people's brains about autism-centred occupational therapy for me. I had an email forwarded by him by a clinic psychologist who listed that as one thing I could try. I'm don't know what it completely covers, he only mentioned sensory needs in it. I'll be interested to see what it will be about, the internet offers no clues in that regard.

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