Asho2345

Anyone On The OCD Spectrum Want To Share

46 posts in this topic

@iaawal Wow. I can't believe your tdoc said that. That sucks. I'm lucky that mine specializes in OCD (though it can be a problem too when I'm having more bipolar/psychosis issues... she always wants to attribute what's going on to OCD).

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@aura Yeah, I once cut myself and couldn't figure out why (emotional numbness) so she suggested that I cut myself to have something to talk about in therapy. I just wanted to slap her. Shortly after I stopped seeing her. 

That's great that she specializes in OCD but I can understand the frustration. I feel there is some overlap in obsessions and delusions or rather a fine line. With driving mine become borderline delusions. Like the reason I can't find the bodies that I run over is because an alien came and took them away. The reason I can't feel them when I run over them is because humans are flat. Regardless, they do feel different so I can understand the frustration when it's not being understood. At least for me, one has a solution (or prevention or something) and the other is just there and it's true and that's it.

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Starting up CBT (particularly exposure and response prevention) for OCD again this week. Made two small adjustments and so far I'm handling it well. Next week is full on exposure time.

I want the OCD to go away so badly, but I'm also so scared! I'm not 100% convinced my checking measures are unreasonable. My tdoc has been doing a lot of challenging my thoughts, but still it's hard. I see her once a week, but I live this all the time.

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Hi guys, 

I seem to have a much milder 'version' of OCD. It's still distressing for me though :-(
A thought got stuck and I worry about it. Keep paying attention to it. It's a little like being extremely aware of a thought and then obsess about why it won't go away. The first time this happened to me was when I was around 19 years old. I became incredibly averted to having this certain word stuck in my mind. It will only go away when I'm really distracted. After that it will come back....and I worry over it again. 
I always look for reassurance on the internet. It works for a while, but then I go look for more info again. I did learn to stop this in the past but lately I feel so anxious!

There have been good periods, but it keeps coming back. SSRI's helped a lot ( seemed in remission for about 5 years) but the last one pooped out on me so now I'm trying another one.

My grandmother was an obsessive cleaner, my dad hypochondriac, my sister bites the skin around her nails and on my mothers side there's addiction to alcohol and gambling. My mom was severely depressed after I was born....
I have bad genetics I suppose...



 

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I'm super nervous about therapy tomorrow. We're going to do an exposure surrounding my car OCD (looots of checking). I've been so unstable mood-wise the past two years that OCD treatment was put on the backburner. Now I need to pull myself together and start exposures again. Anyone else go through this?

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@aura, I tried ERP (exposure response prevention) briefly, but it didn't work out for me.

It has worked for a lot of folks, though, and I wish you the best with it..

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I wish I drove. There are many things I can't do because I don't have a car (or friends).

Go to meetups because apparently all the lesbians hang out in places on the other side of town that are not on my bus route and would be $30 each way on uber or even more with surge prices or taxis. There's only one mental health meetup that I can go too because it's accessible by bus. 

I had to quit the only gym on my bus route because I could get there in the evening but the bus going the other way doesn't stop by my apartment so it would require lots of walking home or ubers. I can't go in the mornings because I can't get there but I could get to work. So lots of walking or ubers. Let's not even get started on weekend schedules. Walking or ubers both ways. 

I don't feel ready to tackle that though and I don't have anyone that I would trust to be in a car with me to help me. I know myself. If I don't feel ready and I push myself over my limits then I just go to square one. It's happened with my other fears (heights, anxiety, etc.) I've gotten too far with my controlling my compulsions and I don't feel like risking it. It would be almost 8 years of progress down the drain. Doesn't mean I can't shed a tear or two about it though.

Stupid OCD telling me I'm running people/animals over. 

One day. This can also be solved by making a friend that I can bum rides off of but social anxiety takes care of that one. :\

 

Edited by iaawal

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On 1/16/2017 at 5:35 PM, aura said:

I'm super nervous about therapy tomorrow. We're going to do an exposure surrounding my car OCD (looots of checking). I've been so unstable mood-wise the past two years that OCD treatment was put on the backburner. Now I need to pull myself together and start exposures again. Anyone else go through this?

Aura, is your car OCD about running people over/obsessively checking if you did? If so, can you let me know if your therapy helps you? 

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On 12/20/2016 at 0:47 AM, CherryBlossom said:

This is just a random thought. But, how is anyone actually organized with this disorder? I am diagnosed with OCD. My obsessions are kinda odd. I do have obsessions with things being in order and perfect. But, I seem to never be able to accomplish it, just gets messy again and I get so depress. I am at the point it doesn't matter. I might as well be depress and mean toward myself for not having things organized than the worst emotions I get when everything gets messy again. 

 

I have OCPD (like the bigger, nastier, shitty cousin of OCD) but I also have pretty much straight-forward OCD too. I am so damn messy, it's ridiculous. Part of it is the dyspraxia, but with OCD I start tidying, then get upset because I'd have to completely redo my whole bedroom to have an organised system, then I get depressed and... nothing gets tidied haha. I'm more the hoarder OCPD than obsessively organised OCPD which.. is difficult. I'd love to be organised but alas. Sometimes it's just about saying you were able to do some washing or hoover the floor rather than have a sparkling clean room/school notes/etc. It's an ouroboros of anxiety/inability.

EDIT:

iaawal your (former?) therapist sounds... bad. What the heck? I can understand the feeling of 'is this psychosis or this is anxiety' though. I keep thinking about (tw) breaking my fingers. I don't even want to do it, it's just happening. aura, I hope your exposure stuff goes well. It's worth trying? To be honest I had a lot of 'organic' exposure therapy (life just kept throwing triggering things at me) and it took years but I am a lot better with certain things. 

Edited by ananke

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On 2016-12-09 at 1:12 AM, iaawal said:

I'm stressed so the number 6 is getting to me more than usual. I'm tempted to do the compulsions and do anything possible to avoid 6 but I have to remind myself. A mass murder will not happen if I don't avoid 6. Murder has 6 letters. Shit. I can do this. I've been managing this. Go back to your room, OCD!

So many 6 letter words in my post! 

OMG iaawal I know this! Had this so bad when I was a teenager. One of my fears/obsessions were of 3s and 6, or numbers added by 3 and 6, and on the tv I had to make sure the volume wasn't at that level. I'd panic if I looked at the clock or at anything with those numbers, and I'd be deeply frightened if multiples of those numbers showed up in daily life situations like paying for something. Mine were much more superstitious, I thought I'd be cursed if I looked at those numbers/that demonic forces were going to prey on my soul. Damn irrational phobias.

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Yeah, I also had/have a problem with the number 6 and to a lesser extent the number 4. People say that 13 is the unlucky number but for me it was always 6 and multiples thereof.

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I have a weird obsession with the number 3, but it's always a positive thing? Idk I like things that are triangular or in thirds for some reason. Hate the number 14 though. Urgh

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Anyone see this Guy's poem who has OCD that has been going around Facebook? INTENSE

 

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32 minutes ago, KnickNak said:

Anyone see this Guy's poem who has OCD that has been going around Facebook? INTENSE

Wow......So sad......I can feel his pain........:(

 

Edited by CrazyRedhead
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Lately I have been obsessed with certain things being straight. Especially at the grocery store. It drives me nuts. If I see something in the freezer aisle upside down I have to fix it or if a cereal box is not lined up straight I can't go by without fixing it .. I have tried . I will even wait , when people leave ... when I can't get to it and go back.  I don't know if people notice but if they do I will straight up tell them it bugs me. But shit , I should probabaly get a job there as a night person who stocks shelves. 

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1 hour ago, KnickNak said:

Lately I have been obsessed with certain things being straight. Especially at the grocery store. It drives me nuts. If I see something in the freezer aisle upside down I have to fix it or if a cereal box is not lined up straight I can't go by without fixing it .. I have tried . I will even wait , when people leave ... when I can't get to it and go back.  I don't know if people notice but if they do I will straight up tell them it bugs me. But shit , I should probabaly get a job there as a night person who stocks shelves. 

I bet the employees appreciate it though! ;)

I have that at home, where I'll spend too long making the bed because it has to be just so, rearranging books so they line up and the colors don't clash, etc. I'll think they're ok.. sit down and nope. Get back up. Change something. Sit back down. Repeat.  

Makes me want to scream. 

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Posted (edited)

2 hours ago, her-escape said:

I bet the employees appreciate it though! ;)

I have that at home, where I'll spend too long making the bed because it has to be just so, rearranging books so they line up and the colors don't clash, etc. I'll think they're ok.. sit down and nope. Get back up. Change something. Sit back down. Repeat.  

Makes me want to scream. 

Omg.. Hopefully you don't have a lot of blankets on the bed haha... I am the same way, repeat and check. someone will be talking to me and I am not listening I will be thinking of something else i need to check. I do scream sometimes... only at home. I don't need to be screaming in public and be taken away by the cops. 

Edited by KnickNak

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I have been dealing with pure-O since my teen years. I've posted about this before when I was replying to a friend on here but want to add it to this thread as well because I don't see it mentioned yet and think it might bring some comfort or reassurance to someone else having this problem. I find it comforting to read about other people's experiences with it so I'm adding mine for that reason. 

The themes that I've dealt with have been satanic/anti-religious, schizo-OCD (was very afraid and convinced I was developing schizophrenia) h-OCD due to bullies calling me homophobic insults at school everyday, which caused a lot of confusion about my sexual identity for a few years, and finally the sexual taboos: pedophilia, bestiality and incest. Oh joy, my favourite. 🙄

The physical sensations that accompany the sexual taboo ones bother me more than anything. I have to go back and think "Okay, do I actually want to do that or think about that?" When I try to think about those sexual taboos voluntarily it doesn't work, that's how I know the difference between my sexual desires and these other sexual intrusive thoughts/groinal response. I know now that they are not real but this doesn't mean I don't still have them.

People I love and care about have no idea that I sometimes can't look them in the eye, or that I secretly worry about accidentally touching their boob or something when I hug them, all because of the unwanted thoughts and groinal response (ugh I hate that word). I am a huggy person, I hug my family members all the time. We also got a pet cat a few years ago, and it has been so cathartic having him around. 

So to have these sexual taboo themes in my head that go against and rape everything I love and care about, which I equate to a creepy man in my head being like "Hey, I bet you wanna do this to your family, right???" Is very annoying, grr! But I can deal with it. 

 

Edited by nervousbat

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On 2/16/2017 at 5:45 PM, ananke said:

I have a weird obsession with the number 3, but it's always a positive thing? Idk I like things that are triangular or in thirds for some reason. Hate the number 14 though. Urgh

I also love the number 3. And 9, since it's a multiple.

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I don't have OCD but I just caught a glimpse of Aura's response and felt compelled to add: I also love 3, and 9. I have very warm feelings for 7, as well, and all their products.

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This is a little weird, but whenever I go to visit my mom and dad's grave at the cemetery, I notice when flowers or wreaths have fallen over on other people's graves.......

This really bothers me, and I feel compelled to set them up in their right place again, whenever possible, even if the person who drove me there might be in more of a hurry.

In my mind, this is a show of respect, although actually it's the job of the cemetery groundskeepers to keep everything looking nice.

Edited by CrazyRedhead

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