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confused

I don't know if this is a bad idea

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I had a tdoc I saw YEARS ago (maybe 10). He was the first tdoc I clicked with, who asked to hear my story, who really seemed to understand me and get me to reveal things when I was so private. But, I was very symptomatic at the time. I developed a crush on him. I can't really explain to myself why I stopped seeing him.

I searched for other therapists and picked up tools but never met a tdoc that the relationship felt the same. I asked him for a recommendation and he gave me the name of the tdoc (female) I have been seeing the past couple of years. I think she is really pretty good. 

But, she was out for a month and I had a downturn and I ended up seeing the old tdoc while she was away. The session went well. Now, I am more than contemplating seeing him on a regular basis again. He doesn't take insurance and is out of my price range but sometimes will lower prices. I e-mailed his contact form on his website to find out more.It may go nowhere anyways if I can't afford to see him.

One thing is I used to think I was receiving messages through the media and elsewhere and that he coordinated most of it. I thought about him a lot. He kept clear boundaries. 

I am at a place now where I don't focus on the thoughts.

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Transference is a normal part of the process, right? But what if it goes from being a crush to you falling in love with him, wouldn't that be a pain? I'd much rather talk to women for that reason... who am I kidding.. I should only talk to the elderly... I can fall in love with any intelligent person under 70.

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Thanks. Yes, that would be a problem. It all sort of worked itself out in a roundabout way. I am just seeing the female tdoc now.

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I had a mild crush on a pdoc once. It was probably because she was one of two people (the other being my tdoc) I could really talk about my issues with. Plus she was really smart. And the Prozac she prescribed really helped me. Anyway, it's not an unusual problem. Both of them maintained appropriate boundaries. 

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