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jacques

Things you've done while manic

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I don't know if I mentioned the one time where I thought I was "The Chosen One" meant to bring enlightenment to all beings on the planet... I stayed up for a week and didn't sleep, and researched the heck out of energy healing.

Now.. being stable.. I still believe i can learn to be an energy healer, as it is in fact a real thing, but I don't have this grandiose notion that i am the true leader of free thinking, set to release all of our minds! 

It really scared my gf, she thought I was way nuts.

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I've done quite a few lot of things I am ashamed of.

- Decided to buy a ton of new expensive clothes and accessories. I also decided to redecorate my room only 2 months after moving in.

- Had unprotected sex and then had bad anxiety because I thought it resulted in me being infected with HIV.

- Went to work hungover a few times... and then I was complimented on the quality of my work.

- Walked around my apartment with a knife and the lights turned off and covered mirrors with blankets because I thought someone would attack me if I stared in the mirror for too long.

- Ranted to my roommate one night about how the sunset was "wrong" and the clouds in the sky just weren't right.

- Lost my virginity to a registered sex offender. I only learned he was a registered sex offender after we had sex, for my defense.

- Smoked a lot of my roommate's weed with her.

- The one I am most ashamed of is probably having sex with a man much older than me who had the same name as my dad... looking back, this was just so awkward... like why?

And there are a few more but they're definitely not as bad. Going through a hypomanic episode was just so strange because I always had the reputation of an innocent sober boring person and then I just instantly turned into a horny stoner party animal. Oh well...

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On 1/8/2017 at 11:06 PM, Flash said:

That's why I don't have a passport. I really don't want to wake up to the realization that I've joined the crew of a pirate ship in Somalia. It's not as far-fetched as it sounds. Mania and psychosis have led me to some really screwed-up things. 

So travelling abroad causes mania?

So that's what happened to me! 

I went to africa and lost my mind

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Oh gosh. Let's see.

Built a bed at night/  planned a trip to Flordia quickly/ Had an online relationship from someone in the middle east/ thought I was a boy/ took numerous diet pills/ threw the desk computer out the door into the front yard/ cussed out my husband's aunt at work/ started voice lessons 

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On 8/1/2017 at 5:52 PM, Housewife Betty said:

I have done so many stupid, awful things I have lost count.

 

But the worst thing I did was to cheat on my husband. I was totally insane at the time, and I have felt nothing but guilt and shame ever since. I feel so guilty that I have considered suicide to get the awful thoughts to stop. Intellectually I know that I made a mistake and I am human, but I am having a hard time getting over this one.

Get Christian counseling and make sure your medicine is correct. If you have asked Gods forgiveness there is no guilt. It's wiped away. If you ask again again and again it does nothing bc you are forgiven. You are white as snow and God knows your minds chemistry. Don't worry. 

I ALMOST stockpiled enough dried food for 20 years.

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7 hours ago, orangey123 said:

Get Christian counseling

 I don't have mania, just depression, but I just want to chime in here and say that it's not really anyone's place on this board to recommend to someone a religious (moral) solution to their mental illness.

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Posted (edited)

- tinder, tinder, tinder. slept with like 20 guys with 20 crazy issues of their own in the space of a couple months.

- had totally consuming, obsessive, nonsensical crushes on people i didn't know at all and done any number of ridiculous things to get their attention.

- became involved with another, more severely bipolar person who was inappropriately young for me

- became obsessed with raw veganism, so obsessed.

- became obsessed with cacti and tried to grow 50 of them in a fishtank for mescaline

- quit my job and moved to arizona in the space of a few days (unrelated to the cacti episode, but i did end up leaving my cacti there where they live happily) and left a house full of abandoned things

- flipped out on some boy and left an embarrassing letter on his porch.

- wrote and drew a comic book in one week. it's actually pretty good, but it probably could have been much better. there were many more that i planned on making.

- staying up all night and making my family an elaborate vegan breakfast and becoming very upset by the fact that they took "forever" to wake up by like 8:30 and didn't seem to care that much about my vegan breakfast (none of them are vegan).

- listened to the bible on audiobook for 7 hours straight.

Edited by bagels

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