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I am taking 50mg of amisulpride. It is supposed to help negative symptoms, and it does, but it has taken away my voices, entities, Wonderland and everything else. They were my friends I don't mind they are considered hallucinations, I want them back.

 

I have been thinking on stopping the AP or taking an hallucinogen or another drug... I don't know.

I have talked with my psych nurse and she said it's like when you lose someone or something important... yeah... it's as if I have lost a leg or eye... they were my 6 sense... and my friends.... I am so sad... an apathetic.......

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I felt very sad when the nails and thumbtack on the wall in my old office stopped being sentient beings. We were friends. We had a story. We communicated telepathically. I understand that sadness. I missed them so much. Now I'm in a new office and none of the objects have life so I'm all alone in the office.

I don't think you should stop taking your AP or take another drug. Talk it over with your docs. Maybe they can help you deal with the grieving.

Edited by iaawal

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10 minutes ago, OliverB said:

I am feeling horribely depressed because I don't have my things with me anymore.

This has happened to me also, and my pdoc diagnosed me with post-psychotic depression. 

I mourned having the voices around and the world I lived in with them.  I also felt devastated, extremely depressed, tears pouring out of my eyes.  It was really hard to go through, and it lasted a couple of days.  I hope you can get through it too. 

What helped me was that I wrote out how I felt and everything else about it all, and when I saw pdoc next I handed it to him.  Idk how, but that seemed to help me.

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But I want them, they are part of my life.

They are my friends, I don't want them to go away, I just wanted to treat negative symptoms.

That's why I am going to ask for an stimulant.

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The problem with the voices is they may be comforting but they give incorrect information at least some of the time which can lead to strange behavior. You just can't trust hallucinations or imaginary friends. I know whats its like to lose voices or imaginary worlds and friends and it is just like losing a loved one. But its like in the matrix you can take the red or blue pill. I chose the red pill and I am better off for it. You will be too.

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7 minutes ago, JustGotOut said:

The problem with the voices is they may be comforting but they give incorrect information at least some of the time which can lead to strange behavior. You just can't trust hallucinations or imaginary friends. I know whats its like to lose voices or imaginary worlds and friends and it is just like losing a loved one. But its like in the matrix you can take the red or blue pill. I chose the red pill and I am better off for it. You will be too.

Maybe, but I can't stand it : (

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2 minutes ago, Foreverlearning said:

How's your reality testing with your voices? What risks are involved with having them around? 

None, they are my friend and I have killed them with meds ._.

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talk to your doctor about finding the right balance of meds - especially if you aren't entering psychosis over your voices.-(because voices can be liars and provide false information.) It doesn't matter if others can't hear them, or don't have them. Let your doctor know what the benefits of your voices are and how they affect your quality of life. And if your doctor is still concerned, work out a safety plan to watch for strange behaviors that can put you at risk in the community or at home. Your doctor is there to support you! You aren't there to appease your doctor!  So enlist his help in finding your balance - you deserve happiness along with your safety/wellness!

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2 hours ago, OliverB said:

I am taking 50mg of amisulpride. It is supposed to help negative symptoms, and it does, but it has taken away my voices, entities, Wonderland and everything else. They were my friends I don't mind they are considered hallucinations, I want them back.

I hope you can find a good balance that will help OliverB. But do you want to risk having terrible/evil voices & hallucinations in order to bring the "good" voices back? Admittedly, I do not have experience with hallucinations or voices....but the thought of experiencing them (good or bad) freaks the crap out of me!! I would be so scared and afraid that I was completely losing my mind and connection in this world.....never to return.

But I sort of get it - these "friends" have been around you for a very long time. They probably feel familiar and safe. So it must feel very disturbing for all of them to suddenly be gone....like you have lost a huge part of yourself.

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4 minutes ago, cloudmonger said:

I hope you can find a good balance that will help OliverB. But do you want to risk having terrible/evil voices & hallucinations in order to bring the "good" voices back? Admittedly, I do not have experience with hallucinations or voices....but the thought of experiencing them (good or bad) freaks the crap out of me!! I would be so scared and afraid that I was completely losing my mind and connection in this world.....never to return.

But I sort of get it - these "friends" have been around you for a very long time. They probably feel familiar and safe. So it must feel very disturbing for all of them to suddenly be gone....like you have lost a huge part of yourself.

Similar thoughts here. I do hallucinate, but my hallucinations are solely visual aside from some minor hypnagogic noises, and then a minor distraction at most, not something as deeply personal as the voices OliverB describes. I don't know what it is like to hear voices, but depending on how they are I would see them as anything from deeply a part of myself, such that I would feel a great void if they were to suddenly go away, to utterly and completely terrifying, which I would be glad that anything at all could suppress them.

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24 minutes ago, Foreverlearning said:

talk to your doctor about finding the right balance of meds - especially if you aren't entering psychosis over your voices.-(because voices can be liars and provide false information.) It doesn't matter if others can't hear them, or don't have them. Let your doctor know what the benefits of your voices are and how they affect your quality of life. And if your doctor is still concerned, work out a safety plan to watch for strange behaviors that can put you at risk in the community or at home. Your doctor is there to support you! You aren't there to appease your doctor!  So enlist his help in finding your balance - you deserve happiness along with your safety/wellness!

I will try to convince him to add some stimulant. I can't take a lower dose of amisulpride, 100mg is the smaller pill and I have to cut it half. I take it because at lower dosage it blocks autoreceptors first so it enchance dopamine neurotrasmisor instead of blocking it.

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5 hours ago, cloudmonger said:

these "friends" have been around you for a very long time. They probably feel familiar and safe. So it must feel very disturbing for all of them to suddenly be gone....like you have lost a huge part of yourself.

This is a good way to put it.

 

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36 minutes ago, melissaw72 said:

This is a good way to put it.

 

I agree. The nails and the thumbtack gave me something to look forward to in my office. I felt comfortable (even though they worked for an evil mastermind). If I was Having a hard time I wasn't alone. Having them turn back into just objects broke my heart and I lost my friends who had been with me for months at that point. It was a lonely place.

Oliver, I hope you can find the right balance of meds. 

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@OliverB you didn't kill them or silence them.

i felt lost without the voices and messages ( I would get messages in the media and environment, too). I sometimes wonder if it wasn't the medication and that they just stopped on their own. I heard people I know Irl, though and they are still in the state. 

I think you were brave to bring it up to the psych nurse. It isn't uncommon but I had never heard of it. 

FWIW I am participating more in other activities and more social, even working part time, that I could not have done when I had those "symptoms".

i don't feel I have a choice to 'go back' . I have had some breakthrough symptoms but they are different. Repeating phrases and things that are distressing and uncomfortable for me. 

I don't know if I have a point other than I understand what you are saying. It is hard. It was harder for me than when I was deeply delusional.

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I was thinking on asking the... I don't know how it's called.... when the medication is liquid and you put it in water... there is that option with amisulpride...

So I was thinking on:

1.

Amisulpride 25mg

Sertraline 25mg

Bupropion 150mg

Amisulpride at low dose blocks first presynaptic autoreceptors so it enhance dopamine transmision, plus bupropion it's a synergic action. It's also a potent inhibition of the enzime that metabolize sertraline so I wouldn't need to increase sertraline

 

2.

Amisulpride 25mg

Sertraline 50mg

Methylphenidate

 

3.

Sertraline 50mg

Methylphenidate

 

 

I go to a day hospital everyday so they can monitorize if the stimulant makes me psychotic

Edited by OliverB

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OliverB I don't think that is a good idea.

I don't think I can talk you out of wanting to change your meds so I will leave it at that.

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1 hour ago, confused said:

OliverB I don't think that is a good idea.

I don't think I can talk you out of wanting to change your meds so I will leave it at that.

I am going to talk about it with my pdoc tomorrow.

 

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6 minutes ago, OliverB said:

I am going to talk about it with my pdoc tomorrow.

 

are you planning on working on any change with pdoc? that does sound good.

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1 hour ago, confused said:

are you planning on working on any change with pdoc? that does sound good.

If he doesn't add bupropion or a stimulant I will stop the AP.

Meanwhile, in the morning, I am going to take 20mg more of diazepam and 2mg of lormatazepam to fall asleep. I cannot stand being awake without them.

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Better 10mg more of diazepam.

and 900mg gabapentin

I cannot live without them

Edited by OliverB

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