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wadjet

My dad is in hospital

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When I was young, sometime before 12, I got pneumonia. I had been sick for months and my parents kept telling me I was being lazy and going to the doctor cost money and they couldn't afford to pay so I had to quit being a baby and go to school. One morning I couldn't move. My mom was yelling at me but I couldn't move and it hurt so bad to breathe. I had blood that I had coughed up. They took me to the hospital. I was in the hospital for a long time. The doctor told me I almost died and that when I get sick I need to tell my parents right away because they would always help me. When my parents visited they would tell me how expensive the hospital was and I needed to tell the doctor I was better. For years my mom would mention how expensive my hospital stay was.

Today I got a text message that my dad is in the hospital, possibly pneumonia, and it could be lethal, though he will probably be alright. I was told I needed to call him to help him feel better and know he is loved. So I did and now I feel like shit. My sister would just tell me I need to get over it and quit hanging on to old history and I should be nice to him because he is old. Maybe I am being petty. It would be so much easier if he came to visit me just once. If he ever remembered any of my children's birthdays. If he actually knew me. He has never bothered.

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I honestly don't think you're being petty... having someone  (especially your parents!) ignoring your health and berating you for wanting and needing help and then turning around and wanting you to support them in the way they couldn't support you, their child? What an invalidating thing to throw at someone. I would be livid...  

My family does not acknowledge or care to understand/learn about my physical or mental illnesses, yet the other day my brother's back was hurting and it was this huge thing... like really? Families suck...

I'm sorry they did that shit to you... then and now. Completely not okay. You don't need to be nice to someone just because their old, as your sister said. IMO, people need to earn the respect they want...  and it definitely doesn't sound like he has earned (or even tried to earn) yours. 

Edited by her-escape
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When I was growing up, I got similar messages. I was in the hospital for a week and no visits from my dad. And on and on, you get the drift of my story. As an adult, my dad was in the hospital and I refused to visit. At the time I felt justified. But later I felt guilty, since I do think my parents had matured over the years. Still, I feel bitter over the past hurts, but that's on me now. For me, the fact that I believe my father had changed is what made the difference. If he had still been a jerk, no guilt for not seeing him. But sometimes people do change. I don't know your situation, but for me, what seemed best at the time seems unnecessary now that he's dead. I doubt he understood my motivation so my point was lost anyway. Do what is right for you. For me, it's something I think about, did I do the right thing. 

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