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madmax15

I wish I was THAT guy!

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This is "The Confessional" where you confess your sins. I have a confession to make:

When I was admitted to the psych ward I wish I was that guy who was manic. I wish I was that guy who cuts himself. I wish I was that guy who was depressed.

Why? Because I felt that my situation was far far worse. The paranoia was THAT bad. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but I was so restricted. 

Edited by madmax15
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On 2/22/2017 at 2:36 AM, madmax15 said:

This is "The Confessional" where you confess your sins. I have a confession to make:

When I was admitted to the psych ward I wish I was that guy who was manic. I wish I was that guy who cuts himself. I wish I was that guy who was depressed.

Why? Because I felt that my situation was far far worse. The paranoia was THAT bad. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but I was so restricted. 

I can see why you might feel that way.  Living in constant panic and fear has got to be one of the most traumatic emotional upheavals that someone can experience.   

Some types of mania can be "fun" or "exciting" during the episode but  most usually it only feels that way to those experiencing it and that thrill is accompanied by very dangerous and self-destructive behavior.  Other types of mania can be riddled with anxiety and even mixed with depression.  Manias are followed buy an inevitable crash.  

I don't know your diagnoses but major depression, is a horrible, horrible way to be.  you might think that your feelings of paranoia trump feelings of those in major depression buy matter of intensity, but perhaps you don't understand how some people feel when they are majorly depressed and suicidal.  If I'm wrong then please correct me.  

I've experienced  paranoia.  I know it's gut wrenching and nightmarish- hellish.  You need not be ashamed of wishing you could feel a different way but acknowledge that you might be incorrect in your assumptions about one symptom of MI being more pleasant that another.  

Edited by TakeAChillPill

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6 hours ago, TakeAChillPill said:

but perhaps you don't understand how some people feel when they are majorly depressed and suicidal.  If I'm wrong then please correct me.  

Yes you are wrong. I have been depressed and suicidal in the past...

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I think this was a good spot to post

I have been in groups where people have mostly mood symptoms and I feel like no one understands my paranoia or other types of more psychotic symptoms. I don't know that I wish I had what they had instead, more that i felt like I didn't fit in. But, I do understand what you are saying.

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6 hours ago, confused said:

I have been in groups where people have mostly mood symptoms

How's their functioning compared to get yours?

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Hmmmm... I do not know. I am pretty stable now, but at the time I wasn't.  I guess that was part of my dysfunction, not being able to get along with the others. 

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Well, my depression and anxiety has pretty much cost me all of my dreams. My functioning is trying to get through one day at a time.

Envying others will do nothing to help you. You have to decide to do the best you can and make the most out of your life that you can in spite of your illness. If you do that you will never fail. However, if you measure your life against others you will always feel like a failure or not as functional and never be happy, and as I said, it will do nothing to help your life.

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