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When I was rushing for assignments and couldn't remember things but was hyper-focused, obsessed, and could not put my thoughts together.

I think I was experiencing hypomania + hyperactivity + dysohoria. I rushed every assignment from grade school to science and econ undergrads. Without ADD meds I wouldn't even know what day it was, half the time, let alone hand in things. tmp_25123-IMAG2393-1599228486.thumb.jpg.b3735d9098a1077360b64a92f3385a61.jpg

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Edited by MNK99

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Yep, although typically less readable. My handwriting has always been slow (20 wpm max when handwriting vs 80-90 wpm when typing) and unreadable (incredibly so - I have fine motor skill issues and was taught to write in cursive, which often results in a total trainwreck of close-to-completely-illegible writing), so I try to type up as much stuff as possible (most of my direct course notes in uni were still handwritten due to extensive use of non-standard formatting in math/physics/chemistry/etc, or for classes where I needed minimal notes - but not for classes where copious notes in standard formats were needed, or for most assignments, or almost all of my very extensive notes related to personal organization, etc). Pretty much everything was done last-minute prior to starting meds, and even after starting them, I still had significant (but reduced) issues.

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That's what my normal handwriting looks like. I frequently have words I can't make out at all, even guessing from context. I'm a crappy typist, too.

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On 3/5/2017 at 6:04 AM, MNK99 said:

When I was rushing for assignments and couldn't remember things but was hyper-focused, obsessed, and could not put my thoughts together.

I think I was experiencing hypomania + hyperactivity + dysohoria. I rushed every assignment from grade school to science and econ undergrads. Without ADD meds I wouldn't even know what day it was, half the time, let alone hand in things. tmp_25123-IMAG2393-1599228486.thumb.jpg.b3735d9098a1077360b64a92f3385a61.jpg

tmp_25123-IMAG2471-2085057578.jpg

tmp_25123-IMAG24891758444731.jpg

tmp_25123-IMAG2464116665872.jpg

You write like a doctor lol

 

 

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I have very poor handwriting and I'm not sure why I do. To be honest in like 5th grade my handwriting was neater than it is now. I sort of believe that in my condition(schizoaffective) its something that due to epigenics or whatever it begins in childhood and for some people it never becomes a full blown illness in others it slowly progresses and the person slowly loses functioning till they just break down. A teacher when I was in 8th grade showed me a very neat writing I wrote and my writing in even 8th grade compared to 5th grade was like night and day it just got worse and worse. This all happened so gradual along with my illness that it was impossible to know I was even ill. So what connection mental illness has with struggling to write neatly I don't know. But I can only assume a scattered sloppy messy brain leads to scattered sloppy messy writing.

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Dyspraxia and dysgraphia feature poor handwriting, the former is due to poor fine muscle control, I am not as sure about dysgraphia although their writing is often unreadable.I weent back to block print ASAP and I am slow at handwriting

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2 hours ago, JustGotOut said:

I have very poor handwriting and I'm not sure why I do. To be honest in like 5th grade my handwriting was neater than it is now. I sort of believe that in my condition(schizoaffective) its something that due to epigenics or whatever it begins in childhood and for some people it never becomes a full blown illness in others it slowly progresses and the person slowly loses functioning till they just break down. A teacher when I was in 8th grade showed me a very neat writing I wrote and my writing in even 8th grade compared to 5th grade was like night and day it just got worse and worse. This all happened so gradual along with my illness that it was impossible to know I was even ill. So what connection mental illness has with struggling to write neatly I don't know. But I can only assume a scattered sloppy messy brain leads to scattered sloppy messy writing.

My handwriting in Kindergarten was far more legible than mine is now. LOL. It just looked like kid's handwriting, where mine today is obviously the product of someone older. If I slow down to a snail's pace, my handwriting is legible, but it still looks crappy. I simply can't make good-looking handwriting. And frankly, I don't really care all that much. It is annoying sometimes when I can't read what I wrote, but it can save time. Sometimes I'll just start the word out normally and finish it with a totally illegible scrawl. I will usually be able to make it out from the beginning, along with context. Generally, the less I write, the more legible it is. So if I write a shopping list, I have a much better chance of making it out than if I write a paragraph of text.

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Part of the thing with legibility is that if you are using handwriting less, your legibility and speed will drop significantly. So while you were in school you handwrote everything literally all the time and thus it looked better, while now you're likely barely using your handwriting skills and thus it looks worse than it used to.

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Are you my boss? 

That's what his handwriting looks like. Just increase the font size. A few sentences take over half the page. He has true doctor handwriting.

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You write like a doctor lol @jordansonfleek

Haha, yeah. My brother and first cousins and uncles and aunts are doctors (Not in Psyche). Strangely my brother (a surgeon) and my mom write very neatly and are very artistic.

My dad and me have horrendous handwriting and organization. I'm probably worse than them in ways. Like my brother may have 30-40% ADHD, but I have like a million % (not all bad).

I am surprised I passed courses when I was younger. Luckily I was smart and could read entire books on the way to school (not really read, but skim) as a kid. But later, it was being late, practicing presentations in the washroom, getting physician notes, apologizing for being late, walking into the wrong classroom (and washroom sometimes). I was late to like every science lab, plus had no idea how to do them - I was probably a hinderance to the TA's. After getting in trouble, I said "fuck this" and transferred to Economics. Until I got academic accommodations and meds, life was even more of a mess. 

@Justnuts Re: worsening handwriting over time. Definitely. I saw some Elementary notes -- it was like pretty ok, even neat but slanted printing. Grade 7 ok. Grade 9, 10, 12... totally jacked up... and University -- even crazier. I filled like 4.5million words of journals from 2009-2014... Jokes, ideas, stories, and ramblings..... Mostly illegible. Probably hypomania - I remember calculating 10000 words a day at times. 

Journalling, even though I can't read it (except when typed) helped me with anxiety, overthinking, planning, and quitting alcohol, fitness plans also. I was writing 2000 words in junior high easily and handing in 20 page essays when the page limit was 7-10. This became way more of an issue in university where they don't accept that. I got a 67% in English 30 (grade 12) final exam, simply due to horrible handwriting. I got it remarked and got a 97%. So looking back I always had to argue or ask for more time, bend the rules a bit.

My academic petitions were very strong (had to argue a lot of my transcript - it was a nightmare and due to the school as well as my executive function problems, and if they're right bipolar as well). My latest ones were extremely verbose and disjointed but they won. I think I sped up mentally and reflex wise as I entered my teens and twenties. I'm always hypervigilant and precise in ways, but over-reactive/sensitive. Like in fighting games, I can destroy my friends, but I press the buttons constantly, even when its loading.  I love TEKKEN.

It's not limited to handwriting though, my notes for a graduate course were like 80000 words and I needed to shorten essays to 950 words every week. And I screwed myself in that class... I have way worse examples than the ones I posted. @notloki I definitely have considered dysgraphia. I think ALL THE TIME - 24/7. And When I finally get my work done (30-40% the time), its rushed, and its late, trying to shorten it. This class posted below, I was trying to organize the massive readings into the main themes to write articles. Most articles turned out well actually, but were definitely not my best essays. I think ADHD meds worsened this in a way, but without them it'd be 10 fails instead of 1 or 2.

I write on walls and my computer too (notes - schedule). The only person I know that similarly wrote on their wall was my cousin. In his math+Finance degrees, his parent's basement walls were covered with Math problems. It was hilarious and disturbing. He's a genius for sure though with 4 degrees including a dual master's from Harvard. So far I've been less efficacious. Lol. I "break down and I rectify" like Larry David.

I need a career that works with rapid fire thinking until I can fund my dream careers. Trading, voice acting... I don't know. If its interesting and I can practice it works, when I have to strain - I overprepare and go off into another dimension, and its off tangent and disconnected. 

I read at a grade 10 level when I was in elementary. How come now I no longer make sense? Is it drugs? Or does ADHD and BPII make you more and more erratic as time goes on?

Finally lost my mind.jpg

International Trade Dev Policy Integrn 1.jpg

Edited by MNK99
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@nervousbat  Thanks! A couple friends told me the same thing. I checked out that link its pretty cool.

@JustGotOut

 

"

I have very poor handwriting and I'm not sure why I do. To be honest in like 5th grade my handwriting was neater than it is now. I sort of believe that in my condition(schizoaffective) its something that due to epigenics or whatever it begins in childhood and for some people it never becomes a full blown illness in others it slowly progresses and the person slowly loses functioning till they just break down. A teacher when I was in 8th grade showed me a very neat writing I wrote and my writing in even 8th grade compared to 5th grade was like night and day it just got worse and worse. This all happened so gradual along with my illness that it was impossible to know I was even ill. So what connection mental illness has with struggling to write neatly I don't know. But I can only assume a scattered sloppy messy brain leads to scattered sloppy messy writing."

 

This seems true. Do you write more logically/cleanly and think more linearly on meds? I function better on ADHD meds but am still VERY scatter-brained. 

If I can ride this lamotrigine trial out (for BPII - which I'm not sure that I have), maybe it will improve.

 

I had some side effects that I really hated and I think 

maybe some were due to the lactose in the pills (albeit miniscule amount). I'm on Apo-lamotrigine at least for now... but I think brand name Lamictal worked better... It's only been 2 days though. I felt nice on mylan, then was "cycling" and it didn't seem to help. I quit that due to fluid retention. Then I tried brand name but it seemed to do the same, though I lost weight quickly at first. I don't have much weight to lose, yet they worsened my appearance (not to hate on meds, they help a lot of others). I may ride it out and get full time work then quit once I know if it will effect a surgery I'm getting but that's another story. 

 

Anyone else here have Bipolar and ADHD or similar? Any success just treating ONE medically? Lots of research is out there saying that its best to treat Bipolar first, but really if both are out of control or ADHD affects a person more profoundly, then treating ADHD can help the Bipolar too I think. As long as you sleep and eat and all that. And as long as it doesn't send one into mania. It may have made me more hypomanic at times, but that's nothing compared to my experiences on antidepressants. They give them to everyone and also Seroquel when they don't know what's wrong with a person. I think I presented with anxiety attacks, and that's why I was put on Effexor. If I truly have all these disorders, I'll treat the "worst" ones for me. A better career and catching up to where I should be, will make things like anxiety or obsessive tendencies better I think. Although Bipolar is no joke. My psychologist/therapist (that I've not seen in a year) says its normal for ADHD patients to go to bed late and such, but they "still go to bed." The thing is, until I brought up difficulty I survived with no diagnoses nor "treatment". Although I can say life has improved since being on ADHD meds in many ways. I still fight myself even for that - and go months without meds but I'm sure I'll take those throughout work, especially the grinding work I'll have to do until I'm established. Especially in further school.

Edited by MNK99

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On 3/12/2017 at 0:07 AM, JustNuts said:

Part of the thing with legibility is that if you are using handwriting less, your legibility and speed will drop significantly. So while you were in school you handwrote everything literally all the time and thus it looked better, while now you're likely barely using your handwriting skills and thus it looks worse than it used to.

OMG, I write much more now than when I was in school. I also type much, much more. Then again, my hypo/mania has gotten worse and worse with age. I have found that using lined paper will generally help keep your handwriting more legible, unless you're writing at a furious pace. And with typing, you can often rely on autocorrect, although sometimes it learns your typos and makes things worse, which is very irritating. 

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My handwriting and cursive is exceptionally neat (others' comments, not saying I'm special lol). The only time it was messy was when I was on Lithium and had bad tremors. 

I love journals, pens, notebooks...Levenger is my dream store, lol. 

I think my handwriting is neat because my mom was an elementary school teacher with very neat writing, and the fact that I have OCD and like things "perfect."

In law school, I would re-write my notes after class. I am fairly compulsive about my handwriting yet I enjoy it. 

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The faster I go, the less I can read. I started out with nice, organized penmanship but, all is lost. SHIT I NEED TO DRAW A LINE SEPARATING THAT FROM THIS... I don't need notes. I'll remember everything if I just pay... Lol, that toupee is awful. I wonder why he'd rather wear a toupe than get hair plugs. Hair plugs are gross. I saw a hair transplant on TLC once. What the fuck happened to graphic surgeries and why is honey booboo a thing?

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