6 posts in this topic

I remember being young under 6 and my mother would joke that my two older sisters would have to employ me to clean their toilets one day. At the time i wasn't able to read or write which was unusual at that age, although i spent my early years in my home country. 

Fastfaward im 21 my sister 23 with a son. I live alone and i make enough to be satisfied on my own. Following a breakup i wanted to go on holiday something we were never able to do as kids. Being a single mum i helped to fund her trip and i provided all the spending money for us both! It wasn't planned in advance but she isn't great with money. Together she owed me over £500 for her trip. Back when she first left home after giving birth at 20, i bought her a Samsung TV that she would pay me installments on. I never saw a penny, and i myself only owned a technika telly. There are countless other examples. My sister can be very immature, selfish and only see's her pain and struggles. 7 months after that holiday was my mothers birthday meal. To save hassle she paid for all 12 attendees meal. I then of my own back sent £45 to my mother which would cover myself, my sister and her son, i then asked that she send me only £10! A week later she sent it but asked for it back demanding there was no such agreement between my mother and I. My mum gave her £10 to calm her fuss (she's 23) and i sent her the £10 back. She blocked me and in anger i demanded she pay me £400 for the holiday. To be honest im very hurt by this the money or TV didn't matter to me, but it was £10! And how many times had i bought her food or nappies using half the money i have to my name. My other sister (30) i also loaned £400 towards her wedding and gifted her £100, it has been over a year since and i know when she has it she will give it. 

Im not rich and money doesn't mean all that much to me but I am hurt, more than i can explain. Im always everyone's go-to-guy and when im broke tbh i just survive on what i have or can afford. Is it wrong to expect others to treat you how you treat them? 

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If your sister borrows money without paying it back it is unfair. I would be hurt too. 

On the other hand she may be having trouble making ends meet financially and it's probably stressful for her. I would try to forgive her and consider you may not get that money back.

From now on when she asks for money I would gently tell her no and say you can't afford it.

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On 3/6/2017 at 6:33 PM, RoseRed said:

Is it wrong to expect others to treat you how you treat them? 

It's not wrong at all.. but if you think this way, you will only be disappointed and frustrated. Unfortunately some people can be selfish and not as kind. And tell her to stop sponging off you. I have 2 sisters and both of them would tell me to piss off and if they do lend me money.. i won't hear the end of it or I would have to be their slaves.

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I'd stop lending them money. It's obvious you're never going to see any of it again, and the lending and owing of money changes the dynamics of a relationship in ways that I have never seen work out well. You will continue to feel taken advantage of, they will continue to view you as a source of cash and therefore not work as hard to get their own lives in order-there's no winning.

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I agree with stopping to lend them money. Your heart's in the right place, but if you continue to lend them money, you are always going to be disappointed. They may not like it, but they are the ones showing you a lack of respect.

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It's really hard to stop doing things for people you care about (including lending money), especially when you know they could really use the help. But if someone resents you for it then helping them further is going to make both of you miserable. Next time she asks for money, you'd be well within your rights to calmly say "no, because you never pay it back and that really upsets me". How do you think she would react to that?

Blocking you and running to mummy are aggressive acts, and to do that over £10 is totally out of proportion. Do you often find yourself biting your tongue when she is unpleasant to you, for fear of her blowing up like this? If she knows she can use that type of behaviour to get her own way then she'll continue to do it.

Is she like this with everyone, or is there a longstanding sibling rivalry dynamic between you two? 


 

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