12 posts in this topic
I don't know why but after not really struggling with binging and purging for several years (9) I seem to be picking it up again. I told my psychiatrist and he recommended a place that has services for people with eating disorders but I feel like they'd not believe me that I have a problem because I'm overweight or they would judge. I'm scared my teeth will be ruined because it's hard not to whenever I binge. Seems like I almost-impulsively plan to binge hours in advance.
Hey I am new. Long-time eating disorder sufferer. Started with anorexia and morphed into bulimia, then went to drugs, then went back to EDs, then went orthorexic/exercise bulimic. Went to treatment for the second time a couple years ago and have a treatment team. Noticed that once I started working hard on my ED, I was spending like crazy. Also was on Rexulti at that time. Spending comes and goes but gets bad when my eating gets better. Drives me nuts! Brain needs the rush. Feel like I can't escape. I hate spending, but drugs and bulimia seem worse? Anyone else struggle with this?
I just wanted to pass on a tip from my therapist. I was starting to fall into anorexic remission, when they suggested trying microwaveable meals. They have small portions and almost always have all the components you need for a proper diet. This may be old news to some, but as somebody who has lived most of their lives without a microwave, this was inspiration.
It is great not only because the portions are easy to get through, but you can also have food (almost) instantaneously. So when you feel a weak pang of hunger, you can pop some food into your face in about 2 minutes, encouraging your mind to listen to your body's queues.
Hope this helps somebody get back on track!
So, it's been awhile - i've been away from the boards for quite awhile, hiding out, going inpatient, getting fired, moving, blah blah blah...
Two days ago, i started purging again.
After Two. Fucking. Years.
I've been stressed out. Two jobs - by day, i'm caregiver to a schizophrenic teenager - at night, i bartend fulltime. This week will be my last week bartending full-time; my caregiving job is going full-time, so i'm going to one night a week slinging booze, which is a huge relief. You'd THINK this would be a huge relief, and it is. But, i've gained about 20 lbs due to meds changes. Now, i've gone back on the meds that make me lose weight, which is good - but it's still early on and i'm a former dancer, and extremely controlling about my weight. And, let's face it - i'm a sick little puppy. SO, i started purging. Not even BINGEING and purging, necessarily, although that happens, too.
And the bitch of it is, to control the urge to binge, i swing over into the anorexia side of the spectrum, where eating anything at all makes me feel sick. I'm nauseous all the time, the scale is slowwwwwly,ever so slowly going down, but not fast enough (it's NEVER fast enough is it?).
The craziest part is, i'm not even close to being overweight. My bf loves the fact that i have curves now. I just feel gross.
And speaking of boyfriends, there are issues there, too, which i know are triggering me...but i don't want to get into that, having just blogged about it here.
Anyway, i'm scared, because i've already spent thousands of dollars on repairing my teeth from previous years of damage done to my teeth, and i don't want to be going down this road. Not to mention the damage i've done to my stomach. I have an autoimmune illness, as well. I cannot afford to be doing this to myself, but i can't seem to stop. Today, i can't seem to eat at all - i've tried, but putting food in my mouth makes me sick.
It's a vicious circle. I can't believe i'm back here, after two years of being done with all of this. I guess it's like being an addict - your'e never really done with it.
I guess i feel better just spewing, so to speak, about it all here. Thanks for reading, anyway.