33 posts in this topic
Alright, let's do this. Long story short, I had an amazing childhood, plenty of friends, loving family, I was outgoing, life was just awesome. Fast forward to middle school (8th grade), I suddenly become shy out of o where. Lost friends, became a loner, got teased/bullied daily. Same shit happened in high school, except it was worse. I thought things would be better once I got into college, and guess the fuck what? It has never been this bad.
Frankly, I don't understand why I'm picked on. I think it's bc I'm so quiet/shy and people take advantage of that. Any fucking ways. I'm sick of it, and I'm ready to bounce.
So, basically I've developed depression, aniexiy, horrible social skills, and blah blah blah. I don't wanna bore you. You get the picture though. I've done lots of research and I found a painless, peaceful way to die. I could do it anytime I want, BUT IM SO FUCKING SCARED. I'm terrfied of the after-life. I'm Christian, and I don't know if suicide is a forgivable sin. One day I was watching a horror movie, and a woman had acid poured on her face, and her flesh was burning and melting. And I thought...THAT COULD FUCKING BE ME IF I DID IT.
I know, a fix to my worries is to endure a miserable life in order to avoid eternal torture, but I seriously can't. Some people might say, "omg shut up life is hard for everyone, suck it up". I couldn't care less about those people. You expect me to continue my misery because you're telling me that I should? Fuck outtaaaaaaa here.
There are other factors/consequences for my actions, like hurting my family. I thought about it for nearly 4 years and I'm going to be selfish and do it anyways. All that crap people say about "it will get better" is not true. There's something else I'm not mentioning because I'm too embarased to say (the main reason for this suicide), but let's just say that I cannot have any social life or even a job because of it. I cannot be around people. I cannot make a living because a job requires an interview and co-workers. I'm barely getting through college, and my grades are struggling because I skip classes (since it's a huge room filled with 600+ people). I don't eat or go to the dinning halls bc again...people. I literally have nothing to live for. I don't mind the isolation, in fact, it's the only time I'm at peace. But I can't be isolated forever. I hope I'm making sense. Anyways.
I need some thought about this. If you're reglious, do you think I will be forgiven? If you're not, do you think life after death is peaceful?
Just a poll to see what your take is on MAOI's or TCAs (for Depression)...which do you prefer, and WHY? Both are not the 1st line of treatment (says my pdoc) she is hesitant to suggest either, but i have not tried either class.
Is one or the other more helpful and are they worth the side effects? (I've heard both have pain-in-the-butt side effects but why not try)
When you experience a change in mood, be it mania, depression, hypo or mixed does it creep over you slowly or is it like a switch got flipped?
I would like to ask the same question in regards to delusional/paranoid/psychotic symptoms.
For me and a few others I know it's a switch. Sometimes with a known trigger and sometimes just because BP wants to fuck with me.
Winter depression creeps but turns off all at once for me. So a bit of a creepy switch.
Do you find the same in reverse? Your depressed for a period, say 6 weeks and then click the switch gets flipped and wham it's gone?
Enquiring minds want to know. Well at least one mind does.
Does anyone have suggestions for great add-on meds (even natural options) for the chronic dysthymia & anhedonia that remain after Major depression episodes have subsided? Trying another round of Abilify now and if this doesn't work, will go back to a stimulant (any stim suggestions?) I feel like I'm running out of options that work for this condition without giving me worse/intolerable side effects than the condition itself. I am completely mired in this, can't move forward, and it's debilitating.
Unfortunately, after trying about 30 meds, and making many positive healthy lifestyle changes, turns out most meds make me worse and do not hit the target on the dysthymia.
My pdoc just tested my Vitamin D, blood cell counts, platelets, for base reading.
Even though I take megadoses of Vitamin D in the winter months (80,000 ui every other month, for 6 months) + I take a daily Multivitamin, eat super balanced diet, my Vitamin D is still "insufficient"...How can this be? Do you think she will increase/continue my doses or give me injections? I don't know how this works....
Should I get my B12 levels (or any other B vitamins) checked? I read that some people lack the enzyme that breaks down B12 to Folic Acid (I don't know how common this is)? I hear this is very important in mood disorders/depression. Is there anything else you guys would suggest testing?
If you have insufficiency (along with chronic mood disorder) does this mean you should take the injections for life?