17 posts in this topic
I've been taking Abilify for about one month now and it's helping already in a few ways. However, I believe I'm experiencing something that might be described as "boredom" (I've never had issues with that) and intense nicotine cravings. I used to smoke and every once in awhile feel the urge, but this seems related to the medication. Anyone relate? Insights?
Well, today I experienced the slump that I knew had to come. I went to my girlfriend's work function thingy and felt an incredible amount of social anxiety due to the fact it was dark, loud, and I hardly knew anyone. I swiftly left. I managed to explain how I was feeling to my girlfriend rather discreetly and leave the situation without any real embarrassment, but it was still a setback of sorts.
Unfortunately I could feel it coming; I'd spent my whole day building up to it, waiting for it, until seconds seemed like minutes and minutes seem like hours. I find that if I isolate an event that is set to occur at the end of the day my normal routine is shelved in order to give that event special attention. It's something I have to work on, I suppose.
Looking at the positive side of things, I managed to do a little bit of study today. My attention span is well below average (partly but not entirely attributable to the meds) but luckily I have a reasonably sharp memory. Also, following up on yesterday, I feel as if I'm really starting to sort my shit out with my responsibilities around the house. With any luck, it will last.
Tomorrow's a new day: I'm going out with my good friends tomorrow night so that will be a little more comfortable. I'm reasonably confident that I'll last through that one okay. Plan for tonight is to do some relaxation and journalling, then head off to bed.
I'm new. I'm not new to bipolar, but it keeps me on my toes. I have trouble sleeping when I should, at night, and I'm trying to work out new meds with my psychiatrist to help me sleep. I drank too much until recently (8 mos.) and now I'm working to drink only infrequently. I'm having more success than I've had in the last eleven years. I chew tobacco and am working on quitting. It'll be the patch for me. I've tried cold turkey, and it's no fun and I can't do it. I start a lot of sentences with "I" when I'm having to write but am not at my best. Sorry. Make my sentences more interesting I will, hmm?!
After getting a decent start on college, I decided to major in astronomy/astrophysics.Then chemical engineering. Bam. Hospital after a year of treatment. Back to school. Tried to run 25 miles in the middle of the night without shoes on. Zot. Hospital again. Attacked by a psychopath with a knife. Slice. Hospital. The evil bastard is out there somewhere if he isn't already dead. Computers seemed to be a practical path so when I went back to school I chose that. I hate computers
I only know one other person who is bipolar -- that I know of. I don't know what to expect from this board, but I've never had a friend to discuss this with, although I've told a few a little about what I've been through. I'm fascinated by the phenomenology (why not use the biggest word I can think of?) of psychosis, as I've been dxed with bipolar with psychotic features (very fun and exciting sometimes). Long story short, I did not pass muster with the secret-agent people. I was disappointed.
Telling the difference between MI-induced changes in personality and the natural changes of leaving adolescence and approaching middle age is something I'm having trouble doing. How early was a affected by mental illness? What about me is me and what is bd-altered me? (I'm myself either way, but I still wonder.) I go to see a person on campus weekly. She's great, the kind of person who makes me want to become a therapist (too late for that, but my roommate and wife think I'm being a naysayer -- I wouldn't like it anyway, probably). I hope everyone here has found good help or finds it soon.