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Hi guys iv had quite a traumatic childhood with body image after being quite fat guy and this I developed body dismorphia, I had surgery also which made me worse after not realising I had it, iv had bad relationships and anger issues impulsive spending severe eating binges, distorted thoughts and constant down and empty I just realised and come across borderline personality and I have been very angry and done bad things in the event of bad things that happen I lose and even threatened and attempted suicide, I'm at my worst now and everytging makes sense of my behaviours and realising I have it makes me feel worse, I feel extreme shame and going back on every individual thing that's happened in my life feeling shame discuss at things iv done and I can't control it, I need to go hospital it's not diagnosed but I'm scared to go, iv really lost sense of who I am 

Edited by WEllzy

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Hi, I'm really sorry you feel this way, I hope if you do make the decision to go to hospital or seek diagnosis it helps you. Diagnosis can be scary, but also a hugely illuminating moment. No one here can diagnose you or say whether or not you are borderline, but you still seem to be struggling really badly. There is a possibility a doctor (or multiple doctors) may not think you fit the criteria. Maybe you fit something else. Regardless, your feelings are real and you deserve to be safe and to have professionals help you figure things out, even if that means being IP for a bit. Sorry, I'm not trying to bring you down or dismiss you, just important to say that things don't necessarily go the way you expect when you seek diagnosis.

Shame is definitely something I can relate to, unfortunately it isn't always a healthy or helpful way to process what's happened to us or what we've done. I'd love to say I have a magical shame-healing solution but I still haven't figured it out myself. Perhaps therapy is an option? 

TL;DR- I hope you're able to get some help in whatever form you feel comfortable with. If being IP is what you need I hope it goes smoothly

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