New to the forum, not new to the MDD

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Friends, Romans, Countrymen....of the maladjusted and fellow accused of being infantile, lazy, and definitely crazy. Short bio:  I'm a lazy loser who was living in California after years of travelling and working "pay the rent and sleep, find one crazier than me to split the bills with" lives leading a cushy life in Europe for 25 years. Been depressed since probably 8 or so, BPD mother and eggshell walking, straining neck running away from invisible monsters. I finally decided to move back to France where my only family lives (mother, sister) as for the first time in alcohol self medication led me to being suicidal. So, at 40, I have decided that I don't want/deserve to live like this ghost one second longer and after six months of basically sleeping and staring at the wall I must change. Everything. Thank you for listening <3

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