nervousbat

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10 posts in this topic

First, realize that nobody can guarantee that they are going to be loved by everybody. There are always going to be people who like you and people who don't like you. Second, don't let your self-esteem rest on whether 100% of the people like you. Just look at politicians. They are both loved and hated. They don't let the fact that a large number of people hate them get them down. Finally, this person who you say hates you doesn't even know the real you. So there's that.

I forget whether you are in therapy or not, but I think it would help you immensely to work on your self-esteem in therapy. If you derive your self esteem from within rather than having it be dependent on others this wouldn't even be an issue.

 

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6 minutes ago, jt07 said:

First, realize that nobody can guarantee that they are going to be loved by everybody. There are always going to be people who like you and people who don't like you. Second, don't let your self-esteem rest on whether 100% of the people like you. Just look at politicians. They are both loved and hated. They don't let the fact that a large number of people hate them get them down. Finally, this person who you say hates you doesn't even know the real you. So there's that.

I forget whether you are in therapy or not, but I think it would help you immensely to work on your self-esteem in therapy. If you derive your self esteem from within rather than having it be dependent on others this wouldn't even be an issue.

 

Yeah, you're right, I forget that this person has only seen a small bit of me and doesn't actually know me. I agree with you, I want to be able to like myself/be okay with who I am without it being effected by others. I haven't had a real pdoc/tdoc for several months. I've just been referred to a new psychiatrist last week, and this low self esteem is definitely an issue that I want to talk to her about. I hope she can help me, it is a real problem. 

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Low self esteem is hell on earth. I've always had low self esteem, but it's getting better with age. I'm getting to the point where I don't care what other people think anymore.

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I just wanted to say I'm sorry that this happened, and that I hope your new pdoc can help.

I have also had low self-esteem in the past, and it has gotten better with age and encouragement of friends along the way.  I care what people think, but I also want them to hear me too.  But if they are constantly degrading me, then I don't care about what they say at all ... and want them out of my life.

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3 hours ago, melissaw72 said:

I just wanted to say I'm sorry that this happened, and that I hope your new pdoc can help.

I have also had low self-esteem in the past, and it has gotten better with age and encouragement of friends along the way.  I care what people think, but I also want them to hear me too.  But if they are constantly degrading me, then I don't care about what they say at all ... and want them out of my life.

Thanks Melissa. Yeah, I think I will probably not consign my clothes there anymore and switch to the other consignment store. They are nice to begin with, no-one there has an attitude problem so I think that would be probably the better option. 

3 hours ago, jt07 said:

Low self esteem is hell on earth. I've always had low self esteem, but it's getting better with age. I'm getting to the point where I don't care what other people think anymore.

It really is, it pervades every aspect of my life. :( I'm glad it's gotten better for you jt, that's awesome. I hope I can reach that point when I'm older.

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10 hours ago, nervousbat said:

The past keeps coming back to bite me in the ass. Almost two years ago I consigned a bunch of clothing to a second hand store, and there had never been any problems there. But there was this one lady and she wasn't very friendly, she could be snarky and had been rude to my mom on every occasion. It's likely that she was like this to everyone though. So this made me kind of paranoid about her. 

After months of not hearing from them or getting any emails from them about whether my clothes had been sold, I went to the store and asked them. I got a 45 dollar check for a few items that had been sold. For some reason though, I got it in my head that they were withholding money from me, and (the memory is a bit blurred now, as with any incident that I DON'T want to remember) I think I asked my dad to call and ask if they were withholding money from me. They said they weren't and my dad had to apologize on my behalf for making this assumption. It was devastatingly mortifying. It was one of those moments in my life where I wanted to be a different person, or not exist. 

I have continued to do consignments with them, and I sometimes browse there if I have a little extra cash to spend. But this one lady that works there seems to absolutely REVILE me after this incident. I remember one time going there in the summer to try on a bunch of clothes. None of them fit, but there were a lot of them so I put them all back up on the hangers but left them hanging in the change room. I did this because I'm so often told by the employees to just leave them in there, but sometimes they want you to bring them back to the counter and they'll take care of the rest. I left them in there because I was embarrassed to bring ALL those clothes back with no success. his lady went into the change room I'd just been in to get the clothes and she hissed "PUT THEM BACK WHEN YOU'RE DONE!" I was appalled and horrified. It was a long time before I dared to go back into this store. 

The last few times that I've been there I didn't have to see her, and the other store people that work there are really nice, which I'm thankful for because I really do still like going in there. 

Today I called the store to ask if they were accepting any items for spring and summer and wouldn't you know it, it's the lady that hates me that answers the phone. I ask without saying my name (because I figure it's not really important or that they'll just ask me if they need it), and she goes as I'm asking "I know who you are." I also thought I heard her say under her breath "fucking bitch", but I have no idea if that part was real or imagined. She said to call back in a couple weeks because they weren't taking any more clothes yet. So I will call back. There's another consignment store that I haven't fucked anything up with yet, and I am sending some clothes over to them this week. But I may still also consign clothes to this store, even if this one employee can't stand me. 

It really sucks when you mess up socially. I want to feel better about myself, have better self esteem, but my own social failings keep coming back to bite me in ways I never could have imagined. My case worker and doctor say I'm way too hard on myself about my mistakes. I feel like I deserve to be hated. But I'm trying to be rational and remind myself that nobody's perfect. I'm trying my best to be a decent person. I don't wish harm to anyone. That's what matters. And if people can't let go of my shortcomings, then that is their problem.

first, let me say holy shat, $45?! dude, the consignments stores here must be greedy because like no way in HELL are you getting that much money. better of selling on FB trading posts, eBay, etc.

Anyways, I get paranoid a lot too because of my anxiety and social paranoia problems too. It causes me to hermit a lot in my home and refuse to go out and socialize with people because I worry they'll not like me. A lot of times I do things to make people not like me - like ask if they don't like me. :D

That's not really good customer service on her end, at least I feel it's not. It's really unprofessional too.

I've worked in retail at a handful of stores, from places to Dollar General to places such as Kohl's. I've cleared out dressing rooms, as I worked the sales floor. I did returns, not often though and exchanges. I also ran the register. working retail in the past, IF I have time I try to put clothes on the hanger and bring them out. Depending on the place, and who's working I'll put them back. At Walmart, one in town where I live, there's a lady I call mom who's from England and she's super nice to me. I call her mom because she acts like my mom. And British people are ADORABLE! I sometimes will put clothes back for her. If a place is busy, I'll put my clothes back. It also depends on if I remember where they were to begin with. It's a nice change of pace for some people in retail, I usually explain I've worked retail so I get it. They appreciate that act of kindness. At the same time though, a lot of places are really surprised at people putting things back on hangers and bringing them out. Really, I mean it. A lot of people just leave a big mess in the fitting room - hangers, clothes everywhere. Missing tags, etc. You get what I mean, we've all seen it at least once. If you put the clothes on the hanger and hang them, that's okay too. If the clerk is busy and you don't wish to bother them - you don't need to bring the clothes out. Basically, courtesy is at least putting them on their hangers. You did that, you did good. A+ for you, friend! :) There are so many reasons though why a lot of places rather you NOT, put the clothes back on the rack. Whether it be because of a sale, they're re-arranging clothes for a sale, for some reason they have something marked down maybe due to damage (especially if it was returned), etc. some places just know it's their job, and they won't ask you to do it. Putting them on the hangers is respectful in itself because (as someone who's worked in retail, my exp.):

  • When we're clearing fitting rooms, we really don't have the spare time to check hangers ; meaning if you got something in a small and a medium because let's say you lost weight and don't know what fits you now ; we have to take the extra time to check tags for sizes. And then put the appropriate hanger on the item.
  • Leaving a mess of hangers/clothes on the floor means it takes us longer to put the appropriate hanger on an item - which in turn means it's not going back to the floor for a good minute; which means we don't make sales. That's not suppose to sound snobby - but what if there was ONE top left in your size and someone tried it on, didn't put it on their hanger so now an associate is running around for hangers to get it hung up and put back on the floor - and until they do you can't try it on or buy it?
  • sometimes, when you don't hang your clothes hangers go missing and/or get stolen. When I worked at Kohl's this happened more than it should've. we had to go back to the hanger cart - and get new hangers. Which is a headache because you have to find the right sizes.
  • It's easy to put your hanger back on your item - unless you really don't know how. Bras are the worst culprit of this. and if, out of our rush to replenish the sales floor we mis-hang an item (aka wrong hanger size, on wrong sized item. happens all the time, out of rush of course. you can find at least three items wherever you go that are mis-hung. this shouldn't happen unless the store ACTUALLY doesn't have the hanger for that item anymore which is a like 1/1000000 chance.)
  • Hanging your clothes back up, and keeping them out of the floor presents a clean fitting room. No one wants to go into a dirty fitting room, and have to kick/move/whatever - we've done them all - clothes out of the way. Especially when you're trying on  A LOT; you don't want to worry about someone else's mess they left.

the main things being - mislabeled hangers/mislabeled items - items not being back on the floor in time because we're taking so much time to re-hang clothes on hangers so you might not get what you need/want.

That being said, you do not work for that store. It is not your job to put clothes back on the rack - and if that lady likes to think so you can tell her you should get an employee discount on what you buy then; since you apparently work there now. Her attitude wasn't called for.

Personally, I wouldn't deal with someone like that again. Social phobia issues or not - it's unprofessional and uncalled for.

If she bothers you as much as you say - and I don't blame you for feeling that way - go to another store! You might make better money in the long run. Good customer service makes people wanna come back. And consigning clothes is profit for a store because you get a percentage of the sale. That lady just lost profit for her store, that's her own fault. Not yours. Period. Another store will love that you wanna consign with them to make some money and them make profit. Profit is what keeps stores open, which keeps you consigning with them and making money! It's like a consigning circle of life :D

In terms of your self esteem, I have bad self esteem too and I feel like no one likes me. Not everyone you meet will like you - THAT'S OKAY! Not everyone is suppose to like you, if everyone liked everyone it would be because we were all the same person - or so I feel, which is boring. We have flaws, no one is meant to be perfect and that's what makes us all unique! Remember that.

 

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10 hours ago, ladyboss said:

first, let me say holy shat, $45?! dude, the consignments stores here must be greedy because like no way in HELL are you getting that much money. better of selling on FB trading posts, eBay, etc.

Anyways, I get paranoid a lot too because of my anxiety and social paranoia problems too. It causes me to hermit a lot in my home and refuse to go out and socialize with people because I worry they'll not like me. A lot of times I do things to make people not like me - like ask if they don't like me. :D

That's not really good customer service on her end, at least I feel it's not. It's really unprofessional too.

I've worked in retail at a handful of stores, from places to Dollar General to places such as Kohl's. I've cleared out dressing rooms, as I worked the sales floor. I did returns, not often though and exchanges. I also ran the register. working retail in the past, IF I have time I try to put clothes on the hanger and bring them out. Depending on the place, and who's working I'll put them back. At Walmart, one in town where I live, there's a lady I call mom who's from England and she's super nice to me. I call her mom because she acts like my mom. And British people are ADORABLE! I sometimes will put clothes back for her. If a place is busy, I'll put my clothes back. It also depends on if I remember where they were to begin with. It's a nice change of pace for some people in retail, I usually explain I've worked retail so I get it. They appreciate that act of kindness. At the same time though, a lot of places are really surprised at people putting things back on hangers and bringing them out. Really, I mean it. A lot of people just leave a big mess in the fitting room - hangers, clothes everywhere. Missing tags, etc. You get what I mean, we've all seen it at least once. If you put the clothes on the hanger and hang them, that's okay too. If the clerk is busy and you don't wish to bother them - you don't need to bring the clothes out. Basically, courtesy is at least putting them on their hangers. You did that, you did good. A+ for you, friend! :) There are so many reasons though why a lot of places rather you NOT, put the clothes back on the rack. Whether it be because of a sale, they're re-arranging clothes for a sale, for some reason they have something marked down maybe due to damage (especially if it was returned), etc. some places just know it's their job, and they won't ask you to do it. Putting them on the hangers is respectful in itself because (as someone who's worked in retail, my exp.):

  • When we're clearing fitting rooms, we really don't have the spare time to check hangers ; meaning if you got something in a small and a medium because let's say you lost weight and don't know what fits you now ; we have to take the extra time to check tags for sizes. And then put the appropriate hanger on the item.
  • Leaving a mess of hangers/clothes on the floor means it takes us longer to put the appropriate hanger on an item - which in turn means it's not going back to the floor for a good minute; which means we don't make sales. That's not suppose to sound snobby - but what if there was ONE top left in your size and someone tried it on, didn't put it on their hanger so now an associate is running around for hangers to get it hung up and put back on the floor - and until they do you can't try it on or buy it?
  • sometimes, when you don't hang your clothes hangers go missing and/or get stolen. When I worked at Kohl's this happened more than it should've. we had to go back to the hanger cart - and get new hangers. Which is a headache because you have to find the right sizes.
  • It's easy to put your hanger back on your item - unless you really don't know how. Bras are the worst culprit of this. and if, out of our rush to replenish the sales floor we mis-hang an item (aka wrong hanger size, on wrong sized item. happens all the time, out of rush of course. you can find at least three items wherever you go that are mis-hung. this shouldn't happen unless the store ACTUALLY doesn't have the hanger for that item anymore which is a like 1/1000000 chance.)
  • Hanging your clothes back up, and keeping them out of the floor presents a clean fitting room. No one wants to go into a dirty fitting room, and have to kick/move/whatever - we've done them all - clothes out of the way. Especially when you're trying on  A LOT; you don't want to worry about someone else's mess they left.

the main things being - mislabeled hangers/mislabeled items - items not being back on the floor in time because we're taking so much time to re-hang clothes on hangers so you might not get what you need/want.

That being said, you do not work for that store. It is not your job to put clothes back on the rack - and if that lady likes to think so you can tell her you should get an employee discount on what you buy then; since you apparently work there now. Her attitude wasn't called for.

Personally, I wouldn't deal with someone like that again. Social phobia issues or not - it's unprofessional and uncalled for.

If she bothers you as much as you say - and I don't blame you for feeling that way - go to another store! You might make better money in the long run. Good customer service makes people wanna come back. And consigning clothes is profit for a store because you get a percentage of the sale. That lady just lost profit for her store, that's her own fault. Not yours. Period. Another store will love that you wanna consign with them to make some money and them make profit. Profit is what keeps stores open, which keeps you consigning with them and making money! It's like a consigning circle of life :D

In terms of your self esteem, I have bad self esteem too and I feel like no one likes me. Not everyone you meet will like you - THAT'S OKAY! Not everyone is suppose to like you, if everyone liked everyone it would be because we were all the same person - or so I feel, which is boring. We have flaws, no one is meant to be perfect and that's what makes us all unique! Remember that.

 

If I could like this post 10 times I would, Ladyboss wow just, thank you. 💕🙏

That English lady sounds so cute! Hahah I agree, they are cute! I'm so glad I did well! Woohoo A+!!😆 Yes, I always hang my clothes back up on the hangers. And ah yeah 45 dollars is good, I just was paranoid because I gave them SO many clothes. And because of that one lady. I love what you said about how I should get employee discount! 😁 That is such a good comeback! And yes, I think I will just stop going there, damn straight they lost a profit. The other consignment store doesn't have as high percentage payments but they are SO nice and that really makes me feel welcome there, and helps to ease any paranoia. Yeah, I know it's irrational to expect everyone to like me. I just have a hard time dealing with it sometimes. I got a new psychiatrist so I'll be talking to her about this issue. I'm glad we're not all the same person. Our flaws make us interesting. ^_^ Thanks again Ladyboss. 

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12 hours ago, nervousbat said:

If I could like this post 10 times I would, Ladyboss wow just, thank you. 💕🙏

That English lady sounds so cute! Hahah I agree, they are cute! I'm so glad I did well! Woohoo A+!!😆 Yes, I always hang my clothes back up on the hangers. And ah yeah 45 dollars is good, I just was paranoid because I gave them SO many clothes. And because of that one lady. I love what you said about how I should get employee discount! 😁 That is such a good comeback! And yes, I think I will just stop going there, damn straight they lost a profit. The other consignment store doesn't have as high percentage payments but they are SO nice and that really makes me feel welcome there, and helps to ease any paranoia. Yeah, I know it's irrational to expect everyone to like me. I just have a hard time dealing with it sometimes. I got a new psychiatrist so I'll be talking to her about this issue. I'm glad we're not all the same person. Our flaws make us interesting. ^_^ Thanks again Ladyboss. 

reallllllllllly wouldn't sweat it. I wouldn't. Don't care what others think, it saves so much pain/effort/heartache/dissapointment, etc. Don't worry...be happy! :D

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I don't see anything wrong with what you did. All you did was asked to make sure they gave you the money you deserved.

That employee could've treated you the way she did for several reasons including:

  • She got yelled by her boss.
  • She hates women more attractive than her.
  • She hates her job and treating people like they're below her makes her feel better.
  • She's going through some rough stuff in her life and taking it out on customers is the only thing she knows to do. Like maybe her dog recently died or her teenage daughter got pregnant and dropped out of school.

It also may help to realize that pretty much everyone has someone who doesn't like them. I mean, even God has haters. Think of the nicest person you know. I bet that person has someone who hates them as well, probably for being too damn nice.

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