nervousbat

How to deal with being hated by someone?

9 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

The past keeps coming back to bite me in the ass. Almost two years ago I consigned a bunch of clothing to a second hand store, and there had never been any problems there. But there was this one lady and she wasn't very friendly, she could be snarky and had been rude to my mom on every occasion. It's likely that she was like this to everyone though. So this made me kind of paranoid about her. 

After months of not hearing from them or getting any emails from them about whether my clothes had been sold, I went to the store and asked them. I got a 45 dollar check for a few items that had been sold. For some reason though, I got it in my head that they were withholding money from me, and (the memory is a bit blurred now, as with any incident that I DON'T want to remember) I think I asked my dad to call and ask if they were withholding money from me. They said they weren't and my dad had to apologize on my behalf for making this assumption. It was devastatingly mortifying. It was one of those moments in my life where I wanted to be a different person, or not exist. 

I have continued to do consignments with them, and I sometimes browse there if I have a little extra cash to spend. But this one lady that works there seems to absolutely REVILE me after this incident. I remember one time going there in the summer to try on a bunch of clothes. None of them fit, but there were a lot of them so I put them all back up on the hangers but left them hanging in the change room. I did this because I'm so often told by the employees to just leave them in there, but sometimes they want you to bring them back to the counter and they'll take care of the rest. I left them in there because I was embarrassed to bring ALL those clothes back with no success. his lady went into the change room I'd just been in to get the clothes and she hissed "PUT THEM BACK WHEN YOU'RE DONE!" I was appalled and horrified. It was a long time before I dared to go back into this store. 

The last few times that I've been there I didn't have to see her, and the other store people that work there are really nice, which I'm thankful for because I really do still like going in there. 

Today I called the store to ask if they were accepting any items for spring and summer and wouldn't you know it, it's the lady that hates me that answers the phone. I ask without saying my name (because I figure it's not really important or that they'll just ask me if they need it), and she goes as I'm asking "I know who you are." I also thought I heard her say under her breath "fucking bitch", but I have no idea if that part was real or imagined. She said to call back in a couple weeks because they weren't taking any more clothes yet. So I will call back. There's another consignment store that I haven't fucked anything up with yet, and I am sending some clothes over to them this week. But I may still also consign clothes to this store, even if this one employee can't stand me. 

It really sucks when you mess up socially. I want to feel better about myself, have better self esteem, but my own social failings keep coming back to bite me in ways I never could have imagined. My case worker and doctor say I'm way too hard on myself about my mistakes. I feel like I deserve to be hated. But I'm trying to be rational and remind myself that nobody's perfect. I'm trying my best to be a decent person. I don't wish harm to anyone. That's what matters. And if people can't let go of my shortcomings, then that is their problem.

Edited by nervousbat

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

First, realize that nobody can guarantee that they are going to be loved by everybody. There are always going to be people who like you and people who don't like you. Second, don't let your self-esteem rest on whether 100% of the people like you. Just look at politicians. They are both loved and hated. They don't let the fact that a large number of people hate them get them down. Finally, this person who you say hates you doesn't even know the real you. So there's that.

I forget whether you are in therapy or not, but I think it would help you immensely to work on your self-esteem in therapy. If you derive your self esteem from within rather than having it be dependent on others this wouldn't even be an issue.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 minutes ago, jt07 said:

First, realize that nobody can guarantee that they are going to be loved by everybody. There are always going to be people who like you and people who don't like you. Second, don't let your self-esteem rest on whether 100% of the people like you. Just look at politicians. They are both loved and hated. They don't let the fact that a large number of people hate them get them down. Finally, this person who you say hates you doesn't even know the real you. So there's that.

I forget whether you are in therapy or not, but I think it would help you immensely to work on your self-esteem in therapy. If you derive your self esteem from within rather than having it be dependent on others this wouldn't even be an issue.

 

Yeah, you're right, I forget that this person has only seen a small bit of me and doesn't actually know me. I agree with you, I want to be able to like myself/be okay with who I am without it being effected by others. I haven't had a real pdoc/tdoc for several months. I've just been referred to a new psychiatrist last week, and this low self esteem is definitely an issue that I want to talk to her about. I hope she can help me, it is a real problem. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Low self esteem is hell on earth. I've always had low self esteem, but it's getting better with age. I'm getting to the point where I don't care what other people think anymore.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I just wanted to say I'm sorry that this happened, and that I hope your new pdoc can help.

I have also had low self-esteem in the past, and it has gotten better with age and encouragement of friends along the way.  I care what people think, but I also want them to hear me too.  But if they are constantly degrading me, then I don't care about what they say at all ... and want them out of my life.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, melissaw72 said:

I just wanted to say I'm sorry that this happened, and that I hope your new pdoc can help.

I have also had low self-esteem in the past, and it has gotten better with age and encouragement of friends along the way.  I care what people think, but I also want them to hear me too.  But if they are constantly degrading me, then I don't care about what they say at all ... and want them out of my life.

Thanks Melissa. Yeah, I think I will probably not consign my clothes there anymore and switch to the other consignment store. They are nice to begin with, no-one there has an attitude problem so I think that would be probably the better option. 

3 hours ago, jt07 said:

Low self esteem is hell on earth. I've always had low self esteem, but it's getting better with age. I'm getting to the point where I don't care what other people think anymore.

It really is, it pervades every aspect of my life. :( I'm glad it's gotten better for you jt, that's awesome. I hope I can reach that point when I'm older.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
10 hours ago, nervousbat said:

The past keeps coming back to bite me in the ass. Almost two years ago I consigned a bunch of clothing to a second hand store, and there had never been any problems there. But there was this one lady and she wasn't very friendly, she could be snarky and had been rude to my mom on every occasion. It's likely that she was like this to everyone though. So this made me kind of paranoid about her. 

After months of not hearing from them or getting any emails from them about whether my clothes had been sold, I went to the store and asked them. I got a 45 dollar check for a few items that had been sold. For some reason though, I got it in my head that they were withholding money from me, and (the memory is a bit blurred now, as with any incident that I DON'T want to remember) I think I asked my dad to call and ask if they were withholding money from me. They said they weren't and my dad had to apologize on my behalf for making this assumption. It was devastatingly mortifying. It was one of those moments in my life where I wanted to be a different person, or not exist. 

I have continued to do consignments with them, and I sometimes browse there if I have a little extra cash to spend. But this one lady that works there seems to absolutely REVILE me after this incident. I remember one time going there in the summer to try on a bunch of clothes. None of them fit, but there were a lot of them so I put them all back up on the hangers but left them hanging in the change room. I did this because I'm so often told by the employees to just leave them in there, but sometimes they want you to bring them back to the counter and they'll take care of the rest. I left them in there because I was embarrassed to bring ALL those clothes back with no success. his lady went into the change room I'd just been in to get the clothes and she hissed "PUT THEM BACK WHEN YOU'RE DONE!" I was appalled and horrified. It was a long time before I dared to go back into this store. 

The last few times that I've been there I didn't have to see her, and the other store people that work there are really nice, which I'm thankful for because I really do still like going in there. 

Today I called the store to ask if they were accepting any items for spring and summer and wouldn't you know it, it's the lady that hates me that answers the phone. I ask without saying my name (because I figure it's not really important or that they'll just ask me if they need it), and she goes as I'm asking "I know who you are." I also thought I heard her say under her breath "fucking bitch", but I have no idea if that part was real or imagined. She said to call back in a couple weeks because they weren't taking any more clothes yet. So I will call back. There's another consignment store that I haven't fucked anything up with yet, and I am sending some clothes over to them this week. But I may still also consign clothes to this store, even if this one employee can't stand me. 

It really sucks when you mess up socially. I want to feel better about myself, have better self esteem, but my own social failings keep coming back to bite me in ways I never could have imagined. My case worker and doctor say I'm way too hard on myself about my mistakes. I feel like I deserve to be hated. But I'm trying to be rational and remind myself that nobody's perfect. I'm trying my best to be a decent person. I don't wish harm to anyone. That's what matters. And if people can't let go of my shortcomings, then that is their problem.

first, let me say holy shat, $45?! dude, the consignments stores here must be greedy because like no way in HELL are you getting that much money. better of selling on FB trading posts, eBay, etc.

Anyways, I get paranoid a lot too because of my anxiety and social paranoia problems too. It causes me to hermit a lot in my home and refuse to go out and socialize with people because I worry they'll not like me. A lot of times I do things to make people not like me - like ask if they don't like me. :D

That's not really good customer service on her end, at least I feel it's not. It's really unprofessional too.

I've worked in retail at a handful of stores, from places to Dollar General to places such as Kohl's. I've cleared out dressing rooms, as I worked the sales floor. I did returns, not often though and exchanges. I also ran the register. working retail in the past, IF I have time I try to put clothes on the hanger and bring them out. Depending on the place, and who's working I'll put them back. At Walmart, one in town where I live, there's a lady I call mom who's from England and she's super nice to me. I call her mom because she acts like my mom. And British people are ADORABLE! I sometimes will put clothes back for her. If a place is busy, I'll put my clothes back. It also depends on if I remember where they were to begin with. It's a nice change of pace for some people in retail, I usually explain I've worked retail so I get it. They appreciate that act of kindness. At the same time though, a lot of places are really surprised at people putting things back on hangers and bringing them out. Really, I mean it. A lot of people just leave a big mess in the fitting room - hangers, clothes everywhere. Missing tags, etc. You get what I mean, we've all seen it at least once. If you put the clothes on the hanger and hang them, that's okay too. If the clerk is busy and you don't wish to bother them - you don't need to bring the clothes out. Basically, courtesy is at least putting them on their hangers. You did that, you did good. A+ for you, friend! :) There are so many reasons though why a lot of places rather you NOT, put the clothes back on the rack. Whether it be because of a sale, they're re-arranging clothes for a sale, for some reason they have something marked down maybe due to damage (especially if it was returned), etc. some places just know it's their job, and they won't ask you to do it. Putting them on the hangers is respectful in itself because (as someone who's worked in retail, my exp.):

  • When we're clearing fitting rooms, we really don't have the spare time to check hangers ; meaning if you got something in a small and a medium because let's say you lost weight and don't know what fits you now ; we have to take the extra time to check tags for sizes. And then put the appropriate hanger on the item.
  • Leaving a mess of hangers/clothes on the floor means it takes us longer to put the appropriate hanger on an item - which in turn means it's not going back to the floor for a good minute; which means we don't make sales. That's not suppose to sound snobby - but what if there was ONE top left in your size and someone tried it on, didn't put it on their hanger so now an associate is running around for hangers to get it hung up and put back on the floor - and until they do you can't try it on or buy it?
  • sometimes, when you don't hang your clothes hangers go missing and/or get stolen. When I worked at Kohl's this happened more than it should've. we had to go back to the hanger cart - and get new hangers. Which is a headache because you have to find the right sizes.
  • It's easy to put your hanger back on your item - unless you really don't know how. Bras are the worst culprit of this. and if, out of our rush to replenish the sales floor we mis-hang an item (aka wrong hanger size, on wrong sized item. happens all the time, out of rush of course. you can find at least three items wherever you go that are mis-hung. this shouldn't happen unless the store ACTUALLY doesn't have the hanger for that item anymore which is a like 1/1000000 chance.)
  • Hanging your clothes back up, and keeping them out of the floor presents a clean fitting room. No one wants to go into a dirty fitting room, and have to kick/move/whatever - we've done them all - clothes out of the way. Especially when you're trying on  A LOT; you don't want to worry about someone else's mess they left.

the main things being - mislabeled hangers/mislabeled items - items not being back on the floor in time because we're taking so much time to re-hang clothes on hangers so you might not get what you need/want.

That being said, you do not work for that store. It is not your job to put clothes back on the rack - and if that lady likes to think so you can tell her you should get an employee discount on what you buy then; since you apparently work there now. Her attitude wasn't called for.

Personally, I wouldn't deal with someone like that again. Social phobia issues or not - it's unprofessional and uncalled for.

If she bothers you as much as you say - and I don't blame you for feeling that way - go to another store! You might make better money in the long run. Good customer service makes people wanna come back. And consigning clothes is profit for a store because you get a percentage of the sale. That lady just lost profit for her store, that's her own fault. Not yours. Period. Another store will love that you wanna consign with them to make some money and them make profit. Profit is what keeps stores open, which keeps you consigning with them and making money! It's like a consigning circle of life :D

In terms of your self esteem, I have bad self esteem too and I feel like no one likes me. Not everyone you meet will like you - THAT'S OKAY! Not everyone is suppose to like you, if everyone liked everyone it would be because we were all the same person - or so I feel, which is boring. We have flaws, no one is meant to be perfect and that's what makes us all unique! Remember that.

 

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
10 hours ago, ladyboss said:

first, let me say holy shat, $45?! dude, the consignments stores here must be greedy because like no way in HELL are you getting that much money. better of selling on FB trading posts, eBay, etc.

Anyways, I get paranoid a lot too because of my anxiety and social paranoia problems too. It causes me to hermit a lot in my home and refuse to go out and socialize with people because I worry they'll not like me. A lot of times I do things to make people not like me - like ask if they don't like me. :D

That's not really good customer service on her end, at least I feel it's not. It's really unprofessional too.

I've worked in retail at a handful of stores, from places to Dollar General to places such as Kohl's. I've cleared out dressing rooms, as I worked the sales floor. I did returns, not often though and exchanges. I also ran the register. working retail in the past, IF I have time I try to put clothes on the hanger and bring them out. Depending on the place, and who's working I'll put them back. At Walmart, one in town where I live, there's a lady I call mom who's from England and she's super nice to me. I call her mom because she acts like my mom. And British people are ADORABLE! I sometimes will put clothes back for her. If a place is busy, I'll put my clothes back. It also depends on if I remember where they were to begin with. It's a nice change of pace for some people in retail, I usually explain I've worked retail so I get it. They appreciate that act of kindness. At the same time though, a lot of places are really surprised at people putting things back on hangers and bringing them out. Really, I mean it. A lot of people just leave a big mess in the fitting room - hangers, clothes everywhere. Missing tags, etc. You get what I mean, we've all seen it at least once. If you put the clothes on the hanger and hang them, that's okay too. If the clerk is busy and you don't wish to bother them - you don't need to bring the clothes out. Basically, courtesy is at least putting them on their hangers. You did that, you did good. A+ for you, friend! :) There are so many reasons though why a lot of places rather you NOT, put the clothes back on the rack. Whether it be because of a sale, they're re-arranging clothes for a sale, for some reason they have something marked down maybe due to damage (especially if it was returned), etc. some places just know it's their job, and they won't ask you to do it. Putting them on the hangers is respectful in itself because (as someone who's worked in retail, my exp.):

  • When we're clearing fitting rooms, we really don't have the spare time to check hangers ; meaning if you got something in a small and a medium because let's say you lost weight and don't know what fits you now ; we have to take the extra time to check tags for sizes. And then put the appropriate hanger on the item.
  • Leaving a mess of hangers/clothes on the floor means it takes us longer to put the appropriate hanger on an item - which in turn means it's not going back to the floor for a good minute; which means we don't make sales. That's not suppose to sound snobby - but what if there was ONE top left in your size and someone tried it on, didn't put it on their hanger so now an associate is running around for hangers to get it hung up and put back on the floor - and until they do you can't try it on or buy it?
  • sometimes, when you don't hang your clothes hangers go missing and/or get stolen. When I worked at Kohl's this happened more than it should've. we had to go back to the hanger cart - and get new hangers. Which is a headache because you have to find the right sizes.
  • It's easy to put your hanger back on your item - unless you really don't know how. Bras are the worst culprit of this. and if, out of our rush to replenish the sales floor we mis-hang an item (aka wrong hanger size, on wrong sized item. happens all the time, out of rush of course. you can find at least three items wherever you go that are mis-hung. this shouldn't happen unless the store ACTUALLY doesn't have the hanger for that item anymore which is a like 1/1000000 chance.)
  • Hanging your clothes back up, and keeping them out of the floor presents a clean fitting room. No one wants to go into a dirty fitting room, and have to kick/move/whatever - we've done them all - clothes out of the way. Especially when you're trying on  A LOT; you don't want to worry about someone else's mess they left.

the main things being - mislabeled hangers/mislabeled items - items not being back on the floor in time because we're taking so much time to re-hang clothes on hangers so you might not get what you need/want.

That being said, you do not work for that store. It is not your job to put clothes back on the rack - and if that lady likes to think so you can tell her you should get an employee discount on what you buy then; since you apparently work there now. Her attitude wasn't called for.

Personally, I wouldn't deal with someone like that again. Social phobia issues or not - it's unprofessional and uncalled for.

If she bothers you as much as you say - and I don't blame you for feeling that way - go to another store! You might make better money in the long run. Good customer service makes people wanna come back. And consigning clothes is profit for a store because you get a percentage of the sale. That lady just lost profit for her store, that's her own fault. Not yours. Period. Another store will love that you wanna consign with them to make some money and them make profit. Profit is what keeps stores open, which keeps you consigning with them and making money! It's like a consigning circle of life :D

In terms of your self esteem, I have bad self esteem too and I feel like no one likes me. Not everyone you meet will like you - THAT'S OKAY! Not everyone is suppose to like you, if everyone liked everyone it would be because we were all the same person - or so I feel, which is boring. We have flaws, no one is meant to be perfect and that's what makes us all unique! Remember that.

 

If I could like this post 10 times I would, Ladyboss wow just, thank you. 💕🙏

That English lady sounds so cute! Hahah I agree, they are cute! I'm so glad I did well! Woohoo A+!!😆 Yes, I always hang my clothes back up on the hangers. And ah yeah 45 dollars is good, I just was paranoid because I gave them SO many clothes. And because of that one lady. I love what you said about how I should get employee discount! 😁 That is such a good comeback! And yes, I think I will just stop going there, damn straight they lost a profit. The other consignment store doesn't have as high percentage payments but they are SO nice and that really makes me feel welcome there, and helps to ease any paranoia. Yeah, I know it's irrational to expect everyone to like me. I just have a hard time dealing with it sometimes. I got a new psychiatrist so I'll be talking to her about this issue. I'm glad we're not all the same person. Our flaws make us interesting. ^_^ Thanks again Ladyboss. 

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 hours ago, nervousbat said:

If I could like this post 10 times I would, Ladyboss wow just, thank you. 💕🙏

That English lady sounds so cute! Hahah I agree, they are cute! I'm so glad I did well! Woohoo A+!!😆 Yes, I always hang my clothes back up on the hangers. And ah yeah 45 dollars is good, I just was paranoid because I gave them SO many clothes. And because of that one lady. I love what you said about how I should get employee discount! 😁 That is such a good comeback! And yes, I think I will just stop going there, damn straight they lost a profit. The other consignment store doesn't have as high percentage payments but they are SO nice and that really makes me feel welcome there, and helps to ease any paranoia. Yeah, I know it's irrational to expect everyone to like me. I just have a hard time dealing with it sometimes. I got a new psychiatrist so I'll be talking to her about this issue. I'm glad we're not all the same person. Our flaws make us interesting. ^_^ Thanks again Ladyboss. 

reallllllllllly wouldn't sweat it. I wouldn't. Don't care what others think, it saves so much pain/effort/heartache/dissapointment, etc. Don't worry...be happy! :D

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now

  • Similar Content

    • By nervousbat
      I went to the library to do some drawing and pick up a few books...some guy stopped and said fuck you to me while I was sitting here drawing....I can't go anywhere without drawing negativity. I almost never leave the house and it seems like whenever I do I run into this bs. Why do I bother? I feel horrible and I'm afraid I'm going to start crying in public. Fuck everything. 
    • By babythrowaway
      So, I don't have a lot of experience with meds. I took Prozac a long, long time ago (8 years?) briefly and it didn't really do much. If anything, it made me feel worse at the time. Tried Wellbutrin at a low dose last year and it made my already pretty regular, vivid dreams increase in occurrence and severity. So I stopped. I'm pretty nervous about handling medication in general and was wondering if anyone had any experiences that they could share specifically with Effexor? I'm supremely nervous, as I can barely function as it is and don't know how these side effects may impact me. How long does it take to feel effect? And does anyone know at what threshold of dosage it'll actually help? I'm really flying blind here and could use any help.
      I'm super new to all of this. I've had a lot of different mental problems since being a kid and am just now getting around to talking to a psychiatrist and sorting through what the hell is going on in my brain. I have GAD, PTSD, social anxiety/phobias, and some other random phobias (honestly, once the anxiety/social stuff is taken care of THEN I'll work on the random phobias). Symptoms include daily paralyzing anxiety, racing negative thoughts, panic attacks, depression, anxiety around people, anxiety leaving my apartment, vivid depressing dreams, paranoia, and, recently, EXTREME amounts of jumpiness + increased paranoia (brain likes to hit me with the scariest, worst thing that could happen to me in that moment, but I don't see/hear anything, just paranoid thoughts). There are more but that's the abbreviated list. Been especially bad for about 5-6 months and finally pushed myself to get some help. Wasn't "suicidal" per se, but was definitely tossing the idea around last year; it's subsequently been replaced by extreme, crippling existentialism. Weirdly a great cure for suicidal thoughts, but also sucks in its own way. (Bonus fun random symptom: recently been waking up in the middle of the night, fine, then having to run to the bathroom and puke my guts out + covered in cold sweats and feeling like I'm literally going to pass out. Lasts 45 min or so, sometimes less, then I go back to bed and I'm fine the next day. Recently realized I must be waking up into panic attacks. Has been happening 1-2 times a month for almost the past year.)
      Welp, so, I saw a psychiatrist for the first time. It was both an extremely good thing and also extremely traumatizing because I tend to suppress, suppress - that's how I function. But, anyways, he prescribed me Effexor. I'm only taking 37.5 for one week, then upping to 75. I'll see him again in three weeks to re-evaluate how I'm doing. I'm super duper terrified because, well, let's be real - that's my natural state. I've only been on it two days and I feel fine-ish, I guess. I had a particularly anxiety-ridden last week so my current definition of 'fine' is not having a panic attack every other day so my bar for "fine" is messed up this week. But, seriously, I'm fine. I'm just worried. I'm curious as to how long it generally takes to feel side effects for medicines like these. Is it right away? Is it months? I honestly don't even know if those are questions anyone can answer. I'm just feeling kind of alone in all of this and looking for people who know what I'm going through.
    • By Bruh
      Hi,
      I have sever social anxiety, depression and very likely ADHD (I'll get assessed for it soon hopefully). My GP prescribed me Citalopram 10mg, I'm starting taking it tomorrow but I was just curios because from reading around I understand it can make depression and anxiety worse at start. I was wondering if anyone had experiences with this drug and how was it?
    • By Susan&Gabby
      Hi, I am new here.  I am an adoptive parent of a 12 year old girl.  I though long and hard before adopting as a person with social anxiety.  I worried about my ability to connect and give my child what she needed.  But I managed to convince myself that I would get by.  Not sure that was a correct assumption.  I have seen posts from parents with social anxiety complaining about having to sit in the car at soccer practices etc, or not having their children in extra curiculars because of their anxiety.  That isn't my story.  My daughter has always been in extra-curriculars, and I don't sit in my car.  Can't say I socialize either, but I go.  The biggest challenge that I face, and I think it is the reason for my social anxiety rather than the other way around, is my lack of conversational skills.  Starting conversations, keeping conversations going in a way that gets more than 1 word answers, speaking coherently and not getting tongue tied all all problems.  So I have always been the quiet type.  I think my daughter has suffered because communication skills are a big part of connection and feeling connected.  Our dinner time conversations are minimal.  We don't talk much in the car, we don't talk much during the day.  I do the usual stuff like "how was your day" which gets "fine", and "do you have home" which gets "yes".  But getting conversations, and actual conversations, not parent lectures going is next to impossible.  I have read up on it, and most sites have conversation starters for kids that make my kid role her eyes - Tell me three good things that happened today at school" and stuff like that that feels fake to her.  I am desperate to keep my connection with my daughter as she grows, but we are drifting apart.  Has anyone here developed good communication with their children despite being very shy?  Thanks.