6 posts in this topic
By Tired Hyena
Hi, names Hibiki. Ive been struggling for 7+ years with Trichotillomania, Depression, ADD, Anxiety (agoraphobia , panic disorder, disassociation, etc), OCD (obsessive thoughts). im currently on so many meds due to my age (17) (no narcotics due to me being underage.) and my insurance being the shittiest ever. Im currently taking regularly:
ive ran out of all options for medications so they threw me on effexor and although my anxiety has been absolutely crucial this past year and a half (3 attacks lasting 1 month +) ive noticed a strange effect pop up these last few days.
So currently I feel like im here but not here. Like everything looks weird, almost like im watching life go by through a screen. Im unable to fully concentrate on anything and i just feel exhausted. I feel like im not here but i know i am. Semi like a zombie,? Its kinda like disassociating but with my eyes. Everyone i know just looks different and everything is just strange,.. i was holding my baby brother and didnt feel like i actually was? I was talking and walking and id just suddenly stop and space out. Everything just feels distant. It also comes in waves, i will feel normal for a bit and then WHAM it attacks me from around the corner just like my panic attacks.
I literally cannot explain what i feel but what is this?? Anyone else kinda feel the same??
the thing is a month ago my doctor prescribed me Effexor and she told me it would take a month to get in my system, and i feel like this is a negitive effect from it. Including my memory loss . And all ive heard is negitive reviews. So im starting to panic, like horribly. Im scared im going to feel like this forever and idk what to do? Im an artist and i can no longer draw due to this and its making me worry.
By Rob Roy
Hi there everyone. This seems to be the most realistic of the sites I've found, and doesn't seem to entirely be filled with people with truly crazy or insurmountable problems.
So, here is mine. I've long hated psychiatrists, and like may, have resorted to all kinds of self medication in order to get through life. Life started to get very difficult for me about 2 years ago, and I ended up ordering a boatload of valium off the dark web. Yes, in hindsight, I should have gone to see a doctor back then, but I did not. Despite how it sounds, I kept to a pretty standard dose of valium - 10mg per night. It worked amazingly. Really well. Maybe too well.
Fast forward to about 1 year ago. I decided i did not want to be a drug user for life, and began a slow taper. My last dose of valium was February. My work requires a high level of attention to detail, financial calculations, technical writing, etc. I ended up getting fired. This freaked me out of course, so I went to see a head doc in May after I started at my new job. I put a fair amount of thought into my life, and I've long had a good amount of anxiety, occasional outbursts of rage that have had major problems, and reckless sex. I was thinking I was bipolar, and the doc agreed. Whatever.
He gave me Klonopin at 0.5mg per day for a month along with 50mg of seroquel per night. Thereafter, it's just been seroquel. The first month was ok, but life without the benzos has been a roller coaster.
Seroquel does REALLY calm me down. I am not impulsive at all. But I have barely any desire to socialize or chase women or party or anything. So in this sense, the drug is working. I don't know if I am making GOOD decisions while on the stuff, but I am not making any bad decisions.
Now, here is the problem. My cognitive ability and drive is not good. Really bad. I don't feel like doing anything, and when I do - it is an enormous struggle. Even when I type this, I constantly mispel words, etc. I have a hard time thinking of words when I speak, to the point people have asked me if anything is wrong. This alone is causing me a huge amount of anxiety. Weight has been an issue. I had a big wedding to go to for one of my best friends, and I didn't take seroquel all of August so I could run and lose the weight to fit into my tux. No matter whether I am on or off, I am beginning to feel like I'm losing my mind. At this wedding, I was nowhere near as social nor articulate, despite the fact I had been off the seroquel for a few weeks.
I'm not sure what to do at this point. It is really hard to find good information on this kind of stuff on the internet. Most forums seem to have people who either don't work, or are not in technically demanding finance jobs.
Is it the seroquel? Residual anxiety from benzo withdrawal? Should I ask to switch to something like lithium and gabapentin? Do I just say fuck it and ask for Klonopin or whatever? Honestly, I'd rather be a lifelong benzo addict that a fat, blubbering fool on Seroquel.
I would be very interested in hearing from anyone who has had cognitive difficulties with seroquel.
I just wanted to share one tiny glimmer of sunshine that I found. I am recently diagnosed with bipolar + schizotypal PD and I've started taking Abilify (aripiprozale). It is so confusing trying to learn everything all at once, and especially since schizotypal is either on the schizophrenia spectrum or classified as a PD depending on which side of the Atlantic you're on...
Anyway I thought this might be a good place to post this article, from a couple weeks ago. It sounds like scientists are going to figure out how to make antipsychotics NOT make us gain a bunch of weight! I mean, that would be really good news, right? Hopefully this is coming true. If anyone knows anything more about this please post. I realize with how the system works it's going to be years and years but... still. It made me happy and I'm scraping the barrel here, so. :-)
Weight Gain Receptor Linked to Antipsychotic Drug
Okay so I'm on a lot of meds now and just started seeing a new pdoc who's thinking of making some serious changes. I have bipolar, anxiety, ADHD, hypothyroidism, and a pituitary tumor. When I was first diagnosed with BP, I was on lithium and seroquel, which worked well enough until I got depressed enough to get hospitalized a second time. That's when I added klonopin and switched to depakote because lithium was starting to affect my kidneys. This combo controls my mania more than my depression and my anxiety is still bad. My previous pdoc added Strattera for the ADHD but I'm not sure it's actually doing anything. She also added a small dose of trazadone because I was having trouble falling asleep. That helps but also might be making me sleep too much.
Anyway, new pdoc suggested replacing the seroquel and/or the depakote due to weight issues and fatty liver (which may be from the depakote or just cause I'm fat who knows). He thinks Saphris could replace Seroquel and be better from a weight perspective. However, I'm dependent on Seroquel for sleep in addition to my other meds, and it doesn't seem like Saphris has that same effect. I'm more open to changing up the Depakote since I gained a lot of weight on it, but I don't know how good the other mood stabilizers are with mania, which has caused big problems in the past.
Does anyone know much about Saphris and sleep or weight gain? And what other mood stabilizers might be good (i.e. More weight neutral and helpful for depression and mania).
Perceiving value in your life is not a thought form of perception (awareness) at all. Rather, it is an emotional awareness. In other words, our emotions do not have some sort of mind control effect on us where they force us to perceive, through our thinking, our lives being good or bad to us. It is purely the emotions themselves that allow us to see values in our lives. Emotions are actually a sense like sight. They allow us to see the values that things and situations hold in our lives. It is only our positive emotions that allow us to see the positive qualities of life (i.e. the good values) while it is only our negative emotions that allow us to see the negative qualities of life (i.e. the bad values). Having neither positive nor negative emotions would be no different than a blind person. No value judgment can allow this blind person to see just as how no value judgment or mindset can allow us to see the values in our lives.