tiredg

Is this some kind of dissociation?

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I am diagnosed schizoaffective. 

Usually I just have delusions/ hallucinations, but lately I'm experiencing something new.

usually in the late afternoon I will suddenly start to feel my heart pounding then I start feeling really weird like nothing is real. I feel like I'm in another reality. It is scared. I get easily confused. I forget what I'm doing. There seems to be no time. It's like a waking dream.

anyone know what this is?

 

 

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Is it possible that your heart pounding is because of anxiety? Dissociation can be caused by anxiety, too.

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If you find out what to call that, let me know! When I got really ill a few years back there was definitely a connection between the dissociation and the (mild/transient) hallucinations and delusions, and the anxiety too. It was like I got so anxious that my mind retreated back into itself for comfort and came into contact with some weird old brain junk that would normally stay hidden away. It very much had the feel of being stuck in a Japanese horror film that I couldn't switch off - a relentless sense of uncanny dread, with occasional gut-wrenching jump scares. I'd feel high as a kite but also be able to feel my heart hammering and the deep muscles in my legs trembling, and be dimly aware that it probably meant I was anxious. Walking down stairs was a nightmare.

FWIW Haloperidol wrestled me back into shared reality very effectively, but TBH I'm not sure that was much of an improvement at the time.

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I get this, I thought it was derealization? Am I wrong?

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Sounds like either depersonalization, derealization, or both. I have this 24/7, along with a "blank mind" - loss of inner monologue.

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Posted (edited)

On 19/06/2017 at 0:41 AM, Igoryok said:

Sounds like either depersonalization, derealization, or both. I have this 24/7, along with a "blank mind" - loss of inner monologue.

Me too -- and it is hell! Best wishes with finding a way to get rid of it. :) It's also like I've completely lost sight of who I was/want to be/I've lost all my identity and nothing seems achievable because I feel like I've been lobotomised or something.

 

TiredG, it definitely sounds like derealisation.  I really hope you're not still experiencing this.  It is usually viewed as a 'coping mechanism' related to trauma, but I have heard of people developing it in response to various medications.  I think for me it's more of an add-on to extreme anxiety/panic attacks.

Edited by theredthread
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On 7/5/2017 at 3:00 AM, theredthread said:

Me too -- and it is hell! Best wishes with finding a way to get rid of it. :) It's also like I've completely lost sight of who I was/want to be/I've lost all my identity and nothing seems achievable because I feel like I've been lobotomised or something.

 

Thank you, best wishes to you too for finding a way out. I can totally relate...If you find something (meds or otherwise) that helps, please let me know!

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I will do. :)

 

I've been trying to read up on it as much as I can atm... I think it's possible that even with the non-DID types of dissociative disorders, it sort of comes from shutting off parts of yourself and trying to move on without them? Maybe...

Reintegration is definitely possible, it's just slow and unremarkable at first, according to what I've read.  I know when you're essentially so disabled and there is so little understanding and help it feels like a nightmare and things like grounding exercises feel like sticking plasters at best, but apparently that's the way to go.  And to not hide from yourself, or from shame, grief and other emotions that are said to fuel the dissociation.

I'm just trying to keep as busy as I possibly can without overloading myself. At the moment it means I have to avoid people a lot of the time, but I'm trying to dip my toe in the water bit by bit, even when I feel like I'm operating without a motive (or brain).

Best wishes again everyone.  Remember that we weren't always in this mindset. :)

 

 

Edited by theredthread
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