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What to do?

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I simply don't know what to do. I am depressed, have been for years. I also have been finding it difficult to remember things and focus on like anything. I have autism and generalized anxiety disorder as well. I have tried seeing countless psychologists, taking countless meds, but all that seems to happen is that the psychologists waste time and the meds are like sugar pills but with side effects. I have tried Abilify, Zyprexa, Risperdal, Prozac, Zoloft, Lexapro, Cymbalta, Effexor, and Trileptal, but none of them seem to work. I currently am on Abilify and Effexor. I can't take Wellbutrin because an EEG a while ago showed up as abnormal, that's why I was on Trileptal for a while. I also can't do TCAs because I have been suicidal before and tricyclics are easy to kill yourself with. I want help, I want to be able to feel happy again and have my brain back. Sometimes, I look at pictures from 3 years ago when I wasn't depressed and I cry because I want my happiness back. If I had to choose between this for the rest of my life and death, I would choose death. The only thing keeping me from that is the hope that things will eventually get better. Sometimes, I even am able to convince myself that space aliens are going to save me from this, because that feels like my only hope. Please help!

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I"m sorry you are going through this.

The first thing that came to mind after reading your post, is to get a 2nd opinion.  Do you think a second opinion ... a fresh opinion ... would be helpful?  They might see or notice something that your current DR hasn't.

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New here, but I am in a slightly different boat, meds don't stick for me, so I wind up 'weaning myself off them' within days of starting a course.

I work in high pressure situations all day every day and wonder if I can do this for the rest of my life. Prison, compensation and the long sleep are preferable to work but I find one thing keeps me going; I made a promise to my Mother, that I won't take the easy way out. Ever. Although that has left me wishing I would be hit by a bus, accidentally ofcourse.

Something non medical that helps me is mild calisthenics, aka bodyweight exercises, they deal with my physical pain issues and give me energy, I also have started taking time to learn the stuff I gave up on at school, like basic algebra. Funny how it gives me some kind of bleak purpose, but maybe it will lead to something worthwhile.

I guess what I am saying is try and gain some focus, and practice making that your 'be all' aside from every day life for a while. Can't hurt...

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