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Both. When I get the chance, I am drinking. Other times, I am sneaking out with one of my friends to do something or another.

 

And when I am doing neither, I am crying in a corner or screaming at a phone that is only ringing to myself.

 

Without the first, I am doing the other. And the same goes even for when I am out, even if the screaming is internal.

 

I used to have a grip on things, but I found the less social I got, the more illness got in the way of my everyday life. But, addiction is an illness, so maybe it's just illness for me.

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When I am stable, addiction rules my life, especially Xanax. But when I am not stable, my bipolar takes over and reeks havoc on my life. I am more stable that not, so I would say addiction to Xanax rules my life (not rules but plays .a large part). I tried stopping twice but had a seizure both times and was hospitalized. Like tonight I took 10mg Xanax and barely felt it, along with 2 beers, I am beginning to think it's a waste to take excessive doses especially when I get no recreational effect from them. I need someone to control my Xanax supply so I only take what is prescribed to me (1mg twice daily) and nothing more.

This high tolerance to Xanax and Valium is killing me, but maybe it's a sign that I need to take a break and take lower doses for a month or so, but I heard benzo tolerance is a bitch and takes a while to go down :wtf:I was dependent on marijuana but have since been 2 weeks clean so yaaaay for that. Other than that, I need to work on not taking 10mg Xanax just to feel good and taking my prescribed dose, since high doses do nothing for me anyway unless combined with Long Island Iced teas :shame:

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Oh, both. I drink too much and I suffer from daily psychosis even on quetiapine and various others. If one of those problems would go away then the other might, but I can't see it. When it comes to "ruling my life", though, it's neither. It's the desire for life and the love for the people I care about which rules my life. 

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Neither. I have overcome both, but they both caused immense suffering. Although because of addiction, I have seen multiple friends die in front of me, and much, much more die and wither away on the inside. But neither rules my life, I take control of the cards I've been dealt.

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I wish I could drink because a paper said one drink a day is good for body.

I don't drink because I don't want to be fat.

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